Well I have had my share of bad days, but today is one of the worst by far. I had to drop out of school COMPLETELY for several reasons. One was the lack of support services I desperately needed. And two I had stretched myself too thin to handle teaching 4 classes and taking 2 very heavy courses. To make matters worse, the one course I was taking where I was barely getting by is not an option for me to take solo. Basically the 1st course I dropped must be taken at the same time or prior to the 2nd course that I had intended to keep this semester. I do feel the stress of constantly chasing for support services since last winter was unneeded pressure and eroded my self confidence along with this month's early rejection. Basically my core foundation has been shooken up that its life an aftermath of a hurricane. My insides are all in a knot and my emotions are all over the place. My patience level was at a nil too, the last several weeks I found myself getting ridiculously angry over stupid things that happened to me in the world or with strangers. I hated how I was overreacting to things because I was overtired.
When I made the decision to drop one of my courses 2 days ago I finally found a sense of relief. I did feel like a cop out but people reminded me I was being way too hard on myself. Plus by dropping one of my courses, I would be putting off grad school for a year. Then I told myself, hey this isn't a race. One extra year won't kill you if it helps you succeed in the long run. Here I was relaxing and looking forward to completing my school semester in good academic standing when I recieved the bombshell that the 2nd course would not be an option due to the 1st one. I felt humilated because I already emailed the professor of the course explaining I was withdrawing and stated how I hoped to take the class again this spring. There is NO WAY I will grovel and asked to be readmitted to that class. And I wouldn't have to WD from that class had I gotten the support services I needed and was entitled to since last winter! Ugh I feel SICK and way beyond upset. I've emailed the school's higher ups and explained the situation. I hope somehow this will all be resolved to allow me to return in the spring. And that it isn't all ruined. I have had some friends who also experienced severe discrimination as Deaf college students at hearing colleges/universities with getting the proper support service. I know I am not an isolated case. Nonetheless it still sucks. I just want to crawl into bed and come out next spring! And part of me is getting tired of being repeatedly knocked down, whether its school, work or relationships. I keep bouncing back maintaining the 'can do attitude' but not this time. I am down for the count, complete KO.
No comments:
Post a Comment