Sorta miss

Well I know some people in my life won't be
happy when I write this BUT I miss Szymanski.
I had fun, laughed with her. And I could email
her when I was down and type away my
thoughts knowing she send me messages of
goodwill. She's can be fiercely loyal when she's
not mad at you. The problem is when she is
mad at you. It becomes public knowledge on
her blog. This posting makes me the same as
her becuase tonight I wrote an email venting
my thoughts about us not being friends, but
saved in my draft folder. Afterall I've had a
few martinis tonight at the social event and
as I wrote earlier 1 guy in particular upset me.
Btw I have to mention that Frankling came to
town. She paged me this afternoon saying she
was on route to the city. I invited her out to
the social and she showed up! Funny I admit
my 1st impressions of Franklin was not
impressive but then we worked together as
co-chairs for an ASL Club and I got the chance
to know her. Especially when we co sponsored
the ASL festival too. Tmw night we will meet
for dinner.

Now back to Szymanski. You see, I have no brothers or sisters. And
Szymanski
to me (others may disagree), was like a sister
to me, same as Blondie and Knob but different
when it comes to the times I'm upset. When I'm
upset I like that I could email her and write
what I felt and know it would be received
and understood. With Blondie she gets
overwhelmed and Knob. Well all I can say
is I don't want to burden her bc damnit,
after Chanda and Pack's passing and her
former job in the mental health field, I
feel like all id be on her is an emotional
drain. Granted as I write this, I know if she
reads my blog, she'd shake her head no. But id
know. Anyways I used to be able to email
Szymanski anytime and say how I feel but
I can't do that anymore and its hard.

Funny Szymanski is always trying to impress
all these people around her (Ty, Floyd, Jason).
But me, being one of her closets friends since
she moved here, nothing I say or did mattered.
I'd feel very UnderAppreciated, and
taken for granted and lately not just
by her but other people in my life as
well (no one from back home-no worries).

I told Jack last night, I miss writing on my
blog how I truly feel and my life as it
happens. In no way am I trying to dis-
respect anyone or their privacy, that's
why I use my petnames on this blog. But
ironically for Jack I like his name. And
his name always appears in fiction
(books, movies, tv shows...)
but other than my deaf uncle Jack who has
long passed away. He's the only other
real person I know who goes by that nickname.
The same for Dick. I've only known 2
people in my life by that name, Dick.
I had a cousin Dick who we all now
call Robin (his real name). And my
neighbor from across the street from
the house I grew up in, his name is Dick also.
Funny thing about him, when I was little,
he looked only minutes away from death's
door. Seriously this man looked OLD and
only days away from dying that he still
alive today and outlived my Grandfather,
Papa by 16 years (I think he's still
alive???) is AMAZing. Just goes to show you
can never judge a book by its cover.

Ok I think I've run out of steam, the venting
is curtailed for the evening. Tmw is a brand
new day :)

Some men are pigs!

Lately it seems that every where I go, I tend
to upset the "traditional males" who think
women are only there to serve them and
keep the homefront clean. I'm sick of these
pigs who think women aren't worth their
time unless we want to f*ck them. I'm not
gonna put up with that shit anymore.

What's worse is that I'm a strong female
who *gasps* speaks her mind while the
other females (often younger or nicer
than me try to offer excuses as to why
the man act like ass). And when I refuse to
swallow their excuses I'm consider being
troublesome. I hate this!

I hate being a constant threat to guys who
think women want to live in the 1950s,
barefoot and preggars.

Tonight during a social event, I finally had
the nerve to tell 1 particular guy how he
tends to (in the middle of the conversation)
look/engage or talk to others while interacting
with me or other women who don't want to
f*ck him in a DISrespectful way. What did he
respond as? "Well, I can't change how you
JUDGE me... "Blah blah blah and basically try
to twist his behavior towards me as a
personal flaw of mine. Hell NO. What's worse
is later he came up to me with some other
dude (terp) and say "look I'm talking to him,
I'm not trying to f*ck him.." Over and over
again. Whatever, I left right there and then.
Tears welling in my eyes but I emailed my
friend and explained I'm not gonna stay there
to be abused, I get plenty of that elsewhere.

