Its hard to forget the past

And let go of what I thought was my future with Mr. Handsome. I'm still extremely sad to see him gone from my life. But I am willing to move forward by myself because I already cried over him once deeply 20 yrs ago. I just can't fathom going through this again and again. Best to cut him out completely because the heart wants what the heart wants. I do miss him and having him in my life.
I ironically thanks to the first 2 exes have grown a thicker skin for breakups. Yes I'm wallowing some I'm entitled it only happened a few days go. Sure I was like 75-80% prepared mentally that I would return back to the city single once more. But there was still that small amount of hope and I was still technically his girlfriend. So yeah I'm wounded.
And despite my love for him I was not that clueless. His signals the past few weeks were seen & painfully felt. I realize his issues were a large chunk of the problem but there were some that were just him being stubborn and afraid to stray from his comfort zone. For all of his talk on compromise and loyalty I myself rarely saw it in action. I guess this is the 'angry' side of me with that last bit I wrote.
Basically as in death and breakups people go through the similar or all the same stages, denial, anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance. I think I did denial a few weeks up to this, I certainly was depressed. Don't recall being angry much till recently. Did a lot of bargaining by turning to online information on how to make/save this relationship but in actuality did not try to bargain a lot with Mr. Handsome in person. Funny with my first 2 exes I was determined to give it my all, 150%, my dying last breath. But this time I just felt like why bother? He is making the logistics of his reasons for breaking up clear to me and I'm too mature and cute and fun to try so damn hard when I've already given a 100% this far. I really didn't do anything THAT deterimental to our relationship till 3 weeks ago I began to question certain situations that concerned me.
Lastly I cannot say I'm at the acceptance stage yet but I'm not too far off either. I like my life for the most part minus the job/money headaches. I think in terms of acceptance when he offered me the consulation prize of being his friend and I flat out rejected that idea as I was never his 'friend'. 20 yrs ago we dated and now I'm his ex once more. I have to add because this is the petty (angry) side of me that I secretly enjoyed seeing his look of surprise at when he offered me the 2nd time of being his friend saying if I 'changed' my mind at which point I cut hm off and said 'I won't' to him by being demoted to his friend which by the way is such bullshit would signal to him I 'accepted' what was happening here and fuck that I really don't. Either you love me and want to be with me or you don't. But I don't open myself up to anyone like that unless their my SO (significant other).  Its outrageous to me to think after sharing my life and even tho this time it was only 6 months steadily with someone I'm into to think id be ok with being his friend.
Anyways what does it matter now? Its clear he doesn't love me back deeply enough to make me a central part of his life. We had a really good thing going. It hurts but ill live :(
I am however fortunate because I have so many good friends in my life. One sent me this card below. Another one offered to stop by my home at 11 at night just to make sure I'm okay. How lucky am I? Baba was a tremendous rock for me this weekend and so was Mom. I'm glad despite this heartbreak my heart is strong enough to see what's in front of me XO to everyone who is good to me, it matters. My heart is bruised but still beating <3