Gotta love NYC subways

No one could ever accuse the MTA here in New York that they don't try to
communicate or allow for many PSA style banners in the subway. Warning
you of buying illegal metro cards, being careful not to trip down the
stairs, watch for the gap when boarding the train from the platforms,
crime rewards & their 800 number, etc but I had to snap these earlier
today!

The other 2 photos were of Szymanski's apartment entrance. I joked to
her that the bright sunlight to me is what Kryptonite is to Superman. I
want to shrink away from the "brightness" of the day. I've lost the last
2 pairs of sunglasses. Haven't brought any new ones since because Jack
wants to help me pick out my next pair :)

Lazy Bastard, the Happy Hamster

My roommate has a pet hamster name Lazy Bastard. He's a long hair kind,
reddish brown. And I help take care of him when she's not here. Which is
most of the time considering she's a flight attendance. On my "list to
do" is change the bedding in his cage during my day off tmw. Right now
he's happily running around in his blue ball for exercise. He's such a
nice pet. I've lived with Rabbits and a Ferrett in the past but didn't
enjoy them the same way I enjoy Lazy Bastard. He's a sweetie. I often
buy pre cut veggies like carrots, brocolli and celery for snacks or
sometimes I get nuts and seeds. When I do, I always share my stash with
Lazy Bastard. Tho tonight was the 1st time I gave him a cherry tomato,
they can eat a little but not a lot. I just went to check and he ate
some so I threw the rest out. I don't want to make him sick.

Well the student teaching has been confirmed but not officially started.
Makes me realize its not gonna be an easy year with the pace this school
works at in terms of promptness. Oh well, I will grin and bear it if it
means getting my MA! I'm to begin next Tuesday. We will see.

Last night I said goodbye to the twins for good. I had maxed out with
them. 8 months is a long time to work with the same kids. I can see why
the school year is just long enough. My experience in the education
field does show that 8 to 10 month periods is my limit. Then I need new
challenges (ie new students, or teaching levels) they were so sweet. I
will especially miss the boy. He was the one I would love to call my
own. I hope he and his sister both have good lives. Luckily a friend
will be working with them. So maybe this winter or spring I can visit
them? See see, their foster mom was cool. I think it was hard for her to
see me leave. She's a tough lady but I like her and what she does with
her life impresses me. Makes me strive even more to consider being a
foster parent or adopting in the future. I truly believe in being a part
of the solution rather than the problem.

Hmm what else is new? Miss my folks back home. It is possible I may have
Columbus weekend off next week. If that's the case, Id love to catch a
train down to PA for the weekend. I won't know till Sunday probably.

Its been a good week overall. Flew right by, tmw is already Friday.

Weekend blurrrrrr

Dang
the weekend went by too quickly! Friday night Szymanski and Jane Q came by. Szymanski made killer burgers and this delicious raspberry-orange tiramisu (tear-a-miss-you). We gabbed for hours. Jane Q lights up the room when she enters. She's my first friend who is training to be a terp.

Saturday's class went really well. I tried some new ideas such as when showing a dialogue from the book. I would demonstrate it 2xs for the students. Then I created "situation" cards that would create a similar dialogue as in the book. They really liked it. I plan to modify it for the next class so that they know which information to include in the conversation in itself. Once that was done, Szymanski and I headed over to the local Y (on 14th st) so I could ssp for my db friend Martin. It was a lovely service (considering I missed most of the day and only caught the last hr of it.) Apparently the Rabbi who conducted the sermon lives in VT. He was the Rabbi for the Deaf community up till 12 years ago before he moved to VT. Now he drives to NYC for the High Holidays just for use Deaf NYers. What a nice man! Then we broke the fast at a nearby diner called MoonStruck. I ordered french toast, delicious! We all 3 went to KMart for Martin to pick up a few items for his trip out of town this week. Its hard for DBs to get people to ssp when they need to shop because its very time consuming.

