The camp goes to Ft. Wadsworth!

Here we are, headed to Ft. Wadsworth & being there!

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

Props and preparing for GBSD performance
of this literary classic!
Notice the use of handshapes for the props! Cute right :]

Missing my Jack Rabbit!

Loving Maine, wish Jack could share the
beauty here with me!

Some funny

Left over photos from my last visit to PA!

Some funny

Left over photos from my last visit to PA!

Child free?

Being with Ronnie (who is VERY preggars)
and the baby is due Sept 5th, but she'll be
lucky if she makes it to then. Has me thinking
a lot about whether or not I want children
in the future?

Recently on Saturday, she hosted a small
get together with some other Deafies in
Maine that I knew from before and a few
new faces. All of them were cool chicks!
And all but one have children. Some of the
Mom brought there kids too. Seeing what
Ronnie deals with on a daily basis with
her 3 yr old while being preggars plus how
these women interact with their kids has me
thinking a lot these days, "a baby for me,
yes or no?"

Sure its a romantic notion, the "American
dream." You are born, go to school,
maybe college, meet that special
someone, get married and boom,
have kids! Raise your children, retire
and spend the holidays spoiling your
grandkids, hoping that when you're
really old, you won't die alone....
But is that the ONLY American dream?

I was lucky you see because I have had
role models in my life who didn't have
children, like my Uncle John, Baba's friend
Regina, my deaf aunt Lee, even my great
late aunt for whom I was named after, none
of them had children. So I know there is a
life that can be had without having kids. But
is that the life I want?

I do LOVE kids, I do! My favorite job ever was
working at MSD-CC! And I would still be there
if there was a way for me to be promoted but
there wasn't.

Right now I am in Maine working at GBSD
Deaf literacy camp and I am certainly old
enough to be any of these campers'
mother. I tried to visualize having
children before age 40, knowing I be in my
60s when they're in their 20s depresses
me... Even one of the mothers I met
last Saturday remarked (She has 4
children, the oldest 19, the youngest
2 yrs old) that being pregnant in
her mid 30s was a LOT harder than in her
early 20s! She also admitted if she could
done things differently, she wouldn't have had
children. Or as many as she does now. Of
course she loves her children! No doubt, its
just there is a price to be paid when having
them.

Then I think to myself how Jack and I are
still laying down our roots, he is going to be
a FT student this Fall, and me ill finally be
earning somewhat of a decent living. We've
never have had the luxury to travel much
both here in the states or abroad. We've
discussed our desire to do a cross country
trip! And we both have been struggling
to just move to a nicer apt and not worry
constantly about bills especially in this
economy! In the next few years, this
will all change. Do I then have kid(s)
without ever enjoying our financial
freedom? Children are expensive and
usually not very gracious ;} sure if you
tell them to say "Thank you" they will but
they cannot appreciate the amount of
money they cost, at least not till they're
old enough, adults which is a couple of
decades later if you're lucky.

So the past few days I've been researching
online about couples who don't have kids and
most of what I read indicates they too like me
want their freedom to do as they wish. Its nice
to know that at the end of the day (if I am
working with kids) that I can go home to
find Jack waiting for me, tranquility. I don't have
anyone dependent on me for their everyday
needs such as food/clothing etc etc..and
I like how there is a movement now of
using the term "Child free" rather than
"Childless" which the former indicates
a choice, the latter indicates the woman
is defective and couldn't have kids. Its nice
to see that my views about whether or not
to have kids are quite normal and yes I
can admit I have maternal urges, but that
can be met by having animals in my life,
such as cats and dogs, (personally for me, I
prefer cats). And no I am not confuse and
think they will take place of having kids but
it will allow me to be nurturing which is
something I feel is missing from my life
tremendously! I feel will satisfy that side
of me. I don't intend to mistake my
cat(s) as my children and call myself
"mommy" when im at the vet or no
one else is home....What's even more
ironic is that a cat is about the same size
as a baby. Which I always joke to
people, if I could have a baby stay a baby,
I would. But they grow up!

