Worn down

My spirits have not completely bounced back to my usual self for the past few weeks. I received a crushing blow to my ego and its kind of making everything feel a lot harder. I know I shouldn't take this particular rejection personally but I do. I keep foraging forward and normally it would help take the sting out of this thorn in my side but this time it isn't. Ugh am I a Debbie Downer or what? I feel like a complainer and I hate complainers!

Anyways for my 1 night of fun, I went waaaaaay downtown Manhattan for the 85th San Gennaro (Italian Festival) with Blondie and Raccoon Mama.

So here's me and Mama Raccoon waiting in line to get into Ferrara's Bakery & Cafe.
Note the bags under my eyes, just lovely, thank you stress!

We ate at the famous Lombardi's pizzeria which I had eaten there once before about 6 years back with the Pateman. I immediately recognized the place and gushed to the girls how good their pizza is! And it was, sure its pricey and for a person like me who isn't a pizza fanatic, this place is GOOD! But still nothing beats Ledo's Pizza back in MD. Sorry NYers, Ledos is still CHAMP of all.

Since it was raining on and off, the crowd wasn't so packed which we appreciated with Raccoon Mama being almost 32 weeks preggars! For desserts we went to the also famous Ferrara's Bakery and Cafe. Raccoon Mama highly recommended their Hot Chocolate as being the best in the world. And she was right! Sinfully delicious. Reminded me a little of the hot stove top chocolate pudding Baba used to make. When the pudding would cool off enough and you pushed back the skin that formed on top, tasting that still warm chocolate pudding was similar to their Hot Chocolate only theirs is creamier with more milk. Their desserts are pretty good too, nothing that makes me want to run back but still for their hot chocolate, hell yeah!

Yesterday and today I've been buried with studies for my 2 exams this week and grading student homework. I haven't been able to find the time to do my lesson plans or study for the quiz tmw night. So tmw afternoon once I've completed my morning exam, I will take care of a few things and study for the quiz. Then tmw night do my lesson plans. Tues squeeze in time between teaching 3 classes to study for my 2nd exam for Wednesday morning. Man I will be ready for a visit to my hometown next weekend. I need the R&R, even tho I will have to study while I am there. Being around Baba and Mom uplifts me as well as the rest of the family whom I probably won't have time to see while I am there :(

Lastly, here's a of Tom that Raccoon Mama took yesterday late morning. She has a program that can change the style of the photo so while Tom looks reddish in this, he's actually Gray with white along the anterior surface. My Bastard Kitty is the best roommate EVER!

Dissection kit

Yesterday my dissection kit arrived and today I got to use my scapel and forceps on a cadaver. It truly was a neat thing to be able to study the human body like this! Talk about up close and personal. I swear, if I was younger, I would go to medical school and maybe study autopsy. I wish my age wasn't working against me. I really wished I hadn't given up on science like I did when I was younger and allowed it to become a mental block for many years. The appreciation for anatomy was there all along! I just figured my poor science background made it an impossible dream to do anything with mediciene. I just wish I had more time and less debts.

Earlier today I was comparing other OT Master programs in the area and by far, my school is deAfinitely the most hardcore when it comes to their science and training expectations. I appreciate that. I also think I am slowly becoming friends with one physician assistant student who I think is a terrific girl! I met her during my summer A&P II course and I think in the next class I am going to ask her if she would like to study together sometimes or work the labs sometimes? I will say my cadaver crew, there are 5 of us assigned to one body (only the left side, the right side is for a different class) are a nice bunch. I also enjoy this cadaver class because its based on Gross Anatomy (what one can see with the eyes). Nice change of pace from the molecular & cellular level. I do have to worry about the dreaded spinal cord (dura matter etc etc), the plexuses/nerves and a few other areas that I struggled with last semester. I better master it this time around.

I have also decided this semester to seek out study buddies for both of my class as they are so intensive! And 2 off the top of my head (1 from each class) is the girl I mentioned recently and 1 guy from my Monday night's class. Funny cuz they're both so super brainy, but hey so am I! Besides if you want to be the best you have to surround yourself with the best!