Sunday I spent with Jack. He drove me to his old neighborhood in Queens. I saw the elementary school where he went to. It was nice to see a bit of his past. Then we went to a local pizzeria that he hadn't been to in years. The food was pretty good. We kept it pretty simple yesterday because we both are working 6 days a week now, he's looking for a 2nd job for during the day time as he works evenings from 5 or 6pm to 11pm. Plus neither of us have gotten paid this month, we're both expecting paychecks later this week or early next week. I told him since we're both working so much we should just make Sunday's movie-thon days. Ya know, do laundry, order pizza and just veg out.

I am somewhat concerned for my Mom's friend Judy. She fell recently and really messed up her face. Judy has been a part of my life since I was like 8 years old so she's like an aunt to me. She has Huntington's disease which affects the neuronal cells to degenerate and affects the individuals physical ability such as coordination. And its terminal. I am not ready to lose her yet. I cannot wait to see her in November when I see my Mom.

When I was growing up, Judy and my Mom would sing a Janis Joplin song "Mercedes Benz"

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV ?
Dialing For Dollars is trying to find me.
I wait for delivery each day until three,
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV ?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the town ?
I'm counting on you, Lord, please don?t let me down.
Prove that you love me and buy the next round,
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the town ?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends,
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

Clarification

Malcolm X left the Nation of Islam and then became a Sunni Muslim after
his pilgrimage.

The "Jena 6" Issue

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jena_Six
An old friend from HS sent me an email about the "Jena 6" incident. Read
the link above for more information. This is an on-going issue of
blatant racism and racial tension in Jena, Louisanna is quite disturbing
to me. It makes me glad to live in NYC! I could never live in the deep
South simply because all racist behavior I've ever encountered have
always been while visiting a friend in the South or having a friend from
the South and sometimes from the midWest. Strangely, my New
England/Yankee friends do not exhibit the same openly racist attitudes.
Don't get me wrong, one of my hearing best friends growing up is what I
call an ignorant racist and blame her grandparents largely for
influencing her in that manner. Imagine she part Native American and
part German! How the heck she can toss around 'Spic' like it was nothing
back when we were 21 is beyond me. I'd be driving my car with her riding
with me and we lived in town. She would yell out racist terms to other
people walking along by the road. I would get mad at her and tell her to
shut up! I mean come on! I'm Jewish and she is not a pure WASP! But
she's also a "Christian Warrior" and rountinely follows the "tri-lateral
commission" think of the movie 'Conspiracy Theory'. As you can see she
has so many issues, where does one begin?

Ironically guess what book I started reading the other night? Malcolm
X's Autobiography based on Jack's recommendation. I had seen the movie a
while back. I remember him making a pilgrimage to Mecca in Saudi Arabia.
And how he changed his belief system to Muslim after the radical period
as a "Black Militant" who referred to white people as the "blonde hair,
blue eye devils." Plus I've read several excerpts from the book over the
years whether it was in class or for pleasure. Obviously its the right
read for this kind of mood.

I think I set a new record for myself today, as the most places I've
touched in one work day, which would be *drum roll.....* Manhattan, NJ,
Brooklyn & Queens. All thanks to the mighty wheels of public
transportation! Long live the TRAINs!

Finding my niche

I recently joined Facebook.com, was a
great site! Way better than MySpace.com
any day, I could never get into myspace.com!
I've already reconnected with several old
high school friends like Mama Zee and
John Y! Thank you Szymanski for
recommending it to me.

Today Blondie takes her SCPI (signing
competency profiecency interview) at
Lexington School for the Deaf, make
sure to send her good rocking vibes! Like
me she's not a great test taker, often
will panic.

Been mad crazy with work and getting
the needed paperwork today. I'm mad
at myself cuz I left home without my
bank card which means after I'm done
teaching in NJ, I gotta run back to my
apt and then to Brooklyn for the
fingerprinting. I got the TB test done
with and made copies of the results
last nite for Rusty. He meets with the coordinators at the school I'm to
student
teach at today and I'm hoping to get an
email from him by late afternoon letting
me know what the status is?

