Its KAPUT!

Seems like Szymanski and I cannot put our differences aside and move forward. While it hurts me to see it end I am ready to let go of a damaging relationship. I cannot allow her to transfer her emotional upheaval and project it onto me as if it were my problem and not hers. She has serious issues with anyone who owns a pair of testicles and doesn't comply with her demands. Its getting tiresome. Her trying to play my "savior" from her own imaginary world where if Jack gives her a dirty look when she overstays her welcome equates abuse thereby doesn't mean I am being abuse or that dirty looks equal abuse.

I was contacted by a mutual friend of ours who asked me to let her know she needed to respect his wishes to be left alone. Which of course she would not do this. Instead she would harass him, hound him, and basically drive him to the point he blocked her from IMing him. But is this her fault? Oh no, of course it isn't, its 3 other males faults that have brainwashed this friend and "poisoned their relationship. She is NEVER at fault for any of these mishaps. Ty cut her out of his life and so did Joe Joy and a few others (all GUYS).

Jack what a sweetheart today when I laid down to nap after receiving a particularly hurtful but falsified filled email from her, Jack wrote to her basically stating he never hated her and only had problems with her overstepping her boundaries. This seems to be a running theme of hers, anyways he wrote this generous email on my behalf unknown to me asking her to stop obsessing on things that happened well over a year ago. Then she said she could see me on Sunday if I wanted to see her and I wrote

A lot of my desire to see you depends on your response to Jacks email which i thought was extremely gracious of him to write. He wrote it while I was sleeping because Ive been so upset with our fight all week. I had NOTHING to do with the email but he told me about it and showed me tonight. Wow, it made me love him even more. If you're set on continuing to make him out to be something he's not then no I don't want to see you because it only hurts me. If you're actually willing to let bygones be bygones that would be terrific. I don't think hes expecting a friendship from you but civility I think would be plenty on both ends

This was met with her replying she didn't want to be friends anymore and I recently wrote,

I agree. It doesn't seem like you're willing to move forward. And I cant stay in the past reliving it over and over again anymore. Good luck with your future.

Basically she's angry I won't agree to her views on MY relationship and therefore, I am to be eliminated. And that's that.

I have never met someone who spends so many hours relieving things that happened 1, 5, 10 or even 15 years ago. I have no idea what she gets out of it, other than playing a victim for every new friend she makes and maybe keeps for a few months before they too feel crowded by her and her unreasonable demands on how they interact with her. Then again when you don't work and have all the time in the world, you spend a lot of it thinking I suppose. Me on the other hand I do work and I find it to be therapeutic in helping me get past bad times just like this week going back to work, really helped me get over being robbed as well as Jack's emotional support last weekend.

I will accept part of the blame because I allowed her to think her behavior was acceptable even when I didn't think it was simply to keep the peace. But in the long run I only installed her belief that shes right and the world is wrong. God, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And I can't believe all of this transpired all because I was disappointed she wouldn't put aside her differences with Jack last weekend to be there for me after I was robbed. He was willing to do that for me, why couldn't she? Then instead it turned into this week long email tag of everything I've done wrong in the past 3 years since she moved here and never once did she say she did anything wrong or had anything to do with the friction between her and Jack. It was always Jack, Jack, Jack is the baddie. Part of the reason why Jack didn't jump head in first with the deaf world is because he was appalled by Szymanski's behavior and knew any deaf events he went to, she'd be there and he didn't want to deal with her outlandish behavior or emotional meltdowns which he found to be embarrassing, especially in public places.

I know that Mom, Baba and a few others who are reading this are thinking, Jesus its about time I got my head out of the clouds and learn to protect myself from someone who is emotionally draining and damaging at times. I really thought she would get better, I had hope others could see this wonderful person I saw and loved but instead they saw her clearly for what she is and I was the one who was blind by my own desire to be friends with someone I have known since she was 14 years old. Ive been told time and again, my heart is too big and I allow people who don't deserve my love/respect to have it freely. And it did seem for a while now, since last July we were doing fine, almost back to our old self until a week ago when I asked her to be there for me and then it all went down the drain so quickly. What really gets me is she keeps parroting back whatever her therapist says about me. And two thoughts go through my head. #1, the therapist only knows whatever Szymanski tells her and I know its not the whole truth but a twisted form of the truth. And 2ndly her therapist is leaving and well duh, wouldn't she agree with Szymanski anyways since she is leaving and will not have to pick up the pieces when shes gone? Of course she wont, she'll have relocated to another state and without payments being made (she is being paid after all) I truly wonder if her therapist will give Szymanski a 2nd thought once she's gone? Does Szymanski forget that being paid often makes people more agreeable to her, more friendly such as with the bartender she befriended at one point and then drove him away with a poem she wrote for him that mentioned his cock. Didn't she understand of course he was being nice to her, she was there almost everyday buying milkshakes and leaving tips. This didn't make him her friend, but someone who profited from a person with low-self-esteem.

But anyways I have to let go of any false hope of reconciling with her ever. She has this agenda to take anyone and everyone down regardless if its right or not. I wish I could turn back the clock and never had been robbed, never had invited her over to my apt because I was having trouble being outside, never had given her the credit to put aside her differences because now its cost me a friendship which I fought so hard for despite many people's aversion to it.