Still a little tart

So things ended for good between
Szymanski and I a few weeks ago. She
cut me off and I said fine. I couldn't stay
a bobble-head for the rest of our lives.
Always nodding/agreeing with whatever
sprouted from her hands. Never ever being
able to treat her like a real friend.

I don't think about her as much as I
thought I would. And I don't miss her
nearly as much as anticipated. But I
do still think of her every now and then.

What sucks the most about all of it is,
even if we did attempt to be civil and kind
it would be so strained hardly worth
trying at all. And like I've declared to
many this year, 2010 the year when I
am no longer known as "the queen of
second chances!"

The newest member of

Mainstream society (but not really) are
the Italians! It seems every group has
it day! I just never saw it coming from
them or guidos, guidettes! And now this
former derogatory terms are becoming
mainstream here. And I'm just taken off
guard because in recent years it was
the Gays and then the Hispanics/Latinos
that took over pop culture. Now its the
Jersey Shore crowd (a MTV reality show
aimed for teens/20 somethings)
causing the ripple affect in pop culture.

So last night I was teaching in NJ and my
students, a large majority are Italians,
it got me wondering how many of them
feel about the show and its affect on
the stereotypes of Italians? According
to the news, most Italian advocacy groups
have their feathers all ruffled! I don't blame
them because what little I've seen, the
tv show New Jersey Shore is yet about
another group of inconsiderate late teens,
20 something year olds only interested in
partying and sex, just like all the rest of
these reality shows. Whether or not Italian, it
seems that's the way of the newer
generations. Not just this group. So I don't
think this show is necessarily making Italians
look bad but youth in general. I am sure
there are some instances from the show
that are rooted in "Guido" behaviors that
are a cause for concern but how damaging
will it be in the long run? So as I looked
around at my students, I wondered how many
watch this show? Somehow, some way I
am going to incorporate this into my
lesson plan and find out their thoughts.
And if I can catch an episode at Baba's
this weekend while visiting, perhaps I
will get a better understanding of what all
the fuss is about?

Funny how former derogatory names have
been reclaimed. For example, within the
Gay community, some will call each other
fags or their women friends fag hags.
In the Black community, some will
call each other Nigger/Nigga or my negro.
But if you are not a member of these
communities you are not allow to use
these terms.
In the Deaf community, the term Deaf is
used with pride and preferred over
the term hearing impaired. But I
haven't seen the Hispanic/Latino
casually throw around spic or the
Jewish community referring to one another
as kikes. So how far will this go, its hard
to predict. And how good or bad is it
on racial/cultural and religious relations
is what the future has yet to reveal....
All I can say is life sure keeps you on
your toes and it seems being PC is
slowly on its way out.

Thank goodness for chocolate

To soothe my inner pms beast!

In other news I got my syllabuses
and most of my course documents ready
for the spring semester, whee! I feel
relax and energize from the winter holiday
vacation compared to 4 weeks ago when I
was frazzled and exhausted. I don't know
how K-12 teachers handle the short breaks
and LONG school year?! I couldn't do it any-
more. I've done it in the past and frankly
it not my cup of tea. I don't want twice the
work (not only teaching but struggling to
engage my students' attention as well!)
Glad I dodge that bullet ;}

*snarls*

*grumbles*
PMS
Enough said

Cold in full force

Grr I was right I was coming down with
a cold. My throat is on fire, my sinuses
drip drip followed by unending swallowings!
My bed is the hottest spot ill be at today
here in NYC.
And these are the days of our lives...
*soap opera music plays*

2010 "The Year of Lazy"

Since ringing in the New Years I've
maintained a steady diet of sleeping
in, watching movies, eating well and
trying not to feel guilty for doing
so. For some reason I sometimes feel
like I am viewed as immature because
I have not followed a traditional path
of marriage and children. Plus I feel
like I have a slight cold coming on
or allergies acting up.

I am fortunate my professions
allows me periods of time off. A week
here, a long weekend there and summer
off too. I can't complain compare to
those who hardly get a 3 day weekend and
work all summer long! Mind you I still
work in the summer as my media tech
job. I can't stand too much time off. I
get depressed when there is a lack of
structure in my life. I enjoy being
productive either as a teacher or as
a tech. I still get a thrill whenever I
look over my paycheck stub or the
paycheck itself. I skim over all my deductions
and secretly wonder on my tax refund.
I enjoy earning money. Always have since
age 12 or so. I had a newspaper route and
babysitting gigs. Then around 14 I moved
onto being a bus girl at a restaurant. At 15
I worked at McDonalds at the register
taking people's orders. By 20 worked
as a line cooked (altho did that years
earlier at St. Joseph Hospital coffee
shop- remember Mom?)...

