Just came back with my new Boyfriend, which is I will admit an unfamiliar but overall pleasant experience. I think we are both still feeling nervous sometimes. I think this is due to the LD aspect of our relationship. It kind of gives us this stop, start, stop, start momentum all this past summer. I know for a fact it makes me shy sometimes.
Also tonight on our drive back to NYC neither one of us was feeling physically great but we masked it well. This made me happy because who wants to sit around and complain about our bodies ills for long stretches of time? Not I!
Er, well I did complain a little earlier but not about that but during the drive when we got stuck in some traffic on I-78 East. I couldn't believe how far back this construction forced 4 lanes to merge into 2?!? By the time we passed this supposedly construction work side AFTER 2 miles of crawling I was thinking and probably saying UNBELIEVable! I think that was the only time I griped tonight? I also teased him when we got onto I-78 East and finally exited 222 North, I remarked "YAY, now we're on a REAL highway!" :-D He was lucky I didn't say all of what I thought inside my head when we passed signs on 222 North, signs that read things like 'FREEWAY COMING TO AN END' What FREEWAY I wondered? Another sign read EXPRESSWAY COMING TO AN END. Okayyyy....Smile, silly I know. So anyways when we were crawling through traffic on I-78 East it didn't really matter really because he took that chance to scroll through my FB wall and we laughed at some of my post. I really like that we laugh and enjoy humor. To me that is a serious MUST! A sense of humor is one of my requirements a man to win me over. I was already with a miserable man for over 5 yrs. I don't need to go through that again! Granted there will be times when one of us is down or even depressed. Or not funny but a sense of contentment or appreciation for one another will go a long way. I think Mr. Handsome is capable of this, at least from as far as I have seen, he has done so! As long as there is self expression and a willingness to address issues that arise I am cool with that. I cannot live in an constant emotional chaos as I did with my last ex. It is a wretched way to live, him bathing in self victimization and hate. It was and IS unbearable to me! I was pleased when I asked Mr. Handsome how he felt about meeting my Gays? He replied as any hetero would do, that as long as the person doesn't go out of their way to make him uncomfortable (and admit it there are a few who do) that he had no problem with that. Awesome! A refreshing view on humanity. The kind I like which is the golden rule, do unto others as you would want them to do to you, respect and be open to meeting the wide spectrum of people who make up the human race.
Right now Mr. Handsome is asleep and he should be after being up at 4am and working ALL day, driving probably 5 hours of commute time I am glad he is getting his rest. I am proud of him for working this job and being a responsible MAN. And I certainly don't plan to run him ragged during his Labor Day weekend visit of 2012! W00t! I planned the visit so that it is two days of socialization and two days of rest, downtime to just coexist and enjoy one another company,
I see good things in our future :]
Friday, August 31, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Head over heels in love!
Lately I have been contemplating on how and when to tell my sweetie I love him? I keep almost slipping up in text messages because it seems so natural for me to express it. On the other hand I just don't know if he's ready for that? I mean we just agreed to be exclusive a little over a week ago! I don't want to jump the gun here...but I kind of do too!
And I can pinpoint exactly when I knew I loved him! Yep it was Thursday evening the 16th. I was remarking to Mom who had come up from PA to help me organize my chronic chaotic messy apartment on how when Mr. Handsome was visiting me I let him smoke his cigs in the kitchen by the window. But after Goddess Rose and her boy toy D were by I allowed them the same privilege to smoke cigs in my kitchen. Immediately I realize I hate the smell of cigs wafting through my apartment and how it makes everything smell like cigarette smoke! I said to Mom, "Oh I must tell him he can't smoke in my kitchen the next time he is here. Just because I LOVE him..." what did I just say?! I immediately corrected myself and said "er LIKE him doesn't mean I can allow these heart shaped glasses to color me blind to my living standards which include a 'smoke free home'" Granted if we end up living together we will either make one room the smoking room or get a balcony or a place on the 1st floor. But my point is, as of August 16th approximately 7pm I realized I loved him.
