Tom aka Bastard Kitty chillaxing!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Fed up with 'doing the right thing'
So now I am torn between a major decision on whether or not to accept a 3rd job that would add 2 more classes to my work load of 5 already existing classes. Plus I would be taking an approximate $15 an hour pay cut from my current minimum hourly earnings which is making the job offer a LOT less appealing. Toppled with the fact I have to once again give up my evenings and for the 1st time in years I have my evenings back except for 1 night a week, which is tonight. The commute will be hell too...
BUT
It would be serious extra income and help me to pay off bills especially my state taxes which in a double edge sword kind of way could actually make worse....Plus its the responsible thing to do, take the job.
I just am torn and not at all enthusized with being paid less than I deserve :/ DO-DO?
BUT
It would be serious extra income and help me to pay off bills especially my state taxes which in a double edge sword kind of way could actually make worse....Plus its the responsible thing to do, take the job.
I just am torn and not at all enthusized with being paid less than I deserve :/ DO-DO?
Monday, January 23, 2012
Club Photos!
Me and Goddess Rose enjoying the 1st snowfall for NYC 2012 after a fun night!
Celebrating Phil Jean's bday! The Gays always bring the glitz and glam!
Me and Goddess Rose with Phil & F13!
Look out Boy George, you can't top this!Gotta love NYC dance crowd, seriously some of the nicest people you ever want to meet!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Self-pity need not apply here
There are two kinds of people in the world; those who make do and those who don't but sit around and complain about it. I prefer to be in the company of the 1st group. The type that deals with the hand they're dealt and can still find an ounce of happiness somewhere in their day. The 2nd group I avoid like the plague! The self made victims who whine about their woes and snarl at others when they are smiling or being kind. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say one should go through life with denying the truths of the world out there no matter how ugly. But you don't have to sit and marinate in it either.
For those who chose to be victims and not do ANYTHING to help yourself I want you to know, you certainly won't win awards for the countless hours spent pouting or being sullen. The only person who's truly suffering is yourself or the other people around you who put up with it just because they love you. You don't grow old and think back in to your life and feel proud of the days wasted being miserable. As a matter of fact you probably won't grow old because misery is stress to your body and more than likely you'll die sooner rather than later. You won't suddenly one day be happy because this happened or that happened because happiness doesn't come from the outside. It has to come from you and your insides, how you FEEL about YOU? And if you don't like how YOU FEEL then there are countless ways to change who you are or the life you are living. Books, religious or community mentors, friends, family, counseling, medication, exercise and a personal favorite of mine altruism. Helping others helps you. You learn humility, compassion and the common ground you share with another living person or being (pets, wildlife, plants). Doing GOOD feels GOOD.
I know I know! how did I get to here from there (seriously last fall was a tough time for me, still reeling from the breakup, leaving school, financial woes, etc., etc..read any post from Sept '11-early Dec '11) I truly thought this is it for me. I won't recover from this, I couldn't even smile much anymore. But time passes and I made choices and stuck with those choices. Its hard to be disciplined when you're depressed, I know its hard for me too. But if you stick to your resolve to change things, it happens quite slowly at first and then all of a sudden a snowball effect occurs and you're suddenly where you want to be. This is how I feel these days. I feel like I am in such a great place in my life.
I started off healing my wounds with those cheesy self inspirational quotes that I wrote on post it notes and places in random places in the apartment. I admit when I saw them in other peoples homes I always thought to myself how lame! But which is lamer? Looking dorky to a couple of people who you trust? Or being the debbie downer, the stick in the mud at every gathering? So did I look at these quotes everyday? No, not really as a matter of fact I stopped seeing them and occasionally forced myself to stop and re-read them. But what I did find myself doing was thinking about these quotes in my head at one part or another of my day and it slowly changed my mindset. Then sometimes when I went back to re-read these post-its, some of them were no longer applied to me. Because either I already incorporated the sentiment/mindset or it simply served just to boost me up and I no longer needed the pep talk. It felt good to crumble the post it notes into a ball and throw it away. Like I had mastered it or no longer needed the little pick-me-up crutch.
