Some of my friends have emailed me today telling me I am being too hard on myself from my earlier post. That no one is perfect and the Tin Man has his own issues which I have to consider. The Tin Man wrote to me and I appreciated very much what he had to say; (here's an excerpt from the earlier email.)
"About last night, that's basically what I was saying. I know I'm not perfector the world's greatest speaker, etc. But at the same time I do notice some defensiveness and at times. When it seems that you are classifying me as"everyone else" it does probably cause me to become aggressive with my points. So we're both right/wrong. "
After his email I wrote back saying it wasnt my deafness that I was afraid of pushing him away, but rather the cultural differences. I do not see the Tin Man as the "evil hearie" never have, never will. (he seems to think I do at times. But he merely confuses my frusturations with having to explain the same thing day in and day out and not to him but to the world). I am realistic to know that he knows little about deaf culture and only over time will he grow to appreciate it, perhaps even enjoy it? I do feel better, but still a little bummed. I think its the fact that I am still worried about saying the wrong thing. I find myself having a hard time thinking of the English words over ASL. I know my feelings would be more clear if I could use ASL all the time.
Anyways my friends and the Tin Man have told me to stop beating myself up over it, so I am gonna try. I just dont feel like smiling much today is all. I have tho distracted myself with online chess against the computer. I lose everytime but still I enjoy it.
My hours for next week got changed from night shift to morning shift. Ay yi yi, for 3 weeks I can do it, 9am to 1pm. This will free up my afternoons and evening for the film gig I am volunteering for. I will meet the director tmw to go over some locations for the shoot and the dates. I also plan to go to the Red Cross in person because everytime I call there, they HANG up! Yep the NYC redcross chapter, I know can you believe it?! And what gets me the most is how they say "I don't have time for this!" Exsqueeze me, you dont have time for this? How about me, I have to use it everytime I make a call, VP or online Relay... Christ sakes! And hello, its the red cross, you think with the international participation, they would have an ounce or two of patient for me to get the message across. I just need to request for an interpreter. And hearies wonder why deaf people are angry, gee what do they think could possibly be the reason?
Tonight I will visit Eddie with Blondie, Szymanski, Cain and the Tin Man, shoot some pool and just have some fun. No serious stuff for me, as of today I am allergic to all serious issues. I want to be stupid because "Ignorant is Bliss!"
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