Tedium

I learned a new word today
Tedium ~ "the quality or state of being wearisome; irksomeness; tediousness"
Lately for the past week or more the drudgery of the daily grind is really getting to me and unfortunately makes me unhappy. My fall semester is not ideal for me as a person with ADD we need stability and schedules to help us stay on track and get things done. But my current schedule of working morning to night 3 days a week M-F, then off 4 days is setting me back royally! You see when one has ADD it can be very tiring to have to have to expand that amount of focus in such a short amount of time. Cramming in 5 classes & tutoring at 3 different campuses, and me visiting at least 2 locations per day no wonder I'm a zombie on Thursdays!
Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am to have this schedule. They have no idea how miserable its making me. My insonmia is at an all time high because it takes me forever to unwind when I get home from work then I get to bed late and have to wake up fairly early for me to work again all day long! I may just have to use Thursdays as the day where I just sleep & do nothing because I don't see how anything can change between now and Decemeber?
Also not having a computer of some kind at home also makes life difficult. I was able to use Goddess Rose's yesterday to get some work done but that's another thing I realized. In the past when I did work at home, I would alternate between working & cleaning which kind of helped keep me on track at home but now I'm not really do either as much as I should.
I don't mean to complain and I realize this certainly isn't the end of the world but its where I'm at right now. I just hope my blahs don't turn into a real depressive state. So far I've been staying busy & social to avoid this happening. It will be good to see my family next weekend which always lifts my spirits.

Gotta hope for the best but expect the worst

They say LDR are not for the weak, they're right. This past week I feel like I'm trying my best to be supportative and understanding but not at the cost of me. Its been a difficult week and one that I'm sad to say did not end all 'happily ever after' 
:/

A speed bump on the road of love

Recently my new love life has faced its first roadblock. This difference of opinions is good for me because it makes me re-evluate my views on the topic as a whole.
But because of us being in a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) the normal stages of a new relationship most couples experience in close proximity is not th same for LDRs.
Our communication options are limited currently to texts and emails with webcam possibilities not too far off in the future. Plus factor in we both have busy lives away from each other, so the frequency of quality time spent together is also limited. It makes us slow down and have real discussions both text and in person. I'm thrilled that my grumpy Sunshine is the one pushing for compromises and finding solutions that work for both of us. As well as taking our time in this matter.
While at first this difference of opinion had me worried because of my ADD laddled brain and the tendency to obsess. I was kind of freaking out all around the past few days despite my grumpy Sunshine being pretty communicative. That is until yesterday...then all of a sudden MIA. Oh man I really didn't need that on my worst work day and I'm already having ADD laced anxious thoughts for the past few days it was not a great day for me yesterday. Finally he contacted me kind of late last night. Said he was sorry he had me worried and we texted today keeping things related to other topics. I realize he's the kind of man when something important occurs he needs time to digest/process it which is hard for me. Because I'm the kind who wants to fix things straight away. It can be unbearable waiting when its constantly on my mind. I do not enjoy this aspect of my ADD and need to learn how to cope better. This is why despite feeling uncomfortable with this roadblock it sure did bring to light how my ADD can affect me in romantic relationships. It has made me reflect on my previous relationships and how my ADD at times caused me unnecessary grief. And I want to learn how to break this habit or at least when I see my ADD getting in the way, how to react differently in the future? 

Lacrosse

After teaching college kids for over 5 years, you can pretty much immediately spot the students who are studious and students who like to have fun as well as problem students. And every year a handful of them stand out causing you to form life long memories of them. I never forget one guy from last year's class who was cocky, athletic, funny and at times bitingly sarcastic. He is majoring in criminal justice to later after college become a police officer which is something I admire. His favorite sign probably was Lacrosse. So this year during last week's 1st day of class, one particular student stands out, he's more energetcc, loves attention from his friend and obviously bored easily. Kind of like last year's student and out of the corner of my eye I caught him signing Lacrosse to his jock friends. Then he saw that I had seen this, he beckoned to ask me if that was the correct way to sign Lacrosse and I said yes. I asked him where he learned it. He said from a teammate. I said was it (insert boy's name from last year's class)? His smile turned into a big toothy grin and said yes. Funny how far the ripple effect goes between what I teach and what the students retain and spread. And stimultaneously how the students after a time rub off on me so they become unforgettable :]

