It seems most deafinite that I will be roommating with one other girl here in Manhattan :) I is the HappIeeee. I plan to meet her tmw at 1pm, finalize everything (ie monetary transaction with reciept).
All weekend was mostly two things, the Tin Man and editing. I spent Sunday doing two different voice overs. I was pleased with the results and effort made by the two women that showed up. This was the 2nd time I did this. My technique as a rare deafie who dabbles in the audio world in her little deafie way, is to break up the scenes that contain dialogues. That way the sentences can be spoken seperately. But if it was long spoken pieces I would leave the scene as intact as possible without compromising the scene itself. I had already read somewhere that sound quality can make or break a movie. Meaning if my audience is primarily hearing or if my work is at all intended for that audience. I must step up to the plate and start asking for sound persons on upcomming productions.... which as of now are all on hold until these two movies are edited and the www is up and running.
Today I did set dressing preperation for a Columbia student film project. I will help again as a set dresser this wed, thurs. Its a story about an immigrant and obtaining photo ids that would make him a legit american.
This weekend I am helping out a different friend by being a pa (production assistant). Its for a semi-known director who's works has recieved attention at the Sundance festivals. Its a spec for a perfume commericial, very high budget. I wonder tho esp when it comes to specs, whats the ideal expectation of a budget used in these kinds of shoots? So far I did a campy comedy, a music video, several student films and now a spec. Yay! Fattening up my resume, knowledge, friends, networking and making use of this free time before the fall kicks in.
After I am done this week working, next week I plan to visit the folks in PA. (Yes, of course I am thinking about all of you! and MISS YOU all too).
Tonight the Tin Man is coming by. Cain, the Tin Man and I will be hitting some friend's party downtown, west side by the water. I havent been to a party in so long! I plan to spend most of tmw with my sweetie! I've gotten hooked on Chess! Like any other games, once you know the rules, and the probability of various moves it becomes more engaging. Maybe I sound nerdy, don't care!
Hearing and Deaf relationships like many of you know are often more difficult due to communication differences. Imagine not only having a different belief system but a different language on top of that! My understanding of English in many ways is still poor. I am reminded how phrases I say, are out of date but to me, they are often new. For example if I watch any tv shows/movies from the 70s and 80s I didn't have closed captioning so I had no clue as to the story line. Now thanks to Nick @ Nite, I can catch up and learn pop cultural phrases of America during those decades.
I don't know who said it or signed this quote but they were right; "Deaf people are foriengers in their own land." Meaning most minorities of what have yous, are not born in America. Immigrated, etc etc. But as deafies, we grow up in the hearing community, (a large % of us do, exclude deaf families) so we are familair with what works in the hearing community as Americans. But for adaptation needs we require more visuals than hearing people need in the area of communication. I am not suggesting that hearing people don't need visuals, that we deafies need more is all. Its a fact we exist in a world where the majority is born one way (hearing) and we were born that way (deaf), or pathological incidence caused our deafness.
The point is, cultural clashes are not fun when you're dating someone new. There s so many rooms for misunderstandings, communication breakdowns and frusturations. But then I look at him and I know deep down this is a short lived adjustment period for us both. You have to work out the differences in a way that is acceptable AND satisfactory to both. Some days are harder than others. I know this is all so foriegn to him. I grew up "hearing" and I remember the shock of seeing large numbers of deaf people at the age of 15 at MSSD. I didn't WANT to be one of THEM. I seriously felt I was in the wrong place. The first few months, went bad for me because I couldnt understand much. I didn't want to learn ASL anyways! I couldnt understand why the others bothered with closed caption options. That WASn'T me in my mind.
The turning point came in an ironic way. After being treated like shit for most of my time at Township (hearing school), my gaurds were way up! I was told I had anger problems. Gee do you think? Yea I was angry. But the point here is, I was at the HC game and some girl from my dorm who was DEAF in all sense of the word, was giving me a hard time. I couldn't sign worth a damn. So I gave her my middle finger and said "can you understand this?!" then it hit me, she didn't like me, me. Unlike the kids I grew up with, I was the girl with the hearing aid that made noises and had cooties etc etc. So I knew WHY they didnt like me. Here at MSSD this other girl was trying to be my friend but frusturated because I wouldn't give her the attention or acknowledge my own deafness. Thats when things began to improve in regards to my place in the world and how I felt about it. Owning up to who I am has made my life meaningful. I am fortunae because along the way I have met many nice hearies and lots of them signed or at least tried. I know I cannot be in one or the other all the time 24/7. As long as there is range, variety, diversity, I will be happy!
Monday, August 14, 2006
And so...
It seems most deafinite that I will be roommating with one other girl here in Manhattan :) I is the HappIeeee. I plan to meet her tmw at 1pm, finalize everything (ie monetary transaction with reciept).
All weekend was mostly two things, the Tin Man and editing. I spent Sunday doing two different voice overs. I was pleased with the results and effort made by the two women that showed up. This was the 2nd time I did this. My technique as a rare deafie who dabbles in the audio world in her little deafie way, is to break up the scenes that contain dialogues. That way the sentences can be spoken seperately. But if it was long spoken pieces I would leave the scene as intact as possible without compromising the scene itself. I had already read somewhere that sound quality can make or break a movie. Meaning if my audience is primarily hearing or if my work is at all intended for that audience. I must step up to the plate and start asking for sound persons on upcomming productions.... which as of now are all on hold until these two movies are edited and the www is up and running.
Today I did set dressing preperation for a Columbia student film project. I will help again as a set dresser this wed, thurs. Its a story about an immigrant and obtaining photo ids that would make him a legit american.
This weekend I am helping out a different friend by being a pa (production assistant). Its for a semi-known director who's works has recieved attention at the Sundance festivals. Its a spec for a perfume commericial, very high budget. I wonder tho esp when it comes to specs, whats the ideal expectation of a budget used in these kinds of shoots? So far I did a campy comedy, a music video, several student films and now a spec. Yay! Fattening up my resume, knowledge, friends, networking and making use of this free time before the fall kicks in.
After I am done this week working, next week I plan to visit the folks in PA. (Yes, of course I am thinking about all of you! and MISS YOU all too).
Tonight the Tin Man is coming by. Cain, the Tin Man and I will be hitting some friend's party downtown, west side by the water. I havent been to a party in so long! I plan to spend most of tmw with my sweetie! I've gotten hooked on Chess! Like any other games, once you know the rules, and the probability of various moves it becomes more engaging. Maybe I sound nerdy, don't care!
Hearing and Deaf relationships like many of you know are often more difficult due to communication differences. Imagine not only having a different belief system but a different language on top of that! My understanding of English in many ways is still poor. I am reminded how phrases I say, are out of date but to me, they are often new. For example if I watch any tv shows/movies from the 70s and 80s I didn't have closed captioning so I had no clue as to the story line. Now thanks to Nick @ Nite, I can catch up and learn pop cultural phrases of America during those decades.
I don't know who said it or signed this quote but they were right; "Deaf people are foriengers in their own land." Meaning most minorities of what have yous, are not born in America. Immigrated, etc etc. But as deafies, we grow up in the hearing community, (a large % of us do, exclude deaf families) so we are familair with what works in the hearing community as Americans. But for adaptation needs we require more visuals than hearing people need in the area of communication. I am not suggesting that hearing people don't need visuals, that we deafies need more is all. Its a fact we exist in a world where the majority is born one way (hearing) and we were born that way (deaf), or pathological incidence caused our deafness.
The point is, cultural clashes are not fun when you're dating someone new. There s so many rooms for misunderstandings, communication breakdowns and frusturations. But then I look at him and I know deep down this is a short lived adjustment period for us both. You have to work out the differences in a way that is acceptable AND satisfactory to both. Some days are harder than others. I know this is all so foriegn to him. I grew up "hearing" and I remember the shock of seeing large numbers of deaf people at the age of 15 at MSSD. I didn't WANT to be one of THEM. I seriously felt I was in the wrong place. The first few months, went bad for me because I couldnt understand much. I didn't want to learn ASL anyways! I couldnt understand why the others bothered with closed caption options. That WASn'T me in my mind.
The turning point came in an ironic way. After being treated like shit for most of my time at Township (hearing school), my gaurds were way up! I was told I had anger problems. Gee do you think? Yea I was angry. But the point here is, I was at the HC game and some girl from my dorm who was DEAF in all sense of the word, was giving me a hard time. I couldn't sign worth a damn. So I gave her my middle finger and said "can you understand this?!" then it hit me, she didn't like me, me. Unlike the kids I grew up with, I was the girl with the hearing aid that made noises and had cooties etc etc. So I knew WHY they didnt like me. Here at MSSD this other girl was trying to be my friend but frusturated because I wouldn't give her the attention or acknowledge my own deafness. Thats when things began to improve in regards to my place in the world and how I felt about it. Owning up to who I am has made my life meaningful. I am fortunae because along the way I have met many nice hearies and lots of them signed or at least tried. I know I cannot be in one or the other all the time 24/7. As long as there is range, variety, diversity, I will be happy!
