New Years Eve

Hard to believe its almost 2010! Time sure did fly by! I was remarking to Jack the other day that when you hit your 30s you really do see how quickly time speeds up. I didn't feel it in my 20s because I hadn't even a decade under my belt being an adult. I wonder will I feel time goes quicker in my 40s than I do now? Or will it always feel this way as an adult?

On a different note, am having a grand time visiting my family as usual. I am so blessed not only with a terrific family and boyfriend but many good friends in my life.

So for the past few days I've been thinking about resolutions and whether or not I plan to make any? Because really, don't we make them all the time as it is? We resolve not to have a 2nd slice of pie or grudgingly clean up messes in our homes. We make ourselves get up early to go to work and face the cold and sometimes rainy mornings. Its our constant general never-ending quest to keep up with the on-going personal self improvements. I don't wait for the end of the year to do these things as it seems to me we're doing them everyday regardless. Or as some like to say irregardless *snickers*

For my new years eve, Jack and I plan to spend it with Baba, David, Bobby and Nancy who unfortunately has to work that night and will not be with us to ring in the new years itself. I totally respect that because it was last minute plans on my behalf and I've worked many holidays and birthdays in my life. The good news is, we will get to hang tmw and hit the thrift stores for search of good bargains. Afterwards we will join the rest for pizza and chocolate cream pie *just 1 slice each...er if my will-power doesn't fail me because damn it, its chocolate cream pie* plus to watch the movie Galaxy Quest. It will be fun. I just didn't feel like going out to a bar or a party. My family is plenty of fun. The next day we will visit Robbie's family and then I will go over to Mom's the rest of New Years day.

I am also glad to be done with my students grades about 90% done. It would've been 100% but dumb me, I grabbed the wrong grade sheets, fudge-a-duck and now Jack and I have to return 2 days earlier for me to tally the grades for the last class by the 4th of January. That's fine too, there's plenty of things left to do around the apt anyways.

Earlier tonight as one of Baba's Hanukkah gifts, we watched Pan's Labrynth. If you haven't seen this movie, kick yourself for me and then go out buy/rent a copy and sit your butt down to watch it! Or make it your 2010 new years resolution!

Jack's 1st

Attempt at cooking a whole chicken.
Not bad right?
And damn it was tasty!

Merry Xmas!

This is how I know

Computers and the internet as well text msgs are ruining people's ability to spell correctly.
For example I came across these spellling mistakes...

Road the subway
To mean, deaf culture..
Overcome their dissability
You use constrative (contrastive) pronouns
Harding of hearing
Deaf word (world)
Authe (author)
Many similaritys
In the beggining
To bikes (to for 2)

And today in an email to Jack from an ebay seller, he wrote I will "refound" your $$. Ha ha, the $$ was lost but now its been re-founded again. I know I know REFUND but im gonna play with Refound for a while :] granted I've had my share of spelling mistakes or substituting words for worlds ;}

In other exciting news, yesterday was my last class of '09! I was so glad to be done.
Still have a mountain high pile of paperwork to sort through but my
mind is on VACATION! Tonight I gotta do it, no more excuses or put-offs!

I am very excited that while this spring ill be teaching nights (exactly what I didn't want) that next fall that won't be the case! That's because as an ADDer, I find my attention span/energy level are higher during the day than at night. Especially if I work at media prior to teaching. See I love working as a media tech bc there's little thinking involved in the tasks and its a physical job where im on my feet going from various classrooms setting up or breaking down technical equipment. In
addition to weekly software updates and teaching faculty members on how to use the
equipment its a very easy job. Meanwhile teaching im on my feet a good 3 hours straight, performing (really its true, teachers are often former actors) because you are the entertainer/informer (teacher) to your audience (students) and it takes a lot out of you! Or it does for me especially if I've
already worked at media prior to teaching which I did last year and didn't like it. This year teaching
in the mornings primarily and then going to work at media services is a better fit for me.
So I was told next school year '10-'11 ill be able to teach mornings again at 1 school. Now if I can get the other school to give me mornings ill be set! Whee!

For the holidays, Jack and I will stay here for xmas. Last Saturday during the snow storm, we
decorated the apt window w/white lights and Santa on a sled. We took a short walk but
Jack was too cold! As you can see by the picture. I was laughing at him the whole
time, just laughing and laughing at his
obvious discomfort (even when he later put a hat and gloves on) and still for my sake
he came out to enjoy the windy snow storm! I don't think I've laugh that hard in so long!
We made hot chocolate and watched the movie "Elf" with Will Ferrell. Fun movie and
got us in the spirit of the holidays! After xmas we will head down to PA for the remainder
of winter break. I wanted to do all the paperwork prior to our visit and to organize the apt to put stuff in storage.