Eh

Today is Monday, probably the least favorite day of the week among the masses. But mine is hands down Wednesday! I can't help feel stressed about Wednesday class. I almost dread it! My classes today went well in NJ and later I tutor Lisa Simpson & we will watch Switched at Birth after we're done.
Mr. Handsome and I chatted some this a.m., I enjoyed the banter before work. He clearly misses me when he jokingly informed me he's jealous of my cuddle time with Tom my Bastard Kitty :] I miss him a lot too.

Love sick

Mama Racoon yesterday remarked that I'm 'love sick' her husband chimed in that he agreed, 'yep you're love sick' he said. And so I must be.
Went to the Deaf Expo yesterday in Queens it was fun and packed! Couldn't move but a few feet before I ran into someone else I know. Living in NYC has allowed me to make or know Deaf friends outside of the Gallaudet/MSD zone of DC/MD area. I've gotten to meet many former RIT and Deafies from Ohio/Chicago/Michigan area too since moving here. I also enjoy the local Deaf NYers, CODAs & terps. Each are different depending on which borough they're from and if they're out of towners its awesome!
Through Goddess Rose, I met several new Deafies this weekend that I would love to see again down the road. Some may complain the Deaf world is too small but not me, I love it and if you actually give people a chance you end up having too many friends :]
Today I was pleased Mr. Handsome kept me company most of the afternoon & evening. It was nice textng back and forth talking about things, not just a few random texts here or there. And he misses me too which always nice to know. I feel like I lucked it out with my Sexy German, we have chemistry, communication & compatibility. I sometimes think its unreal at how well its been going despite the LDR factor. We have not argued once, debated a few times yes but it was never very serious or heated debates. And there were a few times I shared things that were bothering me and he listen and responded quite favorably. That just blows my mind away, its not a struggle to be with him. As Red Hots has said many times 'a relationship shouldn't be THAT hard.' I agree and finally understand why. Or I'm still in the honeymoon state & haven't come down yet? I doubt it, reason why is I am mad crazy for him, more than either of my exes. But my 1st ex I was ga ga for too not as much as I am & was with my Sexy German. This to me tells me how I feel for him now will only flourish with time. Besides he was the only one I spoke of repeatedly over the years as the one I was crazy about. Last weekend when Blondie finally met Mr. Handsome I said to her in the car. Wow can you believe it? You've heard about this guy on and off for 15 yrs, now he's here, amazing isn't it! And she agreed.

Staying on target

So this was an off week for me due to the long holiday Labor day weekend with Mr. Handsome and going back to work my ADD focus is quite low lately. With my laptop being dead momentarily until its fixed in a few weeks this means I must actually follow what I said I would do last spring. And ONLY work when I'm at work. Problem is my schedule is so shitty this semester that the idea of going to work on my days off sucks. With the schedule I had before I had free time after my morning/afternoon classes to stay and work later. But this semester I have work all day long no breaks till the evenings, 3 days a week so I am not feeling inclined to go back to my job sites on my days off.
Today I will use my friends computer to complete one task. Then Sunday I must go to one of my job sites and get my lesson plans done for next week. But tonight and tmw I'm cutting myself a break and seeing various friends during that time which is the kind of fun I need right now.
I am also looking forward to things settling down into a routine. And I happily report I'm trying to stay on top of my clutter issues since Mom visit. Recently tidied up the bedroom and living room. Plus spot touch the kitchen floor and take out the trash. This is a step in the right direction, forming habits that wll hopefully prevent chaos in the future. Only time will tell...