All weekend was mostly two things, the Tin Man and editing. I spent Sunday doing two different voice overs. I was pleased with the results and effort made by the two women that showed up. This was the 2nd time I did this. My technique as a rare deafie who dabbles in the audio world in her little deafie way, is to break up the scenes that contain dialogues. That way the sentences can be spoken seperately. But if it was long spoken pieces I would leave the scene as intact as possible without compromising the scene itself. I had already read somewhere that sound quality can make or break a movie. Meaning if my audience is primarily hearing or if my work is at all intended for that audience. I must step up to the plate and start asking for sound persons on upcomming productions.... which as of now are all on hold until these two movies are edited and the www is up and running.
Today I did set dressing preperation for a Columbia student film project. I will help again as a set dresser this wed, thurs. Its a story about an immigrant and obtaining photo ids that would make him a legit american.
This weekend I am helping out a different friend by being a pa (production assistant). Its for a semi-known director who's works has recieved attention at the Sundance festivals. Its a spec for a perfume commericial, very high budget. I wonder tho esp when it comes to specs, whats the ideal expectation of a budget used in these kinds of shoots? So far I did a campy comedy, a music video, several student films and now a spec. Yay! Fattening up my resume, knowledge, friends, networking and making use of this free time before the fall kicks in.
After I am done this week working, next week I plan to visit the folks in PA. (Yes, of course I am thinking about all of you! and MISS YOU all too).
Tonight the Tin Man is coming by. Cain, the Tin Man and I will be hitting some friend's party downtown, west side by the water. I havent been to a party in so long! I plan to spend most of tmw with my sweetie! I've gotten hooked on Chess! Like any other games, once you know the rules, and the probability of various moves it becomes more engaging. Maybe I sound nerdy, don't care!
Hearing and Deaf relationships like many of you know are often more difficult due to communication differences. Imagine not only having a different belief system but a different language on top of that! My understanding of English in many ways is still poor. I am reminded how phrases I say, are out of date but to me, they are often new. For example if I watch any tv shows/movies from the 70s and 80s I didn't have closed captioning so I had no clue as to the story line. Now thanks to Nick @ Nite, I can catch up and learn pop cultural phrases of America during those decades.
I don't know who said it or signed this quote but they were right; "Deaf people are foriengers in their own land." Meaning most minorities of what have yous, are not born in America. Immigrated, etc etc. But as deafies, we grow up in the hearing community, (a large % of us do, exclude deaf families) so we are familair with what works in the hearing community as Americans. But for adaptation needs we require more visuals than hearing people need in the area of communication. I am not suggesting that hearing people don't need visuals, that we deafies need more is all. Its a fact we exist in a world where the majority is born one way (hearing) and we were born that way (deaf), or pathological incidence caused our deafness.
The point is, cultural clashes are not fun when you're dating someone new. There s so many rooms for misunderstandings, communication breakdowns and frusturations. But then I look at him and I know deep down this is a short lived adjustment period for us both. You have to work out the differences in a way that is acceptable AND satisfactory to both. Some days are harder than others. I know this is all so foriegn to him. I grew up "hearing" and I remember the shock of seeing large numbers of deaf people at the age of 15 at MSSD. I didn't WANT to be one of THEM. I seriously felt I was in the wrong place. The first few months, went bad for me because I couldnt understand much. I didn't want to learn ASL anyways! I couldnt understand why the others bothered with closed caption options. That WASn'T me in my mind.
The turning point came in an ironic way. After being treated like shit for most of my time at Township (hearing school), my gaurds were way up! I was told I had anger problems. Gee do you think? Yea I was angry. But the point here is, I was at the HC game and some girl from my dorm who was DEAF in all sense of the word, was giving me a hard time. I couldn't sign worth a damn. So I gave her my middle finger and said "can you understand this?!" then it hit me, she didn't like me, me. Unlike the kids I grew up with, I was the girl with the hearing aid that made noises and had cooties etc etc. So I knew WHY they didnt like me. Here at MSSD this other girl was trying to be my friend but frusturated because I wouldn't give her the attention or acknowledge my own deafness. Thats when things began to improve in regards to my place in the world and how I felt about it. Owning up to who I am has made my life meaningful. I am fortunae because along the way I have met many nice hearies and lots of them signed or at least tried. I know I cannot be in one or the other all the time 24/7. As long as there is range, variety, diversity, I will be happy!
Friday, August 11, 2006
Mother Nature's Vegenance.
It never stops amazes me how weather can impact even the most advance civilization, bringing it to its knees. Last night about an hour before everyone was to meet for dinner, it was thundering and lighting. I was hoping it would be quick and painless. Not so, it pounded the ground that it came back upwards. Remember in Forrest Gump, there was a scene with all the different kinds of rain they faced in Vietnam? Yep, this was the kind where it even with the biggest umbrella, youre gonna get wet.
Anyhoo, god bless my friends. Many did make it, 8 of u s. Most of us were soaked or near so. Poor Vess he had to change his shirt before he joined us to eat. The company at dinner as always was gracious. My birthday was WONDERFUL for the most part. But the rain kinda killed the mood. Dinner was nice, I was luckily I think I was able to talk with everyone. (It was hard to be sure?). Then because everything started so late and DST, things kinda fizzled and we all called it a night.
Luckily there was a "round 2" the 2nd crew arrived at the apt, where the Tin Man, Szymanski and I are all hanging. King, Peep, and one other friend later came by which relieved me cuz who wants to be old and go to bed. BOrIng. Kill me if I ever become ordinary. Funny, now that I think about it, Blondie makes every now and then promise to "slap her upside the head" if she ever does this or that. "Friends of feathers flock together," eh?
I thank everyone who made an effort on a lousy night weatherwise as last night :) If this doesn't show me I have friends, I don't know what would? This year was extra special because for a hearie like the Tin Man (who I am crazy about), still very new to the deaf world, this shows me he cares. That he made the effort and met more of my friends.
Anyhoo, god bless my friends. Many did make it, 8 of u s. Most of us were soaked or near so. Poor Vess he had to change his shirt before he joined us to eat. The company at dinner as always was gracious. My birthday was WONDERFUL for the most part. But the rain kinda killed the mood. Dinner was nice, I was luckily I think I was able to talk with everyone. (It was hard to be sure?). Then because everything started so late and DST, things kinda fizzled and we all called it a night.
Luckily there was a "round 2" the 2nd crew arrived at the apt, where the Tin Man, Szymanski and I are all hanging. King, Peep, and one other friend later came by which relieved me cuz who wants to be old and go to bed. BOrIng. Kill me if I ever become ordinary. Funny, now that I think about it, Blondie makes every now and then promise to "slap her upside the head" if she ever does this or that. "Friends of feathers flock together," eh?
I thank everyone who made an effort on a lousy night weatherwise as last night :) If this doesn't show me I have friends, I don't know what would? This year was extra special because for a hearie like the Tin Man (who I am crazy about), still very new to the deaf world, this shows me he cares. That he made the effort and met more of my friends.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Without "Ist"
I remarked to the Tin Man, why I like blogging because to me its a way of reflection. A way to vent or get the thoughts out of my head and onto paper for me to review. I am the first to admit, I am analytical in nature. Most people who dabble in the "psycho-babble" usually are. There's an old joke among college students who major in psychology. "They're there to find themselves." the questions that nagged them or held them back, mental "chains of prison" and so on...
Tonight sub's class went well. The Tin Man met up with me afterwards and we looked at a room for rent. As of now, it seems like a set deal. But I won't fully celebrate or declare it until the check has been handed over and cashed. (ofc I will get a certified bank check).
Well, its official, its ME birthday! Funny this year for my bday was different. I usually begin talking about it a month in advance to the days leading up to my bday. This time was different. I was more into the Tin Man and being with him. Then making arrangements for my birthday. This is good.
Tmw I meet with the FCP instructor and then edit. Around 5pm, I will begin to celebrate with a Japanese Beer that I brought. Yum. I plan to eat Sushi and play pools with friends. A simple bday :) A lot of faces missing this year. Pack, I miss you and I still think about you!
Tonight sub's class went well. The Tin Man met up with me afterwards and we looked at a room for rent. As of now, it seems like a set deal. But I won't fully celebrate or declare it until the check has been handed over and cashed. (ofc I will get a certified bank check).
Well, its official, its ME birthday! Funny this year for my bday was different. I usually begin talking about it a month in advance to the days leading up to my bday. This time was different. I was more into the Tin Man and being with him. Then making arrangements for my birthday. This is good.