Now maybe he loves me too? I sure like to think so! Earlier this summer when we talked about the past, he said he loved me 20 yrs ago. I was surprised by that because I always felt it was the case of me liking him more than him liking me. Plus I was like 17 and he was 19 and I didn't think he could truly have been in love with me back then. But I do remember thinking I was in love with him and being devastated when he left so suddenly. I remember sitting on Papa & Baba's bed crying and my uncle Rob consoled me. It was then he parted this nugget of wisdom I've carried all these years "never date someone more fucked up than you are!"
Here I am 20 yrs later and we are together and it feels amazing. I am so happy whenever he is around, I feel relax and content. He calms me and I enjoy his affectionate tremendously. I enjoy our talks both in person and texts. I appreciate his honesty with me and he is quite charming and generous with compliments which I thrive on no doubt. We pretty much see eye to eye which is such a nice change of pace and last night I was invited to join him for his friend's 40th bday party.
At 1st I felt VERY out of place because I didn't know anyone and all the women had kids and everyone smoke cigarettes or seem to. But as time went on, slowly people started to warm up to me and by the end of the night I was doing shots with some of his closest friends which I had fun doing. I really like his friends, a nice bunch and we already became FB pals today whee. I thought it was hysterical one of the women thought I was 25 yrs old and Mr. Handsome replied "do you really think I date a 25 yr old?" and we both cracked up and said YES!!!
so now back to my dilemma, do I say I love you 1st or should I let him say it 1st? I have a feeling either way I am going to blurt it out next weekend while he is visiting me in NYC. I just don't think I can contain these loving feelings much longer. <3 <3 <3
And I can pinpoint exactly when I knew I loved him! Yep it was Thursday evening the 16th. I was remarking to Mom who had come up from PA to help me organize my chronic chaotic messy apartment on how when Mr. Handsome was visiting me I let him smoke his cigs in the kitchen by the window. But after Goddess Rose and her boy toy D were by I allowed them the same privilege to smoke cigs in my kitchen. Immediately I realize I hate the smell of cigs wafting through my apartment and how it makes everything smell like cigarette smoke! I said to Mom, "Oh I must tell him he can't smoke in my kitchen the next time he is here. Just because I LOVE him..." what did I just say?! I immediately corrected myself and said "er LIKE him doesn't mean I can allow these heart shaped glasses to color me blind to my living standards which include a 'smoke free home'" Granted if we end up living together we will either make one room the smoking room or get a balcony or a place on the 1st floor. But my point is, as of August 16th approximately 7pm I realized I loved him.
Now maybe he loves me too? I sure like to think so! Earlier this summer when we talked about the past, he said he loved me 20 yrs ago. I was surprised by that because I always felt it was the case of me liking him more than him liking me. Plus I was like 17 and he was 19 and I didn't think he could truly have been in love with me back then. But I do remember thinking I was in love with him and being devastated when he left so suddenly. I remember sitting on Papa & Baba's bed crying and my uncle Rob consoled me. It was then he parted this nugget of wisdom I've carried all these years "never date someone more fucked up than you are!"
Here I am 20 yrs later and we are together and it feels amazing. I am so happy whenever he is around, I feel relax and content. He calms me and I enjoy his affectionate tremendously. I enjoy our talks both in person and texts. I appreciate his honesty with me and he is quite charming and generous with compliments which I thrive on no doubt. We pretty much see eye to eye which is such a nice change of pace and last night I was invited to join him for his friend's 40th bday party.
At 1st I felt VERY out of place because I didn't know anyone and all the women had kids and everyone smoke cigarettes or seem to. But as time went on, slowly people started to warm up to me and by the end of the night I was doing shots with some of his closest friends which I had fun doing. I really like his friends, a nice bunch and we already became FB pals today whee. I thought it was hysterical one of the women thought I was 25 yrs old and Mr. Handsome replied "do you really think I date a 25 yr old?" and we both cracked up and said YES!!!
so now back to my dilemma, do I say I love you 1st or should I let him say it 1st? I have a feeling either way I am going to blurt it out next weekend while he is visiting me in NYC. I just don't think I can contain these loving feelings much longer. <3 <3 <3
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Mr. Handsome :}
Wow if you asked me a year ago whether or not I would be with someone new (er sort of cuz this is a guy I dated 20 yrs ago) and haven't seen for about 18 yrs now, I wouldve told you you were crazy. That my future plans involved being single and ending up as the crazy cat lady. Now I get to be part of the crazy couple who loves cats duo which makes me very happy.