I have a feeling when my retirement
rolls around in another 30 years or so
I'll still work part time. Even if its only
a few days a week. Actually when you
think about it, I could do part time now
and be happy to do it. I have already
instilled a 4 day work week for myself
for the past few years and enjoy it much
more than the traditional 5 days a week
yoke.

Anyways am enjoying a steady marathon
of Cleopatra 2525 series that my Sweets
brought me for Christmukah gift. I pah
finished my students grades, whee! Had
to leave PA and come back to NYC in
order to do so but that's that.

"Th-th-th-that's all folks!" *imitating Porky Pig*

Wishing you a wonderful 2010!

From my bastard Kitty Tom & his
sidekick Jupiter who is out of this
world! Plus she knows when there
are freshly washed comforters to lie
on top of. You know in case the harsh
winds should try to blow the blankets
away! Jupiter is here to save the day!

New Years Eve

Hard to believe its almost 2010! Time sure did fly by! I was remarking to Jack the other day that when you hit your 30s you really do see how quickly time speeds up. I didn't feel it in my 20s because I hadn't even a decade under my belt being an adult. I wonder will I feel time goes quicker in my 40s than I do now? Or will it always feel this way as an adult?

On a different note, am having a grand time visiting my family as usual. I am so blessed not only with a terrific family and boyfriend but many good friends in my life.

So for the past few days I've been thinking about resolutions and whether or not I plan to make any? Because really, don't we make them all the time as it is? We resolve not to have a 2nd slice of pie or grudgingly clean up messes in our homes. We make ourselves get up early to go to work and face the cold and sometimes rainy mornings. Its our constant general never-ending quest to keep up with the on-going personal self improvements. I don't wait for the end of the year to do these things as it seems to me we're doing them everyday regardless. Or as some like to say irregardless *snickers*

For my new years eve, Jack and I plan to spend it with Baba, David, Bobby and Nancy who unfortunately has to work that night and will not be with us to ring in the new years itself. I totally respect that because it was last minute plans on my behalf and I've worked many holidays and birthdays in my life. The good news is, we will get to hang tmw and hit the thrift stores for search of good bargains. Afterwards we will join the rest for pizza and chocolate cream pie *just 1 slice each...er if my will-power doesn't fail me because damn it, its chocolate cream pie* plus to watch the movie Galaxy Quest. It will be fun. I just didn't feel like going out to a bar or a party. My family is plenty of fun. The next day we will visit Robbie's family and then I will go over to Mom's the rest of New Years day.

I am also glad to be done with my students grades about 90% done. It would've been 100% but dumb me, I grabbed the wrong grade sheets, fudge-a-duck and now Jack and I have to return 2 days earlier for me to tally the grades for the last class by the 4th of January. That's fine too, there's plenty of things left to do around the apt anyways.

Earlier tonight as one of Baba's Hanukkah gifts, we watched Pan's Labrynth. If you haven't seen this movie, kick yourself for me and then go out buy/rent a copy and sit your butt down to watch it! Or make it your 2010 new years resolution!

Jack's 1st

Attempt at cooking a whole chicken.
Not bad right?
And damn it was tasty!

Merry Xmas!

This is how I know

Computers and the internet as well text msgs are ruining people's ability to spell correctly.
For example I came across these spellling mistakes...

Road the subway
To mean, deaf culture..
Overcome their dissability
You use constrative (contrastive) pronouns
Harding of hearing
Deaf word (world)
Authe (author)
Many similaritys
In the beggining
To bikes (to for 2)

And today in an email to Jack from an ebay seller, he wrote I will "refound" your $$. Ha ha, the $$ was lost but now its been re-founded again. I know I know REFUND but im gonna play with Refound for a while :] granted I've had my share of spelling mistakes or substituting words for worlds ;}

In other exciting news, yesterday was my last class of '09! I was so glad to be done.
Still have a mountain high pile of paperwork to sort through but my
mind is on VACATION! Tonight I gotta do it, no more excuses or put-offs!