Tmw I meet with the FCP instructor and then edit. Around 5pm, I will begin to celebrate with a Japanese Beer that I brought. Yum. I plan to eat Sushi and play pools with friends. A simple bday :) A lot of faces missing this year. Pack, I miss you and I still think about you!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Niagara Falls, Canada
For some reason this picture is one of the 2 bigger ones, the rest of the pictures below were smaller, I don't know why? But what better way for a Leo to make her enterance on her blog?
This is me, at the Ripleys Believe It Or Not Museum. I grew up watching that show, and collect some of the older comic book editions. This was the 5th or 6th one I've touched!!! [Sun 8/6/06]
Am watching "The Last Comic Standing" my guy Josh Blue is still in the final 3! Good luck Josh, am rooting for YOU! [Update: Josh Blue totallyed blew it in my opinion!] I was disappointed because last week when the show was originally aired, it wasn't closed captioned :(
Funny I just experienced de ja vu as I typed the above last sentence. I even remember thinking it even was a Monday. Its ironic when that happens cuz it makes you wonder whether one of your senses was delayed in their transmission of the experience, or if its because you dreamt it ahead of time, maybe its part of the path you planned before birth? Or could it be as in the Matrix, "a glitch in the system?" The answers are endless. I look forward to see how far science gets with the answer on that one in my lifetime. I am already pleased with Space Exploration and deep astronomical studies. To me, it never ceases to amaze me what we have to compensate for the environment thats out there in space. How fragile humans really are. I would give up my right hearing ability to go into space. Oh right, can't give away something I don't have. *rim shot!*
Well the Tin Man and I left last Friday for the wonderous adventures of the Niagara Falls. It was my first time there. I of course have forgotten how to drive a stick shift. The Tin Man was fine with that. Most men I know prefer to do all the driving. I'm content to be a passenger most of the time. We left NYC and somehow drove thru NJ and PA and then back to NY. I joked, we made a full circle! I mostly read and played Spider Solitaire on the Tin Man's pc laptop. He has this GPS navigator that basically gives detailed driving instructions, with various map images as well as modes for you to view the content in. Plus since my Sweetie is a hearie, the program is voice activated so no need to visually see it for him to drive, he can listen. Even tho he posses the ability to hear, it too has its limitations. For example he can't have the laptop too far away from him because then he can't HEAR it at all.
Its interesting because this isn't a deaf/hearing issue but a fact. I view hearing as a skill that one inherits but luck or the draw of the gene. Ok so I didn't obtain the standard "hearing gene" that doesn't make my deafness any more inferior. Just a different way to live. Who honestly can live life like everyone else? There are numerous cultures, languages, countries etc etc that I cannot be bothered by what one general population I reside in thinks is the norm. Instead I view life is like a play, or a movie, (whatever you prefer). We're merely characters for a long written story, each of us impacts the story (life) in many different ways. Does make for interesting drama.
Its true in real life I prefer contentment, but for escapism, I am a reality whore. I love many reality shows. I totally know they're being extended for viewing ratings but thats how I escape thru tv viewing. Better than night time dramas if you ask me. Nothing beats seeing people at their best or worst. If you signed that release form to be on the program. I cannot feel bad for you when it gets twisted around. Duh this is a modern version of gossiping, rumors.
Anyways Friday night we eat dinner, have a dumb ass misunderstanding that lasted approx 20-25 minutes. Yet otherwise I am happy to report that the majority of the 3 day trip went well. I'm proud of that personally.
I prefer to get any stupid stuff out of the way so we both can have a good time. Sure we're polar opposites, but we care enough to try to modify things that we know the other appreciates. And at the same time, it doesn't take away from our individual core beings.
The changes or compromises we make are usually more important to the other than to ourselves. Case in point. I lived in the dorms at MSSD, involved with theater etc etc, so to me changing clothes (not complete NUDITTY unless its the locker room) but down to my undies has never bothered me. I see no shame in the human body. We all have flaws, but in the same way we all are beautiful. I don't care if someone looks. ITS WHEN SOMEONE TOUCHES WITHOUT PERMISSION, THAT IS WHEN ITS WRONG. During the few times in my life as a woman who like every other women out there experiences sexual assualt, molestion, whathaveyous, I had been fullly dressed.
Also in my pov, a person's comfort levels in reagrds to their bodies vary among everyone, based on their personalities and life experiences. (My mother can vouch for me here), as a small child, I was a nudist at heart. She couldnt keep clothes on me and I had a habit of pulling my dress over my head! But in all serious as I write here, I cannot deny that we have different views regarding the human body on how it impacts the world. That his views are no better or worse than mine. And I am aware it bothers him a lot for his own reasons. So I try to make an effort and do what I can to alleviate his discomforts. It doesnt make me feel like I am being put out or that I am "losing my identity." I view this as having consideration for the person you're devoted to. Or in a more flattering way, as one of my many tokens of my affection towards the Tin Man. He too does the same for me, ACTINIUM Style!
Well its late and here are the photos from the weekend;
Here's me in the car on the way to NF. [Fri 8/4/06]
Here's the Tin Man and me, on the Maid of Mist Tour. Yeah I know, where's the friggin falls? Believe me its nearby :) You'll have to take my word for that. At least with the photo you can see the mist from the falls itself. [Sat 8/5/06]
Here's the Tin Man, he's very manly. I dig it. [Sat 8/6/06]
Here's us at one of the 3D/4D theater, the story itself was lame but I thought it made for a fun picture. A little nostalgia if you will. [Sat 8/5/06]
Last but not least, here is another large picture of the Tin Man standing by sumthing Skylon sumthing, unfortunately it was extremely bright that day and I couldnt even see the image on his digital camera. I wasn't able to get it all, the Revolving Sphere part on the top. I know many of you are crushed, but for real jose, the sun was blinding and the heat was murder! [Sun 8/6/06]
This is me, at the Ripleys Believe It Or Not Museum. I grew up watching that show, and collect some of the older comic book editions. This was the 5th or 6th one I've touched!!! [Sun 8/6/06]
Am watching "The Last Comic Standing" my guy Josh Blue is still in the final 3! Good luck Josh, am rooting for YOU! [Update: Josh Blue totallyed blew it in my opinion!] I was disappointed because last week when the show was originally aired, it wasn't closed captioned :(
Funny I just experienced de ja vu as I typed the above last sentence. I even remember thinking it even was a Monday. Its ironic when that happens cuz it makes you wonder whether one of your senses was delayed in their transmission of the experience, or if its because you dreamt it ahead of time, maybe its part of the path you planned before birth? Or could it be as in the Matrix, "a glitch in the system?" The answers are endless. I look forward to see how far science gets with the answer on that one in my lifetime. I am already pleased with Space Exploration and deep astronomical studies. To me, it never ceases to amaze me what we have to compensate for the environment thats out there in space. How fragile humans really are. I would give up my right hearing ability to go into space. Oh right, can't give away something I don't have. *rim shot!*
Well the Tin Man and I left last Friday for the wonderous adventures of the Niagara Falls. It was my first time there. I of course have forgotten how to drive a stick shift. The Tin Man was fine with that. Most men I know prefer to do all the driving. I'm content to be a passenger most of the time. We left NYC and somehow drove thru NJ and PA and then back to NY. I joked, we made a full circle! I mostly read and played Spider Solitaire on the Tin Man's pc laptop. He has this GPS navigator that basically gives detailed driving instructions, with various map images as well as modes for you to view the content in. Plus since my Sweetie is a hearie, the program is voice activated so no need to visually see it for him to drive, he can listen. Even tho he posses the ability to hear, it too has its limitations. For example he can't have the laptop too far away from him because then he can't HEAR it at all.
Its interesting because this isn't a deaf/hearing issue but a fact. I view hearing as a skill that one inherits but luck or the draw of the gene. Ok so I didn't obtain the standard "hearing gene" that doesn't make my deafness any more inferior. Just a different way to live. Who honestly can live life like everyone else? There are numerous cultures, languages, countries etc etc that I cannot be bothered by what one general population I reside in thinks is the norm. Instead I view life is like a play, or a movie, (whatever you prefer). We're merely characters for a long written story, each of us impacts the story (life) in many different ways. Does make for interesting drama.
Its true in real life I prefer contentment, but for escapism, I am a reality whore. I love many reality shows. I totally know they're being extended for viewing ratings but thats how I escape thru tv viewing. Better than night time dramas if you ask me. Nothing beats seeing people at their best or worst. If you signed that release form to be on the program. I cannot feel bad for you when it gets twisted around. Duh this is a modern version of gossiping, rumors.
Anyways Friday night we eat dinner, have a dumb ass misunderstanding that lasted approx 20-25 minutes. Yet otherwise I am happy to report that the majority of the 3 day trip went well. I'm proud of that personally.
I prefer to get any stupid stuff out of the way so we both can have a good time. Sure we're polar opposites, but we care enough to try to modify things that we know the other appreciates. And at the same time, it doesn't take away from our individual core beings.