On a different note as a Deafie, it is very hard to watch the terps and look at anatomy photos or bodies. Really, by the time the terps finishes spelling a word, they've moved on to the next area of identification. My terps are kick ass that's not the problem its just when one is Deaf, their eyes can only be looking at so many places at the one time! Luckily for me the lab assistant say she would be willing to show me separately and that's a-okay with me. I prefer that so that way I can actually see what's being identified. Let the hearies squirm against one another for a good view, I'll take a different path. I have NO trouble requesting services or informing my professors what I need. For example this semester in both of my courses there are audio based materials. I do not want terps for that, I want the transcript. I want direct translation and I want to be able to review it again and again just like my peers who may chose to listen to the audio files however many times they like.

Also my Monday night class was way cool! I go to practice palpation on the guy who I hope will be my study buddy. Very nice kid, this is our 3rd class together. We had to identify the scapula (lateral border, medial/vertebral border, spine, superior angle, inferior angle, subscapular fossa and acromion which by the way is a little hard to find). I am digging biomechanics! Guess what else? I have to buy some "wife beater" tank tops for this class. As there is a clothing policy and whatever we are studying we must be able touch directly via skin. I will get over my displeasure of wearing these tops because everyone of us has to.

As for my teaching, I feel like I am off to a pretty good start. I am staying ahead of my lesson plans despite having to master a new edition of a curriculum that I was never fond of. And surprisingly my 1 boss speaks highly of me in front of me, so my earlier concerns can be put to rest. Whew!

I was feeling kind of down earlier today but I can't let it stop the momentum. Next course of action is to find study buddies so that I can be on top of my game. I cannot afford mistakes or any grade lower than an A- in both of my classes. Otherwise my chances for grad school acceptance is minimal. Competition is fierce today and I got to beat out I think 80 other applicants. Ugh talk about pressure but its the kind that's only added fuel to this fire!

Failure is not an Option!

I ordered one of those folding shopping carts a while back and its just been sitting there collecting dust. All because I couldn't figure out how to put on the wheels, which included washers, springs and pins among other things. I am not very good with assembling instructions and did a while back make a 1/2 hearted attempt to assemble this cart. Obviously I did not succeed. I was lazy and waiting on Blondie who is a wizard at assembling furniture to do it for me. She helped me attach my new headboard before I went out of town. And she all by herself put 2 sitting chairs together for a dinning set I ordered along with the cart. Well earlier tonight I wanted to put the cart together and I finally did it! Don't get me wrong, I made a few mistakes and went back to fix them such as forgetting the almighty powerful spring component to the front wheel set. Otherwise the small wheel on the right would roam back and forth, not at all stable without the spring. And the satisfaction of it being done feels good! I know some of you reading out there think I am nuts but as a person with ADD and low frusturation threshold, this counts as a small victory to be happy about :]
Now when I go food shopping I can use this to transport food in and out of my car instead of trying to carry it all from my car or even sometimes from the store. Its so close by it feels silly to drive! Plus it gives me an opportunity to cross the 207 bridge. Too bad there's not a walk way on both sides of the bridge. I would love a north view too not only the south.

Mom's key lime pie was a HIT :) I was relieved Blondie liked it because she is not the type who eats a lot of sweets. Luckily this pie is TART, not sickening sweet.

This week will be my 1st full week...I can already see my 1 anatomy class is going to be extremely time consuming, and from skimming over the syllabus for my other anatomy class that starts this coming Monday, I get the feeling these 2 classes are heavy duty. Luckily for me, I am such a nerd now with my Bastard Kitty Tom here with me that I will do it. I am committed to furthering my potential as a human being and to be financially secure for once in my life with a career I feel matters. If I can help any one ever live their life to the fullest, that's something an OT student like myself can be proud of. I just can't imagine not doing this, as its not an option to fail.

Re-adjusting

My Bastard Kitty finally graces my home with his presence and its been glorious to have him here. He has never been far from my heart these past almost 4 years while he was at Mom. Never again will I lose my Tom-Tom. I considered him to be my Dæmon (from a book triology written by Philip Pullman called His Dark Materials). Although humans are physically separate from their dæmons, they are metaphysically connected, and most human-dæmon pairs cannot bear to be distanced by more than several yards. Its true because while we have been separated he appears in my dreams, I literally longed for him. I don't remember which one of these books I read, it was only one that Knob raved about and I gave it a shot. Didn't much care for the book, but the dæmon part has stayed with me to this day. And Tom is it.

