Right now I am trying to decide whether or not I regret joining a well known dating site recently. Part of me feels like I should get back out there and date and part of me just doesn't want to be bothered. I guess I feel like its a competition between me and my ex and who finds love first again but that's just stupid. It doesn't matter who does and certainly not reason enough to start dating before I am ready. Don't get me wrong, I have been talking to lots of different guys all summer long and some of them have been quite a lot of fun to flirt with or get to know but nothing serious from any of them.
Part of the problem I think for me is my age, being 37 and single is not at all what I would've guess I would be if you had asked me that 10 years ago. I really thought (despite all of our problems and there were so many of them!) that my recent ex was the one I would marry or I did up till a few years ago.
Some days I wonder if I am better off never dating anyone again? Perhaps I am just some weirdo who can't get along with men? Perhaps I should just take Baba's advice and give myself a lot of breathing room. Lately though I find any of my relationships with the opposite sex (minus family and good friends) to be tiresome when I should in fact be excited. I guess I am just jaded and still working through my emotional baggage. I just don't feel like trying to wow anyone. I need to get back to the place I was before I met my ex where having a man in my life didn't matter (and still doesn't) but I was happy about it back then. Really I don't know what I want these days but I will be glad when I pass the 1 year mark because time does heal all wounds. Going back to work and school will help too.
I did find a quote back after my 1st breakup that I really liked and I probably already posted it before but what the heck I can post it again, cuz damnit its my blog!
The heart does heal, and you will love like this again-except that when you do, you'll deny ever loving like this before- Unknown
and some new ones I found tonight;
A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it-Unkown
Life has changed not ended, move on and enjoy the rest of your life- former student of mine who I am fond of wrote this
There’s no need to miss someone from your past. There’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future.~ Unknown
It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.– George Washington
While I am not overly sad things ended, I just feel kind of like I am in a limbo between being fully healed and sad it didn't work out.
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