The changes or compromises we make are usually more important to the other than to ourselves. Case in point. I lived in the dorms at MSSD, involved with theater etc etc, so to me changing clothes (not complete NUDITTY unless its the locker room) but down to my undies has never bothered me. I see no shame in the human body. We all have flaws, but in the same way we all are beautiful. I don't care if someone looks. ITS WHEN SOMEONE TOUCHES WITHOUT PERMISSION, THAT IS WHEN ITS WRONG. During the few times in my life as a woman who like every other women out there experiences sexual assualt, molestion, whathaveyous, I had been fullly dressed.
Also in my pov, a person's comfort levels in reagrds to their bodies vary among everyone, based on their personalities and life experiences. (My mother can vouch for me here), as a small child, I was a nudist at heart. She couldnt keep clothes on me and I had a habit of pulling my dress over my head! But in all serious as I write here, I cannot deny that we have different views regarding the human body on how it impacts the world. That his views are no better or worse than mine. And I am aware it bothers him a lot for his own reasons. So I try to make an effort and do what I can to alleviate his discomforts. It doesnt make me feel like I am being put out or that I am "losing my identity." I view this as having consideration for the person you're devoted to. Or in a more flattering way, as one of my many tokens of my affection towards the Tin Man. He too does the same for me, ACTINIUM Style!
Well its late and here are the photos from the weekend;
Here's me in the car on the way to NF. [Fri 8/4/06]
Here's the Tin Man and me, on the Maid of Mist Tour. Yeah I know, where's the friggin falls? Believe me its nearby :) You'll have to take my word for that. At least with the photo you can see the mist from the falls itself. [Sat 8/5/06]
Here's the Tin Man, he's very manly. I dig it. [Sat 8/6/06]
Here's us at one of the 3D/4D theater, the story itself was lame but I thought it made for a fun picture. A little nostalgia if you will. [Sat 8/5/06]
Last but not least, here is another large picture of the Tin Man standing by sumthing Skylon sumthing, unfortunately it was extremely bright that day and I couldnt even see the image on his digital camera. I wasn't able to get it all, the Revolving Sphere part on the top. I know many of you are crushed, but for real jose, the sun was blinding and the heat was murder! [Sun 8/6/06]
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Must Add (+) 1 more thing = ...
I forgot to mention in my earlier posting one incident happened at the Red Cross that just goes to show why hard of hearing deafies like myself get caught in the common misunderstanding that as a deafie...
MY SPEECH IS NOT A REFLECTION OF MY HEARING ABILITY!!!!
While speaking to the assistant, she told me one of their instructors knows ASL. I was skeptical for several reasons. One just because someone claims they know ASL, doesn't mean jack to me. For all I know its one of those who volunteer at the Church terping the sermon. I need to see credentials. And secondly, I dont want to be stuck waiting for 1 instructors schedule to be freed up just for me. I rather have a terp. When I explained that to her, she said, "Why no you don't need an interpreter, we're doing just fine, right?" I was like "when Im taking a class, I will need to look up and down to the class materials or demonstration and I need the information without working for it. And what if other students in the class have questions or whatever I cant hear." She looked geniunely shocked by my insistence for an interpreter. This is my right, if I am taking a class in a public setting, I have the right to use the best communication methods for my needs. Funny its the same shit day in, day out. If only it were the Matrix, then I could simply recommend people to check out the programming on deaf culture and ASL and be done with it.
MY SPEECH IS NOT A REFLECTION OF MY HEARING ABILITY!!!!
While speaking to the assistant, she told me one of their instructors knows ASL. I was skeptical for several reasons. One just because someone claims they know ASL, doesn't mean jack to me. For all I know its one of those who volunteer at the Church terping the sermon. I need to see credentials. And secondly, I dont want to be stuck waiting for 1 instructors schedule to be freed up just for me. I rather have a terp. When I explained that to her, she said, "Why no you don't need an interpreter, we're doing just fine, right?" I was like "when Im taking a class, I will need to look up and down to the class materials or demonstration and I need the information without working for it. And what if other students in the class have questions or whatever I cant hear." She looked geniunely shocked by my insistence for an interpreter. This is my right, if I am taking a class in a public setting, I have the right to use the best communication methods for my needs. Funny its the same shit day in, day out. If only it were the Matrix, then I could simply recommend people to check out the programming on deaf culture and ASL and be done with it.
"So used to chaos" - Ronnie
Today I was to meet the hearing film director at the school to scout locations but he didnt show up till 11 25am! See the Tin Man offered to give me a lift over there so I wouldnt be out in the gawd awful heat. We waited in his nice AC car for 20 minutes, I even text messaged the director but no avail. It wasnt till we were driving downtown for brunch did he txt msg me but I figured I was there and I gave him 20 minutes of my time. Besides I am not being paid for this gig so if you can't at least show up when agreed why should I stick my neck out? After a few txt msg back and forth I asked the Tin Man to call him and terp for me, it became quite apparent that the director was bullshitting his answers about being there at 11am etc etc, I gave him the option to come back next week while I was working morning shift because today was my day off from work to edit and I took the time to go and meet him. The director said he would go ahead and scout the location and email me if any problems, so far no emails which means no problems as of now.
After we ate the Tin Man dropped me off at the nearby Red Cross of NYC for me to sign up for several courses. The woman who takes care of terps services isnt in today or tmw. Instead I spoke with her assistance who was a nice lady but couldnt help me much other than to bring to my attention that the Red Cross would be interested in having me be one of their instructor as well so its possible both LaGuardia and the Red Cross could get me work. They also have a mentoring program for Red Cross instructors so that will be excellent support and training. I was given the program coordinator's business card to email her with specifics.
Walked home from 66 st to 80th st, not too long and the heat was ok as long as I walked in the shade. Arrived back and ended up taking a LONG 4 hour nap. I needed it, the past few nights I got maybe 6 hours tops. I am a 9 hour woman! I need the rest, I was talking to Cain and we think people with ADD or ADHD require more sleep because we try so hard to focus at the task at hand (work, cleaning, relationships, etc etc) and for me as well being deaf and around hearies all day, its one long CONCENTRATION attempt. When I am tired I am done, I need to recharge my batteries to 5 bars, not 3!
Now doing some laundry and editing. One of my friends who's voice over I need is leaving next friday the 11th so I only have next week to do it. Tonight I am gonna just edit her scenes only and worry about the others later.
I am feeling better today, got many nice emails from friends. Ronnie in particular sent me a good one who's excerpt I hope she doesnt mind me posting below?
when I finally understood that my baggage is with me at all times I could be fully conscious of my triggers and in doing so I became confident and estemed. To accept that its a lifelong lesson overall is to be realistic to the point of actually appreciating all of those triggers.
So, with that said- I simply told X "I found that I am so used to chaos that I may habitually create it when things get too still/good." After saying outloud what my triggers were it became so natural for me to be aware of them at all times. With my bf now, I try hard to not let our dramas build upon each other by being the "better person" -defined as one who understands how buttons are easily pushed unintentionally and intentionally. As result your esteem is pretty damn good- there is no such thing as a flawless person! A redefinition of "high-self esteem" for me was also helpful. No one has it all made but we can have it all-together.
What is your goal? To be a blank slate (one who doesn't react bec of experience) or to be a person who reacts WITH experience? Note the key word with instead of from. It sounds like you are reactin FROM experience like I did for a long time and sometimes still do when I feel like I'm in over my head and honestly- want to feel bad for myself.
So, honestly you've got a good self esteem and that is not going anywhere- the doubts do not equate a bad self-esteem but rather an uncertian understanding of a new place in your life fitting into the puzzle that sums up YOU.
From Mom;
Just because some greedy, nasty, selfish people lived down to their basic instincts is no reason for you to think so little of yourself. You are everything that they are not. Look at all you have accomplished with your young life. Look at yourself in the mirror and see just how beautiful you are. Not just on the outside, but on the inside as well. I love you too much for you to think that about yourself. So stop it. Still love you the best. Mom
Thank you to everyone who took the time to give me the much needed pep talk. So the pity party has ended. As the Tin Man told me yesterday, its not all me when we get into these arguments. He has his own issues to deal with, like in the past he was treated so poorly that he vowed never to be treated that way again. So at times I think he gets riled up when he thinks I am putting him down. Not unlike me, eh? Last night I forgot what I said but he thought I was angry, quite the opposite, I was stating my view with determination, not to be angry and I saw he was getting upset so I simply grabbed his knee and replied, "Are you gonna let 1 little thing rattle you like that?" He looked surprised and replied, "I thought you were angry." Then it hit me, I think he confuses my strong feelings with "me attacking him personally", when no in reality, I was stating something that I believed in. Now I realize I must make the effort to let him know I say things strongly but that is all. And I wasn't angry or even annoyed, it was water off my back.
