Lately I have been feeling very overwhelmed with life in general. And I have been chronically sick with UTI/Kidney infections it has left me wondering if I will ever be back to "normal" again. The good news is I am seeing a specialist tmw and maybe that doctor can shed some light onto what's wrong with my plumbing???
And I just feel like what do I have to look forward to? Now that I've completed my masters there is nothing new on my horizon. Nothing to work for, nothing to accomplish other than paying bills and waiting for time to pass. Jack has made it clear to me he doesn't want children and that depresses me too. Not that I want them now or anytime soon or maybe never but to think its definite makes me wonder should I even bother to ever get married? I believe marriage is good if you plan a family but if you aren't having one, is it worth getting married? And besides he knows until the ASL issue is resolved we will never get married. Another area that makes me sigh a million times a day.
Yeah I guess you can tell I am feeling a little sorry for myself these days. I am feeling like a burden to everyone, be it Jack, my family and even feel like I am not doing the best I could be at my jobs. I feel so worn out and so tired. There are tears always nearby, ready to sprout. All of my money goes to bills and I havent even been able to save up for next summer when I am not teaching which I vow I will DO with my next paycheck, is to open a separate checking account and start saving.
I don't think I have been this depressed in quite some time. I am reverting to be anti-social again which is a major sign of depression in me. When I find it a strain to talk that is not good. I have also been reading up a lot on ADD and how it affects relationships. I find a lot of what Ive read to be pretty true in some ways, not in all. Anyways for anyone who is reading this, do not be concern because I am aware of this and will deal with it accordingly. This is how I deal with things. 1st I admit there is something wrong and then I do something about it. That's where I am at now, trying to figure out what to do?
2 comments:
Hi, I am new to this,and I came across your blog, when I read yours
it was my life sometimes back, but there is something more to life than what the people offer, you are correct we do many things and at the end there nothing more, there is no real satisfaction in all these things, I found the satisfaction in Spirit of God, God is a Spirit those who worship Him must worship Him in Spirit and truth, we all need Christ. Believe in Him, he will give you living water that will be spring of well within you. Keep in touch.
Jen, in 17 days, the worst time of the year will start to wane. Don't discount the effects of less sun. And in the meantime, see if you can get yourself some anti-depressants. It often goes hand-in hand with ADD, along w a whole crapload of other unpleasant stuff. Trust me. :o and remember, we love you.
Nancy
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