And now recently for two of them (one 41 yr old and one 34 yr old) I just rejected via email. And here's why...and for the sake of separating the 4 guys I will give them #s.
Guy #1, age 34 born and raised in NYC, in the Bronx to be exact but lives LES, proud of his Irish roots and a very sweet and kind of quiet guy. Straight edge, goes to Mass on Sunday evenings, works FT, employed at UES (Museum) for the past 10 yrs. Has a twin sister, clearly fraternal, visits both his mom and sister regularly. Enjoys reading, has an antiquated view on technology and money conscious. We went out on 3 dates and he was a gentlemen and pleasant to be with. I just unfortunately not attracted to him, absolutely zero chemistry. I also didn't like some of his views or behaviors. I didn't like how he slouched, his lips were chapped all the time. He also seem to be in some ways hostile to children. While it was nice neither of us wants kids, I don't have a problem with children in general. I like most kids and extremely close to my nephew, Mama Raccoon's son who I see regularly and am a proud auntie. He really didn't want to be around kids and specifically goes to Mass on Sunday nights just because there aren't kids there and they don't drag the service as long when the kids aren't around. Then he added how it's good since "we both don't like children." That irked me. I was concerned too because he had no real social life and was happy to do most things by himself. I couldn't see how my social life would blend into his? I already detected he spends large amount of time alone and that's fine for him. He deserves someone like that, who's more of a loner, a partner in crime who would make him their social life and vice versa. Sometimes when I be in a lounge or a club somewhere and I look around and try to visualize Guy #1 there with me? It just wasn't going to happen. I need someone a little 'cooler.' I also felt bad because at the end of date #2, I leaned in and kiss Guy #1 peck on the cheek and went for a second peck and could hear him after each peck say "mwah!" which I thought was so cute. However at the end of third date I was still at the end of a bad cold so I still had short and random cough fits. Guy #1 leaned in to kiss me and I quickly turned so he only kissed my cheek and sprouted some bullsh*t about how I still had a cold and feel 'yucky' but wow, he still wanted to kiss me after I occasionally coughed and blew my nose. He even bought me a $25 gift card for Barnes and Nobles as a belated birthday gift. Damn damn damn why couldn't I like him back?!? He was even learning fingerspelling and ASL phrases for me!
Guy #2, age 41, divorced, has one son who's a sophomore in HS and one daughter who's a sophomore in college, as they're 4 years apart. Lives in JC, has an amicable relationship with his ex wife, sees his kids regularly, works FT, most of what he talks about are his kids (his social life) because during the weekends he is usually doing something with one of them, likes to hike and do day trips. Grew up in NJ about an hour or more south of the city. He liked me from the git go, after our first date as he was leaving and I stayed at a club, I walked him outside to say goodnight and give him a hug and possible peck but he tried to make out with me and I didn't stand for that, just pushed him back a little and said goodbye. I was flattered but too much too soon. Plus we never did anything, both times we met for dinner and then he came with me when I went to meet up with friends (mind you this was during my summer break, that's why I was going out so much, utilizing the last days of freedom). He too did not blend into the scenery with me. He remarked that he's a guy from the suburbs and a Dad and he is. However I am not looking for a Dad, I am looking for a guy who I won't come in second to with their kids. I think dating him as made me realize I should date men who don't have kids. I know that cuts or reduces my dating options but really why kid (pun intended) myself when I know I don't want to deal with the hassle of dating someone with kids. As I wrote before I like most children but I like them to be other people's children and not my partner's world. I also did not feel chemistry and was a little annoyed when the 2nd date he tried to "claim" me. This is something I really don't like whenever I am out dancing is when a guy tries to "claim" me in front of the rest of the dancers. Such as putting their arms around me, or standing so close by in my personal space or trying to force me to dance with them by grabbing my hands etc etc.. Guy #2 was only guilty of coming from behind me and wrapping his arm around me and planting a kiss on my cheek. Ugh I hate being hugged from behind, I always have. And the only reason he kissed my cheek is I moved so he couldn't kiss me on the lips. As a matter of fact I kept excusing myself to take photos or short videos as to kind of separate myself. Again for our second date he left before I did because he had to work the next morning and also was taking his daughter to her orthodontist appointment to possibly get braces. Guy #2 tried to kiss me more than a peck and I moved away and sprinted back to my friends dancing. We were suppose to meet up last Wed but I gave him an excuse about it being the first day of work and all. I didn't see the point in going on a third date with Guy #2. I also had trouble understanding him sometimes, apparently he has a NJ accent? But whenever I asked him to use his phone to type of the words or whatever he didn't would either repeat or skip it. No thank you, I want a guy who at least meets me 1/2 way when it comes to communicating.