Also I think its ironic because during his childhood he attended a primarily Jewish school who basically looked down on him, where as I went to a hearing school and treated like shit. And here we are dating someone who shares a trait we were conditioned not to like. I also think the Jewish community in NYC is a lot different than the Jews all over the country. As a reform Jew, I know how secular the Jewish community can be. And I am glad the Tin Man isnt at all against Jews but the fundamentalist or those who practice seculsion. Not unlike the Amish Community or some Arab countries, where those in it stick to their own kind.
Tomorrow the Tin Man and I leave for a weekend getaway. I think we will be fine. I am glad we got the BS out of the way earlier this weekend. Nothing is worse then fighting with someone while on vacation, it totally kills the whole experience. Wish us luck!
After we ate the Tin Man dropped me off at the nearby Red Cross of NYC for me to sign up for several courses. The woman who takes care of terps services isnt in today or tmw. Instead I spoke with her assistance who was a nice lady but couldnt help me much other than to bring to my attention that the Red Cross would be interested in having me be one of their instructor as well so its possible both LaGuardia and the Red Cross could get me work. They also have a mentoring program for Red Cross instructors so that will be excellent support and training. I was given the program coordinator's business card to email her with specifics.
Walked home from 66 st to 80th st, not too long and the heat was ok as long as I walked in the shade. Arrived back and ended up taking a LONG 4 hour nap. I needed it, the past few nights I got maybe 6 hours tops. I am a 9 hour woman! I need the rest, I was talking to Cain and we think people with ADD or ADHD require more sleep because we try so hard to focus at the task at hand (work, cleaning, relationships, etc etc) and for me as well being deaf and around hearies all day, its one long CONCENTRATION attempt. When I am tired I am done, I need to recharge my batteries to 5 bars, not 3!
Now doing some laundry and editing. One of my friends who's voice over I need is leaving next friday the 11th so I only have next week to do it. Tonight I am gonna just edit her scenes only and worry about the others later.
I am feeling better today, got many nice emails from friends. Ronnie in particular sent me a good one who's excerpt I hope she doesnt mind me posting below?
when I finally understood that my baggage is with me at all times I could be fully conscious of my triggers and in doing so I became confident and estemed. To accept that its a lifelong lesson overall is to be realistic to the point of actually appreciating all of those triggers.
So, with that said- I simply told X "I found that I am so used to chaos that I may habitually create it when things get too still/good." After saying outloud what my triggers were it became so natural for me to be aware of them at all times. With my bf now, I try hard to not let our dramas build upon each other by being the "better person" -defined as one who understands how buttons are easily pushed unintentionally and intentionally. As result your esteem is pretty damn good- there is no such thing as a flawless person! A redefinition of "high-self esteem" for me was also helpful. No one has it all made but we can have it all-together.
What is your goal? To be a blank slate (one who doesn't react bec of experience) or to be a person who reacts WITH experience? Note the key word with instead of from. It sounds like you are reactin FROM experience like I did for a long time and sometimes still do when I feel like I'm in over my head and honestly- want to feel bad for myself.
So, honestly you've got a good self esteem and that is not going anywhere- the doubts do not equate a bad self-esteem but rather an uncertian understanding of a new place in your life fitting into the puzzle that sums up YOU.
From Mom;
Just because some greedy, nasty, selfish people lived down to their basic instincts is no reason for you to think so little of yourself. You are everything that they are not. Look at all you have accomplished with your young life. Look at yourself in the mirror and see just how beautiful you are. Not just on the outside, but on the inside as well. I love you too much for you to think that about yourself. So stop it. Still love you the best. Mom
Thank you to everyone who took the time to give me the much needed pep talk. So the pity party has ended. As the Tin Man told me yesterday, its not all me when we get into these arguments. He has his own issues to deal with, like in the past he was treated so poorly that he vowed never to be treated that way again. So at times I think he gets riled up when he thinks I am putting him down. Not unlike me, eh? Last night I forgot what I said but he thought I was angry, quite the opposite, I was stating my view with determination, not to be angry and I saw he was getting upset so I simply grabbed his knee and replied, "Are you gonna let 1 little thing rattle you like that?" He looked surprised and replied, "I thought you were angry." Then it hit me, I think he confuses my strong feelings with "me attacking him personally", when no in reality, I was stating something that I believed in. Now I realize I must make the effort to let him know I say things strongly but that is all. And I wasn't angry or even annoyed, it was water off my back.
Also I think its ironic because during his childhood he attended a primarily Jewish school who basically looked down on him, where as I went to a hearing school and treated like shit. And here we are dating someone who shares a trait we were conditioned not to like. I also think the Jewish community in NYC is a lot different than the Jews all over the country. As a reform Jew, I know how secular the Jewish community can be. And I am glad the Tin Man isnt at all against Jews but the fundamentalist or those who practice seculsion. Not unlike the Amish Community or some Arab countries, where those in it stick to their own kind.
Tomorrow the Tin Man and I leave for a weekend getaway. I think we will be fine. I am glad we got the BS out of the way earlier this weekend. Nothing is worse then fighting with someone while on vacation, it totally kills the whole experience. Wish us luck!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Validation and more...
Some of my friends have emailed me today telling me I am being too hard on myself from my earlier post. That no one is perfect and the Tin Man has his own issues which I have to consider. The Tin Man wrote to me and I appreciated very much what he had to say; (here's an excerpt from the earlier email.)
"About last night, that's basically what I was saying. I know I'm not perfector the world's greatest speaker, etc. But at the same time I do notice some defensiveness and at times. When it seems that you are classifying me as"everyone else" it does probably cause me to become aggressive with my points. So we're both right/wrong. "
After his email I wrote back saying it wasnt my deafness that I was afraid of pushing him away, but rather the cultural differences. I do not see the Tin Man as the "evil hearie" never have, never will. (he seems to think I do at times. But he merely confuses my frusturations with having to explain the same thing day in and day out and not to him but to the world). I am realistic to know that he knows little about deaf culture and only over time will he grow to appreciate it, perhaps even enjoy it? I do feel better, but still a little bummed. I think its the fact that I am still worried about saying the wrong thing. I find myself having a hard time thinking of the English words over ASL. I know my feelings would be more clear if I could use ASL all the time.
Anyways my friends and the Tin Man have told me to stop beating myself up over it, so I am gonna try. I just dont feel like smiling much today is all. I have tho distracted myself with online chess against the computer. I lose everytime but still I enjoy it.
My hours for next week got changed from night shift to morning shift. Ay yi yi, for 3 weeks I can do it, 9am to 1pm. This will free up my afternoons and evening for the film gig I am volunteering for. I will meet the director tmw to go over some locations for the shoot and the dates. I also plan to go to the Red Cross in person because everytime I call there, they HANG up! Yep the NYC redcross chapter, I know can you believe it?! And what gets me the most is how they say "I don't have time for this!" Exsqueeze me, you dont have time for this? How about me, I have to use it everytime I make a call, VP or online Relay... Christ sakes! And hello, its the red cross, you think with the international participation, they would have an ounce or two of patient for me to get the message across. I just need to request for an interpreter. And hearies wonder why deaf people are angry, gee what do they think could possibly be the reason?
Tonight I will visit Eddie with Blondie, Szymanski, Cain and the Tin Man, shoot some pool and just have some fun. No serious stuff for me, as of today I am allergic to all serious issues. I want to be stupid because "Ignorant is Bliss!"
"About last night, that's basically what I was saying. I know I'm not perfector the world's greatest speaker, etc. But at the same time I do notice some defensiveness and at times. When it seems that you are classifying me as"everyone else" it does probably cause me to become aggressive with my points. So we're both right/wrong. "
After his email I wrote back saying it wasnt my deafness that I was afraid of pushing him away, but rather the cultural differences. I do not see the Tin Man as the "evil hearie" never have, never will. (he seems to think I do at times. But he merely confuses my frusturations with having to explain the same thing day in and day out and not to him but to the world). I am realistic to know that he knows little about deaf culture and only over time will he grow to appreciate it, perhaps even enjoy it? I do feel better, but still a little bummed. I think its the fact that I am still worried about saying the wrong thing. I find myself having a hard time thinking of the English words over ASL. I know my feelings would be more clear if I could use ASL all the time.
Anyways my friends and the Tin Man have told me to stop beating myself up over it, so I am gonna try. I just dont feel like smiling much today is all. I have tho distracted myself with online chess against the computer. I lose everytime but still I enjoy it.
My hours for next week got changed from night shift to morning shift. Ay yi yi, for 3 weeks I can do it, 9am to 1pm. This will free up my afternoons and evening for the film gig I am volunteering for. I will meet the director tmw to go over some locations for the shoot and the dates. I also plan to go to the Red Cross in person because everytime I call there, they HANG up! Yep the NYC redcross chapter, I know can you believe it?! And what gets me the most is how they say "I don't have time for this!" Exsqueeze me, you dont have time for this? How about me, I have to use it everytime I make a call, VP or online Relay... Christ sakes! And hello, its the red cross, you think with the international participation, they would have an ounce or two of patient for me to get the message across. I just need to request for an interpreter. And hearies wonder why deaf people are angry, gee what do they think could possibly be the reason?