Holiday Shopping

After work last night I headed downtown to
Barnes and Nobles to use a coupon for 25%
off 1 item, w00t! Its so nice to see discounts
and coupon be in vogue! And the thrill of
saving $$$ no matter how small is an
awesome feeling. I have always loved
pinching pennies! Brought my nephews
and Baba's Hanukkah gifts, have 1 more
to buy for Mom. Jack is already taken care
of so only my aunts/uncles to do. At BN
they had a small table for gift wrapping
that was being sponsored by "Kids Corner"
raising $$ for children with cancer so ofc
I had them wrap my gifts and donated $5.
The boys were so cute and fought over who
would wrap what?

Only 1 more day of work next week, whee!
This weekend I must grade final exams for
3 classes out of 4. No way do I want to go to
PA with that hanging over my head. Im gonna
play it smart this year. Last year I spent New
Years grading, ugh!

Not much new, Jack will start school in Jan, Pah!
His spirits have improved tremendously with
doing things to prepare to go back to school.
I am VERY proud of him.

Tmw I will terp for Jewish services and then
Martin and I will attend a xmas Deaf bingo.
Last week at Deaf bingo I won $20 and
another $15 as a door prize! Not bad cuz
I spent $10 on admissions and $10 on raffles
so I gained $15. But I don't mind bc I had so
much fun with Szymanski and the others.

The Biggest Loser

Trainer Jillian is one tough cookie but
I loved what she told one contestant.
"Feel the fear. Move pass it. Do it ANYWAYS!"
Is that inspiring or what?

My new mantra

"A person can't change what he doesn't acknowledge"

Happy Days Are Here Again

Saw the doc and got meds that actually
worked! Feeling so much better. Being
sick is always depressing. The semester
is drawing to a close in only a few more
weeks and then I can have some ME time
for a change.

Baba brought me the best winter boots,
my very own pair of UGGs! They are soooo
comfortable and I can't wait for it to snow
to have an excuse to wear them again!
Plus we picked up some beautiful tops and
dress pants, w00t! I feel very spoiled and
made it clear this was my Hannukah gifts.

Jack got to work on his car too which always
makes him happy. Every little upgrade, tweak
and tinkering leaves him very satisfied. I can
relate, because I feel the same way when I
edit my movies. I realize recently that's why
I've been depressed, I haven't done anything
lately to bring me happiness and that does!
I've already committed myself to bring home
the IMac over xmas break and finish PAWS
once and for all! And then ill only have SDI
part II & III to finish. Thought I post some
quotes below to help me stay on target!

"Filmmaking is a chance to live many lives"
-Robert Altman

"Never treat your audience as customers,
Always as partners."
-Jimmy Stewarts

"The cinema is not a slice of life but a
piece of cake"
-Alfred Hitchcock

"Above all, a director has to be a good captain"
-Charles Heston

"The picture is in your head, in your
imagination, everything"
-Fredrico Fellini

"One of the great things about being a
director as a life choice is that it can
never be mastered. Every story is its
own expedition, with its own set of
challenges"
-Ron Howard

"Movies are art and the spirit of the
movie depends on its creator"
-Lloyd Kaufman

"A good director is not sure of when
he gets to the set what he's going to do?"
-Elia Kazan

"A lot of times you get credit for stuff
in your movies you didn't intend to be there"
-Spike Lee

"Don't be told something is impossible.
There's always a way!"
-Robert Rodriguez

"Editing is the process. The shooting is
pleasant work. The editing makes the
movie, so I spend all my life in editing"
-Gary Marshall
And he's absolutely right, shooting the
film is the fun part, editing is hard
work, time consuming and maddening at times!

Overwhelmed

Lately I have been feeling very overwhelmed with life in general. And I have been chronically sick with UTI/Kidney infections it has left me wondering if I will ever be back to "normal" again. The good news is I am seeing a specialist tmw and maybe that doctor can shed some light onto what's wrong with my plumbing???

And I just feel like what do I have to look forward to? Now that I've completed my masters there is nothing new on my horizon. Nothing to work for, nothing to accomplish other than paying bills and waiting for time to pass. Jack has made it clear to me he doesn't want children and that depresses me too. Not that I want them now or anytime soon or maybe never but to think its definite makes me wonder should I even bother to ever get married? I believe marriage is good if you plan a family but if you aren't having one, is it worth getting married? And besides he knows until the ASL issue is resolved we will never get married. Another area that makes me sigh a million times a day.

Yeah I guess you can tell I am feeling a little sorry for myself these days. I am feeling like a burden to everyone, be it Jack, my family and even feel like I am not doing the best I could be at my jobs. I feel so worn out and so tired. There are tears always nearby, ready to sprout. All of my money goes to bills and I havent even been able to save up for next summer when I am not teaching which I vow I will DO with my next paycheck, is to open a separate checking account and start saving.

I don't think I have been this depressed in quite some time. I am reverting to be anti-social again which is a major sign of depression in me. When I find it a strain to talk that is not good. I have also been reading up a lot on ADD and how it affects relationships. I find a lot of what Ive read to be pretty true in some ways, not in all. Anyways for anyone who is reading this, do not be concern because I am aware of this and will deal with it accordingly. This is how I deal with things. 1st I admit there is something wrong and then I do something about it. That's where I am at now, trying to figure out what to do?