Today for my class, we will be reviewing
Unit 1 info for the first test which will
be Monday. I have broken it down to 4 parts
1- ASL linguistic terms like reception skills,
topic/comment structure, etc., etc..
2- Deaf culture, the two major views
(pathological vs cultural), why Hearing
Impaired isn't acceptable, etc etc
3- Reception skills, I will sign vocabs,
or phrases they will have a multiple
choice to choose from
4- Production skills, the students will
be paired up for dialogues and well as
respond to questions I may ask them

They also did pretty good on their
fingerspelling quiz last Monday. One of
my students got a 100%, she seems like
the classic type A personality. She always
emails me, sends me her homework early,
even notified me when and what time our
final exam would be in Decemeber. The
ironic thing is I have 25 students and I
don't know which one is her. Today when
I hand back the quizzes, I look forward to connecting faces with their
names.

I know I keep saying it but I LOVE this
job. I finally found my niche!

I'm awake, I think?

Snapped some photos will at AMC last week, not very exciting I know. The
snap of the tv screen is the view with Whoopi Goldberg. I was in the
same building while the View was being shot, damn why didn't I run into
Whoopi?

"Perfume: The Story of Murder" is the movie Blondie, Szymanski and I
watched last Saturday nite based on Eddie's recommendation (which he
fell asleep about 20 mins into the movie.) While it started off quite
well, the ending was flat. It was filmed (the angles of the shots)
excellent but again the ending really disappointed me. And the movie was
too LONG. My advice, wait for it to come on basic cables, this is not a
netflick que material.

Saturday's 1st class went well. I love my new students, all women and
all very nice. They enjoyed the ASL dice game. I found that technique on
YouTube, just type into the search box "ASL games/activities." There's a
guy from Hawaii who has several posted suggestions. Basically how it (ASL Dice Game)
works is several ways but the students take turns rolling the dice.
Whatever nbr they land on is the nbr of signs they must use. Now
depending on their level of skills you can do the following;

For beginners with limited vocabs, have them sign the exact nbr shown on
the dice

Ex. Dice comes up as 3, the student could sign

(Beginners) "TEACHER, CLASS, LEARN" - 3 separate signs they know

For intermediate have them do sentences
"DRINK WATER (you) WANT?"

For advance have them take turns adding to a story "MAN FELL (down)
STAIRS...." then the next student rolls (for example, gets 5 on the
dice) adds, "HE CRY, WHY HURT BAD" and so on...

Now if the students are being creative with their sentences or making a
story, simply add elements to it. Like I suggested for 1 story on
Saturday to include a NUN & a PUNK, another one had MICHAEL JACKSON and
BARNEY (the purple dinosaur). It made funny stories and the students
laugh. Plus I encouraged them to use topic comment format when doing
sentences.

Btw I have an announcement to make

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MOM! I was a bad daughter the other day and it
slipped my mind with all the jobs and so forth. I have never in years
ever forgotten her bday so I felt bad. Even she wrote to me not to but
still she's my Mom and I love her to pieces. Sorry Mom, the card is
being mailed out today. I owe you lunch later this fall when I come into
town.

Well I'm almost to work, this a.m. I hit the alarm 5 xs then finally got
up. But the good news is, I'm actually getting to bed earlier. By 10pm
now I'm already tired. 10pm feels like 3am to me now and days. Maybe my
body's sleep schedule will actually change? Only time will tell.

How Smart Are YOU?

I'm sure you've seen Jeff Foxworthy's show Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? Someone sent me this quiz, I got a 68%. Means out of 19 questions, I answered 13 right and 6 wrong. (Looks directly into the Camera) I am not smarter than a 5th grader!

I got an email today asking me to return tomorrow to AMC. I guess the deaf story line is to be continued?

Tonight after class, I will get together with Szymanski whom I have not seen much of lately. I'm hoping Blondie will join us for some Chinese food tonight?

(Thanks Mom for sending me this, it made my day!) Now a letter for your pets;

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

"Dear Dogs and Cats (crazy cats video),

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. (although this cat may be an exception to the rule, as the cat uses a bib and fork to eat at the dinner table!)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"nature.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2 Don't ask for money all the time

3. Are easier to train

4. Normally come when called

5. Never ask to drive the car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't want to wear your clothes

10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college. And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Welcome to our Home!"