Tonight I will visit Eddie with Blondie, Szymanski, Cain and the Tin Man, shoot some pool and just have some fun. No serious stuff for me, as of today I am allergic to all serious issues. I want to be stupid because "Ignorant is Bliss!"
"Love all, trust a few"
This above quote is by Shakespeare and fits my mood to a T.
Ever since I was a little girl. I have repeatedly had my trust violated by others who I thought were my friends but in actuality they were using me. I made a doormat of myself for a good ten years that as an adult, I have major issues with trust. And being taken for granted. Plus with my first relationship I truly believed
Now the Tin Man has entered my life but my own insecurities are spilling over to my relationship with him and I am afraid I may inadvertly push him away because I am so scared of being hurt again. I have had too much hurt in my life that I just have a low tolerance of it. I know he is trying hard to put up with me and my defensive nature. I have to learn to trust him and let go of control. I know there's a chance I could end up with a broken heart again and the mere idea of it, scares me to no end. And it upsets me because I don't want to mess it up with him or for him to think my inability to fully trust someone is in anyway a reflection of who he is but rather who I was and I need to calm down. I know everyone has issues and I am overly sensitive, I wish I wasn't. Sometimes the sadness and being scared takes over and no amount of rationality or without a lot of assurance can I then let go and believe things will be ok. Because when I did so in the past, it only came back to haunt me and make me feel like a fool. Someone who wears their heart on their sleeves and deserves whatever happens to them.
I also spoke to someone who has ADHD themselves and he mentioned that people who have ADD/ADHD are often overly sensitive based on their past interactions that as an adult, we easily pick up on other people's feelings. I think this is very true, if the Tin Man is trying to tell me something important to him or something that really matters to him in a serious manner, I almost feel as if I need to defend myself instead of realizing he is just trying to make a point and that in my perception I see it as an attack. He has a strong personality and doesn't exactly say things gently so I get my feathers in a ruffle and my defenses go to Red Alert *imitates Star Trek alarm*
I grew up hearing the quote by Groucho Marx;
Still one cannot logic with the heart and I am trying not to take the easy way out and say. Hey, this is what happened to me so what else can you expect. But rather, this is what happened to me and I am trying hard to work on my issues because of it but it doesn't excuse my future mistakes at all. I just need to be aware of this and try to recognize when I am reacting out of fear of being hurt or whether or not I am reacting justifiably?
The only good news I can give myself is my bark is worse then my bite. Basically even if I react badly to something, I do not dwell on it nor do I keep score to berate the other further down the road. I can only know that yesterday has already happened, and I am trying my best today and tmw is a new day to try again. I am like a bear, I will howl and growl but I will not attack, simply I will more likely to try to nuzzle my way into your good graces or view whatever it is I did wrong by owning up to it, apologizing and moving on. I mean sure I could beat myself up, and I obviously do because its still on my mind today after some poor words were exchanged last night because I thought he was trying to accuse me or judge me and I have been both many times in the past that I immediately got defensive and felt like "hey wait a minute, I came out to have a good time not fight." and instead we ended up arguing and it was so dumb. I thought he was trying to change me or put down my way of life but he later explained he was thinking outloud and needed my reassurance on the topic that there was nothing to be worried about.
And he's right, in some weird messed up way, I am waiting for things to go wrong to say"aha! I knew it!" and I dont want to, how can I change this? Do I need to go back into therapy? I've said all I could about the past and I thought for the most part, I have put it behind me. Yet it still creeps up and spills into my everyday life. I know also for me, time is a major player when it comes to trust. All of my good friends who I trust deeply I have known for more than 10 years. In rare occassions do I trust someone within the first 6 months to a year. I've only made 1 friend before I left from MD to move to NYC that we clicked and my trust in her was unwavering. But this is an exception to the rule. I wish I could trust the Tin Man without any doubts, but its only been a little over 2 months. If he can be patient with me and not take my defensive reactions so personally I might be able to overcome this deep rooted fear of mine of being hurt? I know he has issues of how he was treated in the past so my issues do not help his at all but only make it worse!
Wow I am feeling very depressed today and like unsure of what to do and how to make it better? This weekend we are going out of town for a small vacation. I am worried I will cause it to go badly as I did last night and I don't trust myself right now to say the right things or react the right way. I almost want to tell him he's better off with someone less damaged so he doesnt have to put up with my shit. He's a great guy with a bright future, he doesn't need me to bring him down. I am still somewhat trying to figure out whats so great about me that makes him stay? I have no real income, no place to live, low self-esteem issues and so on what could he possibly see? Sure I know I am fun to be around, and I always have a wide variety of interests and hobbies and interesting points of view but surely thats not enough. And then to make it worse, I think sometimes he doesn't approve 0f me and it gets me more upset. I've made peace with myself when it comes to my way of life and my beliefs but I know the world overall thinks I am a fool with a devil may care attitude. I've spent too many years making other people happy that I can no longer do so without losing myself. I know thats another thing that scares me about being in love with the Tin Man is that I will lose myself and it took me a LONG time to get here. I think I have become reduant with this posting, basically to sum things up;
Ever since I was a little girl. I have repeatedly had my trust violated by others who I thought were my friends but in actuality they were using me. I made a doormat of myself for a good ten years that as an adult, I have major issues with trust. And being taken for granted. Plus with my first relationship I truly believed
And in doing so I stayed with someone who didn't really deserve my trust and belief in them and I ended up in such a bad place by the end of it that I vowed never to truly let my guard down. I felt like I owed it to myself to keep a small piece of me, that no one could ever touch but I see now this isnt working.Virgil, Eclogues
- "Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to Love."
Roman epic poet (70 BC - 19 BC)
- "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough." -Frank Crane.
Now the Tin Man has entered my life but my own insecurities are spilling over to my relationship with him and I am afraid I may inadvertly push him away because I am so scared of being hurt again. I have had too much hurt in my life that I just have a low tolerance of it. I know he is trying hard to put up with me and my defensive nature. I have to learn to trust him and let go of control. I know there's a chance I could end up with a broken heart again and the mere idea of it, scares me to no end. And it upsets me because I don't want to mess it up with him or for him to think my inability to fully trust someone is in anyway a reflection of who he is but rather who I was and I need to calm down. I know everyone has issues and I am overly sensitive, I wish I wasn't. Sometimes the sadness and being scared takes over and no amount of rationality or without a lot of assurance can I then let go and believe things will be ok. Because when I did so in the past, it only came back to haunt me and make me feel like a fool. Someone who wears their heart on their sleeves and deserves whatever happens to them.
I also spoke to someone who has ADHD themselves and he mentioned that people who have ADD/ADHD are often overly sensitive based on their past interactions that as an adult, we easily pick up on other people's feelings. I think this is very true, if the Tin Man is trying to tell me something important to him or something that really matters to him in a serious manner, I almost feel as if I need to defend myself instead of realizing he is just trying to make a point and that in my perception I see it as an attack. He has a strong personality and doesn't exactly say things gently so I get my feathers in a ruffle and my defenses go to Red Alert *imitates Star Trek alarm*
I grew up hearing the quote by Groucho Marx;
- "I sent the club a wiring stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DONT WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. "
Still one cannot logic with the heart and I am trying not to take the easy way out and say. Hey, this is what happened to me so what else can you expect. But rather, this is what happened to me and I am trying hard to work on my issues because of it but it doesn't excuse my future mistakes at all. I just need to be aware of this and try to recognize when I am reacting out of fear of being hurt or whether or not I am reacting justifiably?The only good news I can give myself is my bark is worse then my bite. Basically even if I react badly to something, I do not dwell on it nor do I keep score to berate the other further down the road. I can only know that yesterday has already happened, and I am trying my best today and tmw is a new day to try again. I am like a bear, I will howl and growl but I will not attack, simply I will more likely to try to nuzzle my way into your good graces or view whatever it is I did wrong by owning up to it, apologizing and moving on. I mean sure I could beat myself up, and I obviously do because its still on my mind today after some poor words were exchanged last night because I thought he was trying to accuse me or judge me and I have been both many times in the past that I immediately got defensive and felt like "hey wait a minute, I came out to have a good time not fight." and instead we ended up arguing and it was so dumb. I thought he was trying to change me or put down my way of life but he later explained he was thinking outloud and needed my reassurance on the topic that there was nothing to be worried about.