Man I hate MALE PIGs. They all seem to
come from NJ or NYC. What's up with that?!

From afar...

Its feels surreal lately because I have to finish my student teaching but all around me its films, films, films. I am SICK of lesson plans. I've been doing them non-stop for about 3 years now. Im looking forward to mid-june for a 1 month breather from being a teacher.

Saw this video when googling for IMovie Special Effects. I was hoping for examples of plug ins but this was cute using what the standard editing program comes with. I swear he looks just like one of my 8th graders! Poor white boys with short/shaggy brown hair and wired rim glasses. They're all doomed and end up looking like Harry Potter.

Tmw Rusty is coming to observe me. Wish me luck, I hope the last visit goes smoothly. But today the class was ruly cuz Junes right around the corner and the weather was nice.

Lower East Side Festival

This afternoon, before meeting up
with Jade for a MICA Model rehersal,
I went to a LES festival on 10th st,
between 1st & 2nd ave. It was great.
Lots of tables with art work, jewerly,
odds and ends. After a while I started
snapping photos of what was for sale.
I especially got a kick out of the
Barbie Perfume Maker, and Telephone
Set Kits.

The rehersal went well, we ended up
doing the rehersal outside on the
street due to a mixup with scheduling
at the location. They had MICA down
for tmw not today.

Luckily it was beautiful outside. I got
to see Janice, as well as John Collins
the photographer. And meet some of
the new models. I'm looking forward
to continuing for the next 3 saturdays!

Came home with some chinese food takeout
and soon afterwards Jack and his Mom
walked in. We all visited for a few
hours. All in all, it was a wonderful Saturday!

Filming 7th Graders

Lately for my student teaching, my co-teacher Russo and I are doing
student films projects.
Its been an interesting ride to say in the
least. For the 1st time in my life, I've been
filming almost daily. Lately I'm trying to
improve my techniques with angles and not
being afraid to do semi pan shots with ASL
not dead center/middle. I wrestle with how
to get "close up" shots when a person is
signing ASL? I feel somewhat boxed *pun
intended* by the "signing zone."

Today we did a movie that involved Aliens,
(I LOVE sci fi movies so this was a personal
treat for me). It was an all-day shoot too.
It was the only 1 of 8 projects we've been
working on that we asked permission to
simply devote 1 school day to it. We knew
the make-up alone would be time consuming as
well as the set designs.

It was awesome
both me and another girl brought in strobe
lights for the Transformation Chamber
scenes. We covered a Soreson VP Booth
in foil and added white border strips with cool design and balls of
foils attached. I was
most pleased wiith the results as we only
had 8:15am-1:45pm to film this. Keep in mind,
these are 7th graders ;-)

Boo hoo :(

Well todays my last day teaching undergrads and I will miss my students!
They were an awesome bunch.I brought OJ and Dunkin Donuts *yeah yeah,
not diet food but hey, I derserve a break*

My weekend was ok, I was still feeling down about last Wednesday. And
what's worse Jack and I had a bad fight Saturday night. It was just bad
timing, we're fine now. It just seem one thing after another.

Its rainy here, ugh, why oh why does it have to rain today?

My new love affair

is with memory foam mattress topper. I've always had a bad back all my life. From the time I was a toddler, till I was 12 I took gymanstics but then I had to stop. Why? Because it was hurting my back. It arrived Wednesday afternoon. I trekked 8 blocks to the post office and in the process lost 1 of my 4 Mothers Day cards to pick up the package which unknown to me was the mattress topper. Not fun when you're already tired, hot, sweaty, achy lower back to hull back home. But Wednesday 2nd half of the day was crappy any ways, the trip to the Post Office was just an omen of what more would happend (to be discuss later in the posting)

Anyways back to my new love, Memory Foam. If you're over 30 you probably remember the time when attending middle/junior high school when they would conduct Scoliosis Test along with head-lice checks. Personally for me, it was either 7th or 8th grade at the school I where I attended. The teachers would gather up all the students and bring them to the gym room. We would be told to lined up and then bent over forward for the school nurse as she passed your way. She'd run her finger along down our spines, to make sure our back was straight, not crooked. When she got to me, she ran her fingers down my back and then did it again. Growing more concerned as the moments past calling on another nurse to give a 2nd opinion. I knew I was 1 opinion shy of a back brace. But the school nurse confidently told her my back was fine.

