Work does my soul good

Work was great today,  I love my job I'm exhausted but it's the good kind. That is all.

Dealing with the U Bend of Life

Its a known fact I am a HSP. a highly sensitive person. I react to other people's energy and internalize it as somehow it being my fault when that person who I like or care about is unhappy. I have this innate drive to make others happy and I totally end up making myself unhappy.

Now toss in the U Bend of Life that shows people are most unhappiest in their 40s to mid 50s and I clearly am on par with my peers.

So yesterday when we woke up, now that I look back there were signs the day wasn't going to be a good one but me being me, I can shrug off minor things and enjoy my day. My sweetie however cannot. When something bothers him like so many of the guys I know, they get consumed by it. My one ex was so miserable all the time, it made me miserable and act out in ways that I am still ashamed of today. It is a relief that even though yesterday wasn't one for the books for my sweetie and I am no where as bad off as I was 7 years ago.

I am really glad I have work tomorrow, my job is such a sense of satisfaction and it keeps me content on days like today or for the last few weeks since Feb 15th! In some ways I feel guilty that my personal life is somehow affecting my professional life but it really isn't. Just screwy thinking that I am working on reprogramming my thinking process on that!

Actually my life has pretty much sucked non stop since after Thanksgiving with my cat dying and I was finally coming out of that haze to have the set back of the car accident and the robbery so in a sense 4 months of a crappy existent. With small moments of happiness here and there. Like my last visit before Feb 15th was such a good one. And being with Mama Racoon and her son or spending time with Blondie and her gang. My family and friends have been wonderful to me. My sweetie too, he really came through for me when Bastard Kitty died.

I don't want my blog to be all doom and gloom there are some good things happening for me.

For one, since Baba is 90 now and doesn't drive anymore she gave me her old car. That means the money I got for the car I wrecked is in my savings account and I could actually if I keep at it with the money that's already there maybe in a few years be able to put a down payment on a house or condo or the likes. Not co-ops though! But anyways eventually I want a place to call my own. I just don't want to live alone that's all. I have decided that for me and my well being living alone isn't good for someone like me and having a history of depression. I feel better when I have people around. Anyways that's not the point the point is, I actually have a feasible shot at having a home of my own.

And secondly I am orchestrating a workshop for my colleagues and am joining a faculty professional development training that I am excited about. Professionally my life is really looking up. I am grateful for that.

Thirdly I will see my friends in the South this July. Granted I should be flying home today from my spring break there but its just a postponement not a cancellation. I just wish I had more enthusiasm for it then I do. Its not the friends its ME.

Blah blah blah

Lately life has thrown me one too many curve balls ugh. My beloved cat Tom died the day before New Year's Eve. Then last Sunday night my apartment robbed because of my roommate's carelessness. Then the very next day in less than 12 hrs after being robbed,  I wrecked my car on the way to work. Yippee 2016 is just banging them out,  literally. I'm not sure why I've had such a string of bad luck but here I am,  the star of my very own pity party.
Plus I'm mighty sore from the accident itself.  My poor car! I loved my car.  It's totaled and now I'll get a new one eventually. Feeling really stressed because I had plan to go out of town for spring break but with all this bad mojo I'm reconsidering. I'm not sure if I could enjoy myself if the car situation isn't resolved. I dunno,  but the universe keeps knocking me down.  I still get back up again. Just gotta keep moving forward.
Everyone keeps reminding me that I'm irreplaceable but cars and things can be replaced. Somehow it doesn't really comfort me,  in my mind logically I know they're right but I'm still pissed at myself for destroying my car that I worked hard to take care of.  It was a great little car.
And what the theives stole is just outrageous! They stole,  my TV,  roku, ipad, VP (video phone), Wii, my bedding, towels, pillows,  my weight scale, toilet paper, toilet paper roll holder, my soap,  my soapdish, a decorative bag, my roll of carpet, a cute bat alarm clock, forks, spoons, sharp knives, box of q tips, bath mat and more. I keep discovering new items missing everyday. I'm really ticked because I told my roommate many times not to leave the fucking door unlocked! We live in NYC,  the Bronxs for crying out loud! They've already replaced my TV and roku and will buy a new blanket today. As I've been using their's since all 3 blankets gone!
Yeah not in the best of spirits. I am however grateful the amount I'm getting for the car,  it's more than enough to find a new (used) car that I like and want.
So now that the "bad things happen in threes" it ought to be smooth sailing from here on out.  After all, this is as bad as it can get, no where left to go but up.