Mr. Handsome was this draw dropping, super hot guy with long blonde hair and looked like a lead singer for any hair band back from the 80s like Warrant. I was head over heels in love with him and we only dated for a few months before he had to leave me due to troubles he gotten himself into and I only saw him a few times after that when I was 20 and sharing my 1st apartment with my hearing bff Paula. Then nada all these years till facebook about a year and a half ago. There was this strange weirdo guy who kept requesting to be friends but I had forgotten his last name and his profile picture was awful! Finally I accepted his friendship thinking he was part of a different circle of friends Paula and I knew from way back then name Adam aka A-Damn! So last year 4th of July 2011 I posted on FB announcing officially my independence from my ex who I had already broken up with in April of 2011 but I knew many of my friends wouldn't believe I was really single again till I let enough time pass and I felt what better day to reclaim my independence than the 4th of July. Mr. Handsome commented saying I should see him while I was in town the next time and I thinking he was in A-Damn's band replied saying I would love to see them play again. Then he replied I must have him confused with someone else and to check his photos. Once I did I realize omg its HIM! The one who I had the best chemistry with EVER! But because I was still smarting from the breakup with Jack I wasn't ready for the flirting he dished my way and besides he was still with his ex gf even tho things had gone south with her I never wanted to be the 'other' woman. I also thought it was interesting how he did make an attempt to find me over the years and even went to my old house on brookfield rd only to see we no longer lived there. So we made plans to see each other in August 2011 and we did. Because he didnt have a car at the time I drove and it was soooo awkward that night.
#1 I couldn't hear him at all in the car but like most Deafies I just smiled and nodded
#2 the bar we went to was sooo noisey, crowded and smokey so once again I couldn't understand a word he said and pretended to anyways.
#3 when I dropped him off, we hugged goodnight but we hugged so that my hearing aid squealed and I honestly couldn't wait for the evening to end
Mr. Handsome wanted to see me again but I declined and made up excuses as to why I couldn't. He occasionally texted me here and there and sometimes I'd answer and other times I didn't.
Then this past spring for some reason I just started to warm up to the idea of flirting with him and we began to flirt like mad in texts for a few months till this past June. And he ended things with his ex last spring too so now he was a free man :} So when we agreed to go out again this past June and I fessed up how I didn't understand anything he said the 1st time last fall and that he would have to repeat much of what was covered previously. He said no problem and had a car now and would be happy to pick me up and this would allow for better communication. Then I asked him if it was a date or would we be going dutch? He replied he always pays and yes it was a date. So out we went and let me tell you, I was smitten! I knew right then and there I liked him as much or if not more now then I did back then. I was so surprised I didn't expect all the old feelings to come rushing back but they did. He saw me again that Sunday before I returned to the city to teach the 2nd summer class. Basically our 2nd date was us 2 and Baba, I was very happy for her to get a chance to know Eric better and it was a nice dinner.
We continued to text for a while but I could see he was hesitant since he's in my home town and I am in NYC but I was undeterred by that factor. We saw each other once more last month and had a lovely day! We even kissed that night and it was amazing! I was feeling really good and we had plans for him to return to the city with me the following weekend but then his job ended up getting in the way and he was stuck working that weekend. I was pretty upset but I didn't fault him and I respect that he works.
Then a little over a week ago I did the "boyfriend" test to see if he would remember my birthday? He failed and I had just gotten home from a long drive in Maine. So I used guilt the gift that keeps on giving, and said why not come up for the weekend. At 1st he said no he couldn't because it was too last minute and he was doing laundry. I was like WTF?!? I told him bring your laundry here and its my bday! After a little coaxing he agreed and came up at midnight. I was esacastic! And let me tell you it was a lovely visit. We mostly stayed in and nested. Watched a lot of Babylon 5 series and cuddled. I just had the best time with him. I love how we like to tease one another and laugh and I like his energy. He is making an attempt to learn ASL too which pleases me to no end.
