Feeling let down

Right now I am mad at my 2 closest friends here in NYC. One of them didn't even take the time to email me and ask me if I was okay after she was told I was robbed. And the other let her own personal hangup get in the way of being there for me last night. I feel really let down by the two of them.

Its been a LONG weekend. I think the robbery happened at the worst time, the beginning of a weekend. Perhaps if I had been robbed on a Monday and then went to work the next day I might've bounced back quicker but instead I fell into a major slump that involved long periods of sleeping.

Saturday I just didn't want to get out of bed. I only did so bc a friend planned to come here for dinner but cancelled. It made me feel like shit, like why did I bother to get up? But Jack was a real trooper and after I showered and did some dishes. He cooked me dinner, the steaks I had brought the night before and alfredo pasta which he insisted he couldn't make without ruining the package mix. He didn't ruin the pasta at all, it was delicious. We watched various episodes of Star Trek series and he eventually moved the cable box into the bedroom so we could be together. It was nice to be able to watch TV in bed with Jack sleeping next to me. I was able to share my feelings with Jack last night. He made a real effort to listen and let me get it all out. He's a guy so I know its hard for them to just listen and he did a great job and was more tender than usual.

Today I again didn't want to wake up. Last night my 2 friends made a big runaround about going to DINGO that was happening today and was the 1 thing I had to look forward to this weekend that I told them to forget it, I didn't feel like going anyways. I have to admit, my spirits was low but I would've benefitted going to get out of my element. So thats another reason why I am angry with them. Not because they didnt want to go to DINGO but they didn't really make it seem important to see me or suggest alternative plans, well 1 did but thats the one that didnt come last night. The other one said I could stop by after I went to DINGO, gee how lucky am I? I can stop by.

So Baba called today to check up on me, but I was just not wanting to wake up. I finally did and called her as well as Mom to let them know I am ok. They both are behind me 100%. I am so looking forward to seeing the family in a few weeks. Ill also be more back to my old self, just more wiser and more aware. Plus it will be Halloween, I am making Jack go to Jason Woods. I just have to not drink any water cuz I might pee my pants! And I am SUCH a scardy cat. I don't think Jack has any IDEA of how much I will be latching onto him every 5 secs something jumps out at me. But knowing him, he won't mind and probably make threatening looks to whoever is trying to scare me. Then we will hit the Greek Bazar. I am hoping David, Nancy and Bobby go on Saturday with Jack and me. Its best to go with family and finally Jack will get to touch the Greek Bazar. He's been hearing about it for the past 2 years, like my Mom says enough, already!

When I talked to Mom tonight she agreed I will feel much more normal when I go to work tomorrow. I need structure, routine BIG time. I need to be distracted and off of this negative energy I am in right now. Its just hard right now because this took place on the very block I live off of. Makes me feel very guarded.

Funny I know things could've been a LOT worse and I am not sure if I am overreacting to my experience or not. I mean I wasn't raped. I wasn't beatened. I was even lucky enough to get 80% of my belongings back. I don't feel scared. I just feel bad.

I also tried to grade my students paper but I have had this slight headache, probably from sleeping too much that I am not getting much done. I feel irresponsible for not doing or getting much accomplished this weekend. Like how come a robbery affects me this way?

I appreciated the comments left to me on my previous post, thank you.

So here's to tomorrow, a brand new day and I am ready for it.