How Does That Grab You?

I appreciate when an old hidden memory comes to mind related to my Mom. Like how a few weeks ago over Xmas,  I remembered all the fun Xmases we had with my Mom's gay friends back in the 80s and 90s before you could even talk about the LGBTQ community openly without fear some redneck would rope you up and tie you to the back of a truck just for fun or beat the fuck out of you! It was hush hush but my Mom always had gay friends and involved in their drag shows called Stars of Fantasy and they put on a show 1 or 2xs a year to raise money for charity like cancer and AIDS when it was rampant. No one made a dime off of the shows, I loved it. My Mom got to perform and she was terrific, she could be dramatic! Anyways on Xmas day for  years we spend the day jumping around downtown to see her Gays as they say now.
I still remember when my Mom discussed what it was to know a gay person when I was a kid. She said "what they do in the privacy of their bedroom is THEIR business no one else's! They can swing from the chandeliers for all I care!" And I love my Mom so much more for being such a lovely and open minded person and exposed me to all kinds of people outside of my circle.
And then earlier tonight after suggesting some plans for tmw, I ended it with "How does that grab you?" Which is something my Mom used to say to me all the time. I'm glad I remembered as I wrote it cuz it's not a phrase I use often. When I looked it up on Wikipedia,  I found out the following;
How Does That Grab You? is the second studio album by Nancy Sinatra, released in 1966. Arranged and conducted by Billy Strange, the album was produced by Lee Hazlewood.It peaked at number 41 on the Billboard 200 chart.The single, "How Does That Grab You, Darlin'?", reached number 7 on the BillboardHot 100 chart, as well as number 19 on the UK Singles Chart.
Huh who knew? My Mom would have been 12 years old when it came out. Makes me wonder if she used that phrase because of this song? Or was that phrase already around and Nancy Sinatra added it to her song? I'll never know! The many questions that I will have for my Mom and never get answers too. That's a HUGE reason why I feel cheated by her death, there was so much left to say and do!
A lot of whatever people may consider that's "good" in me, I got from my Mom.  I miss her. I don't cry every day anymore but usually at least once a week. Or if I'm feeling emotional or unwell which can be a trigger as well.
But my life is moving forward, I have a wonderful family whom I love dearly, a man who I have loved since age 14, 2 great cats,  an army of friends that range from super close to activity friends where we don't have a lot to talk about unless it's about an activity like teaching or we are doing an activity like going out to an event or biking, or whatever. Plus my job, God I love my job! Even when I'm overworked and underpaid, I still love my job!
Nonetheless I'm still healing from my Mom's death. But I have more good days than bad.  I know if there's an afterlife, my Mom be glad I'm not as grief stricken. But I'll always be mourning her till my last breath. And I hope future dreams where we are together I don't in my dreams remember that she died like I did the last time. Right in the middle of all our fun I suddenly announced to her "But Mom didn't you die" and looked away for a second and she was gone and I woke up with the tears down my face.
Tsk, C'est la vie!