Now this evening I got to see him and poor thing he hurt his right ankle at work yesterday and literally popped out the ankle and it popped back in but the pain bad and driving 2 hours home from MD only made it worst. I offered to pick him up today so he could give his foot/ankle a rest as he works Monday. He offered to take me to Red Lobster which I never say no to! Plus he got to hang out with my Uncle Rob and his family before dinner and then we came back to watch a movie and it was so nice. Also while we were out at dinner I joked so what do I have to do to qualify to be your girlfriend? He said nothing that I was already doing a great job! And that's that, he's my boyfriend all over again! We also talked about long term goals and agreed to see each other at least once a month either he comes up to see me or I come down here to see him. I am fine with that as he needs time to get his affairs in order and I am still working on getting my shit together on my end. But who knows if a year from now if he & I will be living together? I think yes :)
Mr. Handsome was this draw dropping, super hot guy with long blonde hair and looked like a lead singer for any hair band back from the 80s like Warrant. I was head over heels in love with him and we only dated for a few months before he had to leave me due to troubles he gotten himself into and I only saw him a few times after that when I was 20 and sharing my 1st apartment with my hearing bff Paula. Then nada all these years till facebook about a year and a half ago. There was this strange weirdo guy who kept requesting to be friends but I had forgotten his last name and his profile picture was awful! Finally I accepted his friendship thinking he was part of a different circle of friends Paula and I knew from way back then name Adam aka A-Damn! So last year 4th of July 2011 I posted on FB announcing officially my independence from my ex who I had already broken up with in April of 2011 but I knew many of my friends wouldn't believe I was really single again till I let enough time pass and I felt what better day to reclaim my independence than the 4th of July. Mr. Handsome commented saying I should see him while I was in town the next time and I thinking he was in A-Damn's band replied saying I would love to see them play again. Then he replied I must have him confused with someone else and to check his photos. Once I did I realize omg its HIM! The one who I had the best chemistry with EVER! But because I was still smarting from the breakup with Jack I wasn't ready for the flirting he dished my way and besides he was still with his ex gf even tho things had gone south with her I never wanted to be the 'other' woman. I also thought it was interesting how he did make an attempt to find me over the years and even went to my old house on brookfield rd only to see we no longer lived there. So we made plans to see each other in August 2011 and we did. Because he didnt have a car at the time I drove and it was soooo awkward that night.
#1 I couldn't hear him at all in the car but like most Deafies I just smiled and nodded
#2 the bar we went to was sooo noisey, crowded and smokey so once again I couldn't understand a word he said and pretended to anyways.
#3 when I dropped him off, we hugged goodnight but we hugged so that my hearing aid squealed and I honestly couldn't wait for the evening to end
Mr. Handsome wanted to see me again but I declined and made up excuses as to why I couldn't. He occasionally texted me here and there and sometimes I'd answer and other times I didn't.
Then this past spring for some reason I just started to warm up to the idea of flirting with him and we began to flirt like mad in texts for a few months till this past June. And he ended things with his ex last spring too so now he was a free man :} So when we agreed to go out again this past June and I fessed up how I didn't understand anything he said the 1st time last fall and that he would have to repeat much of what was covered previously. He said no problem and had a car now and would be happy to pick me up and this would allow for better communication. Then I asked him if it was a date or would we be going dutch? He replied he always pays and yes it was a date. So out we went and let me tell you, I was smitten! I knew right then and there I liked him as much or if not more now then I did back then. I was so surprised I didn't expect all the old feelings to come rushing back but they did. He saw me again that Sunday before I returned to the city to teach the 2nd summer class. Basically our 2nd date was us 2 and Baba, I was very happy for her to get a chance to know Eric better and it was a nice dinner.
We continued to text for a while but I could see he was hesitant since he's in my home town and I am in NYC but I was undeterred by that factor. We saw each other once more last month and had a lovely day! We even kissed that night and it was amazing! I was feeling really good and we had plans for him to return to the city with me the following weekend but then his job ended up getting in the way and he was stuck working that weekend. I was pretty upset but I didn't fault him and I respect that he works.