Earlier today I took my 1st nap in God knows how long? I seriously haven't taken one in probably over a year or two. And it felt good to wake up and see Tom lying next to my head, sprawled out and fast asleep with me. Even now as I blog he's at the edge of my bed keeping an eye on things as that's his job you know. I won't be so lonely studying this semester as I have been in the past.

Today is literally my last day of freedom in probably the next 11 months. Sure I get off for the holidays but its not the same as summer breaks or vacation that doesn't revolve around a major holiday. As Baba keeps saying this Spring will probably be the hardest yet but for now I just got to worry about getting through another challenging anatomy class and from what I read at Rate My Professor, mine is tough! I will have to learn exactly how to study for this new teacher because with my old one and a favorite (he was so cute and sweet but tough) I knew how to zero in on possible areas. Ugh I am a little freaked out about this 8:30am class 2xs a week for the next 4 months! Anyone who knows me well knows I don't do mornings. What makes those mornings even worse is my class ends at around 11:40am and then I don't have class or teach that night till 6pm at the same campus. Most likely on those 830am days I will go back and forth to home and back to the school and either to study or to nap or to do lesson plans/grades.

So what exciting things do I have on my agenda the next few days here in the Big Apple? I am going to go to the DMV either tmw in between classes or on Thurs before meeting a friend whom I haven't seen in a few years for lunch at Grand Central station. Tmw night after I teach my 1st class its off to Blondie for dinner. She's making pot roast, yum yum I can't hardly wait for a home cooked meal! I am spoiled by Mom's these past few weeks. She even made me sirloin tips which I hadn't had in 20 plus years. As well as my all time favorite that's always a hit, the stove top BBQ chicken over rice. Meanwhile I also made Mom's recipe of a no bake key lime pie which is truly the simplest recipe yet.

1/2 cup of lime juice (preferably KEY lime)
1 can (14 oz) of sweeten condense milk
1 (8oz) of cream cheese
1 graham cracker or oreo crusted pie shell
1 (8oz) of cool whip

Step 1
Let the cream cheese sit on the counter for 1 hour to soften (trust me on this I didn't and it made it harder to blend)

Step 2
then mix the cream cheese, sweetened condensed & milk lime juice with an electric mixer till silky smooth (mine still had tiny bits of cream cheese which I hope won't be noticable?)

Step 3
Pour into the pie shell and let it sit in the fridge for a few hours.

Step 4
Let the cool whip (if still frozen) sit out for a while till soft

Step 5
Layer the whipped cream on top of the pie and stick back in the fridge for a few more hours.

The cool whip helps balance the tartness and thickness of the pie which is as I type this mouth watering DAMN GOOD! Also the pie does not require covering during this time, but once you serve it and have left overs, use foil or pie cover to keep it fresh. Tmw night I will bring this delicious treat to share with Blondie and Eddie! So Mom, thanks again for the great recipe! You see all of us, Baba, Mom and I are the kind of cooks that like recipes that are simple to make. I don't believe in tons of processed food but a healthy balance of some recipes using either few ingredients or some pre-made stuff is the only way I will be motivated to cook at home. I don't mind cooking if it doesn't take me forever to make and extensive cleanup. After all here in the city almost no one in an apartment has a dishwasher, this means EVERYTHING is hand washed. I am proud though since moving to this wonderful apartment, I do cook a lot more than I did at the old one. I admit my ex was right, it was too small to really live in comfortably. Here I actually have a KITCHEN. Not a little walk by area between my front door, the bathroom and the living room.

Last Friday night, I went to the Green Dragon with David, Nancy and Bobby. On the way there we saw a sign at one gas station that read this;

Here's me signing worms in ASL with Uncle David

Here's Nancy and David apparently excited about the possibilities &
don't ask me why David maintains a deadpan Amish if you will face-like expression?

I do miss my family, and I can't wait for some of them to visit. I am even determined that Baba comes for a 2 day visit at least. For once I am living in a nice place and I want her to see my home and see my life here. I am more than willing to drive her to and from PA to NYC and back. She will read this and think I am crazy but I am not and that's that. Its just a matter of when? Perhaps over x-mas? Either way we will order Chinese food and watch fun holiday movies like Christmas Story.

