Self-pity need not apply here

There are two kinds of people in the world; those who make do and those who don't but sit around and complain about it. I prefer to be in the company of the 1st group. The type that deals with the hand they're dealt and can still find an ounce of happiness somewhere in their day. The 2nd group I avoid like the plague! The self made victims who whine about their woes and snarl at others when they are smiling or being kind. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say one should go through life with denying the truths of the world out there no matter how ugly. But you don't have to sit and marinate in it either.

For those who chose to be victims and not do ANYTHING to help yourself I want you to know, you certainly won't win awards for the countless hours spent pouting or being sullen. The only person who's truly suffering is yourself or the other people around you who put up with it just because they love you. You don't grow old and think back in to your life and feel proud of the days wasted being miserable. As a matter of fact you probably won't grow old because misery is stress to your body and more than likely you'll die sooner rather than later. You won't suddenly one day be happy because this happened or that happened because happiness doesn't come from the outside. It has to come from you and your insides, how you FEEL about YOU? And if you don't like how YOU FEEL then there are countless ways to change who you are or the life you are living. Books, religious or community mentors, friends, family, counseling, medication, exercise and a personal favorite of mine altruism. Helping others helps you. You learn humility, compassion and the common ground you share with another living person or being (pets, wildlife, plants). Doing GOOD feels GOOD.

I know I know! how did I get to here from there (seriously last fall was a tough time for me, still reeling from the breakup, leaving school, financial woes, etc., etc..read any post from Sept '11-early Dec '11) I truly thought this is it for me. I won't recover from this, I couldn't even smile much anymore. But time passes and I made choices and stuck with those choices. Its hard to be disciplined when you're depressed, I know its hard for me too. But if you stick to your resolve to change things, it happens quite slowly at first and then all of a sudden a snowball effect occurs and you're suddenly where you want to be. This is how I feel these days. I feel like I am in such a great place in my life.

I started off healing my wounds with those cheesy self inspirational quotes that I wrote on post it notes and places in random places in the apartment. I admit when I saw them in other peoples homes I always thought to myself how lame! But which is lamer? Looking dorky to a couple of people who you trust? Or being the debbie downer, the stick in the mud at every gathering? So did I look at these quotes everyday? No, not really as a matter of fact I stopped seeing them and occasionally forced myself to stop and re-read them. But what I did find myself doing was thinking about these quotes in my head at one part or another of my day and it slowly changed my mindset. Then sometimes when I went back to re-read these post-its, some of them were no longer applied to me. Because either I already incorporated the sentiment/mindset or it simply served just to boost me up and I no longer needed the pep talk. It felt good to crumble the post it notes into a ball and throw it away. Like I had mastered it or no longer needed the little pick-me-up crutch.

During my active attempt to heal and feel better, I generally reach out to my friends and family and shared with them my feelings (good or bad). Baba probably gave me the best piece of advice which was don't be so hard on yourself and just give yourself time to heal. You need to heal first. See here the key point is to give yourself TIME to HEAL. Not TIME alone, you don't need more time doing nothing or more of the same, you need TIME to HEAL (CHANGE) which means making a commitment to yourself to do just that. For me that meant finally making my apartment into a home because this is your sanctuary, your escape from the world when you're too tired or beaten down. On those days where everything has gone wrong, one should be able to come home and feel good, relax and calm and if possible, happy too? It took a LOT of time to make my apartment into a home for me and Tom. And thanks to Blondie being there for me and helping me on 3 separate occasions while I worked on the place in between her visits, I now PAH have the 'ahhh' feeling when I walk in the door. Plus I love sharing my home with Tom aka my Bastard Kitty, I actually make sure to come home every night to sleep in my bed and be with my Tom Tom. I joked recently on FB after I uploaded a photo of Tom Tom that he's all the man I need! I no longer allow a TV, computer or phone in my room. The only electronics in there is my alarm clock and that's just because I can't wake up on my own. My bedroom is now a place of rest, sleep and reading. Which also helps with feeling like this is my perfect little home! So finally being able to enjoy my apartment has added tremendously to my overall well being and I try not to take it for granted.

I also decided to heal myself by changing how I eat. I have been since last fall adding more and more healthy food to my diet on a day to day basis. I already love fruit but have been working on adding more veggies and I stay away from a lot of the process food I used to eat (not 100%) like I still use an occasional pasta mix from a box but things like snack foods/desserts (junk food) I have stopped buying for the most part, including chocolate which I used to eat EVERYDAY but only in the past 3 weeks have I broken that habit. I also just have become more fussy about what I am willing to eat. I won't eat something just to please someone else or go with the herd mentality. I only eat if I LOVE it and I feel it does something good for my body such as fruit I know is rich in so much that I feel GOOD when I consume it. I am still quite a meat eater that will never change but the amount and frequency has. I also pay close attention to water and have drastically reduced my diet coke intake which used to be less than a half a can a day but now I drink it every few days. I mostly drink water (sometimes with a lemon), seltzer water, cranberry juice and occasional diet coke or ginger ale. I still love Chinese food but do not ordered it very often because the kind I like to eat is not under a diet menu anyways.

I have not lost as much weight as I would like but I suspect that is due to the lack of muscle tone which is on my next "to do" list once I am settled into my work routine. Muscles always burns more calories and honestly looks a lot more attractive then fat. Having discovered the love of dancing, I know that at least I am getting my cardio sometime. But weights must be added soon for muscle resistance. What I love about dancing is once you've been dancing for a while you just get lost in the music and find your 'zone' and let go. Its almost meditative when you let your body just take over and basically stop thinking! And just BE! Exhilarating!