And he's right, in some weird messed up way, I am waiting for things to go wrong to say"aha! I knew it!" and I dont want to, how can I change this? Do I need to go back into therapy? I've said all I could about the past and I thought for the most part, I have put it behind me. Yet it still creeps up and spills into my everyday life. I know also for me, time is a major player when it comes to trust. All of my good friends who I trust deeply I have known for more than 10 years. In rare occassions do I trust someone within the first 6 months to a year. I've only made 1 friend before I left from MD to move to NYC that we clicked and my trust in her was unwavering. But this is an exception to the rule. I wish I could trust the Tin Man without any doubts, but its only been a little over 2 months. If he can be patient with me and not take my defensive reactions so personally I might be able to overcome this deep rooted fear of mine of being hurt? I know he has issues of how he was treated in the past so my issues do not help his at all but only make it worse!
Wow I am feeling very depressed today and like unsure of what to do and how to make it better? This weekend we are going out of town for a small vacation. I am worried I will cause it to go badly as I did last night and I don't trust myself right now to say the right things or react the right way. I almost want to tell him he's better off with someone less damaged so he doesnt have to put up with my shit. He's a great guy with a bright future, he doesn't need me to bring him down. I am still somewhat trying to figure out whats so great about me that makes him stay? I have no real income, no place to live, low self-esteem issues and so on what could he possibly see? Sure I know I am fun to be around, and I always have a wide variety of interests and hobbies and interesting points of view but surely thats not enough. And then to make it worse, I think sometimes he doesn't approve 0f me and it gets me more upset. I've made peace with myself when it comes to my way of life and my beliefs but I know the world overall thinks I am a fool with a devil may care attitude. I've spent too many years making other people happy that I can no longer do so without losing myself. I know thats another thing that scares me about being in love with the Tin Man is that I will lose myself and it took me a LONG time to get here. I think I have become reduant with this posting, basically to sum things up;
- I have low self-esteem so my defenses are always up
- I react before thinking sometimes
- I wonder what he really sees in me that makes it worthwhile for him?
- I want to make things right but I don't know how
- I get flustered easily when my words or sentences are used against me or I am asked to remember specifics because having ADD means I cannot memorize specifics but the overall bigger picture and my feelings from it.
- I will keep trying and I hope the Tin Man can give me time because that is the best present I can have. Nothing else but time will allow me to lower my defenses and learn not only to love but to trust.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Checkmate!
Yesterday was a good day, got some editing done which is always good. Am currently researching FCP classes. I will meet with one instructor this Friday for discussing which class would be ideal for me. I like this program because it is 1 on 1 training which means I don't have to worry about gettting a terp and I can customized it accordingly. I am leaning towards the 6 hour course and breaking it down to 3 two hours meeting instead of 2 three hour meetings? And I will also sign up for the Red Cross 1st aid, CPR training review for becoming a certified Red Cross instructor. This will give me more work opportunities.
Last night Szymanski came by for dinner, Cain was a sweetie and cooked us all pad thai with peanut sauce and shrimp. Yum! Then Szymanski and I went to a nearby Victoria Secrets for me to use up my gift certificate that I recieved last April after my surgery.
Today I am back to work at Media. Its nice to see my co workers and it seems for the month of August I will be the floater, basically covering other people's shifts while they are on vacation.
Tonight I will see the Tin Man. On Sunday (2 nights ago) he gave me a refresher in playing Chess. Of course I lost because I have never been good at stragety games but ironically I think my RPG (role playing games) have improved my stragety methods. I am ready for a rematch tonight!
Gonna go hunt for my web designer now... latah!
Last night Szymanski came by for dinner, Cain was a sweetie and cooked us all pad thai with peanut sauce and shrimp. Yum! Then Szymanski and I went to a nearby Victoria Secrets for me to use up my gift certificate that I recieved last April after my surgery.
Today I am back to work at Media. Its nice to see my co workers and it seems for the month of August I will be the floater, basically covering other people's shifts while they are on vacation.
Tonight I will see the Tin Man. On Sunday (2 nights ago) he gave me a refresher in playing Chess. Of course I lost because I have never been good at stragety games but ironically I think my RPG (role playing games) have improved my stragety methods. I am ready for a rematch tonight!
Gonna go hunt for my web designer now... latah!
Sunday, July 30, 2006
My 2 step editing formula
I read somewhere that sharing files between I-movie and FCP was relatively easy. Guess what? Its not. But I do like clipping and reviewing footage in Imovie before the actually assembly takes place in FCP. So I am currently waiting for the transfer back on mini-dv. Then I will import the footage in batches for editing with FCP. I could have gone directly to FCP but honestly, Imovie for clippings, reviewing, etc etc is nicer.
Yesterday was the OZZfest! Poor Knob (who was my original date), I saw there was an email sent to me on Saturday morning timed at 5 17am !!, work related crap came up :( Then by 11am it became clear she wasnt able to go. Bummer, I was dejected. But sweet Knob, she said I could bring a friend. Well of course I asked the Tin Man to be my date! I knew this wasn't his ideal date but I figured there was no one else I would rather be with and go to a cool ass concert! He accepted the invitation. We joked we would see maybe (diversity) peeps that we could count off our fingers at this event. Because we knowingly knew it generally attracts the redneck crowds... We took the bus over to Randalls Island. It was a hop, scotch, jump away from East Harlem. I was really excited to go. My ex never wanted to go to any of the events I enjoyed during most of our relationship. I was glad the Tin Man was willing to accompany me on an event I would very much have a good time at.
We got there and after obtaining our tickets, we went in. It was a park and had 2 stages facing each other. So the bands would alternate between the 2 stages. Lots of vendors selling clothing, marijunna propoganda items, hard rock jewerly even one vendor did body paint. Some of the girls there had the nerve to get their chest painted and go shirtless... wow, I could never do that in broad daylight. Its a different generation than mine. Because all of the girls were in their early 20s. But then again how is that any different from the 60s topless or the 70s bra burning decade? There will always be young women with exhibitionist tendencies. Thats what makes life interesting. Saw lots of cool tattoos but saw as many that I thought were LAME!
Here's a pix from the vendors area, it sums up the mood well.
And I brought a cool ass bracelet! The Tin Man liked it (even if it didnt match my clothing- I was wearing a jean skirt and a pink top). But like me, I am for the most part feminine but there's still a rocker chick inside of me. I may not identify with it as much as I did in my teens and 20s but that hard edge will always be a part of who I am. One cannot deny their roots as it accounts for who they are today. As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet "to thine own self be true"
Because Knob couldn't make it she missed one small area of the festival with a Guitar Exhibit from many famous guitar players. I took these photos for her to appreciate and let her know I was thinking of her! Sadly I didn't bother to pay attention to the make or who it previously belonged to as many people know I have seen guitars all my life (Uncle Robviously, Sorry, MStone etc etc).
The music was great! And it was hot, we would take turns walking around and resting in the shade. There was no real shade in the stage areas. I didn't want to end up looking like a lobster so for the most part, we listen to the music and took in the sights from afar the stage. We found this nifty tree stump that we visted 2 or 3xs during our 5 hour stay for the concert. Around 7ish, I was ready to go. We both were hungry and the food there was like it is everywhere else (sporting events, concerts, etc) are known for the overpriced cardboard induced flavored items for purchases. We wanted a satisfying dinner.
So we left and returned to Manhattan. The Tin Man and I agreed for the most part, the concert attendees were from out of towners who still hang their confederacy flag at home and think Black people love watermelons. Sure we saw some deviants such as ourselves but they were far and few in between.
Thank YOU KNOB for a wonderful birthday gift. I wish you had been able to make it but I understand why you weren't able to. Next time, I'm gonna take us to a different concert.
Blondie and Cain have given me their blessing to continue to live with them till sept/oct.. I just wanted a BREAK from the apt hunting in August (especially with the heat and editing). Many people have been asking me whats happening with that. Well the answer is, its on HOLD. Until I have a work schedule and cooler weather has arrived. So please stop asking me. (In the past week I have had 4 or 5 different people ask me about that).
Here's a picture of me and the Tin Man, from yesterday's OZZfest. As you can see I am kinda sneering because right before the picture was taken, we were teasing each other...
Yesterday was the OZZfest! Poor Knob (who was my original date), I saw there was an email sent to me on Saturday morning timed at 5 17am !!, work related crap came up :( Then by 11am it became clear she wasnt able to go. Bummer, I was dejected. But sweet Knob, she said I could bring a friend. Well of course I asked the Tin Man to be my date! I knew this wasn't his ideal date but I figured there was no one else I would rather be with and go to a cool ass concert! He accepted the invitation. We joked we would see maybe (diversity) peeps that we could count off our fingers at this event. Because we knowingly knew it generally attracts the redneck crowds... We took the bus over to Randalls Island. It was a hop, scotch, jump away from East Harlem. I was really excited to go. My ex never wanted to go to any of the events I enjoyed during most of our relationship. I was glad the Tin Man was willing to accompany me on an event I would very much have a good time at.