Then a little over a week ago I did the "boyfriend" test to see if he would remember my birthday? He failed and I had just gotten home from a long drive in Maine. So I used guilt the gift that keeps on giving, and said why not come up for the weekend. At 1st he said no he couldn't because it was too last minute and he was doing laundry. I was like WTF?!? I told him bring your laundry here and its my bday! After a little coaxing he agreed and came up at midnight. I was esacastic! And let me tell you it was a lovely visit. We mostly stayed in and nested. Watched a lot of Babylon 5 series and cuddled. I just had the best time with him. I love how we like to tease one another and laugh and I like his energy. He is making an attempt to learn ASL too which pleases me to no end.
Now this evening I got to see him and poor thing he hurt his right ankle at work yesterday and literally popped out the ankle and it popped back in but the pain bad and driving 2 hours home from MD only made it worst. I offered to pick him up today so he could give his foot/ankle a rest as he works Monday. He offered to take me to Red Lobster which I never say no to! Plus he got to hang out with my Uncle Rob and his family before dinner and then we came back to watch a movie and it was so nice. Also while we were out at dinner I joked so what do I have to do to qualify to be your girlfriend? He said nothing that I was already doing a great job! And that's that, he's my boyfriend all over again! We also talked about long term goals and agreed to see each other at least once a month either he comes up to see me or I come down here to see him. I am fine with that as he needs time to get his affairs in order and I am still working on getting my shit together on my end. But who knows if a year from now if he & I will be living together? I think yes :)
Friday, August 10, 2012
l'chaim!
Today is my birthday and how apt that I recently came across Jewish symbol for chai "life!"
The Symbolic Meaning of Chai
Judaism is a religion that emphasizes the importance of life. Jews are encouraged to be good, ethical people (mensches) and enjoy the time they are given on Earth. A common Jewish toast is “l’chaim!,” which means, “to life!.” It is said at celebrations in anticipation of all the good things to come.
Because it means “life,” the Chai is consequently a symbol that captures an important aspect of Judaism. According to the gematria, which is a mystical tradition that assigns a numerological value to Hebrew letters, the letters Het (ח) and Yud (י) add up to the number 18. The Het has a value of 8 and the yud has a value of 10. As a result, 18 is a popular number that represents good luck. At weddings, bar mitzvahs and other events Jews often give gifts of money in multiples of 18, symbolically giving the recipient the gift of “life” or luck.
My birthday is the 10th day on the 8th month (18)
My lucky number has always been the #8 for the symbol of INFINITY, so while individual lives may be finite, LIFE is infinite
Quotes I am fond of....
the unexamined life isn't worth living ~Socrate's
if we don't know life, how can we know death? ~Confucious
live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever ~Gandhi
wake up and live ~Bob Marley
life is what you make of it, it always has and always will be ~ Elanor Roosevelt
Carpe diem-Horace
don't count the days, make the days count~Muhammad Ali
Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, it is the only time we have ~Art Buchwald
To LIFE!
The Symbolic Meaning of Chai
Judaism is a religion that emphasizes the importance of life. Jews are encouraged to be good, ethical people (mensches) and enjoy the time they are given on Earth. A common Jewish toast is “l’chaim!,” which means, “to life!.” It is said at celebrations in anticipation of all the good things to come.
Because it means “life,” the Chai is consequently a symbol that captures an important aspect of Judaism. According to the gematria, which is a mystical tradition that assigns a numerological value to Hebrew letters, the letters Het (ח) and Yud (י) add up to the number 18. The Het has a value of 8 and the yud has a value of 10. As a result, 18 is a popular number that represents good luck. At weddings, bar mitzvahs and other events Jews often give gifts of money in multiples of 18, symbolically giving the recipient the gift of “life” or luck.
My birthday is the 10th day on the 8th month (18)
My lucky number has always been the #8 for the symbol of INFINITY, so while individual lives may be finite, LIFE is infinite
Quotes I am fond of....
the unexamined life isn't worth living ~Socrate's
if we don't know life, how can we know death? ~Confucious
live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever ~Gandhi
wake up and live ~Bob Marley
life is what you make of it, it always has and always will be ~ Elanor Roosevelt
Carpe diem-Horace
don't count the days, make the days count~Muhammad Ali
Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, it is the only time we have ~Art Buchwald
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