I am very excited that while this spring ill be teaching nights (exactly what I didn't want) that next fall that won't be the case! That's because as an ADDer, I find my attention span/energy level are higher during the day than at night. Especially if I work at media prior to teaching. See I love working as a media tech bc there's little thinking involved in the tasks and its a physical job where im on my feet going from various classrooms setting up or breaking down technical equipment. In
addition to weekly software updates and teaching faculty members on how to use the
equipment its a very easy job. Meanwhile teaching im on my feet a good 3 hours straight, performing (really its true, teachers are often former actors) because you are the entertainer/informer (teacher) to your audience (students) and it takes a lot out of you! Or it does for me especially if I've
already worked at media prior to teaching which I did last year and didn't like it. This year teaching
in the mornings primarily and then going to work at media services is a better fit for me.
So I was told next school year '10-'11 ill be able to teach mornings again at 1 school. Now if I can get the other school to give me mornings ill be set! Whee!

For the holidays, Jack and I will stay here for xmas. Last Saturday during the snow storm, we
decorated the apt window w/white lights and Santa on a sled. We took a short walk but
Jack was too cold! As you can see by the picture. I was laughing at him the whole
time, just laughing and laughing at his
obvious discomfort (even when he later put a hat and gloves on) and still for my sake
he came out to enjoy the windy snow storm! I don't think I've laugh that hard in so long!
We made hot chocolate and watched the movie "Elf" with Will Ferrell. Fun movie and
got us in the spirit of the holidays! After xmas we will head down to PA for the remainder
of winter break. I wanted to do all the paperwork prior to our visit and to organize the apt to put stuff in storage.

Holiday Shopping

After work last night I headed downtown to
Barnes and Nobles to use a coupon for 25%
off 1 item, w00t! Its so nice to see discounts
and coupon be in vogue! And the thrill of
saving $$$ no matter how small is an
awesome feeling. I have always loved
pinching pennies! Brought my nephews
and Baba's Hanukkah gifts, have 1 more
to buy for Mom. Jack is already taken care
of so only my aunts/uncles to do. At BN
they had a small table for gift wrapping
that was being sponsored by "Kids Corner"
raising $$ for children with cancer so ofc
I had them wrap my gifts and donated $5.
The boys were so cute and fought over who
would wrap what?

Only 1 more day of work next week, whee!
This weekend I must grade final exams for
3 classes out of 4. No way do I want to go to
PA with that hanging over my head. Im gonna
play it smart this year. Last year I spent New
Years grading, ugh!

Not much new, Jack will start school in Jan, Pah!
His spirits have improved tremendously with
doing things to prepare to go back to school.
I am VERY proud of him.

Tmw I will terp for Jewish services and then
Martin and I will attend a xmas Deaf bingo.
Last week at Deaf bingo I won $20 and
another $15 as a door prize! Not bad cuz
I spent $10 on admissions and $10 on raffles
so I gained $15. But I don't mind bc I had so
much fun with Szymanski and the others.

The Biggest Loser

Trainer Jillian is one tough cookie but
I loved what she told one contestant.
"Feel the fear. Move pass it. Do it ANYWAYS!"
Is that inspiring or what?

My new mantra

"A person can't change what he doesn't acknowledge"

Happy Days Are Here Again

Saw the doc and got meds that actually
worked! Feeling so much better. Being
sick is always depressing. The semester
is drawing to a close in only a few more
weeks and then I can have some ME time
for a change.

Baba brought me the best winter boots,
my very own pair of UGGs! They are soooo
comfortable and I can't wait for it to snow
to have an excuse to wear them again!
Plus we picked up some beautiful tops and
dress pants, w00t! I feel very spoiled and
made it clear this was my Hannukah gifts.

Jack got to work on his car too which always
makes him happy. Every little upgrade, tweak
and tinkering leaves him very satisfied. I can
relate, because I feel the same way when I
edit my movies. I realize recently that's why
I've been depressed, I haven't done anything
lately to bring me happiness and that does!
I've already committed myself to bring home
the IMac over xmas break and finish PAWS
once and for all! And then ill only have SDI
part II & III to finish. Thought I post some
quotes below to help me stay on target!

"Filmmaking is a chance to live many lives"
-Robert Altman

"Never treat your audience as customers,
Always as partners."
-Jimmy Stewarts

"The cinema is not a slice of life but a
piece of cake"
-Alfred Hitchcock

"Above all, a director has to be a good captain"
-Charles Heston

"The picture is in your head, in your
imagination, everything"
-Fredrico Fellini

"One of the great things about being a
director as a life choice is that it can
never be mastered. Every story is its
own expedition, with its own set of
challenges"
-Ron Howard

"Movies are art and the spirit of the
movie depends on its creator"
-Lloyd Kaufman

"A good director is not sure of when
he gets to the set what he's going to do?"
-Elia Kazan

"A lot of times you get credit for stuff
in your movies you didn't intend to be there"
-Spike Lee

"Don't be told something is impossible.
There's always a way!"
-Robert Rodriguez

"Editing is the process. The shooting is
pleasant work. The editing makes the
movie, so I spend all my life in editing"
-Gary Marshall
And he's absolutely right, shooting the
film is the fun part, editing is hard
work, time consuming and maddening at times!