1st day back status report

As usual my 1st day back to school curse continued but this time I handled it with grace. Despite my laptop (a 2nd & new one) committing suicide the day before I was grateful I had the forethought to get the syllabus & class schedules mostly done before my Sexy German came to visit me this past Labor day weekend. Whew! So in order to be ready for my 1st day I got to work an hour early and printed out the syllabus. Plus I quickly reviewed & printed out my 'welcome back' ppt. I used the doc camera instead of ppt today and that's fine. Both classes went smoothly & I feel I covered my syllabus with the needed details to my satisfaction. And I taught the students fingerspelling ABCs & #1-10 so this way I at least taught. Both classes only lasted 45 mins today come Monday it will be a full length class.
How different it feels this year compared to last! Last year I was a student & a teacher and I had just finished my 2nd anatomy course a few weeks prior to Fall '11. I was so stressed then by the lack of time and energy! My ex had talked me into letting him stay with me to try to work things out even though I knew it was a bad idea and it was! I let him stay a short while before kicking him out forever! We were never going to work, we just couldn't and too much had been damaged beyond repair. So this year I thought I be single, and well on my way to becoming the Crazy Cat Lady and bam! Mr. Handsome strolled back into my life and I was smitten! Its nice having a boyfriend again.
Soon I'm off to teach at the other school. Decided to take the train. I don't want to deal with evening traffic! I love using my car during the day no problem, but I am going to do my best to avoid it in the evenings via train/bus! Spending some time with Tom my BastardKitty before I go :] He is the best roommate ever!

Bit of the blues

Today I have the major case of the 'blahs' I didn't sleep well last night, woke up tired. Don't wanna take my ADD meds for fear I won't be able to sleep tonight. And I need to go to bed reasonably early enough to go back to work tmw. Another thing I'm not looking forward to. Is losing my freedom again. Its been nice having free time to relax & focus on things that matter to me. Also I am missing my Sexy German which doesn't help at all. Right now I could seriously use a cuddle, kiss or two. Even just a hug from him. Man these 4 weeks may as well be 4 years as far as I'm concern!
Ugh hate hate hate feeling like this, BLAH!

'My Other [Half]'

You know I was never a fan of the idea of 'soulmates' to me that's absurd to think out of all the people in the world, only 1 is truly your other half of a whole. But nonetheless I was more than please when Mr. Handsome on his way back home to PA texted me the following; "I'm alittle different after days together first one or two isn't bad, little space but then I get lonely and really start missing my other." I had such an awww moment, not that I think he thinks I'm his soulmate, but that I am that signficant of a person in his life despite the distance between us.
Right now I miss him a LOT. After having him reasonably near the past 3 weeks and now having to wait 4 weeks to see him again just SUCKS! I am proud to report I was very good not to tear up earlier tonight when we parted. I didn't want to make him feel bad or that I can't function on my own. I surely can! Still especially like yesterday when he repaired my dresser. The same dresser that my last ex repeatedly damaged I was so touched. My Sexy German took something that constantly reminded me of a very bad time in my life and mended it. Before he finished fixing my dresser I left the room to keep myself in check and not get all emo on him. I was overwhelmed by his generousity as it made me feel very cared for and well loved.
I never did work up the nerve to tell him I loved him either. I just feel its too early. Afterall we only recently agreed to be exclusive. I want to let nature take its course to the best of my ability and wait till I feel secure enough to express my love for him. To me that really can only be achieved over time. And proximity. Time we have, proximity is the problem.
Even though there were times when neither were feeling well or at our best, we remained pleasant & reasonable of one another. This has been the most peaceful romantic relationship of my life! So tonight when he left, I realized that I was just starting to feel comfortable & in sync with him. I think that's what makes this time saying goodbye harder than the last time. Then again the last time he visited & we parted, I only had to wait a week to see him. Now I have to wait 4 weeks!
Tomorrow is gonna be the rough day but then after that it will get easier. I hope?