Spinning Out

2020  is here! I can't believe it! Time really does speed up as you age. When I was a kid I thought we be living in the Jetson era! With flying cars and robot servants! Perhaps in another 40 years?

There is a great new series on Netflix called Spinning Out about a family where the mother and one of her daughters have bipolar and damn I binged through that series in 1 day! Why? My ex is bipolar and it destroyed us. Bipolar disorder is a living nightmare. Never ending battle with the insane behavior and triggers that bipolar folks have. I don't miss walking on egg shells or being given the silent treatment for minor infractions that I wasn't even aware of. The lies, the stealing, the gaslighting can erode even the sanest, healthiest individuals to start to question their own self worth. But on the flip side when they're having a good day or when the mania kicks in, they can be the sweetest, most loving person you ever met. The problem is those days are far and few and as time goes by, even fewer. Every mistake you make with a bipolar person is forever etched into their brain and tallied up and thrown into your face again and again and again. Till all you become is this vile being in their eyes and this justifies their atrocious behavior with you and drive you away for good!

Yes I miss my ex, he was one of my greatest love in life. Even with all the bad, the manipulation and the ill feelings at the end was NEVER as bad as my 2nd LTR. My recent ex while hurt me, didn't make me feel bad all the time, everyday, all day for his own enjoyment like my 2nd ex.  He thrives on others misery, he was so angry and spewed hatred every chance he got. When I saw him seveal years back, just being around him bought me back to that dark place I was at when we dated. I feel sorry for his current gf, she's clearly not very bright and like me back then, has low self esteem. I hope for her sake, he's a better man, but I know better. He's truly a sociopath. My last ex has a disorder, bipolar is a brain malfunction. So while it was awful at times, knowing it was the bipolar in him and not his sadistic personality driving the terrible behavior made a big difference.

I have ADD but I take meds for it and have been going to therapy for years now. I am no longer, impulsive, and my self confidence has grown by the leaps and bounds. I am not who I used to be.

If you have someone in your life that is bipolar and others don't understand, tell them to watch Spinning Out just to get an idea. May my recent ex find peace with his choices and may we both over time remember more of the good then the bad!