The past 2 days have been a real bummer for me. I had an unpleasant experience on Wednesday night that left me unhinged. I've been insomoniac due to it because its really a hurtful experience. I felt ambushed by the situation and tried my best to put on a happy face/attitude but inside I was mortified and humilated. And very disappointed by the person who treated me in this way. I am not naming names or stating what the situation is about but what I am saying is, I haven't been my happy chipper self because of it. And whats more, I was just starting to in the past week or so before Wednesday night feel good about my life and where it was going. That I've met my commitments both as a student and as a professional while earning shit pay or no pay. Jack has been a real doll. When I arrived home from work Wednesday night he knew immediately something was wrong. I didn't want to tell him but he really wanted to make me feel better and he sort of did in his own way but this incident was something Jack can't fixs or offer solutions to me that would settle my feelings. But his hugs and warm face and kind words mean the world to me.

Even 2nite, I am deaf ha ha, I spelled deaf for dead and its usually the other way around er I meant dead tired from the lack of sleep for the past 2 nights. Imagine at 3 30am last night I finally emailed this person directly to let them know how much their approach to me affected me and my spirits. I will see this person Monday, and for now I am trying not to let the incident ruin my weekend. So I am hiding in the bedroom. I demanded Jack not try to make me happy 2nite because I am too tired to be anything than what I am feeling right now plus its been a rainy, pouty looking day.

The good news is now that I was able to express directly to this person to the best of my ability (email last night and once more today in response to their reply and agreement to meet up Monday) that I can put my mind to rest tonight. Tmw is a brand new day and I plan to treat it just so.

Barbie has gone GHETTO

Here's a picture of Blondie trying to play "tough." Along with "Bangin Virgie" Btw, Virgie is one cool woman. I have grown fond of her since she joined my work team at Media Services. I told Eddie she really brightens the office. Her energy for life and people is contagious. Blondie's been teaching her ASL, which is cool to see someone at work signing to me because they want to.

Here's Kimba, who I keep calling a she even though its a he. I somehow always call all dogs and cats shes when they're not mine. Eddie's daughter got the dog shortly around the winter holidays. I will admit the first time or two when I saw Kimba, I thought she was an ugly puppy but that didn't last very long. Either she got cuter, or I got wiser thats she's a great dog! er puppy cuz she's still a baby. I've enjoyed getting to know Kimba. All my life I've loved animals, and would read books like
Island of the Blue Dolphin by Scott O' Dell

The Call of the Wild by Jack London

My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George

Old Yeller by Fred Gipson

Where the Red Ferns Grows by Wilson Rawls

The Incredible Journey by Sheila Burnford

All of these books and more were my world from an early age until I finally left for MSSD back in 1989. I was so lonely that most of the time all I did was read. I spent my free time in the summer reading books that I borrowed from the local library. Baba would drive into Lancaster City for I guess was work related business (this was when I was in back during the summer I entered 7th or 8th grade) I think it was when she worked for Section 8, Housing Authority?

But back to my love of reading, I am not kidding you but I would borrow as many as 20 books at a time, carrying them out in stacks to Baba's car. When I got home. I piled them into smaller stacks around my bed and just READ! Baba told me to always bring a book with me whereever I went. Especially when it was clear I was so unhappy at Manhiem Township Middle School, she said to me "Jenny, you're never alone when you're with a book" [to read] and keep me company. She was right, all the times after lunch when kids went outside to play or have their recess, I was in the library hiding behind books and just trying to be as invisible as I could be back then. Once I went away to MSSD, my level of reading frequency dropped a lot. I was too busy meeting new people, learning a new culture. By my sophmore year, I was already involved in the theatre department and other school activities like the THN ( I think that's what it was called Telegraph Hill News?) writing columns etc etc..So while my love for reading has in no way diminished, my reading frequency has.