During my active attempt to heal and feel better, I generally reach out to my friends and family and shared with them my feelings (good or bad). Baba probably gave me the best piece of advice which was don't be so hard on yourself and just give yourself time to heal. You need to heal first. See here the key point is to give yourself TIME to HEAL. Not TIME alone, you don't need more time doing nothing or more of the same, you need TIME to HEAL (CHANGE) which means making a commitment to yourself to do just that. For me that meant finally making my apartment into a home because this is your sanctuary, your escape from the world when you're too tired or beaten down. On those days where everything has gone wrong, one should be able to come home and feel good, relax and calm and if possible, happy too? It took a LOT of time to make my apartment into a home for me and Tom. And thanks to Blondie being there for me and helping me on 3 separate occasions while I worked on the place in between her visits, I now PAH have the 'ahhh' feeling when I walk in the door. Plus I love sharing my home with Tom aka my Bastard Kitty, I actually make sure to come home every night to sleep in my bed and be with my Tom Tom. I joked recently on FB after I uploaded a photo of Tom Tom that he's all the man I need! I no longer allow a TV, computer or phone in my room. The only electronics in there is my alarm clock and that's just because I can't wake up on my own. My bedroom is now a place of rest, sleep and reading. Which also helps with feeling like this is my perfect little home! So finally being able to enjoy my apartment has added tremendously to my overall well being and I try not to take it for granted.
I also decided to heal myself by changing how I eat. I have been since last fall adding more and more healthy food to my diet on a day to day basis. I already love fruit but have been working on adding more veggies and I stay away from a lot of the process food I used to eat (not 100%) like I still use an occasional pasta mix from a box but things like snack foods/desserts (junk food) I have stopped buying for the most part, including chocolate which I used to eat EVERYDAY but only in the past 3 weeks have I broken that habit. I also just have become more fussy about what I am willing to eat. I won't eat something just to please someone else or go with the herd mentality. I only eat if I LOVE it and I feel it does something good for my body such as fruit I know is rich in so much that I feel GOOD when I consume it. I am still quite a meat eater that will never change but the amount and frequency has. I also pay close attention to water and have drastically reduced my diet coke intake which used to be less than a half a can a day but now I drink it every few days. I mostly drink water (sometimes with a lemon), seltzer water, cranberry juice and occasional diet coke or ginger ale. I still love Chinese food but do not ordered it very often because the kind I like to eat is not under a diet menu anyways.
I have not lost as much weight as I would like but I suspect that is due to the lack of muscle tone which is on my next "to do" list once I am settled into my work routine. Muscles always burns more calories and honestly looks a lot more attractive then fat. Having discovered the love of dancing, I know that at least I am getting my cardio sometime. But weights must be added soon for muscle resistance. What I love about dancing is once you've been dancing for a while you just get lost in the music and find your 'zone' and let go. Its almost meditative when you let your body just take over and basically stop thinking! And just BE! Exhilarating!
For those who chose to be victims and not do ANYTHING to help yourself I want you to know, you certainly won't win awards for the countless hours spent pouting or being sullen. The only person who's truly suffering is yourself or the other people around you who put up with it just because they love you. You don't grow old and think back in to your life and feel proud of the days wasted being miserable. As a matter of fact you probably won't grow old because misery is stress to your body and more than likely you'll die sooner rather than later. You won't suddenly one day be happy because this happened or that happened because happiness doesn't come from the outside. It has to come from you and your insides, how you FEEL about YOU? And if you don't like how YOU FEEL then there are countless ways to change who you are or the life you are living. Books, religious or community mentors, friends, family, counseling, medication, exercise and a personal favorite of mine altruism. Helping others helps you. You learn humility, compassion and the common ground you share with another living person or being (pets, wildlife, plants). Doing GOOD feels GOOD.
I know I know! how did I get to here from there (seriously last fall was a tough time for me, still reeling from the breakup, leaving school, financial woes, etc., etc..read any post from Sept '11-early Dec '11) I truly thought this is it for me. I won't recover from this, I couldn't even smile much anymore. But time passes and I made choices and stuck with those choices. Its hard to be disciplined when you're depressed, I know its hard for me too. But if you stick to your resolve to change things, it happens quite slowly at first and then all of a sudden a snowball effect occurs and you're suddenly where you want to be. This is how I feel these days. I feel like I am in such a great place in my life.