On the NJ transit

Only minutes away from my stop!

Penn Station early in the morning

Is quite a sight! Seeing all these
people with circles under their eyes,
wearing suits, dressy skirts rushing
off to their desinations. I ofc being
paranoid that I will miss the train
was out of the apt by 6 15am! I don't
want to chance being late and ended
up at Penn Station by 6 45am. I found
a great place for bagel with cream
cheese and lox per Jack's suggestion,
YUMMY and only cost $2.19 which in
NYC standards is CHEAP! My train
doesn't leave till 7 19am.

Still haven't found out if I'm student
teaching but I still need to get my TB
shot done. After I'm back from NJ,
that's the next thing on my "to do list"
for today before hitting Queens tonite
to tutor the twins.

Jack started his new job. He seems very
happy, it is run by Muslim. This ought
to be interesting, I wonder if they have
as many days off as the Jews do for
their holiday. I know they pray 3xs a
day, I must ask Jack if they maintain
that during working hours?

I got this wonderful email from Ronnie
yesterday that was "written" by her
Son, who's a year plus old. It made me
laugh like this part "my favorite thing
to do are be read books and to read
books to others and DaNCE! I'm telling
you I'm hot stuff! No other toddler my
age knows as many dance moves as
I do. Afterall you know my Mom (Ronnie)
and Dad (Doogie Howser MD) met on
the dance floor- it runs in my blood."
So cute, makes me want to have a
baby admist my pms. Hmm, best to
keep that to myself, don't want Jack
running in the opposite directions ;) and
only if I have a baby as cute and sweet
as Ronnie did!

Hmm what else? Lets see this saturday
I start teaching level 4 at the SLC from
12 30 to 3. I'm looking forward to returning
to the SLC, I've been on a break for 4
weeks now from there.

I'm also a little annoyed with aslpro.com..
I set up an acct with them for my
students in my class today so they
could practice their reception skills based
on a list of vocabulary they were taught.
But neither my students nor I can log in
to the site. I've emailed them so I'm
hoping for a speedy reply? Their site is
wonderful so I am bummed to be having
trouble with it after a 1 1/2 years of
excellent services.

My co worker Sam asked me about
my movies. It hit me, I haven't been
able to do any editing lately. I'm gonna
try to work on PAWs this Friday after
I go to Brooklyn for fingerprinting. Can
you believe they charge the teachers
$115 for that! I never heard! My god,
what a scam by the city. According to
Rusty the city just implemented that
last spring 2007. Me think its a bogus
way for the city to gain funds. In MD I
had fingerprints and a background check
yearly and at no cost. For once MD has
one up on NYC!

Oh yeah I wanted to comment on
Britney Spears recent performance the
other night where she's being ripped
to shreds by her weight. Hello, I saw
the photos, she looked TERRIFIC for
someone who had 2 babies. She was tanned, bodacious (sp?) and fabulous.
But her
performace from the online videos
shows she didn't perform well. But
that's no reason for the critics to
trash her for being a beautiful woman.
Britney, I've never listened to your music
as I was too old when you came out. I
found your popularity at times to be
annoying but this past year. With the
media hounds siccing you, I feel sorry
for you. You must be ""K-fed" up! (Pun
intended!) you are beautiful so keep
your chin up!

Lastly yesterday was the 6th
anniversary of 9/11.. I remember it like
it was yesterday but the feeling of
shock and tragedy isn't as intense as
it was the first few years following
9/11.. I remember for weeks after 9/11
happened, if I saw a plane I would get
nervous. Besides working at MSD-Columbia Campus, we were right next to
BWI..
I worried on 9/11 that we would also
have terrorist that left or attacked
BWI. Ironically one of the suicide attackers
stayed in Laurel, MD only a 1/4 of a mile
from where I lived there for 3 years. I
would passed this one small Mosque
everyday and wonder if one of the
terrorist went to service there? I
would wonder if the members of the
Mosque knew anything about these plans.
I know its wrong because there's no
evidence showing otherwise but you
gotta wonder tho. I still feel "Flight 93"
is the best 9/11 movie out there. I
also am angry because people only seem
to remember the victims of the towers
and at the Pentagon. At least the members
of Flight 93 tried their best to get
control of the plane back. While the
world remembers the towers, I choose to remember these heroes.

