Shive-a-git

My Mom says that term above Shive-a-git, basically a nicer way of saying Give a shit without actually swearing. I am adopting that phrase :-)

My Thanksgiving was wonderful. I always enjoy having it at my Uncle Robs and Maria's house because there's plenty of room and love for everyone. I also appreciate how everyone pitches in with the meal planning. Such as Jack and I made the pumpkin pies (it was his first time! and he did a terrific job) Baba provided the crudities (celerey and carrots); Mom the sweet potatoes, cranberry and an apple pie; Dave & Nancy the awesome corn bread pudding which I can't get enough of and Maria made the turkey, stuffing and gravey! This way the burden of cooking a whole feast doesn't fall on just one person.

After we gobbled down the dinner, I played a game called Bonkers with Maria and her 2 sons Benjamin and Nathan. It was a fun game to play and a delight to play with the 2 boys, especially Nathan who won and was so excited to be the winner! Then Mom and I played 500 rummy, she won. But I will reclaim my honor the next time I come home in a few weeks!

Friday I went to Mom's place and got to visit with my bastard kitty, Tom. He had been a bad boy earlier that day and chewed up Mom's hand and arm pretty good! Mom was not happy and Tom pretty much stayed away from her but by the time we were making dinner, he was all lovey-dovey again. I made spaghetti for everyone, we had invited Nancy, David and Bobby over to watch the Incredible Hulk. I didn't stay throughtout the whole movie, my sinuses were really acting up and I just wanted to be back at Baba's to relaxs.

Yesterday we just hung around watching movies with Baba, making another pumpkin pie because both of us were yenning for it. I got Jack to watch Cube 2:Hyperspace. I love that series. If you like sci-fi, Ray Bradbury, physics then you'll like these movies. Today we went to the place where Jack will store his car while he's away. There was an awesome 1940s car in there as well and made me wish I had a time machine to experience America during the 1940s when my grandparents were teenagers. There's something endearing about back then although probably not for deafies but none-the-less, still attractive.

My sinuses have been bad throughout this visit, I am taking antibiotics but it doesnt seem to alleviate the sinus pressure so I am unable to focus well enough to grade my students papers. Besides today is the last day I get to spend with Jack before he leaves for the next 6 months :( I am going to miss him so much and I keep trying to remain positive but its hard to keep back the tears. I haven't been apart from him in so long that I can't imagine how I will feel tomorrow night when I get home from work to an empty apartment. I just have to stay busy and during my break I will be focusing on my thesis and editing my films. I will have approx 4 weeks off! I am hoping Media will bring me back earlier than when 2nd semester starts so I can make a few bucks, see see?

Funny I have been having a lot of crazy dreams and sometimes Szymanski shows up in my dreams but sadly I am still unhappy with her that even in my dreams I make her either go away or I ignore her till she disappears. I wish she had handled things differently when I got robbed in Oct instead of projecting her issues onto me and when I wouldn't agree to them, she ended our friendship. That's pretty messed up if you ask me and not a real friend. A real friend would've agreed to disagree. Not insist they are right and I am wrong. She never wanted me to treat her as an equal but to excuse her no matter how far she went with things. She wanted me to broaden her "intellectual" horizon and I am like, go back to school and or get a job. But I went to grad school, I work 2 jobs and during my free time I like to have fun. Not have in-depth debates or be expected to her personal psycho-therapist instead of a friend. I long for things to be easier for us both but she won't change and I can't afford to have someone in my life who doesn't respect Jack, we're a package deal. Until she learns to accept that when it comes to couples, you have to respect their partners, you can't expect them to favor her over their uno numeros. Even when she was with Cliff, and I didn't particularly care for him and thought she could've done better, I never went out of my way to bad-mouth him or give her ultimatums about him. I accepted at the time they were together and if she was with him, she had her reasons.

My beef with Simulscribe aka Phone Tag!

Last spring my boyfriend Jack accepted a telecommuting job at Phone Tag formerly know as Simulscribe. For those of you who don't know what telecommuting means, it means a person works from home using technology such as a phone, computer, internet etc etc.. He was reluctant at first to accept this job because he doesn't enjoy working from home. He was told he would have an office within a few months of starting his employment with this company. One of the main reasons he accepted this job was it included benefits, especially health benefits. And the pay seemed pretty good.

The novelty of this new job wore off soon. Jack hated being home all the time. He hated how the company didn't leave him alone during his "off" hours. He was the client service manager. Basically he set up new accounts, assisted with issues on current accounts, or closed accounts as requested. He also bore the brunt of collecting payments from people who didn't want to pay. As time went on he did more and more of this and 9 out of 10 times, he was successful in getting a payment made. I believe during a 2 month period, he only had issued 1 refund, compared to his coworkers who issued refunds on the average of several times a week.

The biggest drawback about Phone tag is they brag about using a computer voice recognition for voice mail left and then transcribed to a txt msg format to be emailed to you. The problem is, it wasn't a computer transcribing the msgs. No it was REAL people from places like Indonesia aka slave workers to listen to the msgs and try in their best way using broken English to translate the voice mail.

Next problem I have with phone tag is they charge a fee for their services while youmail.com does the same service for FREE.

After several months (approx 4 months or so) without warning, the higher ups asked Jack to come in the next day with his cell phone and laptop. He said to me that very night, I got a bad feeling about this, I think they're gonna fire me. I thought it was crazy since he hadn't missed work hardly and every day was working for this company from 8am till as late as 7 or 8 at night! And the fact he hardly ever issued a refund saved this company a LOT of money so I was astonished when the very next day they fired him. The reason was this; someone had made a complaint about him a month ago. Huh? you're kidding me, they waited 4 weeks to fire him based on 1 complaint?! Man if you ask me this place reeks of racism, discrimination and above all else unprofessionalism. Apparently most of the people who worked for Phone Tags have the whole buddy buddy system down pat but Jack wouldn't play the part of a person who enjoys staying home every day, week after week. He would go to meet with the bosses occasionally to inquire about getting an office space and they treated him like an ingrate. WTF, I mean come on, our living room was covered in paperwork, we live in a small 1 bedroom apt and I resented the fact my apt doubled as an office. It made keeping the apt clutter free a nightmare!

The very very worst part of it all was when they fired him for that ridiculous reason, they sent him a letter saying our health insurance would last for 4 more weeks. Jack made his payment and we went to the doctor in June for some tests for me related to a chronic pain I was having in my abdomen area. But do you know what Phone Tag did in reality? They cancelled our health insurance the same day they fired him and my doctor appt was like the day or 2 after he was fired. I am now stuck with 2 different health related bills. One is for approx $900 and the other $200. I was furious and we were lied to by Phone Tag. I couldn't believe they had the nerve to write him a letter which we have at home stating the health ins would continue for 4 more weeks and then they really just cancelled it. I felt it was extremely vindictive and malicious what this company did to us. I am trying to work out a payment plan to pay back both health bills but I resent this company and still contemplate on suing them for these 2 bills.

Lastly this company is starting to fail and I believe the fact that Jack's former position with the company is now being offered only as an internship with lower pay shows this company will do anything to screw a person out of a buck. I regret I ever promoted Phone Tag or James Siminoff. By the way one time Jack had the unfortunate experience of meeting James Siminoff who made derogatory jokes about Gays and Blacks which really ticks me off! How dare you talk about others in such a manner, who are you?! My advice to you if you want a discrimination free company and service that doesn't involve slave labor, then go with youmail and save yourself some money, headache and in my case a hefty bill!

My students rule!

I got a copy of the group photos from DPHH event at the ESPN Zone. The girl next to me, wearing the blue shirt was so bad! She got me several free shots from the bartender. I gave her the sign name Imp/Evil/Mischievous. Now if only I wasn't their professor, I would've enjoyed being their friend on a regular basis.


All of them are my students except for the very last guy on the right, he is a deafie and made the effort to "talk" with my students which was very nice of him.

The decided names

I feel like I have finally settled on 2 names for my turtles. I believe I have 1 male and 1 female. The female, her shell has a distinctive mark and I will call her Morticia from the Aadams Family. But the male will not be known as Gomez. Nope, he will be known as Rygel from Farscape. He is deafinitely the 'scardey cat' one out of the two. He only wants to be out of hiding when no one is around. Morticia she's braver and will timidly hang out in the water where I can watch her but if I move too suddenly or come to close to the tank, she goes MIA too.

I hope when they get older, they're more visible ;-]

Today was a pretty good day. My 1st class tonight was a little hard to control, they're a great group of kids but TOO much talking while the 2nd class, PURR-fect. Let's see what the 2nd semester brings me.

Jealous of North Carolina

Soon NC will have a temporary resident, my Jack Rabbit. Yes you see he will be relocating there for approx 6 months or so to go to school for several certifications. He was unable to get into a program here in the city. Turns out he has family down there, and a favor is being called in so Jack will be leaving after Thanksgiving, the 1st of Dec it seems.

I am dealing with a lot of mixed emotions. On one hand, logically (the vulcan way) is that its for the best for the both of us in the long run. This way he can get the needed training to make a decent living while going back to school next Fall 2009 majoring in pre-law. But on the other hand (the betazoid side of me) is feeling "woe is me." My honey bee will be gone and I am going to miss him so much! I know I can use this time to do my thesis and get the apartment set up so that when he returns next summer, we can move forward. Its just going to be so hard not seeing him everyday, not being able to throw my arms around him and kiss those lips.

I've been spending all my time with him these past few weeks that we're actually getting on each others nerves a little and had a few minor spats this weekend. I think I am more emotional and sensitive because I feel like time is of essence. I feel like a love sick teenager where I want him in the room with me ALL the time but I am sorta driving him insane and myself too. Its weird and Jack tries to remind me to look forward to next summer and all the fun things we will do like camping and taking a vacation some where. I know the tighter I hold on, the more emotional I become and I am so lucky because Jack knows its only because I am mad crazy for him. Some guys would want to push me away but hes willing to hold me and let me know how much he loves me. He's been talking about marriage a lot too and that was one of the fights we had this weekend because I want a nice wedding when the time comes and Jack would be happy to go to a Justice of Peace and start our lives. He tells me it will be up to us to pay for the wedding and I have to be prepared for a small wedding. I am ok with that but it can't be THAT small, small but not tiny. Lavish but not impratical, classy but still fun. I told him finally that I can't think about it till he proposes and I will deal with it when the time comes. And he agreed that the wedding will not be too arid or small. I think he's such a guy guy that he forgets that women like me really place a high value on her wedding day. That its the 1 time you have to splurge because I only intend to marry once. I want to feel special and pampered that day and I want all the people I love and care about there! And he's thinking of how many people we will have to feed and how to be more practical. Ech such a guy!

So while hes gone in NC I have created a small list of things I want to do or goals I want to achieve and here they are;

I want to finish my thesis
I want to fix up the apt and have it all ready and organized so when he returns it feels like a real home and not an ongoing mess!
I want to finish my 2 long films
I want to start researching how I can get married in a manner thats affordable for us and how I can save up for a nice wedding so when he finally pops the question I can defend my "dream" wedding without breaking the piggy bank!
& I want my turtles to be happy!

Right now its late and I've spent the past few days with a bad head cold that seems to be finally out of my system.

[Update: I meant my 87-year old aunt. Its her husband who's 90 something. And I think I hold a special fondness for her because the family says I look the most like her and she is an eccentric person, sort of like me]
Lastly I want to share that my 90 something year old Aunt Miriam fell on Friday and broke her hip and that I feel so bad for her. And for my grandmother, Baba who's worried for her as well. I don't pray but I do send her my love and support from the Big Apple to the easy-going state of California!

Shaving my head!

Whenever I get sick I always have these crazy dreams. Last night I dreamt I was back in my old house on Brookfield rd (hence the name of my blog). I dreamt I got into a fight with Jack so in retaliation I decided to take an electric shaver and shave my head. I started right in the middle of my hair so there would be no turning back. I remember he walked in as I was doing it, I was in the bathroom, the one in the basement with the toilet that never worked looking in the mirror as I did it. It felt so liberating! I was worried Baba would be mad at me because during my time at Gally every year there's an event called 'bald freshmen day' where all freshmens shave their heads. I knew she would be offended if I ever did it, where I would end up looking like a neo-nazi. As well as all the victims of the holocaust and being a Jew you just don't do that.

So it was twilight outside in the yard and I remember looking at the rows of tomatoes that my grandfather, Papa had planted and we were having a gathering of some sort. Nancy and David arrived and Nancy exclaims I LOVE your hair! I had left a long piece of hair in the front and I don't know why. I kept wondering if Jack would still think I was pretty and so I walked over to him and he replied he HATED it! That I looked UGLY. But then Baba came over, by now I am in her bedroom at the old house and she tells me I look beautiful and isn't mad at me for shaving off my hair. I begin to wonder if my head is nicely round or did I have a weird shaped head? But I am quickly reassured I have a perfect round head and that others would kill for my head.

Soon after that it becomes clear that its the weekend and there's a large family reunion that my intermediate family didn't inform me of. For some reason they are not interested but I am. I met Ashton Kutcher who apparently is my cousin in my dream. He doesn't really want to talk to me, even tho I make the effort to talk to him saying he knows my friend Ty from a movie they did together. It turns out that Ty is his cousin which I remark is really cool. Then he walks off, not even saying goodbye to me. My extended family is huge, we're all in a restaurant and I meet a female cousin who's a little younger than me and lives in Pittsburgh and we decided to go out and about. Suddenly I am back in Pittsburgh and we hit a record store with real records. Ironically the entrance is locked and can only open if the people inside buzz you in. The owner doesn't like my cousin who works there and won't let us in. We leave to go and do other things. I remember being so happy to have a family member my own age and to be able to do things with. I invite her to visit me anytime in NYC.

That's about all I remember from this dream. I also remember being excited about how long it will take for my hair to grow back and would it be curly or at least wavy when it does? And I was so happy that I had done it and Baba wasn't mad at me.

Now I don't use a dream symbol book but I do believe that when I dream of my old house, that represents my mind and the past. Shaving my hair could mean that I am trying to shed a layer about myself or something in my life or that I want freedom. I am not sure but it was an intense dream.

Puffs tissues with Vicks

Are the best invention for people with colds. I am gonna buy a box tmw. Yep, woke up yesterday with a sore throat and stuffed up nose and today am sneezing left and right, bleah!

This weekend was pretty good. On Friday I did a research project that involved watching a signing avatar. It was cool experience to finally be able to understand an Avatar because most of the time its verbal and I can't understand them anyways unless there's captioning. Friday night was DPHH. Over 25 of my students came! One girl, boy was she fun! She got me a few free shots from the bartender. I can't make a habit out of this. Otherwise the lines between teacher and students becomes blurred but nonetheless, I had a blast!

Saturday I worked an event for 9 hours taking care of the microphones and other bs and it was worth it because the pay is $25 an hour *cash register dings!*

Sunday I was planning to see Eddie and Blondie but I was just too tired. Jack was a sweetheart and brought the cable box back into the bedroom. This way I could stay in my pjs and watch pre-recorded episodes of Star Trek series such as Voyager and Enterprise. We ordered breakfast for dinner, me I had french toast, and he had pancakes.

Luckily today I am at media so it doesn't require a lot of brainpower. Tmw I will pick up some dayquil and that will help me focus on grading students papers etc etc..

I am READY for Thanksgiving, feels like its so far away this year. I am looking forward to my Uncle David and Nancys corn pudding as well as stuffing with gravy. And visiting with my friend Karen too.

We WON!!!

Now I can finally breathe a sigh of relief! Obama you kicked ass! McCain I will grant you gave a lovely concession speech. Thank god Obama won. Now the American way will finally face some needed changes. No not overnight but overtime. Perhaps this election has allowed us to look more favorable internationally? Only time will tell.

Obama is in the lead!

Since 8pm, I have been repeatedly checking CNN for updates on the electoral vote. Its now 1030pm and I recently arrived home from work. Obama has 207 votes, McCain has 135. But as far as popular votes goes, they're pretty much neck to neck. Virginia is taking its sweet old time as well as Florida what a surprise! In tallying their votes. Wouldn't it be something if California was the deciding state?

On the bus ride home along 125th street, there was a large crowd gathered in front of the The Adam Clayton Powell State Office Building Plaza. I couldn't see what's happening there right now but its PACKED with people. Makes me feel good to be witnessing such an historical moment.

Wordle Fun

Saw this off of Queen Alpos site and it looked like fun. Created my own Wordle. You can too! And if you want to use more than one word, simply format it by doing this

Example; Hard of Hearing you would type ~Hard of Hearing~

If you want the word to be bigger, the more you repeat it, the bigger it turns up.

Example DEAF DEAF DEAF DEAF DEAF ASL ASL ASL DEAF will appear bigger than ASL.

Here's the link for mine. Now go make your own!

What a "Marvel" weekend

This past weekend, Jack and I got our fill of Marvel inspired movies! On Friday, during the day we watched the Incredible Hulk with Edward Norton playing David Banner. And man was it good! I was on the edge of my seat through most of the film. It was a 100 times better than the 1st movie that came out about 8 years ago. Better story line, gripping effects, just an AWESOME movie if you're a Hulk fan like me and grew up watching Bill Bixby play David Banner and Lou Ferrigno play the Hulk (he has a small cameo in this one too!). Near the end of the movie Robert Downey Jr. made a cameo as Iron Man. We decided right there and then we would rent Iron Man and watch it Saturday night. Jack had heard it was 2xs better than the Hulk.

After we ate dinner with Baba and her friend Millie (Baba made a delicious brisket with "smashed" potatoes, carrots and gravy, YUMMY!) We also encountered some trick or treaters, so cute. Jack and I headed to Jason's Woods for the Haunted Hayride. I made sure to hardly drink any liquids that day, I wanted my pants stay dry! We brought tickets for the hayride and their "haunted" museum of freaks and oddities. I figured the museum would be a good warm up before I was really scared. Already within minutes one woman in a costume came up and said "boo!' and I stumbled backwards. Then another guy who was standing with the other props, and I leaned to Jack that I thought he was a real person and he began to follow me which caused me to become jumpy. I immediately said "Jack! Come HERE!" while this guy who said nothing continued to follow me menacingly. Jack watched me literally jump to his direction and he replied "The guy wasn't even saying anything." I of course didn't care, I wanted my man to be with me non-stop!

Next we went on the hayride, there wasn't any lines to wait in. I was a little surprised at how uncrowded it was. Then again this year Halloween was on a Friday so I am sure some people were with their kids trick or treating, others hosting or attending parties. It boded well for us because we didn't have to wait around. They sat us in the front of the bed of hay, right behind the tractor. I refused to sit in the corner, I knew that would be a prime spot for the cast members to scare me. The ride began and it was so much fun. I shrieked, screamed and buried my head more times than I could count into Jack's arm or lap. They usually went straight for me. It could've been due to the fact I looked scared every time and I was. It was so nice of Jack to let me CLING to him for dear life when they uttered things like "You don't belong here. We need brains, blood!" Lots of growling and groaning, moaning, fog smoke, strobe lights, an excellent set up! I was so happy when it was done. I let out a sigh of relief followed by a huge grin. I immediately asked Jack if we could do it again next year? He said of course. We will probably go to Field of Screams, another haunted site in my home town.

We came back in good spirits, and also hit Hollywood videos where one of the cashiers dressed like a priest recommended we fast forward through the credits of Iron Man, because there was a small bonus materials at the end. We headed home and chilled out for the rest of the night.

Saturday we got up and while I was in the shower my Uncle Rob and his 2 sons, Benjamin and Nathan stopped by for a visit. It was so nice to see him. My nephew Benjamin was such a good boy, sitting quietly while we all talked, Nathan too. I was suppose to meet David, Nancy and Bobby at 2:30 but we wanted to visit with Rob a little longer, so I ended up meeting them closer to 3:15. We all met up at Nancy's house and her friend Josie (I think that's how you spell her name or Jody) joined us too for the Greek Bazaar. Bobby rode in Jack's car with us. We talked about his school year, and classes he was taking. He seems to be a major fan of American Culture, aka American History. Has a 110% average in that class. I gotta say, Bobby gets cooler and cooler as each year passes. His hair is as long or maybe longer than mine. I asked him how long he planned to grow it. He says at least a foot and than plans to donate it to Locks of Love. I told him I just did that last spring and how great I thought it was he was doing that!

We arrived to the Greek Bazaar and man there was a line outside the church. We waited an hour and it was so worth it. During that time we chatted about how much we enjoyed the Hulk from the day before and invited them to watch Iron Man with us after the Bazaar. Bobby was so thrilled to be going to Baba's to watch the movie. And David who hadn't seen the Hulk, I told him to borrow our copy and WATCH it! By the time we got our food and sat down, I don't know about the rest, but I wolfed down the chicken and devoured the pastitsio. We also met the priest's wife who introduced herself to us and explained about how all members of their Greek Church help with the annual Greek Bazaar. Little kids ages 4, 5 carry buckets of honey balls to and from the kitchen, eating a few along the way. I don't blame them, you know how Homer Simpson drools for donuts, that's me for honey balls. Then when the kids are in 4th grade, they move up to taking group orders for drinks. By the time they are in middle school, the girls serve and sell pastries and the boys bus and clear the tables. The adults take care of the cooking and serving and organizing the event itself. This year was their 50th anniversary! One Greek man, a church member gave out brochures and pins that read "I was Greek for a day." Both Bobby and Jack only ate their chicken and rolls. Bobby also ate the Greek olives and grape leaves filled with rice. The rest of us ate their left overs. I was glad to eats Jack's pastitsio that he picked at some. I was stuffed but not too stuff not to order some honey balls before we walked around and browsed the shops in the other corridor. By this time Bobby was anxious to leave and go directly to Baba's to watch Iron Man but Nancy told him to be patient. Besides I wanted Jack to have the full experience of this event. In the brochure it explained that this event has an average of over 10,000 visitors a year! I believe it, its too good not to go. We shmyed around and of course Nancy, Bobby, David and I enjoyed the "attic room" which is more like a garage sale where they sell whatever the members donated to the church. I brought a book, Sony CD player and a lamp for $2.75, how sweet is that? I also picked up some food items for Baba and Mom per their request. By now Jack was just as antsy as Bobby to get out of there. Jack doesn't like crowds which ironic considering he was born and raised in NYC. I quickly snapped some photos and the 4 of us, David, Bobby, Jack and I went back to Baba's house. Nancy would be by later after she and her friend were done at the Bazaar and had time to visit.

We got to Baba's and immediately popped in Iron Man the dvd. Baba joined us and it was a packed living room. The movie began and it was pretty good. It had a lot more humor than the Hulk did, Robert Downey Jr and Gwenth Paltrow did a wonderful job with their characters as Tony Stark of Stark's Industry, a weapon's manufacturer and Miss Potts as his assistant. As the movie progressed I suddenly realized that character Obadiah Stane was played by Jeff Bridges!!! I love him. He was in the movie Star Man as well as the Big Lebrowski. I idolizes Bridges. I think this was the 1st time I had seen him play a bad guy. Not bad, but I still see the "dude" from the Big Lebrowski whenever I see him. I thought the story-line for this movie wasn't as good as the Hulk but still pretty damn good overall. I had a hard time seeing the scenes that took place in the caves. Either it was the tv it was being played on or else it was based on sounds in which hearing people can enjoy those scenes better than us deafies? We even turned off the living room lights to see it better but to be honest I just read the captions.

Nancy came by right at the end of the movie and we all sat around and talked. It was a great night!

Sunday I met up with Mom. Lucky for us we had an extra hour due to daylight saving times. You know how it goes, Fall back, Spring forward! Mom treated me to Red Lobster. My god was it good! I of course ordered snow crab legs, and stuffed myself. I was kind of tired on Sunday, lucky for me, Mom was cool and we only went to Walmart after lunch to pick up a few things and then went back to Mom's place where I got to visit with Tom my bastard kitty and nap some.

Jack and I decided to return to NYC Monday afternoon. It was a wonderful weekend. I can't wait to see them all again in a few weeks for Thanksgiving! My friend Karen will be joining us for that. She'll be driving up from MD and staying at Baba's for a few days.

Get out there and VOTE!

[Update] Jack and I got to the polls at 6:40am. We waited almost 2 hours to vote. Imagine they ONLY had 3 booths?!? How crazy and asinine is that! If you ask me, I think it was deter voters from voting. I saw 2 different white women give up and walk out. If the election wasn't as crucial as this one, then Jack probably would have walked out too! The rest of us, just waiting patiently, talking with the voters in front and back of us about how ridiculous the lines were. I don't know about downtown if they only had 3 booths per polling sites or if its just because we're in Harlem? I mean come on, this is one of the most populated cities in the world! Anyways, we ambled on home around 8:35 am. I went back to bed, cuz I had to be at work at 2pm. Interestingly enough, half of my co-workers voted, the other half said they NEVER vote. I of course scolded them as its our patriotic duty to do so.

And yes my turtles lived while I was gone this weekend, whew :)

The polls open in less that 7 hours! Jack and I are getting up super early to get to the polls before they open at 7am. I don't expect to be "awake" but this election is TOO important not to VOTE!!! I already secured our voters registration cards, neatly tucked under a magnet on our fridge. No matter how long the lines are, or how shitty the weather may be where you live, its our duty as American citizens to vote during the presidential election. I have been fortunate to vote the last 3 elections, all as a democrat. My vote will go to Obama. No more of the same, we need that change.

I went nuts looking for photos to inspire YOU to get out there and VOTE! Deaf or hearing its all up to us to make a difference. Our country's affairs depend on this crucial presidential election. May the best candidate win. Which of course is Obama!

" Slow and steady wins the race"

~ Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC)
The Hare and the Tortoise










Remmy Cecil the Turtle from Bugs Bunny? Well guess who now possesses 2 baby red eared slider turtles? Yep, me. I don't know what possessed me but on a whim I brought them last Friday afternoon. I was at the bus stop on 125th and Lennox Ave waiting for a bus going west when I saw this older Asian women pulling out small little cages with 2 turtles in each cage. I was suppose to go to an appt but I felt crappy that day and asked the lady how much? She indicates to me $10 with both hands representing $5 each, because I couldn't understand her accent and pointed to my ears that I am deaf. I nodded I understood the price but walked back to the bus waiting section of the bus stand. She was set up behind the bus stand. The bus arrived and I found myself walking back behind to where she was and handed her a tenner. Next she sells me $2 pellets (turtle food). I scrape enough quarters and do that. I immediately turn around and walk home. I went to the bedroom and took one out at a time and let them walk on my hands while immediately using google to find out what did I get myself into?

I immediately realized that the old standing myth that turtles or reptiles/amphibians are NOT cold blooded creatures. That they actually require several things such as a water heater, heating lamp and rock for them to bask on and an UV lamp plus a water filter, ay yi yi. So Saturday even tho it was a miserable day and that was the same day that things blew up between Szymanski and I for good, we visited Eddie to get a new lock that he had on hand as a spare. Since the robbery we figured best to replace the front door lock. Lucky for me Virgie was there and she happened to grow up with turtles. She gave me a LOT of valuable advice on what to do and what to buy. It was great, what are the odds I would run into someone the very next day who used to own turtles??? Anyhoo after we finished our visit, we went to the pet store where a Kevin Smith look-a-like whizzed around the store gathering up the necessary but minimal supplies that I needed to get my turtles in a rocking space. I still have left to buy a water heater and the UV lamp. I am using a heating pad with a towel as a buffer between the tank and the pad itself and so far it has kept the water at room temperature. The turtles LOVED the heating lamp. The reason why they are called "sliders" are because whenever they see you, they immediately slide off the basking rock into the water. They are both currently in love with the water filter. Often I find one or both squeezed in between the filter and the tank wall. Maybe the humming it produces or the fact that it is warm has made it quite attractive to them both. Also the basking rock I brought has room for them to crawl under to "hide" as well.

I read that the baby turtles should NOT be handled a lot during the first several weeks because it causes them stress. So since I brought the tank on Saturday, they have been hands free. Funny when we first set up the tank, Jack and I made sure the water level wasn't too high in case they had never swam before. And it looked like they hadn't because they fluttered the first few times. We would "help" them and put them on the heated rock but they replied no thanks, we wanna SWIM! And immediately slid right back into the water. It was cute to see them standing on their tippy toes. Head just above water.

The major issue I have had so far is what exactly to feed them, how much to feed them and are they feeling ok? Sometimes I will perch myself quietly next to their tank, not moving so they will relax and swim around. I find myself "peeking" at them when I am in the kitchen which is adjacent to the living room but has a small wall to separate and I spy whenever I can.

I can tell the difference between the 2 turtles but the sex of the turtle I am still not sure of. I believe I have a set of each gender. What I didn't know was when they are fully grown, they can grow to be about 10 inches wide! Especially the females which are usually bigger than the males. Imagine dinner plate size turtles in a few years?! Plus I read they are very aggressive and if I find them nipping at the heel of another, I will have to separate them. I also don't want them to breed. I am hoping when the time comes to separate them that I can convince my nephew Bobby who's crazy about animals and biology to adopt one of my turtles down the road. Hint hint Nancy & David. I would of course supply the needed equipment for Bobby to take care of the turtle and he would only have to worry about food (which luckily isn't that expensive) and as they age they go from being carnivorous to herbivorous. Which means that 75% of their meals should be leafy veggies. Right now I am feeding them dried krills, shrimps and turtle pellets.

I admit I am overwhelmed at the possibility of how big they will grow to be. I am afraid of turtles that big currently. I am hoping because I will get to see them grow and hopefully bond with Morticia and Gomez which I have currently named them until I know their sex for sure. This is also something that I want Jack and I do for Halloween one year. That the size won't scare me then? Also I will by the time they are fully grown need a LARGE tank. And I live in NYC, so unless I move to a bigger apt or find a way to arrange the furniture just right I might be in trouble. Another question I wondered about is, I am a cat lover and what if Jack and I get a cat. Can a cat and a turtle live together? Would a cat cause my turtle(s) undue stress? Its so weird because never in my entire life would I thought of being someone who has a turtle. I mean I have had all kinds of pets, cats, dogs, ferrets (which I didn't enjoy cuz they stink literally), rabbit (I also didn't enjoy, cuz they poop non-stop! and this particular rabbit was the same one my Mom used to stick under the covers in the mornings to wake me up and it would bite me, I hated that rabbit!). My former roommie had the gerbil/hamster which I enjoyed taking care of it until it died. I have never wanted a bird for a pet, boring if you ask me. My friend Mark Cole had an iguana (I wonder if he still does?) which was pretty cool. He built a kick-ass cage for it too. So here I am a proud new turtle(s) momma.

Apparently this guy is the Turtle Guru or marine life specialist so if you want to know more about them, click on and read.

Tonight after my 2nd job, Jack and I head to PA for the weekend. I absolutely cannot wait to see my family!

Tmw night we will go to Jason Woods for I think a haunted hayride unless the weather is bad such as rain but so far they are predicting clear skies, in the 40s. My biggest fear is I will pee my pants. I don't know why that is, when someone gets scared they wet their pants? Apparently it has to do with the "fight/flight" response and one of the symptoms is empty the bladder. I better buy some depends then ;) I already half joked and half seriously told Jack that I am bringing a extra pair of pants and undies tmw night. I was a bed-wetter till I was 12. It wasn't anything I had any control over. Growing up my Mom would have to wake me up several times a night to make sure I went to the bathroom and even then there was no guarantees. Thank god for plastic mattress covers. I am glad I outgrew it but I always remind people who know of a kid that wets their bed that I too had that problem and NO they are not doing it on purpose. No kid in their right mind would. Since then I have only peed my pants on a few occasions, usually its because I am laughing so hard for too long that its bye bye, pee away!

Once when I was like 15 or 16, I was in DC with a friend name Jamie Palmer and her boyfriend Ron and we were I think in the park where the capitol is. And I vaguely remember being hoisted onto his neck and being spun around, laughing so hard that I peed all over his shoulder! You bet he put me down right away and lucky for me he was a good sport about it but boy was I embarrassed. When we returned to MSSD dorm, I had borrowed his jacket and had it tied around my waist so no one would noticed. I guess Jamie never told anyone because I was never teased for it.

Then the other time I peed my pants was the last time I went to Jason Woods (video link) like 6 or 7 years ago with my friend Blondie, Zee and Hildur and maybe Knob too? Blondie and Hildur were not scared and seem unimpressed but Zee and I clung to each other for dear life and we BOTH wet ourselves more than once. So you might be wondering why the heck would I go back to Jason Woods? Well I want to show Jack one of the cooler things about Halloween in PA, Jason Woods has been in business for 23 years! And 2ndly, I KNOW I will be protected by him. He won't mind me clinging to him. My ex and I went to a "haunted house" at Gally once and he got annoyed with me everytime I grabbed a hold of him and buried my face into his back so he could lead me. At one point I got so scared that I fell backwards, knocking down the dividers of this haunted maze that was set up at the Ely Center. You should seen the look on the faces of the students running the haunted event, they were so surprised that I knocked down part of the maze. At the end we had to crawl through this tunnel and I almost couldn't do it, it took every bit of courage to just finish the damn thing. I am sure Knob remembers this :-)

I will be sure to snap some pictures while we're there at Jason Woods if its permitted and the Greek Bazaar too. And I hope to also take some videos of my turtles next week, after I've cleaned the tank so you can meet them too.

Its KAPUT!

Seems like Szymanski and I cannot put our differences aside and move forward. While it hurts me to see it end I am ready to let go of a damaging relationship. I cannot allow her to transfer her emotional upheaval and project it onto me as if it were my problem and not hers. She has serious issues with anyone who owns a pair of testicles and doesn't comply with her demands. Its getting tiresome. Her trying to play my "savior" from her own imaginary world where if Jack gives her a dirty look when she overstays her welcome equates abuse thereby doesn't mean I am being abuse or that dirty looks equal abuse.

I was contacted by a mutual friend of ours who asked me to let her know she needed to respect his wishes to be left alone. Which of course she would not do this. Instead she would harass him, hound him, and basically drive him to the point he blocked her from IMing him. But is this her fault? Oh no, of course it isn't, its 3 other males faults that have brainwashed this friend and "poisoned their relationship. She is NEVER at fault for any of these mishaps. Ty cut her out of his life and so did Joe Joy and a few others (all GUYS).

Jack what a sweetheart today when I laid down to nap after receiving a particularly hurtful but falsified filled email from her, Jack wrote to her basically stating he never hated her and only had problems with her overstepping her boundaries. This seems to be a running theme of hers, anyways he wrote this generous email on my behalf unknown to me asking her to stop obsessing on things that happened well over a year ago. Then she said she could see me on Sunday if I wanted to see her and I wrote

A lot of my desire to see you depends on your response to Jacks email which i thought was extremely gracious of him to write. He wrote it while I was sleeping because Ive been so upset with our fight all week. I had NOTHING to do with the email but he told me about it and showed me tonight. Wow, it made me love him even more. If you're set on continuing to make him out to be something he's not then no I don't want to see you because it only hurts me. If you're actually willing to let bygones be bygones that would be terrific. I don't think hes expecting a friendship from you but civility I think would be plenty on both ends

This was met with her replying she didn't want to be friends anymore and I recently wrote,

I agree. It doesn't seem like you're willing to move forward. And I cant stay in the past reliving it over and over again anymore. Good luck with your future.

Basically she's angry I won't agree to her views on MY relationship and therefore, I am to be eliminated. And that's that.

I have never met someone who spends so many hours relieving things that happened 1, 5, 10 or even 15 years ago. I have no idea what she gets out of it, other than playing a victim for every new friend she makes and maybe keeps for a few months before they too feel crowded by her and her unreasonable demands on how they interact with her. Then again when you don't work and have all the time in the world, you spend a lot of it thinking I suppose. Me on the other hand I do work and I find it to be therapeutic in helping me get past bad times just like this week going back to work, really helped me get over being robbed as well as Jack's emotional support last weekend.

I will accept part of the blame because I allowed her to think her behavior was acceptable even when I didn't think it was simply to keep the peace. But in the long run I only installed her belief that shes right and the world is wrong. God, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And I can't believe all of this transpired all because I was disappointed she wouldn't put aside her differences with Jack last weekend to be there for me after I was robbed. He was willing to do that for me, why couldn't she? Then instead it turned into this week long email tag of everything I've done wrong in the past 3 years since she moved here and never once did she say she did anything wrong or had anything to do with the friction between her and Jack. It was always Jack, Jack, Jack is the baddie. Part of the reason why Jack didn't jump head in first with the deaf world is because he was appalled by Szymanski's behavior and knew any deaf events he went to, she'd be there and he didn't want to deal with her outlandish behavior or emotional meltdowns which he found to be embarrassing, especially in public places.

I know that Mom, Baba and a few others who are reading this are thinking, Jesus its about time I got my head out of the clouds and learn to protect myself from someone who is emotionally draining and damaging at times. I really thought she would get better, I had hope others could see this wonderful person I saw and loved but instead they saw her clearly for what she is and I was the one who was blind by my own desire to be friends with someone I have known since she was 14 years old. Ive been told time and again, my heart is too big and I allow people who don't deserve my love/respect to have it freely. And it did seem for a while now, since last July we were doing fine, almost back to our old self until a week ago when I asked her to be there for me and then it all went down the drain so quickly. What really gets me is she keeps parroting back whatever her therapist says about me. And two thoughts go through my head. #1, the therapist only knows whatever Szymanski tells her and I know its not the whole truth but a twisted form of the truth. And 2ndly her therapist is leaving and well duh, wouldn't she agree with Szymanski anyways since she is leaving and will not have to pick up the pieces when shes gone? Of course she wont, she'll have relocated to another state and without payments being made (she is being paid after all) I truly wonder if her therapist will give Szymanski a 2nd thought once she's gone? Does Szymanski forget that being paid often makes people more agreeable to her, more friendly such as with the bartender she befriended at one point and then drove him away with a poem she wrote for him that mentioned his cock. Didn't she understand of course he was being nice to her, she was there almost everyday buying milkshakes and leaving tips. This didn't make him her friend, but someone who profited from a person with low-self-esteem.

But anyways I have to let go of any false hope of reconciling with her ever. She has this agenda to take anyone and everyone down regardless if its right or not. I wish I could turn back the clock and never had been robbed, never had invited her over to my apt because I was having trouble being outside, never had given her the credit to put aside her differences because now its cost me a friendship which I fought so hard for despite many people's aversion to it.

Police Report # Accomplished!

Finally after all week of Jack calling we have the police report nbr and can finally move forward with the insurance. But guess what the deductible is? $130 smackaroos, almost as much as I paid for it! So far it has cost Jack and I almost $300 in terms of criminal activity in the past few weeks! His car being vandalized and me being robbed has made this one of the crappiest month by far.

Tonights classes went much better, I wore a skirt with cool stockings that were sheer black with black flowers. My students commented asking me if I had a "hot" date. Nah I just wanted to look nice especially after Jack gave me a bunch of roses last night (wed). I was so surprised when I came home and saw them in the living room. It was so sweet of him to do this for me. They were a mix of pink and red roses.

I am so ready for my visit to PA over Halloween weekend. I need a change of scenery and I am sure it looks like fall back in my hometown. I love the smell of fall, like a fireplace burning and the crisp cold air. Speaking of cold air, both Baba and Jack have been wanting me to get a new winter coat. Saying my old one doesn't do me justice. But to me a coat is a coat, basically to keep me warm. Anyways I've decided to cave in this year and let them pick out a new one for me. Baba brought me sunglasses at the end of summer that I recieved a lot of good comments about. It has inspired me to let her sense of style mesh with mine.

Not much else is new, my Imac hasnt been coorperating with me, something is wrong with the graphics. I must take it in this weekend to be serviced 1 last time before my warranty expires in November.

Lastly Rusty and I have FINALLY decided on a thesis topic. I will compare gender/ethnic differences for NMM on Y/N questions and WH-questions. Yay! I actually like this topic and am curious to the results of my findings. I am going to start preparing over the holiday break later in Dec and just take a break from thinking about it. Because I've been thinking about it nonstop since last June. Its nice to have a set topic that can actually be done this time. Next year I can always do a compairson on teaching methods like I had planned to this year. It would be nice to do research that might be published down the road. See see?

What the frell!

As Rygel would say. Right now my 1 friend and I are at odds over a difference of opinions and basically she's saying she's ending the friendship based on what I've said. I feel really hurt by this person's response to me and instead of agreeing to disagree I am being told every thing I've ever done wrong according to her. I am amazed at how much credit she gives me for the decisions she's made on her own. She wants to blame me for a guy she dated well over a year because when she approached me about communication difficulties I suggested that she tell him it needed to improve or get rid of him. But since that time the story has changed to him sexually abusing her and me saying she should stay with him. Hello, why would she even think such a thing! All I ever wanted for her was to be happy.

It really irks me because I've stood up for her to numerous people who said I am nuts for being friends with this woman. She writes to tell me that all my friends have bailed out on me since Jack has come into my life. I am like, who? Nutter, gee whiz I am devasted. In fact last year I was too busy to maintain any friendship and only saw her, Blondie and Martin. I am not in any danger of losing friends despite what she would like me to believe. I don't give a rat ass if Jack doesn't meet the Deaf world standards. He is a hardcore NYer, not exactly all smiles and zen like. He doesnt trust anyone, be it deaf or hearing. He will find his own place when he is ready, I am not worried about it to be honest. I am more interested in his willingness to sign with me than become deeply involved in the deaf world. He has his own belief system and is entitled to it.

But other than this drama, I am finally feeling like myself again. Yesterday flew by and today has too. I've already finished my powerpoint for tmw nights classes, graded papers, etc., etc.. I have been having trouble obtaining the police report nbr for the SK insurance which I hope I get very soon. Otherwise I will just go into the police station this weekend and get a copy then.

"To err is human, to forgive divine"

The quote above is by Alexander Pope,(1688 - 1744)

It turns out my other friend did email me to an email account that I never check very often on Friday morning. I am glad I was WRONG! She has since sent me 2 reassuring emails that she's been thinking about me. I feel a LOT better :-)

Come on already!

I still feel lousy. I haven't been hungry all day. I worked my 1st job no problem because I was on the go go go. Eddie had no idea how severe the robbery had been. He and Virgie both felt real bad for me. It was nice to be in an environment where people care about me.

I arrived to teach tonight but I was all jittery and rushing through the review. I finally just told the class that I was a little "off" tonight and that I had been robbed the other night. They were of course upset for me and told me they were sorry. Some of the guys offered knuckle sandwiches to the jerks who did this to me. Several expressed surprised that I didn't cancel class. So I taught both classes for a while and then ended it sooner than normal. I said I'd be back to my old self by Thursday and I feel I will. Tonight I was to introduce giving directions such as in a hallway and that is every ASL teacher's least favorite subject to teach and the students usually get frustrated with that so I just decided to spare all of us.

Jack is on his way to pick me up. I am ready to go home and just chill. I feel a little better but not as much as I had hope. I know I need to give it time. Its just a weird place to be in right now.

One of the two friends who I am mad at, defended her decision not to see me Saturday night. I am disappointed by her response. I realize she considers it a matter of self-preservation but other than maybe being a little uncomfortable, what did she have to lose just by trying? I just wished she had tried. Now I feel like its another set back in the never-ending saga between my friend and my boyfriend. Its been almost a year of this crap, me being in the middle. At least Jack was willing to try and move forward even though he deep down inside didn't want to but was willing to for my sake.

I still haven't received any emails from my other friend. I feel hurt by this as well. I know she has a lot on her plate but a few lines in an email would've shown she cared.

Lately I feel like I am a whinny, complainer and I don't mean to be. I know when I get home, I will watch some Star Trek episodes and escape reality for a little bit. I think that's just what I need.

Feeling let down

Right now I am mad at my 2 closest friends here in NYC. One of them didn't even take the time to email me and ask me if I was okay after she was told I was robbed. And the other let her own personal hangup get in the way of being there for me last night. I feel really let down by the two of them.

Its been a LONG weekend. I think the robbery happened at the worst time, the beginning of a weekend. Perhaps if I had been robbed on a Monday and then went to work the next day I might've bounced back quicker but instead I fell into a major slump that involved long periods of sleeping.

Saturday I just didn't want to get out of bed. I only did so bc a friend planned to come here for dinner but cancelled. It made me feel like shit, like why did I bother to get up? But Jack was a real trooper and after I showered and did some dishes. He cooked me dinner, the steaks I had brought the night before and alfredo pasta which he insisted he couldn't make without ruining the package mix. He didn't ruin the pasta at all, it was delicious. We watched various episodes of Star Trek series and he eventually moved the cable box into the bedroom so we could be together. It was nice to be able to watch TV in bed with Jack sleeping next to me. I was able to share my feelings with Jack last night. He made a real effort to listen and let me get it all out. He's a guy so I know its hard for them to just listen and he did a great job and was more tender than usual.

Today I again didn't want to wake up. Last night my 2 friends made a big runaround about going to DINGO that was happening today and was the 1 thing I had to look forward to this weekend that I told them to forget it, I didn't feel like going anyways. I have to admit, my spirits was low but I would've benefitted going to get out of my element. So thats another reason why I am angry with them. Not because they didnt want to go to DINGO but they didn't really make it seem important to see me or suggest alternative plans, well 1 did but thats the one that didnt come last night. The other one said I could stop by after I went to DINGO, gee how lucky am I? I can stop by.

So Baba called today to check up on me, but I was just not wanting to wake up. I finally did and called her as well as Mom to let them know I am ok. They both are behind me 100%. I am so looking forward to seeing the family in a few weeks. Ill also be more back to my old self, just more wiser and more aware. Plus it will be Halloween, I am making Jack go to Jason Woods. I just have to not drink any water cuz I might pee my pants! And I am SUCH a scardy cat. I don't think Jack has any IDEA of how much I will be latching onto him every 5 secs something jumps out at me. But knowing him, he won't mind and probably make threatening looks to whoever is trying to scare me. Then we will hit the Greek Bazar. I am hoping David, Nancy and Bobby go on Saturday with Jack and me. Its best to go with family and finally Jack will get to touch the Greek Bazar. He's been hearing about it for the past 2 years, like my Mom says enough, already!

When I talked to Mom tonight she agreed I will feel much more normal when I go to work tomorrow. I need structure, routine BIG time. I need to be distracted and off of this negative energy I am in right now. Its just hard right now because this took place on the very block I live off of. Makes me feel very guarded.

Funny I know things could've been a LOT worse and I am not sure if I am overreacting to my experience or not. I mean I wasn't raped. I wasn't beatened. I was even lucky enough to get 80% of my belongings back. I don't feel scared. I just feel bad.

I also tried to grade my students paper but I have had this slight headache, probably from sleeping too much that I am not getting much done. I feel irresponsible for not doing or getting much accomplished this weekend. Like how come a robbery affects me this way?

I appreciated the comments left to me on my previous post, thank you.

So here's to tomorrow, a brand new day and I am ready for it.

I was robbed

Thursday night on my way home from working both jobs I was attacked from behind and my purse was stolen. It happened on the very block I live on. I actually live at the end a street off the corner of 5th ave. I was coming from Lenox Ave walking eastward down my street. My street is a residential neighborhood, with rows of houses and small front yards.
On one shoulder I had my courier style bag with my students papers, etc., etc and on the other shoulder my purse neatly tucked in between my side and my arm. I felt a gush of air from behind me when suddenly an arm was wrapped around my neck. For a split second I thought jokingly it must be Jack sneaking up on me to surprise me, because the gym he goes to is off of Lenox ave, I figured he might be coming back from exercising. But at the same time, that's not Jack's style to rough house with me like that. That's the kind of stuff that happened at MSSD/Gally days. So within moments I realized as the arm continued to choke me and pull me back somewhat that this wasn't someone I knew. A 2nd thug grabbed my purse which I didn't let go off because I was too busy pulling the arm away from my neck that when finally the purse strap snapped. Then the 2d thug ran with my purse, while the other one released his choke hold and ran off back towards Lenox ave. I immediately began running after them in complete shock yelling "GIVE ME BACK MY PURSE, GIVE ME BACK MY PURSE!" Hoping some one nearby may hear me and block the 2 thugs but this is Harlem and the block running parallel to my street on either sides are both loaded with people up to no good. There were a few standing about like this was a show and did nothing about it. I stopped running when the 1st guy with my purse made it to Lenox ave and began sobbing walking back home, just not believing what happened to me!

I never saw my 2 attackers. By the time I swung around the thug with my purse was already running and the one who had been choking me also ran not too far behind the 1st one. The one who choked me was wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and dark jeans that all I could see. I guessed were they were teenagers because of their builds. They were not at all muscular/stocky but somewhat skinny, the one with my purse was shorter than the one who choked me. That's all I can remember, I will never have a face to remember as my attacker. Which is kind of good but kind of not. Because earlier today (Friday) as I walked to the bank nearby, every young black guy dressed as thugs and fit the build of my assailants I thought to myself, was that you who was choking me last night?

I am ok. I was not seriously hurt. The police came within 20-25 minutes after the assualt, phone calls were made to all financial institutions that I belong too, my sidekick account suspended, etc., etc. which went on till close to 1am. When the police arrived they immediately asked me to get in the back of their police car to drive around the nearby area and see if I could identify the guys who robbed me. I told them right off the back, I never saw them and I was in shock, there was no details other than the black hooded sweatshirt and the fact there was 2 of them. But we drove around anyways. The police ended up frisking 4 sets of guys all who fit the description of my attackers but the problem is, so many of them dress that way. Each time the officer would ask me, "is this him? them?" and I say, I don't know, I can't be sure. And I certainly didn't want anyone arrested who was innocent. I didn't want to be the "racist" white girl who got them in trouble just because they are black and dressed like thugs. Jack calls this white people's guilt and feels that if a person is dress like a criminal and out and about in the middle of the night, they're probably up to no good. He's probably right but as a whitie, we've had it drilled into our heads not to be racist or assume bad things about people of different colors.

Around 9am this morning, Jack woke me up and there was my purse, sans sidekick and the 5 bucks I had, plus change. But everything else was there, all my IDs, my keys, my cell phone (red one I use with speaker phone to call family sometimes), make up, pens etc etc.. The strap had snapped directly in the middle. It turned out that a woman found it in the park across from my apt where the thugs like to hang out at and found the cell phone. Called the apt because our landline is programmed into the cell and Jack retrieved the purse. I never did ask about the woman but I would like to thank her with a card and a little money. I will ask Jack about it later. Because I went to bed very late last night, I went back to sleep after we dumped out the purse to see what was gone. I finally rolled out of bed around 330pm today (Friday). I knew I had to go to the bank to get a temporary atm card because my old one had been cancelled and a new one is being issued and mailed out today. I decided to go to the branch off of 125th street near Lenox ave and guess what? They had just had a major robbery and no one could go in the bank! I told one of the police officers standing outside the bank that I had been robbed last night and my boyfriend's car vandalized last saturday night. I added, they needed to do something soon because this is getting out of hand. Anyways I ended up taking a bus west down 125th ave to a different bank and when I requested a new atm card. They informed me, they don't issue them. I replied wryly "oh is this because this is Harlem? Cuz I had one issued a while back off of 23rd and 1st ave with no problem." The rep didn't reply but he knew I was right.

After that I went across the street to Popeyes to grab a bite and this older black lady made small talk with me. A very grandmotherly type and it made me wonder how she survives the area especially with the way things are going. I sure hope the rest of her life goes by without anything bad happening to her as she's quite old and I am young and will recover from this.

I went to see Szymanski but I was still so tired and just out of it from the robbery. I told her the whole story from A-Z and she of course was relieved that I am ok. We decided to meet up tomorrow night (later today because its 330am as I type this). I will cook her dinner. I got back to the apt and Jack immediately came up to me to ask me if I was ok? I said, I was so so. He informed me Baba had called because she was concerned when my emails (to my sidekick) bounced back and Jack told her my purse had been snatched but didn't give the full story. He knew I would want to tell her myself. I sat down and called her. She took the news quite well and we both remarked on how fortunate I am that most of the items had been left untouch such as my metro card and license. She's also happy too because Jack will pick me up from work at night from now on and we agreed no more Lenox ave, to only use 5th ave. We talked some more and again I was quite relieved Baba took the news well. I worried she would think I can't handle NYC but in fact it was the opposite. She knows I will take the necessary steps to ensure my safety and we also agreed that almost every woman has been robbed at one time or another, whether its a purse snatching or pickpocketing. She told me how once her checkbook was stolen from her purse.

After I finish talking to Baba I was wiped out and I told Jack I was so tired and went to lie down around 8pm, asking him to wake me up at 9pm. He did but I said I was too tired and wanted to sleep through the night. That didn't happen. Instead I woke up at midnight and started to just clean for a while. I just don't want to think and it bothers me every time I swallow, it hurts a little and reminds me of what happened last night. I just want to add that when this actually happened I never feared for my life, it was more of a total surprise and confusion of what was happening, followed by anger as I chased them, followed by sobs as I walked to my apt realizing my purse was gone. I dont know how to explain my feelings right now. Its kind of unreal but at the same time, so very real. I am so lucky that I wasn't seriously hurt or worse raped. This experience has made me more aware of my surroundings and to know that while I am not a racist person. If a person is dress like a criminal, then they probably are, regardless of what color their skin is. I won't stop living my life but my trust in strangers has gone down several notches.

For those of you who are reading this, be aware my tmail is suspended right now and the best way to contact me is through my columbia.edu account or just wait a few days and then email my tmail.