I started off healing my wounds with those cheesy self inspirational quotes that I wrote on post it notes and places in random places in the apartment. I admit when I saw them in other peoples homes I always thought to myself how lame! But which is lamer? Looking dorky to a couple of people who you trust? Or being the debbie downer, the stick in the mud at every gathering? So did I look at these quotes everyday? No, not really as a matter of fact I stopped seeing them and occasionally forced myself to stop and re-read them. But what I did find myself doing was thinking about these quotes in my head at one part or another of my day and it slowly changed my mindset. Then sometimes when I went back to re-read these post-its, some of them were no longer applied to me. Because either I already incorporated the sentiment/mindset or it simply served just to boost me up and I no longer needed the pep talk. It felt good to crumble the post it notes into a ball and throw it away. Like I had mastered it or no longer needed the little pick-me-up crutch.
During my active attempt to heal and feel better, I generally reach out to my friends and family and shared with them my feelings (good or bad). Baba probably gave me the best piece of advice which was don't be so hard on yourself and just give yourself time to heal. You need to heal first. See here the key point is to give yourself TIME to HEAL. Not TIME alone, you don't need more time doing nothing or more of the same, you need TIME to HEAL (CHANGE) which means making a commitment to yourself to do just that. For me that meant finally making my apartment into a home because this is your sanctuary, your escape from the world when you're too tired or beaten down. On those days where everything has gone wrong, one should be able to come home and feel good, relax and calm and if possible, happy too? It took a LOT of time to make my apartment into a home for me and Tom. And thanks to Blondie being there for me and helping me on 3 separate occasions while I worked on the place in between her visits, I now PAH have the 'ahhh' feeling when I walk in the door. Plus I love sharing my home with Tom aka my Bastard Kitty, I actually make sure to come home every night to sleep in my bed and be with my Tom Tom. I joked recently on FB after I uploaded a photo of Tom Tom that he's all the man I need! I no longer allow a TV, computer or phone in my room. The only electronics in there is my alarm clock and that's just because I can't wake up on my own. My bedroom is now a place of rest, sleep and reading. Which also helps with feeling like this is my perfect little home! So finally being able to enjoy my apartment has added tremendously to my overall well being and I try not to take it for granted.
I also decided to heal myself by changing how I eat. I have been since last fall adding more and more healthy food to my diet on a day to day basis. I already love fruit but have been working on adding more veggies and I stay away from a lot of the process food I used to eat (not 100%) like I still use an occasional pasta mix from a box but things like snack foods/desserts (junk food) I have stopped buying for the most part, including chocolate which I used to eat EVERYDAY but only in the past 3 weeks have I broken that habit. I also just have become more fussy about what I am willing to eat. I won't eat something just to please someone else or go with the herd mentality. I only eat if I LOVE it and I feel it does something good for my body such as fruit I know is rich in so much that I feel GOOD when I consume it. I am still quite a meat eater that will never change but the amount and frequency has. I also pay close attention to water and have drastically reduced my diet coke intake which used to be less than a half a can a day but now I drink it every few days. I mostly drink water (sometimes with a lemon), seltzer water, cranberry juice and occasional diet coke or ginger ale. I still love Chinese food but do not ordered it very often because the kind I like to eat is not under a diet menu anyways.
I have not lost as much weight as I would like but I suspect that is due to the lack of muscle tone which is on my next "to do" list once I am settled into my work routine. Muscles always burns more calories and honestly looks a lot more attractive then fat. Having discovered the love of dancing, I know that at least I am getting my cardio sometime. But weights must be added soon for muscle resistance. What I love about dancing is once you've been dancing for a while you just get lost in the music and find your 'zone' and let go. Its almost meditative when you let your body just take over and basically stop thinking! And just BE! Exhilarating!
Friday, January 20, 2012
FB Drone
Seriously, I have become another FB drone!!! I love chatting with various people from all parts of my life from the past all the way to yesterday! I think its amazing how technology has shorten the gap for communication between people geographically. Recently I have been trying a few fun apps like one tells you what your NAME says about you. They hit the mark pretty well!
Last night I learned something new. I can love one of my favorite club here in NYC but I won't always love the music or the DJ playing. I can't enjoy repetitive and slow music or feel the desire to DANCE! Live and learn, I am really a ROOTS fan!
In other news I am sooooooooo excited that next weekend Baba and Uncle David will visit me and bring me some furniture as well. But more importantly FAMILY is visiting ME :) How lucky am I?