Plus as an adult I have a much harder time finding fiction books that are written in a manner that makes me want to read. Some people may find this lame but a lot of the books Oprah has recommended on her show/book club have made their way to my bookcase over the years. Not all but I would say 80% of them. I also read a lot of autobiographies and biographies. I especially love autobiographies written by famous actors/comedians or by people who have REAL problems and how they deal with those problems. I've also enjoyed a lot of self-spiritual stories like The Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman, or there was a great book about one man I think from Indian and his quest to be a Full-time Yogi, very interesting.

Well today I am off completely! And I've been cleaning the living room. I went ahead and whipped out all the cleaning products we own and went to town! Everything, especially the floor looks nice and shinny. Jack was thrilled when he came home from his errands to see the apt looking so good. I plan to work on the bedroom shortly. I figured I would just clean so that way tmw I can grade my students final exam videos and any outstanding hmk they have turned in. I just want the apartment to look just as good as I feel.

My diet is still on. I have been finding my ability to eat large amounts of food is shrinking, this is good because that means my stomach itself is smaller and this will allow me to feel full sooner than before when its all "stretched out." I remember a while back one good advice I read somewhere on the net that while eating carrots and other healthy food, if you're eating a LOT this isn't going to help you lose weight because you're still eating TOO MUCH and your stomach capacity is too big that when you start to slack off, and eat bad food, you'll end up eating a lot at once.

My stomach the past 2 days has been growling a little here and there. Nothing major and it passes quickly. I am not as HUNGRY as I was before and believe me. Before the diet began I was ALWAYS hungry which is why I need I had to get a grip now before it became out of control.
But I am having some stomach trouble and I think its one of the following two things I might be allergic to; MILK or Peanut Butter. If its milk, great, I can buy alternative diary products and take lactaid pills ahead of meal times if needed. But if its my beloved Peanut Butter, ay yi yi, that will be so hard to give up. I've read over and over again for the past few years people who love Peanut Butter can still be allergic.

This means I have to test myself out in a few days (I'm avoiding both as much as I can to get this stomach discomfort done with) and then try 1 week of just dairy only, no peanut butter and 1 week of the opposite and see if I am still getting sick? Exciting I know, will let you know how that goes ;-]

Guns kill people

The NRA (National Rifle Association) always promotes that guns don't kill people, but people kill people. "But I think the gun helps. Going around saying bang bang" isn't going to do much according to Eddie Izzard.

Reasons why I am against civilians owning gun is clear in the article below;

Father Kills Son During Turkey Hunt

And remmy Chenney shot some dude in the face a few years ago.

Really when will we as Americans learn that we don't need guns as they seem to do more harm then good.

Too much free time?

Snapped the pictures on campus this morning, the marshmallow man smelled
YUMMY. Still dieting, some days easier than others.

Thanks King :-]

Here's a pix of my new haircut

I got several emails asking me to take a pix, viola!

Self-Analysis

Wouldn't it be nice if we could just run some self-diagnostic tests like Data did on Star Trek TNG? If the other crew members like Lt. Worf or Geordi noticed Data was "acting" funny which wasn't normal for Data because he didn't have the capability to feel emotions. He'd blink, go 'comatose', and then blink again, snapping out of it to report his findings.

Well today I realize I have a hard time forgiving people. Especially when they are close to me. The more "wronged" I feel, the worse my feelings for that person becomes. I become angry, snapping, being down right hurtful all because I feel sad inside and want to make what's making me sad, just as sad too. (and no I'm not referring to Szymanski)

Hmph! Someone took a picture of me and posted it on the web... But in other news, I am sticking to my diet, thanks to redi whipped cream and or PathMark's imitation of cool whip, with some raspberries makes the diet doable.