Not a nice kitty lately!

This is me last night!

When I was in my early 20s, I quit a lot of my jobs. Every single time I quit, I would get my period a day or two after so I am more than aware than PMS is real.

Poor Jack, I am not myself lately, every little thing upsets me to no end. I got very upset last night. I did try to explain I needed to be left alone and that I was tired with Aunt Flo on the way. I become very withdrawn, moody and do not

like to be TOUCHED! He tried to make things better but it backfired on him. I'm hoping he will read up on how PMS affects women. Some more than other and I happen to be one who loses her mind! Bleah!

So for fun I found these items below;

PMS Guide For Men

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!


DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: Could we be overreacting? SAFEST: Here's my paycheck. ULTRA SAFE Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today. SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe! ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4 Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome (totally me!)

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

13. Potential Murder Suspect

AMC Clip

All My Children

While skimming thru Youtube.com I came across the episode that I helped tutor Melissa Egan (the woman who plays Annie on the show) in basic ASL. We went over her lines and the phrases she signed, she learned through me. Its great to see my work on TV! This also includes Bob Hitlermann, a deaf actor from the band Beethovens Nightmare.

Jewapoloza Photos

Jewapoloza was a

Snooze-fest. All commercial related like a credit card application,
trips to Israel, and other money related booths occupied this event.
They even made people buy "moolah" money instead of letting people use
cash. I snapped some photos from the event, but Blondie, Szymanski,
Jack, Eddie and I didn't stay long and decided to go somewhere for
dinner.

We agreed to go to the Jackson Hole (on 85th and Columbus Ave) known for
their huge hamburgers and walked over. Unfortunately, the service was
TERRIBLE. 1st thing the wait staff did wrong was serve me and the girls
water but not to Eddie or Jack! Jack knew right away it was due to
racism, discrimination. Then Eddie asked for water and they returned
with 2 paper cups filled with water instead of real glasses. This ticked
Jack off so much. I asked if he wanted to leave but he decided he didn't
want to cause any problems. But things only got worse. Szymanski's order
wasn't made well, the onion rings overcooked and the bacon undercooked
that it was mostly fat. So she had to fight with the manager to get it
made right. Then I realize that I got a diet pepsi (I hate that stuff,
makes me gag) when I ordered a diet coke. I asked for something else to
drink and the staff basically waved me off like I was a pest. I will
never go to that place again. We were treated like shit because the guys
were not white and we girls were deaf. I plan to write a letter to
Jackson Hole complaining about the poor discriminating service :(

Or find

Rare cool tees like these

Fall Cleaning

Its that time of year when you start packing your summer clothes away
(at least 80% of it) considering its 83 degrees today, I gotta leave a
pair of shorts around for now.

Came across some cool finds from thrift store. Took it with my SK3, so
the pixs are the best in the world. But the point is, with a sharp eye
and a little patience you can snag clothes like these

Aww

Was going through my hotmail when I came across these photos, too cute not to copy and paste here!

1st Day as a Professor

Well

Yesterday, I had 20 students. A wonderful powerpoint presentation (ppt).
Several activities within the ppt related to fingerspelling, vocabulary
and simple phrases...BUTT.... I couldn't access the ppt!

I went over the syllabus, and then I fumbled through somewhat trying to
remember the info from the ppt and conduct it in the right order. This
is only my 2nd time ever working with pure newbies. I have been
fortunate that most of my previous students usually had a year or more
under their belts. I did do the manual alphabet. Basic vocabs and 1 set
of a practice dialogue before I ended the class. I covered briefly what
ASL isn't (Universal, same as SEE/Cued Speech/PSE/Rochestor Method...
etc) and so on with a few other areas. Today I will upload the ppt to
the online Blackboard for my students to review.