Last night I learned something new. I can love one of my favorite club here in NYC but I won't always love the music or the DJ playing. I can't enjoy repetitive and slow music or feel the desire to DANCE! Live and learn, I am really a ROOTS fan!
In other news I am sooooooooo excited that next weekend Baba and Uncle David will visit me and bring me some furniture as well. But more importantly FAMILY is visiting ME :) How lucky am I?
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
2012!!!
Pah! My 1st post for the new year :)
I must say my New Years this year was one of the best ever! I rang in the NYE with my best friend Blondie along with Red Hots, Little Orphan Annie and some other cool folks. The gays outnumbered the straights. FUN! It was exactly what I was in the mood for a HOUSE partay with an Omega backyard too.
Here's me and Red Hots *sizzle!*
Chasity & Red Dog!
They'd make a handsome couple if they were straight but instead they make a sexy Gay couple!
On New Years Day I dance my tush off with Goddess Rose and her man.
Here I am at Pier 94 along with probably 5,000-10,000 other folks dancing away
and having a grand old time!
Me with Goddess Rose who made New Years Day possible!
And infected me with the dancing bug! Thank you, I am loving it!!!
And we got to meet Dean Winters! Yep the hottie from OZ!
Dean was so nice and a real sweetheart! I liked that he was down to earth and just vibing with everyone else. I HEART NYC!!!
I am sooo excited to be dancing near Dean Winters! Of course when he was looking I played it all cool like 'oh I rub elbows with famous peeps all the time! ~ Yeah Right!'
New Years Day that night I changed up my makeup and apparently this is the look I should go for more often! Got a lot of compliments on FB, nice ego boost!
Today was my 1st day back to work and I am glad I only work today and am off the rest of the week. I am still on vacation mode. For fun I included several slides in my powerpoint in which I told students 2 truths and 1 lie. For example I did one where did I ever get a nose job? Did I get LASIK done? Did I wear braces? Of course my nose is au naturel! The one I thought was so interesting was the question where I asked which of these 3 actors have I met? JC Chasez? Johnny Galecki? Dean Winters? In both of my classes today more people thought I had never met Dean Winters compared to the other two. I guess everyone wants to meet the man who played O'Reilly! It was fun to show them the next slide with Dean's photo and JC Chasez from back at MSSD days I think 1991 or 92?
I just dig meeting celebrities, my goodness I've met quite a few like Henry Wrinkler the FONZ, Cynthia Nixon, David Blaine, and many supporting actors too. I think its inevitable if you live in a big city like this one! I even shook hands with Richard Nixon who having shook many other Deafie's hands during a field trip to the capitol was shocked when I replied "I am doing well!" Cuz as he shook hands with each student he say the same thing "how ya doing?" then shake the next hand and most of my peers didn't verbally respond till I did ;P They weren't exaggerating his nose in those cartoons I kid you not!
Also Blondie, god bless her helped me get my apartment all squared away finally! I can't ever thank her enough for all of her help. I was living in a literal pit of despair for 8 months and now my apartment looks like a HOME! I even arranged my books by color as suggested in one article on how to make your bookcase look less cluttered. I've been reading up on feng shui apartment living too. I want one of those zen water fountains as water symbolizes abundance and prosperity. Been scanning on ebay for one that stands out to me and screams BUY ME! You see this year for 2012 I have 2 mottoes
1st motto is "it's all about me baby!" after years of putting everyone ahead of myself, I've decided to give myself the same attention I give others :]
2nd motto is "if I don't absolutely LOVE it, I won't eat it, buy it, wear it, use it..." etc., etc..and so far its working! So until I stumble across my dream water fountain and have the dough to buy one (I don't want anything terribly expensive or large but soothing and pleasing to the eyes).
Now my dream WANT is a product made by a company called CONMOTO which makes a product called RollFire! A portable fireplace but the price tag on this starts at about $3700! I want I want I want!
Seriously how cool would that be to have in your home? So sleek and trendy and best of all FIRE my favorite element! I guess being a fire sign and having a deep respect for FIRE both its ability to destroy as well as create to me is just inspiring! No worries I am not a pyromaniac :-] According to Feng Shui FIRE symbolizes energy and passion. And it is suggested it not be used too much in the bedroom as it is a place of rest but if properly situated it can bring romance to your life. Right now I am boycotting men and romance in favor of my 1st motto this year. Perhaps in 2013 I'll want to date but right now I am enjoying my life too much to play house again anytime soon!
