felo-de-se

Recently a terrible tragedy has hit close to home. My nephew Bobby's best friend Nigel killed himself on Wednesday night. I woke up yesterday morning to an email from Baba informing me of this horrendous news. Nigel was only 14 years old. My heart is breaking for Bobby and Nigel family. You see, we have a long history between both of our families. My mom was friends with Nigel father, Andy who owns the Record Connections. Often time Mom would go to his store to visit Andy and I would walk through rows and rows of records. He also had a pet rat too. I haven't seen Andy in so many years but if he's reading this, I want you to know how sorry I am for your tremendous loss.

I've been saying it for years, but my home town kids are especially cruel to anyone is even a bit slightly different. I don't know what it is about suburbia hell that induces this Lord of the Flies

mentality among the teenagers. My uncle John, uncle David, aunt Nancy and myself all suffered greatly while going to school there. The kids were relentless on the teasing and humilation. If I hadn't gone to MSSD when I turned 15, my life would have turned out awful, I just know it. I thank my lucky stars I got out of there when I did.

I do not know the details of Nigel's passing but I do know he left a big hole in Bobby's life. I am very worried about Bobby and he has been on my mind non-stop since I found out. Everytime I came to Lancaster to visit the folks, I always asked Bobby about Nigel and had hope I would have a chance to meet him. Now I will never have this chance. I've told Eddie and Virgie about it when I arrived to work yesterday. They said I looked like death warmed over, unusually pale and they knew immediately something was wrong. Even today Eddie has come up to me and inquired how my family is doing. Jack of course feels terrible for Bobby too. We were so happy when a few years ago, they met each other in camp. Bobby spoke so highly of Nigel. The world has suffered a ernomous loss. I was able to use my co-workers cell phone yesterday to call Bobby but no one answered so I left 2 messages. I know there's nothing I can say to him that will take away his pain. They say time heals all wounds but its going to be a long time before he is okay again.

I assume he will not be back in school till after the holidays. I mean it would be tortorous for him to be at the same school where the same kids who drove Nigel to his death are there. And with the holidays being right around the corner, I don't think it would be fair to Bobby to have to deal with all of that now. I wish Nigel had told someone how bad it was, and how bad he must've been feeling. If only he had waited a few more years, it would've gotten better. He had his whole life ahead of him.


Back at MSSD I think it was my senior year when a friend of mine name Heather killed herself. She was a lesbian and I remember the first time I laid eyes on her. It was in art class at MSSD. And I thought she was the cutest boy I ever saw. Blonde hair, blue eyes and a killer smile. It wasn't till later I found out he was a she, and she and I became good friends. We would hang out together and she'd show me her poetry. Once when we were off campus, being teenagers we brought some peppermint schnapps at the corner store next to Gally (its no longer there) and went to Georgetown. After a while, we were sitting on a park bench and she had gotten pretty drunk. She asked me if she could kiss me. I had never been kissed by a boy, yet alone a girl and I replied no. Not in a mean way, I was flattered. Many years later, I wish I had allowed her to kiss me. It would've have done anyone any harm. I was no stranger to the GLBT community so I wasn't at all offended by her wanting to kiss me. But I knew she was pretty drunk and I didn't want her to do something she may regret later on.

Anyways her family couldn't accept her as a Lesbian. One night she went out into her backyard and hung herself from a tree. She attached a piece of paper on her chest that read "No burial, cremation only." She probably wasn't even 21 years old. I always blamed her parents, especially her mother who used her as a child. That's right, her mother published a book of photos using Heather as a model. She hated it and showed me the book once. She was never a girly girl and in all of the photos she's wearing dresses and bows. I still think of Heather from time to time. That's why whenever I meet a teenager who is obviously gay, I give them as much support and understanding as possible because most likely no one else is. And I never want to see what happened to Heather, happen to them.