As a matter of fact I was starting to feel guilty about both Guy #1 and Guy #2 for leading them one when I am not interested. Not that I ever meant to lead either guys on. Still I was doing the 'fade away' route which is reprehensible and that's not who I am. And I owe it to both of these nice guys, ironically both whities that I only see them as friends. In a perfect world I would have told them in person but by doing so I would be agreeing to another 'date' and I certainly didn't want to meet up with either of them to turn them down face to face. I know even a phone call would be okay to turn them down for future dates but I am Deaf. Using relay to call them would be wrong on so many levels and certainly cold. In the end I decided to send both of them an email stating how much I appreciated the time we spent together and that I wasn't feeling the spark they both deserve when dating someone. It was clear I didn't see a long term future with either of them. But out of both of them, I would very much like to stay friends with Guy #1, he enjoys doing things like the museum and going to the movies. He is an 'activity' person which I dig and he likes the same music I did from back in the 90s, 2000s, and while I think its a little weird how much time he spends alone, I also admire that trait as well. I can do many things by myself but going to events or to the movies no, I want to share that experience with someone else. He does too, he remarked only recently did he start to want to share his life with someone and that even though in his 20s having a relationship wasn't that important, it has become important now in his mid 30s. That's another thing about him, he feels so old compare to me. He still uses a flip phone and checks email at work because he doesn't have internet at home. In his own little weird way he tried to own me too. We would be walking for example at the movies and he would place his hand on my lower back as almost to guide me or steer me in a certain direction. Or if we be walking on the side walk he would try to be on my left side, the side closest to the street but my hearing aid is on my right side so I often have to be the one closest to the street when I am walking with hearing people in general. Guy #1 is typical of most guys in this city, they want to 'protect' the female which if I was hearing would be great.
Guy #3, age 41, lived in NYC for 20 years and I like to refer to him as a cutie but maybe moody guy, we have only been out on one date so far, as I have been in and out of town a lot and he recently moved from Inwood (Manhattan) and not that far from me to Prospect Park area in Brooklyn. I remember during our date him talking about moving soon and how he needed a change as he has lived in Inwood a long time. Turns out he just moved about 2 weeks ago and between work and settling in and me going back to work we haven't had time to meet up. He once texted me at 7:30ish pm last week Wed, asking to me meet up that night. But I was with Blondie at Applebees catching up and sharing notes about our first day back to work and her new job! I am so proud of Blondie for finding and getting this job on her own, yay! Anyways I obviously didn't meet up with Guy #2 and specified when I was free. I even invited him to join me and my friends last week Friday night, sent him the info and he texted me that night asking me if I was out somewhere and I responded I would be within the hour then he texted me the next day apologizing, saying he fell asleep early that night. I didn't take offense either way because I had fun whether he was there or not. Guy #3 was born I think in Brazil or was it Chiles? Moved to the states in his early 20s, I think his family lives in Texas? Not sure, works full time with programming or something like that. To me he seems like a serious guy, he says doesn't really watch TV but if he does its mostly documentaries and I think foreign subtitled films? I remember asking if he liked comedies and he said no. I almost wonder if that's due to cultural differences? After all he grew up in South America. He thought I was funny, often laughed when I made jokes. During our date after we ate we went to a dive bar not far from a club I was heading to later that night. We had a few drinks and talked more. Before we left he used the bathroom and I noticed both a photo booth and a pinball machine. When he came back I asked him if he wanted to play pinball and remarked 'look they have a photobooth' thinking it be great to do. But he declined to play pinball and I wasn't going to push the photo booth, so I played one game and he watched. At the end of the date we hugged and went our separate ways. I appreciated that.
The ironic thing is I saw Guy #1 for our third date where we went to the movies. We walked around Saint Marks to kill time as we had 20 minutes before it began and already bought our movie tickets. Guy #1 spotted a Pac-Man machine and another video machine which contained my old school favorite, Galaga Space Invaders game from the 80s.