Okay I've yammered on enough. Hopefully things will keep going well as they have been and I have to say I haven't been this happy and content in so long its nice to be back! As Baba used to say a Shakespeare quote "to thy own self be true" and baby I am doing that!
I must say my New Years this year was one of the best ever! I rang in the NYE with my best friend Blondie along with Red Hots, Little Orphan Annie and some other cool folks. The gays outnumbered the straights. FUN! It was exactly what I was in the mood for a HOUSE partay with an Omega backyard too.
Here's me and Red Hots *sizzle!*
Chasity & Red Dog!They'd make a handsome couple if they were straight but instead they make a sexy Gay couple!
Here I am at Pier 94 along with probably 5,000-10,000 other folks dancing awayand having a grand old time!
Me with Goddess Rose who made New Years Day possible!And infected me with the dancing bug! Thank you, I am loving it!!!
Dean was so nice and a real sweetheart! I liked that he was down to earth and just vibing with everyone else. I HEART NYC!!!
I am sooo excited to be dancing near Dean Winters! Of course when he was looking I played it all cool like 'oh I rub elbows with famous peeps all the time! ~ Yeah Right!'
New Years Day that night I changed up my makeup and apparently this is the look I should go for more often! Got a lot of compliments on FB, nice ego boost!Today was my 1st day back to work and I am glad I only work today and am off the rest of the week. I am still on vacation mode. For fun I included several slides in my powerpoint in which I told students 2 truths and 1 lie. For example I did one where did I ever get a nose job? Did I get LASIK done? Did I wear braces? Of course my nose is au naturel! The one I thought was so interesting was the question where I asked which of these 3 actors have I met? JC Chasez? Johnny Galecki? Dean Winters? In both of my classes today more people thought I had never met Dean Winters compared to the other two. I guess everyone wants to meet the man who played O'Reilly! It was fun to show them the next slide with Dean's photo and JC Chasez from back at MSSD days I think 1991 or 92?
I just dig meeting celebrities, my goodness I've met quite a few like Henry Wrinkler the FONZ, Cynthia Nixon, David Blaine, and many supporting actors too. I think its inevitable if you live in a big city like this one! I even shook hands with Richard Nixon who having shook many other Deafie's hands during a field trip to the capitol was shocked when I replied "I am doing well!" Cuz as he shook hands with each student he say the same thing "how ya doing?" then shake the next hand and most of my peers didn't verbally respond till I did ;P They weren't exaggerating his nose in those cartoons I kid you not!Also Blondie, god bless her helped me get my apartment all squared away finally! I can't ever thank her enough for all of her help. I was living in a literal pit of despair for 8 months and now my apartment looks like a HOME! I even arranged my books by color as suggested in one article on how to make your bookcase look less cluttered. I've been reading up on feng shui apartment living too. I want one of those zen water fountains as water symbolizes abundance and prosperity. Been scanning on ebay for one that stands out to me and screams BUY ME! You see this year for 2012 I have 2 mottoes
1st motto is "it's all about me baby!" after years of putting everyone ahead of myself, I've decided to give myself the same attention I give others :]
2nd motto is "if I don't absolutely LOVE it, I won't eat it, buy it, wear it, use it..." etc., etc..and so far its working! So until I stumble across my dream water fountain and have the dough to buy one (I don't want anything terribly expensive or large but soothing and pleasing to the eyes).
Now my dream WANT is a product made by a company called CONMOTO which makes a product called RollFire! A portable fireplace but the price tag on this starts at about $3700! I want I want I want!
Seriously how cool would that be to have in your home? So sleek and trendy and best of all FIRE my favorite element! I guess being a fire sign and having a deep respect for FIRE both its ability to destroy as well as create to me is just inspiring! No worries I am not a pyromaniac :-] According to Feng Shui FIRE symbolizes energy and passion. And it is suggested it not be used too much in the bedroom as it is a place of rest but if properly situated it can bring romance to your life. Right now I am boycotting men and romance in favor of my 1st motto this year. Perhaps in 2013 I'll want to date but right now I am enjoying my life too much to play house again anytime soon!Okay I've yammered on enough. Hopefully things will keep going well as they have been and I have to say I haven't been this happy and content in so long its nice to be back! As Baba used to say a Shakespeare quote "to thy own self be true" and baby I am doing that!
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