My aunt Nancy and I were also talking some about hers, David and Bobby's visit here and I figure if not this fall for sure this Spring. I want them to come on a weekend when I know Town & Village Synagogue will have ASL terps (thanks to Bram & Marcia and many others!) so they can come and meet my congregation as I consider T&V the place to be! Yes they should come in the spring, the Fall too many American and Jewish High Holidays to contend with. I would love for them to come in Feb when its bleak and cheer me up!

Mom's visit we talked about I think maybe around Thanksgiving? She come here and then we drive back together. Details will be arranged but Mom if that's not doable thats okay too, we can wait till xmas or later if necessary.

And don't forget too, my home is OPEN to all of my friends who ever want to come. Even if I am stuck with exams or whatnots, they will have the keys to come and go and we can always have lunch or dinners together. I owe a bunch of friends my couch to surf on as many have graciously opened their home to me these past 5 years.

Lastly I am THRILLED with my new internet service. No more portable crappy lose-the-signal internet!!! Nope, bye bye, all gone and never to return. I was able to view netflix streaming and hulu shows without choppy, waiting-forever-to load media!!! Whee, w00t, Yay!

Been bitten by the FB bug!

Lately I am just KISS-FIST facebook! Fyi for those who are Deaf culture-impaired KISS-FIST is the sign where you kiss the back of your hand (your hand is a fist) and it means you really dig/enjoy/relish etc etc... Facebook is just a great way to keep in touch with everyone you know and since I am single again, I am rekindling friendships that were neglected and making new or stronger ones with existing ones.

I realize facebook isn't for everyone and at times it can actually be destructive when used to torment or harrass others but in general my experience with facebook has been mostly positive!

Back to saving mode!

Lately I have been re-inspired to start couponing and getting free samples again thanks to Thrifty Deafies website, facebook group and youtube videos! Now I finally understand Wal-mart's coupon policy from this video whee!

Also the following stores offer free samples too (just google the name of the store + free samples)
Wal-mart
K-Mart
Target
Sam's club (sometimes)

Samples are great for when you travel or you run out of something, that little bottle of conditioner can be a lifesaver one morning before dashing off to work!

Where did the summer go???

Argh I cannot believe summer is almost over! Nooooooooooooooooooooooo.................
Its true what they say, the older you get, the quicker time goes by. I mean sometimes I literally get confused what season it is?!

I am not looking forward to the yoke of work and going to school again but I sort of am at the same time. Weird I know but that's me :) In a little over a week from now I will have my 8:30 am class on Anatomy with a human cadaver. I suspect I won't be super hungry on those days. As much as I love my family and I do, my hometown is for those who have families, being single here at times is so boring. I am however grateful for the time with Baba and being with Mom, having meals with David, a beer with Rob and thrift shopping with Nancy. I am so lucky to have such a great family!

And I am happy to report the car repairs for my cute little passat will not be more than $250! Did Baba and I luck out or what?! I was dreading what the mechanic would say? Expecting it to be thousands of dollars but nope its just the flex pipe, whew! Thank you lady luck for cutting us a break, we have been nickle and dimed all summer long. Damn the state of NY for denying me unemployment as an adjunct professor. Not to worry I am appealing it and I know the chances of winning are slim but if we don't fight for changes nothing will improve! These colleges and universities are making a killing by hiring us as contract workers and I don't blame them because it makes sense business-wise. But for the state to deny us unemployment during periods where they don't offer work is crazy!

Pah, highway signs that are actually useful!

This above all, to thine own self be true-Shakespeare

Right now I am trying to decide whether or not I regret joining a well known dating site recently. Part of me feels like I should get back out there and date and part of me just doesn't want to be bothered. I guess I feel like its a competition between me and my ex and who finds love first again but that's just stupid. It doesn't matter who does and certainly not reason enough to start dating before I am ready. Don't get me wrong, I have been talking to lots of different guys all summer long and some of them have been quite a lot of fun to flirt with or get to know but nothing serious from any of them.

Part of the problem I think for me is my age, being 37 and single is not at all what I would've guess I would be if you had asked me that 10 years ago. I really thought (despite all of our problems and there were so many of them!) that my recent ex was the one I would marry or I did up till a few years ago.

Some days I wonder if I am better off never dating anyone again? Perhaps I am just some weirdo who can't get along with men? Perhaps I should just take Baba's advice and give myself a lot of breathing room. Lately though I find any of my relationships with the opposite sex (minus family and good friends) to be tiresome when I should in fact be excited. I guess I am just jaded and still working through my emotional baggage. I just don't feel like trying to wow anyone. I need to get back to the place I was before I met my ex where having a man in my life didn't matter (and still doesn't) but I was happy about it back then. Really I don't know what I want these days but I will be glad when I pass the 1 year mark because time does heal all wounds. Going back to work and school will help too.

I did find a quote back after my 1st breakup that I really liked and I probably already posted it before but what the heck I can post it again, cuz damnit its my blog!

The heart does heal, and you will love like this again-except that when you do, you'll deny ever loving like this before- Unknown

and some new ones I found tonight;

A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it-Unkown

Life has changed not ended, move on and enjoy the rest of your life- former student of mine who I am fond of wrote this

There’s no need to miss someone from your past. There’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future.~ Unknown

It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.– George Washington

While I am not overly sad things ended, I just feel kind of like I am in a limbo between being fully healed and sad it didn't work out.

There's a blood feud brewing...

Most of the time my family gets along but that may all change very soon. I am not looking forward to a possible WWIII so to speak. Life lately just seems a lot harder than need be. A certain someone is not minding their beeswaxs and by doing so, they are actually taking out their issue on a 3rd person instead of directly to me. I have had enough of this passive-agressive bullshit this person has been dishing out in my direction for years now. I wrote this person a rather long email covering all my bases and I really hope they will stop being so petty and GROW UP! If you have a problem with me, you need to an ADULT and speak to me about it. Its immature to complain to a 3rd person who is 85 years old and doesn't need the stress of your complaints! Yeah its obvious I am still pretty ticked!

Splitting atoms in your free time?

Well this guy gives a whole new definition of a scientific hobby. Splitting atoms in his kitchen during his spare time, unbelievable! How dangerous can a person be?! It just blows my mind.

Tomorrow is my last exam for the summer. Its on the lab (primarily anatomy identification with some functions/concepts). I was unmotivated all day then finally around 730 I got on a roll and just finished a little while ago. I MUST wake up earlier enough to finish reviewing the reproductive system! Everyone kind of knows the external/genitals parts but its the internal mechanism that's harder with all its detailed components. My professor blushed when the word coitus came up and a few more times when he quickly rushed through reproduction system lecture. He told us we could read up on it at home knowing most of us have sat through sex education how many times? I am grateful the cardiovascular system was taught before the respiratory system. It made it easier to understand the respiratory system. The urinary system is somewhat interesting, its more about waste product removal and analysis of those substances and what possible conditions or diseases could be a result from those compositions.

I am happy to say that I am now conditioned to absorb these anatomical concepts a lot better these days. Something has changed in the way I grasp the material. I couldn't say what it is but its going to be very useful this fall when I am working as well as going to school. Last spring I wasn't used to or conditioned to this type of learning so it was extremely stressful at times. I feel more confident about my fall classes coming up, an advance anatomy class and a kinesiology class (the study of human and animal movement, performance, and function by applying the [various] sciences...) This should be a really interesting class! I relish learning this stuff.

I have also been working on my grad school application which is due the same day as my birthday. That should bring me some good luck. At first I really wasn't in the mood to write my admission essay (personal goal statement) but somehow it all came pouring out. Baba has been a great editor as usual. I plan to turn it all in tomorrow. That will feel good (because I finished it) but not so good (because now I will be worried, did I get in???)

An elemental movie I recommend

The other day I saw the movie The Last Airbender, it was a good fantasy movie if you ask me. It was based on the 4 elements, AIR, WATER, FIRE & EARTH/ROCK and it had more than one character that the story revolved around. I highly recommend it if you're looking for an escape movie. It wasn't too heavy on the effects and not too skimpy on the story either. The main character Aang reminded me of the empress from the Never Ending, They don't seem to make good fantasy movies like they used to. Remember the Sinbad Voyage movies? They were great! Seems to me Hollywood has forgotten to tell a story sometimes when they get all caught up in the special effects.

Studying same old same! *sticks my tongue out*

Disney-turned-satanic mice

Hurry UP! I cannot wait to be done with summer school. As much as I enjoy learning anatomy and I do, I just want freedom again. The fall will be here before we know it and then back to the grind of work and school. Lordy, I am not looking forward to that! But at least this time around I will have my Bastard Kitty Tom back and no relationship drama/upheavel to contend with.

How am I doing you wonder? Well I was really stressed out about my apartment. Between the ex's things still being here, the fact I never had the chance to finish unpacking and the takeover by a little band of black mice left me overwhelmed. But in the past week that has changed some. I am happy to report the ex finally came by last Monday and packed up about 1/2 his things. I was grateful that he did because the breakup happened right when I moved here and ever since I had been left with the mess. By starting in the living room. it allowed me the chance to sweep up the dirt/grime off the floor everywhere. And it gave me a starting point for a snowball effect and since then I have been working on the apartment little by little everyday. I am determined to have this place pretty much settled before Fall starts. Its a necessity I cannot afford to ignore. An unbalance home for me will have a negative effect on my outside life and how I feel on a day to day basis.

As for the mice situation, I am not embarrass to share this because I did not cause this. But what started off all cutesy and disney-like the 1st month I notice 1 mouse turned into a nightmare weeks later of being seiged by a set of Bronx mice.Those little sh*ts even eat plastic like the freezer door seal/lining, or the rubber bit on my cookware...unbelievable nerves of these mice! And I am tired of people offering me obvious advice such as "be sure to clean up after you eat" or "you just need to borrow someone's cat." Duh my Tom-tom will be back soon enough. "buy some traps." did that but those mice are too savvy and manage to get the food without setting off the traps. Until last weekend Saturday night I think is when the death of one mouse occurred. I came home late Sunday night to a stench ugh. My ex thinks the scent of their fellow mouse has scared off the others because the mice activity in my apartment has seem to lessen. For a while there they were downright brazen, just walking about as if I wasn't here and then suddenly they would stop when I'd see them and wonder? Can she see me? in their tiny little pea shitting brains.
Why yes, You little f*cker I can see you! And proceed to throw whatever handy object I have nearby. Imagine! This one little disney mouse who I felt shared some stupid commune with me for about 4 weeks (the month of June) brought a nightmare the month of July. Yep, this is why I cannot earn my badge as a New Yorker and remained forever branded as an out-of-towner. I am just too animal centric and those that look "cute" get away with a lot from me. I am so glad Tom is coming back. I really missed my cat. Yes he's another "little f*cker* but one I love!

Summer fever!

I am in the throes of summer fever! I just want to be around people all the time! I have reverted to my happy Deafie go lucky self again. Its good to be back. For example I got to hang with a close friend last night who I really lost touch with. We stayed up till 5:15am just talking. It was great, since the friggin heat wave has left me mostly uncomfortable and unable to study. And forget trying to really cook, I have been living on fruit and water. Its the only thing along with protein I have been really eating. Water melon, nectarines, blue berries, strawberries, peaches, mango, bananas, black berries, raspberries and clementines, yum yum! So because its so damn hot out, I decided to drive home at 6am where there was no traffic. And I found a primo parking spot right in front of my building! Is that lucky or what? But starting Monday I gotta put my nose to the books and STUDY. I have 2 exams the following week. I can still play but not like I have these past few days. I feel like snoopy from charlie brown, where you see him jumping up with glee, that's me these days!

When the cat's away

the mice will play. Sort of the theme for me lately. I have been much more social even if its mostly online and through emails. I tested out the VP on my phone and unfortunately I can see others but they can't see me too well. My phone keeps losing the 4G signal. I guess while I am in my hometown this weekend I will stop by the Sprint store and inquire further about that and my battery conservatory. Jesus these smart phones drawn a battery like mosquitoes do to humans! You don't realize it till its too late! But other than these 2 complaints I still LOVE my phone :]

I got some studying done today and a lot yesterday so I really feel like I am getting it, I still struggle with the cardiac output/blood pressure/volumes as well as the conducting system. But whats the hardest by far is the body's regulation of cardiac functions through neural, hormonal and uhhhh there's one more but its 1:15am so I am excused...anyways these 3 mechanisms have a interchange of plays and its hard to really completely get it. I got to say I have a new found respect for people in the medical field. I had no idea how high their standards are and I am more than happy by the challenge of it. Go anatomy!!!

Taking care of business

I was happy that today was for the most part productive, even if I wasn't feeling my best. After running a few errands, I went to Jiffy Lube today. My car is in dire need of an engine fuel filter change but they explained to me at Jiffy Lube they cannot do Audis/VW because they require special tools. Damn German cars for being more expensive all around! But I still love my little car. I feel really bad for this inanimated object its crazy I know but I do. Been like that all my life. I remember being worried when I was really little that a particular stuff animal might be hurt if I didn't place it on by bed by my pillow. I guess I always care about how other people are feeling and even non-living things such as my car. And I guess I am grateful to have a car so its important to get it squared away soon!

So back to the point, Jiffy Lube people were so nice, they referred me to a car shop across the street that unfortunately was closed. Come Monday, I will see how much they charge for that type of work. I really need to get it done and go to my school to take care of financial aid related matters.

I also studied a good 4 hours for my exam today, I am glad its on the cardiovascular system. We have also begun to learn about the respiratory system as well (fascinating) how it all comes together. I really enjoyed learning about the epiglottis and glottis with the hyoid bone in the trachae. This is where people often choke when they try to eat and breathe at the same time. Basically what happens is you inhale bits of food and you end up coughing up a storm! That's the anatomy I recently learned about and we also got to use a spirometer which tests your I think is referred as respiratory volume but don't quote me on that. I know there is stroke volume to measure blood volume of one of the ventricles of the heart per beat. But my respiratory health looks great according to my age and I think it was height or weight I should have a 3000 (x-measurement) and I had 3500 yay! I also finally understand the whole diastole and systole concept. Diastole is when your heart is NOT contracting, in a resting state. While Systole is when your heart chambers contract (pump blood) into another chamber or artery. I still haven't fully mastered the difference during the ventricular diastole and the atria systole about how the ventricles are never fully empitied or something like that...it has to do with cardiac rhythm and blood pressure volumes...see I had to stop studying cuz now I am just confusing myself ;-)

I think the anatomy of the lungs is far more interesting to study than that of the heart. I guess because the heart is truly a pump based on a timing that the atria and the ventricles do not run pararell exactly. But then again ask me about the lungs in a few weeks from now. If there's some complicated chemical reaction involved in that related to action potential, I am not going to be a happy camper then either. I am just glad its not the endocrine system again. Man I got to say that was the most difficult of all to learn in all the areas we covered.

Onwards and upwards! Heave-ho! Heave-ho! Tally-ho!!!

Humpty-dumpty had a great fall

All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty back together again

Right now am feeling very emo (I recently learned that it means emotional) today. My period started last night and my hormones are making me more sensitive than usual, which I really hate!

So its been about 3 months now since the break-up began, probably longer than that but "officially" 3 months now. I miss my ex in some ways, but in many ways I don't because of the constant fighting and stress. Both of us tried our hardest to make things work but like humpty-dumpty it was shattered beyond repair. Its like taking a bunch of rocks and smashing them into a window, and the window is left in shards. Those shards are what I am feeling today.

I am not one of those exes who blame my ex for everything went wrong, I too took part in all of this mess. But sometimes its just better to walk away. It hasn't been easy to study through all of this and because I spend a lot of time alone studying or saving money, I am feeling very despondent today. I know it will pass but its hard adjustment living alone again, peaceful yes but hard.

Going to Maine last week was the best thing to happen to me in a while. To be surrounded by many strong Deaf women at DWU conference was AWESOME! and to spend time with Ronnie and her family and friends, double the fun! I even made some new unforgettable friends too. But having arrived back only 3 days ago, it feels like it was so long ago now. I am just wallowing I suppose?

Tmw I will see my friend Ellie and today I am just going to cut myself some slack and get some rest, try to study for my exam and keep on moving!

A bloody mess

The theme of my week has been quite bloody so to speak. Let's break it down to the WHYs?

1st off, I am ga ga over my new phone (Samsung Epic 4G Andriod Smartphone)- is that a mouth full or what? There are all these crazy and fun apps that I've been torturing my friends with, mainly the photo apps.

For example, I can zombify you using the Zombie Booth


An undead girl like myself wouldn't be complete unless she bit her best friend and zombified her as well!

I can turn you into the wolf when the moon is full by using Wolf My Face, yes its a bit hairy but doable...


If you're in the mood to just fool around I recommend PicSay

For media/commercial purposes, I would use photofunia as I did with my friend Jasmine


So back to this phone, it is AMAZing!!! There are so many bells and whistles, its like have a small computer in your backpocket. I never would've imagine 10 years ago we would have these smart phones! The other day I turned on my old SK3 phone to get some information off of the phone and saw how cumbersome it feels and looks and pales in comparison to my new baby Epic 4G!

I love all these different apps like one for my period tracker, another reason why this blog posting is called a bloody mess, cuz Aunt flo came and made herself at home and there was nothing I could do about it!

Also this week for A&PII lab we studied blood, blood types, blood cells etc etc. At one point, we would doing a lab exercise on identifying blood type and if it was positive or negative? It was a fake blood kit, don't I wish we could've identified our blood type for real. Anyhoo, I accidentally hit the little testing tray and promptly announced I was making a bloody mess which garnered a lot of laugh. So you see, blood doesn't have to be bloody bad but bloody fun!

Hit & Run, no fun!

So yesterday morning as I was headed to work, I found this to greet me....my poor car! Luckily Jack was around to replace the tire with the spare. Still, its not cool this happened or that no one reported it.
it is also not cool that my class last night, the terps never showed up! It was not my usual terps which both are CODAs and real sweethearts. But the coordinator of disability services isn't exactly on top of things and I had to spend 3 hours trying to lip read and follow along. I really like my new teacher and think this class will be great. Just wish I could've catch more than 50% of what was going on. Ive already sent an email to find out why the terps never came. No reply. I better HEAR something by tmw via email. Or I am going to file a complaint.

Today was a lot better, still tired and also today was the last day of teaching till Sept! whee, now all I have to do is grade exams and figure out course grades on Sunday.

Next week I will JUST be a student, wheeeeeee!

FanFuckingTastic!

I am blown away and ashamed to admit it but I PAH watch See What I am Saying. Man this was so well done and I am reeling from how good it was!

I have met and worked with CJ several times. He is a doll and a ball of energy. To me he is the Deaf version of Bill Cosby but he is CJ Jones, one of a kind in many ways. I enjoyed his earlier DVD What Are You Deaf? I watched it with Jack and laughed a lot, but Jack didn't. I guess you have to be Deaf to understand???

And I think many Deafies out there really envy TL. I remember back in MSSD I wrote and helped out with a Deaf band known as Night Hawks. We even peformed at Gally! I remember the drummer Dale was gung ho about drums. I seriously thought he would do that for a living. I wonder what ever happened to him? Many Deafies such as myself ENJOY siNGing and siGNing Songs! We can relate to hearing people the fun of singing, it feels GOOD. Granted we may not sound as good as hearies do but we don't care. TL you rock and as a former metal head (still am inside) I loved your drive!

Beethoven Nightmare is just like all the other hearing bands I've grown up around. My friend Adam (pronounce Ad-Damn!) still rehearses with his band every week. I got to hear them jam last summer. I asked how often do you perform? Its been over 2 years, Ad-Damn explained that he doesn't want to perform until they're ready! I liked that anyone like me who's ever been around a rock band can see Beethoven Nightmare is exactly alike except they're Deaf. I appreciated that aspect.

Lastly Roberto DeMayo while did not get good reviews from me for Deaf Idol a few years ago, is a terrific performer. He makes me want to adopt him. So much fun. I see why now when Blondie explained about the homeless part, I am glad he didn't have to suffer for too long and that he triumphed. As a big supporter of the LGBT community, my heart went out to him when he shared about his mother and her refusal to learn or use ASL. Very heart wrenching. I sincerely hope he has seen better days since the release of this awesome documentary!!!

If you are a bad Deafie like me and haven't seen this film. REDEEM yourselves now and DO IT. I commandth thee to shut up and rent it from netflix or watch it via on demand, you don't need the caption silly, its in ASL. The caption is for the signing impaired ;P