I do want to say that in a weird way, if I
accidently got pregnant, I would keep
the baby. You see, I feel that if I choose
to have sex (even while using birth
control) and it still happens then it is
fate. Having an abortion at my age
would feel VERY wrong to me. I am not
against abortions but I myself wouldn't
chose that option not this late in the game.
Jack is aware of this and he knows I
would make a wonderful mother if I
ever chose to do so. He is behind me 100%!
And knowing Jack, I don't think he'll give
up sex ;}

So for now Jack and I are like the magnet
on my fridge with a cute kitty cat on it. It
reads, "We had to get rid of the children.
Our cat was allergic to them"

a losing battle

I have called several low income vets and I am unable to get Oliver the help he needs. I am throwing in the towel and it hurts a lot. It just hurts

Oliver, I won't ever forget you

Last Wednesday night on my way home from work, I passed my neighbors apt and saw an orange and white cat. This was the same cat I saw 2 months ago wandering around but he had more meat on his bones. Then 2 weeks ago while walking to the corner store, a bunch of neighborhood kids were gathered around this same cat and informed me as I passed, the cat was homeless. Which I knew so I brought it kitten food because it wasn't fully grown. Plus when I got home I immediately got 2 bowls (left over from chinese/sushi takeouts) and filled it with cat food and nice cold water for the cat to have. Then when I saw him again on Wednesday night, he just wanted some attention and was so skinny it broke my heart. He followed me home and I couldn't bear not to help him in spite of knowing Jack would not react well to the idea of me bringing home a stray cat.

Jack threw a fit, he didnt want the cat here because he didnt want fleas. I told him I would keep the cat in the bathroom, especially once I realized Jack was right the cat had major case of fleas. Again I went to the same corner store and brought more cat food and litter. I spent most of the night trying to find a 24 hour no kill shelter but I wasnt successful as I had hope. In the end that morning we called Animal Care and Control who would send someone out to pick up the cat. I figured it was the best course of action because I didnt have the resources to handle the cat by myself (mainly money). From 830-430 I waited for them to come and finally I had to bid Oliver (which I named the cat after Oliver Twist) goodbye and hope the system would prevail. Jack informed me when they came they explained they would hold Oliver for 3 days to see if anyone claimed him and then if no one did, he would be put up for adoption. I made it clear I wanted to adopt this cat. We had bonded over the night and that poor cat was getting weaker and weaker each hour that passed. 

Yesterday I had planned to see the cat but between the errands and the hard rain, I decided to wait till today to visit Oliver. Jack and I went to 326 east 110th st to get an update on the cat. They (2 very unpleasant woman in the front who made me fear that all the workers there share that attitude) told us the cat was severley dehydrated and had one of the worse case of fleas they had ever seen. I explained I was interested in adopting Oliver but because I would be out of town 1/2 of August I couldnt adopt him till early Sept. Thats when they dropped the bomb on me, Oliver has a mass around his kidneys and they will not do anything about it. Either someone adopts Oliver and gets him to the vet for treatment or they will put Oliver down. Oh my god, my heart was shattered into tiny pieces and I have been crying on and off all day because if I could find the $$$ I would take him to the vet and get him taken care of. I am besides myself with the fact that Oliver must feel as if I had abandon him and I never wanted him to think that I had. I wanted to keep my promises that I had told him gently all that night about what a sweet boy he was and how I wanted to keep him and make him a part of our family. Jack has taken such pity on me and he knows I am feeling so distressed by all of this. I couldnt even call Baba to tell her because I knew I would be crying too hard to be able to talk that I asked Jack to let her know and he did. After we left the shelter I buried my head into Jack's shoulder and just cried and have been doing so on and off since.

Right now I want to go back to the shelter and demand they fix him and I want the money to magically appear so I can have control again. Knowing Oliver is in there all by himself has me going a little nuts. I feel like had I done something sooner like 2 weeks ago or 2 months ago I couldve saved him. Now I feel I have betrayed him. Sure people tell me, you did the right thing because he would've suffered a long painful death. He might've been hurt by someone who was a psychopath. But what I want to know is WHO abandon Oliver? Who could let such a sweet kitten be all alone all this time and not do a damn thing? And I am angry at myself for not doing something sooner.

Oliver I know I can't save you but believe me I would if I could. I am sorry for letting you down. I am sorry I didn't do something sooner and I am sorry I don't have the funds to fix you and take you home. Oliver I am sorry and you are in my heart and soul just like all the cats I have loved before you. And even though we only spent a day's worth of time together I know had the circumstances been different we wouldve been great pals. If anyone out there knows anything about cats having a mass around their kidneys and what the odds of survival are, pls leave me a note in the comment section. I do not want to give up yet. And I am hoping those of you who read this that there might be someone out there be willing to adopt Oliver and give him the care and attention he deserves, just leave me a comment and I will give you the needed info to do so. You will have my everlasting gratitude and Oliver's too.

Birthday freebies

Every week at work, I scout for freebies and samples. My 2 favorite places to look are
mysavings & shop4freebies. Both sites are great and do not require 3 party participation! I love these free samples, they're awesome for packing for trips and trying new products too.

Well since my birthday is right around the corner, I decided to look for birthday freebies and there's a site called freebirthdaytreats. Check it out ;-]

Life is good, Jack and I plan to do some organizing over the weekend. Just to decide what we absolutely cannot live without and what can go into storage. Personally I dont want ANY of my things in storage but *grumbles* I hafta be fair to Jack who goes batty when he feels crowded. Me, I grew up boating on Papa's sailboat so being in tiny/cluttered places do not bother me.

Only 1 more week to go and then I am off to Maine...

Only in NY!

Taken at 23rd st & 5th Ave, only 107 blocks south of where I live :-]

Quest for Fire

Last night Szymanski and I watched Quest For Fire, a 1982 movie that deals with a small group of cavemen who have to go and gather some fire once their tribe is attacked and their fire was stolen. Very well done movie. The best caveman movie ever! Lots of nudity, violence and sex, yay! I liked how the movie was very primate like and the way they had the actors perform was almost funny at times. If you have a hankering to watch something other than that annoying Geico commericial "its so easy a caveman can do it" crap then rent this one. I love how at the end it was the WOman who saved the day!

Bleah its raining again. I hope the sun comes out a little this weekend so I can enjoy Ellie's pool? And tmw night a bunch of us are going to a Mexican restaurant in Brooklyn for Deaf Appreciation Night where deafies can perform and I will be taking photos for the hostess name Mandy, a really sweet terp I met a few weeks ago.

Saturday night at 7pm is Viable's live internet showing of their gameshow "Are You Sure?" Tune it for that!!! I dont think it will be as good as Deaf Idol but I am just thrilled that Deaf Nation is continuing its quest for excellent entertainment for us deAfies!!!

I wee wee for wii

I have been using my wii fit board the past few days and boy am I working out!!! Last night I "jogged" around the wii island for 20 minutes. The really weird thing is everytime I use the wii, it tells me I gained weight. Granted I am using it at night time after working all day so that's probably what it is but its still depressing when I see the weight scale going up. Jack told me to get an accurrate weight reading to do it every morning, so maybe I will start doing that??? Then go to work, then exercise after work.

Life is good, been editing my movie Paws. And just enjoying Jack's company. Yesterday we watched a movie The Day The Earth Stood Still, pretty good but the ending was weak. I plan to watch the original to see which is better?

This Friday I will see a Deaf show at Canteena, I am looking forward to that. Then spending the night at my friend Ellie's for the weekend of swimming, grilling and just chilling.

Caption Action 2

Pls take a moment to check out this link and write to your local government representative about 21st Century Communications & Video Accessibility Act of 2009 (H.R. 3101). Basically this Act is to provide closed captioning for ALL online videos. We Deafies don't want to be left behind!

Many thanks ahead of time!

"money is not...

the most important thing in the world. Love is. Unfortunately I love money!!!"

Argh I am frusturated this month because $$$ is so tight. Its ironic because one would think graduating with an MA would assure me finacial security but that won't start till the Fall when I am working 3 jobs. I am soooo sick of thinking about $$$ and the lack of thereof. I have decided to have $ deducted from my future paychecks so that when next summer rolls around, I don't have to be so stressed about rent, etc etc..

Not much else is new, working the same old same old. Looking forward to going to Maine next month for a week to see Ronnie. I will be working at a Deaf literacy camp, yay! Plus I will attend their DPHH as well so I am hoping for a photo with me and their DPHH host. And at the end of the month, to see my folks back home for a week or more. I will celebrate my birthday with Nancy. I've requested a lemon cake with raspberry frosting which Mom plans to bake me and Nancy wants an ice cream cake. It will be FUN!