After the class ended, I went back to meet up with my supervisor. When
another ASL professor arrived who is also from my program at TC. She was
the part of the 1st class to enroll into the MA program, I came several
years after her so we never met till today. Nice woman, glad to meet
her. VERY Deaf :) I enjoy meeting other people who studied ASL, and
watch their sign choices, facial expressions, mouth morpheme choices and
syntax usages.

This coming Monday's class is gonna be a LOT smoother. The Instructor's
curriculum has been ordered so meanwhile I have the 1st two Units
xeroxed. Now I can do a real lesson plan. It still kills me because I
spent a good 4-5 hrs working on my ppt to wow and dazzle them with my
superior knowledge but ended up instead making them laugh here and
there. They're all pretty young and seem like happy kids. I look forward
to getting to know their personalities and see how they interact with
each other.

I also stopped by KMart after I finished work. I caved in and spent $21
on the twins. I needed supplies in order to teach them! Brought some
cool stickers/temp tattooes, Elmo Memory Card set (the twins loved
this!), this weird foam based clay item (far-out stuff!) I want Jack to
check it out with me later, I'll snap some pixs of what I mean. I also
brought a set of puzzles for their age group, and some arts and craft
stuff, coloring book, a regular book to sign to them. They both did well
last night.

I will be taking a class at TC Thurs nites. Tonights the 1st class.
Kinda weird, haven't been in class for over a year. It should be
interesting.

*rooster cackles*

This is the earliest I've been up in
years! The last time I was awake
before 6am was when I lived in
Maryland and worked for 3 different
moving companies as a professional
packer. Sometimes we would have
to be at the moving job by 6am,
which meant I was up at 5am. One
of the longest days went for 32 hrs
on one moving job Sorry, my ex and
I worked at. I remember about 28 hrs
into the job, we three were struggling
to keep working but damn, it was the
fattest pay I ever earned working
that job.

Oddly tho, it seems easier to me to
wake up while its still dark, vs when
the sun rises in the a.m.. Now the
fall is here, its most likely I'll be
waking up to the dark regularly. Didn't
get to sleep early, tried but my body
said, "huh? you wake up at 5 45am?!?
Never!" but I did. My eyes burn a little
but hopefully the diet coke aka my
cup of java sends some jolts my way.

I did a powerpoint presentation for
my lesson plan for today. I hope it
proves interesting enough for my
students? See see. Soon at 7:18am
I board the NJ transit and arrive at
the school by 8:03am.

Gosh I'm a bit nervous!

Killing time on the 1 train....

Of Szymanski and me!
And here's how long my hair is?
Should I wait for it to be
long enough for "Locks of Love?"
and donate it?

Car not card

Sorry for the typo in recent blog...

Wallflower Syndrome

The domino effect. As soon as I
finished posting, I sent Rusty
an email asking for student
teaching if at all possible? And
he responded most likely yes
thru a local school or possible
paid work in LI, that means id
have to find a card to drive there,
possibly Jack can help me with
that or find the best way to
get there via public transportation.
Thank you Rusty for trying for me.

As for my title, the Wallflower
syndrome. I feel that's a bulk of
my depression sometimes. It seems
to me, whenever I get things off
my chest, the air changes and things
start falling into places. Now if
only I could get Blondie to vent
more! I miss her happiness and her
boldness and "damn what anyone thinks"
attitude! Like me, she yearns to be a
wallflower, somehow like me she
thinks life would be easier. When in
fact is gets harder and harder because
the more you hide, the more you become
like stone. She hardly ever truly smiles
or laughs. But she still a wonderful
best friend to me. I'm lucky to have
her in my life. That's why I wish for her
to find reasons to smile soon! She is
too beautiful and lovely to think she
could ever be a wallflower.

"Your brain is a muscle,

use it or lose it!" As my Uncle Robbie always said.

