Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Life's Cruelest Irony

Sad but true

It’s strange. I felt less lonely when I didn’t know you. —Jean-Paul Sartre

I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness. ―Anaïs Nin

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony. ― Douglas Coupland

I miss being in a relationship way more than I miss my ex. I miss having someone who in many ways serves as a best friend, family, lover etc etc. I miss the affection, the sex, being able to express my love for that special someone. Or to kvetch to, relate to, share my life with, my dreams and ambition and goals.
I miss love and that's probably why it's hard for me to let go when I'm in a relationship. The fear of being lonely or alone has haunted me all my life. Partly due to the way I grew up being bullied and tormented. I used to think it was because I am Deaf but in reality it was due to my ADD and sensitivity. Somehow my mind still struggles to acknowledge that that is an old fear and certainly isn't true anymore. I'm not alone, I'm hardly ever alone. There are so many people who if I made more time for would be more active in my life on a regular basis. And the ones I see regularly keep in touch a lot as it is. I feel overwhelmed sometimes by people in general.

This summer one of my goals is to work on letting go of old, useless train of thoughts and replace them with more realistic, up to date facts. Easier said than done. Nonetheless I am determined!

In other news, this cutie I met back in early February who made it clear from the moment I met him, that he digs me a lot. I was of course flattered, he's hot but 29! I admired the fact that he works full-time and is still going to school. Moved here from Columbia. So he's fluent in Spanish, English and ASL. Now that I'm single again, I sent him a FB friend request as we had originally exchanged text numbers. However I thought better to contact him through FB, more neutral than text. I am not looking for anything serious, a little fun over the summer be nice. After all I'm single not a saint!  😁😘😎

No comments: