Autopiloting Through Life

Soon to meet with my Aunt Nancy to make my Mom's memory board for tmw's Memorial Service.
I take it 1 hr at a time.  I have periods of normalcy that sometimes dissolves into a hot pile of tears and other times it's a stiffled or doesn't quite reach the service almost cry or I think of it more like a dry cry.
My focus is still shit, can barely sit thru a tv show or movie, with the exception of Star Trek TNG or Voyager. Both Baba and I watch those and we've started to watch Six Feet Under.
I go thru a lot of motions and often to my surprise I finished whatever I've started, didn't even know it.  A lot of "autopiloting" in my life right now.
I also spend vast amounts of time just thinking about and remembering what a great Mom I had.  How sorry I am she's not here, how much I loved her and miss her smiles and voice. I mourn for the future memories that we were cheated of.