The Pac-Man was out of order so we played Space Invaders because Guy #1 spotted them as we were walking at an entrance of some eatery and said "let's play!" Fascinating really how different each guy is. Guy #3 and I have kept in touch via text. I am sure we will go out again sometime later this month when we both have free time. I want to get to know Guy #3 better before I make any decisions about him.
Guy #4 is actually a neighbor, originally from Dominican Republic but I think mostly grew up here in NYC. I always thought he was attractive and I liked how he has a nice smile, very unusual for guys to have a nice smile that comes off as genuine. Well I ran into him on the elevator again and this time I was still on the birthday bender and extremely chatty so we got talking one day and turns out his Mom lives on my floor down the hall from him. We hung out twice and the chemistry is unbelievable. He has two small children a boy I think age 5 and a girl I think age 7 who both live with their mom and he seems them several times a week. He was with his ex and the mother of his children for 12 yrs and it seems he can barely tolerate her now. Guy #4 is lucky though she only lives 10 minutes away so its not hard for him to be with his kids. We have flirted a lot both in person and via text but I am unclear of his intentions. I am looking for a partner, someone to date seriously. I am not sure if he is too or looking for booty call? He is not that good with texts and since I came back from PA, I haven't seen him. He wanted to see me one night but it was last minute and I was on my way out. Then towards the end of last week I texted him asking if he was free at all this weekend to finally meet up? As he texted me he was glad to see I am back. Clearly he checks for my car when he is parking or at home. His apartment and his Mother's apparent faces east and overlooks my street and houses across the street while my apartment faces west and I have a nice view of the Hudson River and Manhattan and NJ. Anyways he replied he was busy this weekend. Okay no problem, I was too but then he texted me out of the blue on Sunday afternoon he texts me "hi" and "what are you doing?" I was a little annoyed because he had told me he was busy this weekend and I figured hey you told me you were busy and already had plans to go way downtown to Houston Hall for one of my nightlife friend's fashion event that was free and early enough so that I could get home not too late. I ignored his texts for two reasons.
Reason #1, sometimes he texts me crap like "hi" and then I will respond back in a brief text hi back and maybe ask a question or I will have answered his question and then there's no further texts. To me this may be a case of 'inflating one's ego' perhaps since he got out of a long term relationship he wants to date or bed as many women as possible and I am just one of several he texts daily. Who doesn't enjoy feeling wanted or desired? But I will not become a man's text buddy simply to stroke his ego as its a waste of MY time
Reason #2 as to why I didn't reply is, if he can't contact me in advance to make plans like the other 3 guys are doing, then why should I give him the time of day? Granted the chemistry is unbelievable but I am not going to be just another notch on his belt of 'conquests' if that's indeed the case? Its hard to know because I haven't seen him in a while and I am not playing text message tag with him. He will either lose interest in me completely and we just be polite when we run into each other. Or he will decide to put more effort into pursuing me but either way the ball is in his court. If it doesn't work out, no biggie as I am using my head and not my hormones, pheromones etc etc..
If I could make a perfect man out of all four guys I would
Use Guy #1 sense of kindness and consideration as well as the ability to enjoy doing various activities with me. Combined with Guy #2 for being a regular good guy who can cut loose and enjoy a beer and good food, with pieces of Guy #3, his intelligence and seriousness, almost brooding appearance with Guy #4 body and chemistry I would have the perfect man! For now though Guy #3 and Guy #4 I will see how things go over the next few weeks.
And I'll start paying better attention to my online profile and respond to guys messages, I kind of stopped for a while because 4 different guys was a lot for me to juggle. I am proud of myself for not falling into old habits or only dating 1 guy at a time or falling for a guy too quickly. I am dating 'like a man.' Funny a few weeks ago I was kind of bragging that I am a player because I was dating so much that guy who runs in similar circles as I do and is dancer as well as a model and recently got casted in the Netflix series Orange is the New Black! Anyways he was hitting on me hard and said "when you going to play me? Like tonight? You can abuse me too" I laughed at the absurdity of what he typed on his phone to me and when I told him I was going back to the dance floor he made me promise not to forget him. Whatever man, I don't bother taking guys at clubs seriously, they just want to get laid 99% of the time. I just think its crazy how much attention I am getting at my age?! And I am also relieved that dating or getting dates is not that hard, I just have to put in the effort and communicate with the guys :)
No comments:
Post a Comment