Sorry for not posting sooner but YES I got the job I applied for last
Wednesday. I start tmw morning and I'm looking forward to it!

Labor day weekend was nice, Jack and I went over to Szymanski's place
for the day and we also hit the nearby park. She made us teriyaki
burgers with bacon delish! Blondie, Knob, Cain and some others came as
well. Knob looked fantastic! Sunday was her last day working FT as an
supervisor, hurrah for Knob!

The other interview I had last Thursday went well too. They won't need
me till the Spring but I should get an email from them sometime in
October. Basically I would teach both ASL and Filmmaking to kids as an
after school program totally what I love and reminds me of the kind of
work I did at MSD.

Other than that, still trying to hammer out the specs of my schedule. As
of now its kinda spotty. I'm not sure whether to talk with Rusty and see
if I can do student teaching during the weekdays from 11am to 3pm daily?
That would meet my 200 hr requirement and I could still work in the a.m.
Mondays and Wednesdays. Plus media Mon, Tues, Thurs afternoon/evenings.
Wed nite with the twins. And teach Saturdays at the SLC. Hmm the
question remains if I have the momentum to go all day from early morning
till evening 4 days straight with a half a day Fri and Sats? I think its
worth a try. I want so badly to finish my MA and I don't think I can
stand another year of waiting to finish the student teaching so I sit
down and do my thesis!

The whole MA issue has made me very depressed. Poor Jack, he's been
trying to remind me to keep my chin up as well as Baba but its been
kinda hard lately with the MA degree dangling over my head. And I'm
worried I won't earn enough to stay in NYC to even finish this MA. I
know I'm usually more positive and hopefully but I just feel bogged down
by this.

I'm hoping since I work tmw and thurs at Media services that it will
lift my spirits. Jack sees how important it is for me to feel
productive. The same for him. We both are generally happier earning a
decent living so we can travel more down the road. Plus I stopped my ADD
meds in July and that's a BIG no no for me. The adderrall keeps me on
schedule and out the door in the a.m.. I'm seeing my doctor later today
for a prescription, and probably an antidepressant too.

I haven't been blogging my feelings lately but I have been so down these
past several weeks and it sucks. Its no one fault, its how my brain
seems to operate. It just gets very sad sometimes and its hard for me to
be happy or even content. The urge to cry sits in the back of my mind
and peeks through when I feel vulunerable. The worse part for me is I
become antisocial and everything takes so much more effort to do and
longer to do it that the "loser mentality" kicks in and takes over. How
I woke up feeling today is how I spent most of my childhood at the
hearing school environment, I felt LOUSY through and through. The urge
to disappear, and not be noticed, paralyzes me at times. No I don't mean
suicidal, I mean the desire not to draw any attention my way in any way
or fashion. I tried to explain to Jack that as a child at Manhiem Twp, I
felt I deserved nothing. That I was not worthy of anything. I spent most
of my childhood and teens years not feeling that I was worthy of every
day things and of what one expects in life. My family never ever made me
feel this way, it was the world that did. I'm envious of other hoh
people I met who didn't have the horrible experience in mainstream (1 vs
all) that I did. They seem so much more at ease with themselves and
their place in the world. When I dropped out of college back in 94, I
did so with the idea that I would never amount to anything and that I
should settle and get a job. Which I did but quickly realized no
education equals shit pay and neither my family nor I could accept that
as my future so then I transferred to Gally and the rest is history.
MSSD helped me embrace myself but it was becoming an adult in which I
learned to love myself and stick up for what I believe in. Besides I
noticed people who are very bright or are readers often seem to be
resilent, either you are or you aren't. I seem to be, just takes me
longer to get there.

Anyways I'm not trying to worry anyone, I just missed venting here.
Jack, my friends, family everyone is great to me so please don't go
looking for a blame. Instead know ill be out later for my doc appt and
then I'm to the library to work on my lesson plans for tmws 1st class as
a Professor! My spirits will be back up again. I'm a chameleon with so
many moods but I don't want to be a "blue" chameleon. Rather be a
colorful one.