From a post on FB

I wish.......
That I could phone Heaven, just once even, and ask my mum if she is ok and happy. I’d tell her how much I love her and that I miss her. I’ll tell her I wish I’d hugged her more and spent more time with her. I’d ask her about all the questions I have, that are unanswered.
She’d tell me that she’s with my dad and my grandparents and they are all very happy. She’d tell me it’s ok to clear the family home of all her things, that they don’t matter.
Shed tell me to be good so that I Can join them all one day soon.
Then I’d be ok.
That is EXACTLY how I feel with the exception of what family members be in the afterlife.
I am still here in a strange sort of monochrome existence. Work brings relief as always but I still struggle with being available socially for my program. I know it will only get better as time goes by.
For my Mom.  wherever she may be, I LOVE you Mom, I miss you so much, I do ANYTHING to have another one of our days together. I'm still heartbroken. How could I not be?