Overwhelmed

Lately I have been feeling very overwhelmed with life in general. And I have been chronically sick with UTI/Kidney infections it has left me wondering if I will ever be back to "normal" again. The good news is I am seeing a specialist tmw and maybe that doctor can shed some light onto what's wrong with my plumbing???

And I just feel like what do I have to look forward to? Now that I've completed my masters there is nothing new on my horizon. Nothing to work for, nothing to accomplish other than paying bills and waiting for time to pass. Jack has made it clear to me he doesn't want children and that depresses me too. Not that I want them now or anytime soon or maybe never but to think its definite makes me wonder should I even bother to ever get married? I believe marriage is good if you plan a family but if you aren't having one, is it worth getting married? And besides he knows until the ASL issue is resolved we will never get married. Another area that makes me sigh a million times a day.

Yeah I guess you can tell I am feeling a little sorry for myself these days. I am feeling like a burden to everyone, be it Jack, my family and even feel like I am not doing the best I could be at my jobs. I feel so worn out and so tired. There are tears always nearby, ready to sprout. All of my money goes to bills and I havent even been able to save up for next summer when I am not teaching which I vow I will DO with my next paycheck, is to open a separate checking account and start saving.

I don't think I have been this depressed in quite some time. I am reverting to be anti-social again which is a major sign of depression in me. When I find it a strain to talk that is not good. I have also been reading up a lot on ADD and how it affects relationships. I find a lot of what Ive read to be pretty true in some ways, not in all. Anyways for anyone who is reading this, do not be concern because I am aware of this and will deal with it accordingly. This is how I deal with things. 1st I admit there is something wrong and then I do something about it. That's where I am at now, trying to figure out what to do?

Whew!

Thanksgiving hasn't been cancelled, just
postponed till tmw. See my Aunt Miriam
fell again and SHATTERED her hip bone!
Poor Baba, very worried about her sister
and there was NO way she could enjoy
Thanksgiving till we knew her sister had
survived the surgery, which we just found
out now she did. Thank God, the universe or
whoever/whatever you pray to for her surviving!
Indeed we have much to be thankful for!
Now the next few weeks will still be precarious
because there's a high risk of infection with
the elderly and especially with surgery as
intensive as a hip replacement.
But tmw we eat!

Let it snow!

Rumor has it it will snow on Thanksgiving!
Oh how I hope it does. Sure I realize for
those who have to drive in it, not fun! But
us pedestrians, its a winter wonderland.

Im riding the train to PA to start my
Thanksgiving break and it could not have
come sooner! I am ready for the semester
to be over. Its not that I don't enjoy teaching,
I do but working 3 jobs at 4 locations can
wear out a girl like me.

Had a blast last Saturday at Deaf bingo
with Szymanski. She won $25! Lucky b-itch!
Everyone there thought I was hearing and
an ASL student, hmph! Just because a deafie
chooses to dress nice doesn't make them
hearing. Although even when I dress down I
still get that despite using ASL and making
an effort not to mouth as I sign, I still get
the "you hearing?" greetings. Ah, I just have
to accept my fate, ill never be "deaf enough"
to deafies and "hearing enough" to hearies..

Things that make you go hmm...

Steve Tyler's response to the past few days
of media fueled rumors was
"Joe Perry, you are a man of many
colors. But I, muthaf*cker, am the rainbow!"
I love Aerosmith. Basically the rumor was
that Steven Tyler quit the band. Yeah right.
What makes me even prouder still is Tyler
did it here in NYC. See, we're still the best city on earth!

Had a wonderful time

At the MICA fundraiser! Won a cool LED
flashlight that doesn't require batteries,
just you have to wind it for a minute. Jack
will like it, a new toy! Plus several red bulls
to take home and a free movie "Sideways"
which I have never seen before.
Jade I got to admit inspires me to be more
active in the rights and wrongs of the
world. I am so looking forward to working
with her and the others too sometime this
Jan/Feb. Saw Nutter too (and Baba, he
says hello!) and Alexa is as beautiful
as ever. Found out she moved pretty
close to where I live so perhaps we
will meet up for a game of skipbo
or two? Dani was her cool ass self
and so was Steve. I saw pretty much
everyone who I consider to be on Jade's
team which makes me feel good and
right at home!