Anyone who thinks they go thru life unscathed is a fool. I honestly believe that everyone has issues from their childhood. Whether its related to school or their family life, everyone has skeletons in their closets. What I disliked immensely about my ex is once he met me, he dropped his luggages (issues) by my feet and then during the 6 years we were together never once bothered to open up the suitcases, examine the contents and how it has impacted him and his views on life. It was like "ok here you go, I don't want to be bothered. Everything is fine. Na na la la *covering his eyes, stuffing fingers in his ears!*" But these isssues popped up over and over again throughout our relationship and his answer was the same always "I'm FINE!" Not, "well, this happened and it made me feel this way and thats why I worry when this happens." Nope, just "I'm FINE!" I cant stand people who cannot face their past in order to deal with the present and future. We are a product of our environment and genes. I personally advocate therapy for anyone with issues they havent address to avoid a "victim mentality." To me it shows wisdom and maturity to be able to sit down with a professional and lay your cards out on the table. Deal with the nitty gritty. By not dealing with these issues, I think a person is deluding themselves into thinking "out of sight, out of mind." I do not think a therapist, counselor is doing their job if they spend all the time with the client telling them what to think but rather empower the clients to come to conclusions to themselves and help them deal with it. Therapy isnt for the weak minded or those who are expecting an easy way in life. There are no short cuts, not even with ghosts of the past. You cannot will yourself to feel better, you must take action. I have gone to therapy three times in my life.
The first time was a grief counselor who helped me tremendously with the loss of my Grandfather (Papa).. It was the first time I had ever experience death with someone so close to me at the age of 17.
The 2nd time was when I was at Gally and in my sophomore year. I was driving myself crazy by worrying about everything that could go wrong, what my friends problems were etc etc. I was miserable. Then during the course of therapy it became clear to me why I was wasting so much of my time worrying about "what could happen" or worrying about friends, that I was keeping myself distracted by not looking at myself. I tell people its easier to criticize others then to hold a mirror to your own self.
The 3rd time was after my breakup. I was having a terrible time getting over a broken heart and my illusions about what love is.
In all 3 cases, my experiences with the therapist/counselors were terrific and helped me in the long run. I do know of cases with friends where the therapist is only interested in hearing their voices or being paid a fat sum per hour. I have never gone to a "private" counselor and paid for it myself, most of the time its been on a sliding fee and I find those in that settings to be the most beneficial and helpful. I cant speak for the pricey therapist and say their agenda is for the good of mankind, not for fattening their wallets.
I arrived in PA. Baba made this delish chicken salad to die for! I had 2 helpings! I am happy to be in PA. I needed a break from NYC. I also wanted to give Cain a break as well. Blondie is still in California so he will have the apt all to himself for the next 5 days!
The Tin Man and I went to lunch today before I boarded the train. He will come to PA wednesday nite to visit, we will hit Philly thursday. I personally want to go to a science museum. Maybe the Franklin Institute? The last time I went, there was no captioning and many of their displayed had monitors so I will call before going.
I got a great email from Ronnie today cautioning me not to use deaf culture as the main culprit of any problems I may have with the Tin Man. Shes right, I dont normally make a habit of doing so but still its good to be reminded by someone who's opinion I respect and she being a deafie with a hearie boyfriend I know she knows whats shes talking about. I will admit there are communication difficulties sometimes between us, mostly because I don't always understand the meaning of what he says and vice versa. I find I need additional details and he thinks its obvious. I told him its one of the few times where he must think of me like a "man" that I cannot read his mind nor will I assume anything. Give me details, details, details! If it isnt mentioned, I don't know, period. I am glad tho the other day the Tin Man reminded me how much he loves me and cares for me and wants to make it work. Just knowing this makes a world of difference.
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