This past weekend was pretty easy going, the cold weather made me want to hibernate. Saturday Clyde and I helped King and Joe Joy with their video project. Basically I was a last minute stand in because two other actresses cancelled due to conflicts. So the of us emailed, txt and pleaded for more actors to come but Clyde came and saved the day! My scene basically involved me falling down the stairs. No I didnt actually fall but "fake fall" which still banged me up pretty good and not to mention the cold only made my muscles ache more. It was rewarding to work with King and Joe Joy. They both are so reliable and hard working. And BIG THANKS to Clyde for the last minute stand in as well.
The other major issue came up this weekend is my "deaf identity" and how I felt I was not being seen as a deafie but rather as a HOH/oralist. I felt it was tearing my relationship apart and I care deeply for Clyde. While I don't deny that I do use speech and my hearing aid to help with communication among non-signers, my heart beats to a deaf drummer. My cultural tendencies reflect the deaf community. At the end of the day, I am deaf.
I explained that HOH is part of the deaf community but when I am always speaking and listening, my identity was being ignored and this caused me much distress with my relationship with Clyde. I feel this is a major part of why I got so depressed because it took me many years to be ok with myself and to accept my deafness. That I want to continue this way. But by him not acknowledging I am culturally deaf (he knows I cant hear pathologically) and treating me as such, it makes me feel lousy. Like that part of me isnt good enough and should be hidden. I don't want that. The best analogy I can think of is when a gay child comes out to his parents and then his parents treat him the same as before, as a straight person and ignores any comments related to his gay identity it can eat away at that person.
And I dont expect Clyde to become a champion signer nor go to deaf rallies and become a member of NAD. But to use more visual communication with me, ASL and to honor and respect my culture and how I do things. I don't blame Clyde for this at all, his experiences with the deaf community has been lukewarm and thats putting it midly (pun intended).
First he had to deal with the lack of patience deafies have with new signers. That while they do pay attention it only lasts for a few minutes before some other conversation (other deafies signing) intriques them more that they look away and Clyde feels he is being interrupted. This is an example of deaf/hearing differences. Deaf use their eye gaze to show who has predominance of the topic of conversation. We are constantly interrupting each other when a bunch of deafies get together.
Then there was the "do-gooders" people learning ASL to "help" the deaf community and would badger Clyde about what a great person he is for learning ASL and what an inspiration it is that he is dating a deaf woman *retches* we both don't like that bullshit. He is only learning ASL for me, to communicate with me. Not to earn brownie points. He got tired of meeting non-signers or hearies who proclaim they know the constant struggles deafies face. How it hurts and is a strain for us to listen and speak. That all things hearing are BAD.
Lastly the fact that well meaning friends of mine try to tell him to sign more or correct his signing. He feels that when they make an effort to speak, hes not jumping in there, giving speech lessons, so to ease up on the ASL criticism. He's right because lingusitic research shows that it is more important to grasps the concept at first and then iron out the details later. If you constantly stop a new signer to correct them, all youre doing is upsetting them, causing them to forget what they were trying to say. If at the end of the conversation you want to give feedback to his signing. You should ask first because unwanted advice is a major source of annoyance and only makes him want to run in the other directions when deafies are around. Besides there is no time table for how quickly or slowly a person learns to sign. What counts for me is the effort and practicing the signs on your own time.
On a different note, there's a great link that allows you to make crossword puzzles for your students for free. It seems my ASL II wednesday class that I am to teach may be cancelled, bummer but if so I will just work more hours as a media tech on wednedays.
I have been lazy with finding sounds for my GGG movie :( Part of it is not having internet at home and part of it seems I have lost my new USB disks which sucks cuz they are not cheap!
Earlier today Szymanski stopped by and we spent a few hours catching up. She is still settling into her new apt and I hope things go smoothly for her from now on. After work tonight I will head downtown to see my sweetie who's making me supper. Its nice having someone look out for me and want to take care of me, even if I don't always appreciate it I know how lucky I am.
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