Where did the summer go???

Argh I cannot believe summer is almost over! Nooooooooooooooooooooooo.................
Its true what they say, the older you get, the quicker time goes by. I mean sometimes I literally get confused what season it is?!

I am not looking forward to the yoke of work and going to school again but I sort of am at the same time. Weird I know but that's me :) In a little over a week from now I will have my 8:30 am class on Anatomy with a human cadaver. I suspect I won't be super hungry on those days. As much as I love my family and I do, my hometown is for those who have families, being single here at times is so boring. I am however grateful for the time with Baba and being with Mom, having meals with David, a beer with Rob and thrift shopping with Nancy. I am so lucky to have such a great family!

And I am happy to report the car repairs for my cute little passat will not be more than $250! Did Baba and I luck out or what?! I was dreading what the mechanic would say? Expecting it to be thousands of dollars but nope its just the flex pipe, whew! Thank you lady luck for cutting us a break, we have been nickle and dimed all summer long. Damn the state of NY for denying me unemployment as an adjunct professor. Not to worry I am appealing it and I know the chances of winning are slim but if we don't fight for changes nothing will improve! These colleges and universities are making a killing by hiring us as contract workers and I don't blame them because it makes sense business-wise. But for the state to deny us unemployment during periods where they don't offer work is crazy!

Pah, highway signs that are actually useful!

This above all, to thine own self be true-Shakespeare

Right now I am trying to decide whether or not I regret joining a well known dating site recently. Part of me feels like I should get back out there and date and part of me just doesn't want to be bothered. I guess I feel like its a competition between me and my ex and who finds love first again but that's just stupid. It doesn't matter who does and certainly not reason enough to start dating before I am ready. Don't get me wrong, I have been talking to lots of different guys all summer long and some of them have been quite a lot of fun to flirt with or get to know but nothing serious from any of them.

Part of the problem I think for me is my age, being 37 and single is not at all what I would've guess I would be if you had asked me that 10 years ago. I really thought (despite all of our problems and there were so many of them!) that my recent ex was the one I would marry or I did up till a few years ago.

Some days I wonder if I am better off never dating anyone again? Perhaps I am just some weirdo who can't get along with men? Perhaps I should just take Baba's advice and give myself a lot of breathing room. Lately though I find any of my relationships with the opposite sex (minus family and good friends) to be tiresome when I should in fact be excited. I guess I am just jaded and still working through my emotional baggage. I just don't feel like trying to wow anyone. I need to get back to the place I was before I met my ex where having a man in my life didn't matter (and still doesn't) but I was happy about it back then. Really I don't know what I want these days but I will be glad when I pass the 1 year mark because time does heal all wounds. Going back to work and school will help too.

I did find a quote back after my 1st breakup that I really liked and I probably already posted it before but what the heck I can post it again, cuz damnit its my blog!

The heart does heal, and you will love like this again-except that when you do, you'll deny ever loving like this before- Unknown

and some new ones I found tonight;

A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it-Unkown

Life has changed not ended, move on and enjoy the rest of your life- former student of mine who I am fond of wrote this

There’s no need to miss someone from your past. There’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future.~ Unknown

It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.– George Washington

While I am not overly sad things ended, I just feel kind of like I am in a limbo between being fully healed and sad it didn't work out.

There's a blood feud brewing...

Most of the time my family gets along but that may all change very soon. I am not looking forward to a possible WWIII so to speak. Life lately just seems a lot harder than need be. A certain someone is not minding their beeswaxs and by doing so, they are actually taking out their issue on a 3rd person instead of directly to me. I have had enough of this passive-agressive bullshit this person has been dishing out in my direction for years now. I wrote this person a rather long email covering all my bases and I really hope they will stop being so petty and GROW UP! If you have a problem with me, you need to an ADULT and speak to me about it. Its immature to complain to a 3rd person who is 85 years old and doesn't need the stress of your complaints! Yeah its obvious I am still pretty ticked!

Splitting atoms in your free time?

Well this guy gives a whole new definition of a scientific hobby. Splitting atoms in his kitchen during his spare time, unbelievable! How dangerous can a person be?! It just blows my mind.

Tomorrow is my last exam for the summer. Its on the lab (primarily anatomy identification with some functions/concepts). I was unmotivated all day then finally around 730 I got on a roll and just finished a little while ago. I MUST wake up earlier enough to finish reviewing the reproductive system! Everyone kind of knows the external/genitals parts but its the internal mechanism that's harder with all its detailed components. My professor blushed when the word coitus came up and a few more times when he quickly rushed through reproduction system lecture. He told us we could read up on it at home knowing most of us have sat through sex education how many times? I am grateful the cardiovascular system was taught before the respiratory system. It made it easier to understand the respiratory system. The urinary system is somewhat interesting, its more about waste product removal and analysis of those substances and what possible conditions or diseases could be a result from those compositions.

I am happy to say that I am now conditioned to absorb these anatomical concepts a lot better these days. Something has changed in the way I grasp the material. I couldn't say what it is but its going to be very useful this fall when I am working as well as going to school. Last spring I wasn't used to or conditioned to this type of learning so it was extremely stressful at times. I feel more confident about my fall classes coming up, an advance anatomy class and a kinesiology class (the study of human and animal movement, performance, and function by applying the [various] sciences...) This should be a really interesting class! I relish learning this stuff.

I have also been working on my grad school application which is due the same day as my birthday. That should bring me some good luck. At first I really wasn't in the mood to write my admission essay (personal goal statement) but somehow it all came pouring out. Baba has been a great editor as usual. I plan to turn it all in tomorrow. That will feel good (because I finished it) but not so good (because now I will be worried, did I get in???)