Meanwhile back on the ranch... I have been enjoying Jack's company so much lately. We haven't fought once! If things start to get "heated" we simply agree to disagree or change the topic. The time apart has done wonders and has made us both appreciate the other more than ever before. Today he had on this business suit for a job interview he went to, hmm hmph, yummy! He looked so fine! Reminds me of that song I peformed way back at MSSD about a Boy from NYC

Oo ah oo ah oo oo, Kitty (me)
Tell us about the boy From New York City
Oo ah oo ah come on, Kitty Tell us about the boy From New York City

He's kinda tall

He's really fine, yeah, yeah,

Someday I hope to make him mine, all mine yeah, yeah

And he's neat and oh, so sweet,

and the way he looked at me just, Swept me off my feet

Yeah, yeah Oo ee you oughta come and see

How he walks yeah yeah And he talks

Oo ah oo ah oo oos Kitty
Tell us about the boy from NewYork City

Oo ah oo ah come on, Kitty

Tell us about the boy from NewYork City

He's really down and he's no Clown yeah yeah

He has the finest penthouse I've ever seen in town yeah, yeah

And he's cute in his mohair suit

And he keeps his pockets full of Spending loot yeah, yeah

Oo ee, yeah we're all right Yeah, oo oo

Ev'ry time he says he loves me

Chills run down my spine

Ev'ry time he wants to kiss me

He makes me feel so fine.
That's him, Alright he's the boy from NewYork City

We call him Jack!, we're all right.

Oo ah oo ah Kitty,

tell us about the boy from NewYork City

Oo ah oo ah Kitty,

Tell us about the boy from NewYork City

Another Gem from Franklin

Oh No!!!

The 2nd time around

MUCH BETTER!

Everything with Jack just feels better. Having
him back in my life makes me a happier person.
I am realizing how much I do love him and it
feels good.

There was no weirdness or strangeness. It was
as if I had come home myself. When my ex & I
were separated by 2.5 months it was awkward
the 1st few hours when we re-united. But with
Jack I didn't have any of that. I was actually
surprised bc I hadn't seen him in 7 months!
He wasn't. Jack is different but the same. He's
come back a calmer more peaceful person. I am
so loving this! He's on the same page with me
on important details of our lives and that too
has me deliriously happy. We're communicating
and we're just more at ease than ever before.
Its like all the old conflicts are just that, OLD
and swept under the rug. We both aren't
interested in living in the past but rather in
the 'NOW' *Thank you Osho* or make plans
for our future :]

I will say having been apart all these months
sucked! But they served many purposes and in
the long run, we're gonna be what we wanted to
be all along. We just didn't know how back then.
We always had the right ingredients but we didn't
have the measurements all figured out yet ;}

Absents does indeed make this heart of mine
grow fonder.

My Jack Rabbit has returned!

Yay, my man came home today and he
looks GOOD! And by good, I mean HOT!
He lost weight, new clothes, tanned = Hottie!
And the best part of it all, he's MINE!

We probably won't go out much this weekend.
Other than tmw night he'll be at his mothers
and me with friends but the rest of the weekend
I doubt we'll leave the apt vicinity.

When I came home to find him waiting for me
*I had an appt earlier today that I couldn't miss,
otherwise I would've been home waiting for
him* So when I !Pah! saw him with my own
eyes! I threw my arms around him and
buried my face into his neck, happily so.
And I was so overcome that I actually
cried a little. Not sad or happy crying
but more like relief that the separation
is OVER.

Anyways I wanted to take a moment to post
on my blog before I disappear into the WE
mode, rather than the I. And to let the
world to know I am over the moon with
my Sweet's homecoming!

So Jack when you actually get a moment by
yourself (he's in the shower now), and get a
chance to read this,
"Welcome Home!"

The Goose that laid the golden egg....

Well this Goose didn't lay any eggs but she did score a 2nd adjunct position at a different college last week! Yay to good fortunes!!! With this new 3rd job, I will finally be over the "poverty" level. And will actually have money left over from my paychecks, whee!

And my Jack Rabbit returns at the end of the week. 7 months I havent seen him and now I finally will. I have been doing a lot to get the apt ready for his homecoming and wrapping up small gifts I've acquired all these months. We will have a little party to celebrate all the holidays we missed together these past 7 months. I really hope we do better this time around. I feel like the time apart has done us both a lot of good. We've been communicating about our differences and trying to find a middle ground that works for us both.

Right now I am enjoying the light work schedule and the last few days I have the apt completely to myself. I love Jack very much but of course I love having the apt all to myself too. I will have to get used to sharing again, and compromising. But I do so willingly.

I decided not to pursue a PhD, I really didn't want to go back to school AGAIN. And take out more school loans and be the starving student anymore. I feel like thats all Ive been most of my adult life. I never intended to be a "professional student."

I was also told by a close friend of mine that she's preggars and I am thrilled for her. We've been emailing about it a lot. Its so cool to have more friends with children now and days. Makes me want to join the club. BUTT not now, in a few years sure... so future child of mine, if you're reading this, you'll know I've wanted you for a long time.