We got there and after obtaining our tickets, we went in. It was a park and had 2 stages facing each other. So the bands would alternate between the 2 stages. Lots of vendors selling clothing, marijunna propoganda items, hard rock jewerly even one vendor did body paint. Some of the girls there had the nerve to get their chest painted and go shirtless... wow, I could never do that in broad daylight. Its a different generation than mine. Because all of the girls were in their early 20s. But then again how is that any different from the 60s topless or the 70s bra burning decade? There will always be young women with exhibitionist tendencies. Thats what makes life interesting. Saw lots of cool tattoos but saw as many that I thought were LAME!
Here's a pix from the vendors area, it sums up the mood well.
And I brought a cool ass bracelet! The Tin Man liked it (even if it didnt match my clothing- I was wearing a jean skirt and a pink top). But like me, I am for the most part feminine but there's still a rocker chick inside of me. I may not identify with it as much as I did in my teens and 20s but that hard edge will always be a part of who I am. One cannot deny their roots as it accounts for who they are today. As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet "to thine own self be true"
Because Knob couldn't make it she missed one small area of the festival with a Guitar Exhibit from many famous guitar players. I took these photos for her to appreciate and let her know I was thinking of her! Sadly I didn't bother to pay attention to the make or who it previously belonged to as many people know I have seen guitars all my life (Uncle Robviously, Sorry, MStone etc etc).
The music was great! And it was hot, we would take turns walking around and resting in the shade. There was no real shade in the stage areas. I didn't want to end up looking like a lobster so for the most part, we listen to the music and took in the sights from afar the stage. We found this nifty tree stump that we visted 2 or 3xs during our 5 hour stay for the concert. Around 7ish, I was ready to go. We both were hungry and the food there was like it is everywhere else (sporting events, concerts, etc) are known for the overpriced cardboard induced flavored items for purchases. We wanted a satisfying dinner.
So we left and returned to Manhattan. The Tin Man and I agreed for the most part, the concert attendees were from out of towners who still hang their confederacy flag at home and think Black people love watermelons. Sure we saw some deviants such as ourselves but they were far and few in between.
Thank YOU KNOB for a wonderful birthday gift. I wish you had been able to make it but I understand why you weren't able to. Next time, I'm gonna take us to a different concert.
Blondie and Cain have given me their blessing to continue to live with them till sept/oct.. I just wanted a BREAK from the apt hunting in August (especially with the heat and editing). Many people have been asking me whats happening with that. Well the answer is, its on HOLD. Until I have a work schedule and cooler weather has arrived. So please stop asking me. (In the past week I have had 4 or 5 different people ask me about that).
Here's a picture of me and the Tin Man, from yesterday's OZZfest. As you can see I am kinda sneering because right before the picture was taken, we were teasing each other...
Friday, July 28, 2006
Audism example or not?
Got this bit from Ridor's site. Thanks to Burke too!!
Those of you who are signing or deaf impaired pls avoid thinking this is acceptable;
The fingerspelling barely legible and since most hearies (% wise think) they know how to fingerspell the ABCs. For those of you who do not want the eye strain, it reads " I am not a dummy."
Great, now I have to wonder whether or not
A- it was done on purpose because the artist thought people would know the joke?
B- Hidden from plain view on purpose to speak to an elite group that could appreciate what it read?
or many possible other reasons. But the good news is now we can see an example of bad propoganda from 140 years ago and it still rears its ugly head presently. The signing/deaf/pathologically impaired crowd are obsessed with our ability to meet their communication needs. The signing/deaf/pathologically impaired individuals would have either killed us off in the past or "tried to fixs us." Obviously if nature thought we needed to be exterminated, we would have been extinct long ago. Survival of the fittest, eh? Humans we are way more adaptable then we realize. We don't know this because lets face it. Its easier to fit in, blend, be part of a crowd, then it is to go against the mainstream views and deal with the ramifications of it.
When I was very little. I don't remeber who, what or where or even why but my Mother took me to some kind of family social event with friends and one of the little girls there had a badly burned arm. I remeber being afraid of her touching me. I knew something was "wrong" about her arm and for a long time afterwards I used to wonder what it would feel like to have her problem instead of "mine." Then I realized, it feels exactly the same way in the sense that it is YOU. Inside, your voice cannot really see what everyone else sees. Only the reaction you get from them is what you can see of their response or interraction with you. Maybe I am not explaining this well? Another example would be if youre a kid and someone has surgery and you see a scar on their knee. You wonder how it feels to be that someone with that scar. Then eventually perhaps due to a fall, fist fight, whatever you too get a scar and then you realize, it still feels like you. Only now you with a scar and know better that scars are superficial. I cannot promise this makes sense. The English Language has its limitations... what can I do do?
A Reason
I love the song below first 2 paragraphs and it sums up everything perfectly except for the line ("And so I have to say before I go") because as anyone knows, I am not going anywhere. The Tin Man knows I am here to stay.
I think I became one after watching his 1 man show called, FREAK.
And many people don't even know he played the annoying, clown, mentor from Hell to the character Spawn. I did like that movie even if it started off slow at times.
Yesterdays Set Designing meet went well. This will be the 3rd time I've worked with Alexis for a hearing movie set. I met the director yesterday name Jose who is Mexican and later the Producer who's name escapes me but is from Russia. Alexis is Greek so it was an interesting mix. I ofc followed (conversation-wise) the Russian dude and Jose the least and Alexis the best but the mission was achieved, teamwork was at its best. We went to a place called Materials for the Arts in Queens. Basically its a large storage area, not so much a warehouse but 1 floor with wall to wall donated items that are free for non-profit organizations to use in theater, film and education. I really enjoyed seeing it first hand and it made me appreciate how lucky my film shoots have been because for the most part props for me were not an issue and I generally make do with what I have. Check it out, and the best part to me is this and I quote "In 2004, 558 tons of materials were distributed valued at $3.8 million. Those materials are kept out of landfills and find their way to NYC art groups, schools and non-profit groups with art programs." Its good to see the art of recycling well in use.
I will shower soon and meet King, Szymanski and Blondie (maybe) for lunch and then its editing TIME!
Artist: Hoobastank
Album: The Reason
Song: The Reason
Lyrics:
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I think I became one after watching his 1 man show called, FREAK.
And many people don't even know he played the annoying, clown, mentor from Hell to the character Spawn. I did like that movie even if it started off slow at times.
Yesterdays Set Designing meet went well. This will be the 3rd time I've worked with Alexis for a hearing movie set. I met the director yesterday name Jose who is Mexican and later the Producer who's name escapes me but is from Russia. Alexis is Greek so it was an interesting mix. I ofc followed (conversation-wise) the Russian dude and Jose the least and Alexis the best but the mission was achieved, teamwork was at its best. We went to a place called Materials for the Arts in Queens. Basically its a large storage area, not so much a warehouse but 1 floor with wall to wall donated items that are free for non-profit organizations to use in theater, film and education. I really enjoyed seeing it first hand and it made me appreciate how lucky my film shoots have been because for the most part props for me were not an issue and I generally make do with what I have. Check it out, and the best part to me is this and I quote "In 2004, 558 tons of materials were distributed valued at $3.8 million. Those materials are kept out of landfills and find their way to NYC art groups, schools and non-profit groups with art programs." Its good to see the art of recycling well in use.
I will shower soon and meet King, Szymanski and Blondie (maybe) for lunch and then its editing TIME!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Taking off the "Blinders"
We (Blondie, Tin Man and I) were whisked away to the magical land of IKEA, where items only dreamed up by mere mortals were on displays. Colorful, delightful themes emerged as we passed through the various halls... I didnt buy anything except a set of 4 glasses for Blondies place as I've broken a few since I moved in. Its hard to believe almost 2 months have flown by.
Tmw I will meet with the chair of my program to explain that until the content test has been revised, I see no interest in taking it again. And secondly that I will not be student teaching this fall simply because I am not interested in slave labor (working FT without pay and then having to pay tution for credit! Which basically means I am paying myself to work? Nah....)
I was feeling the summer blues a little yesterday as I have been trying to find the right balance between my social life, work life and dating the Tin Man. Slowly I am finding my way. He wanted to see me and I told him I wasnt in a bad mood but I wasnt my chipper self. But by the end ot the day I had a lot of fun with the Tin Man, we are starting to mesh our sense of humor. And I am glad he has one :) He can make me roll, tears streaming down my face at times at the way he story-tells things. I grow to appreciate him more and more everyday.
I also will be helping a film set during August for a hearing production. As soon as I get my work hours established, then I can figure out when I am free to help witht he production as a set dresser. I still need to review the script before the meeting this thursday.
The things I am looking forward to the most is when I will visit with my web designer Trantula Boy and see how the website is looking as well as give him the other products to add to the www.
Well I should be sleeping but a tad bit wired, gonna go devour a few pages of a book *sound of paper pages crunching* (images of little books with legs and arms fleeing away in terror....)
Tmw I will meet with the chair of my program to explain that until the content test has been revised, I see no interest in taking it again. And secondly that I will not be student teaching this fall simply because I am not interested in slave labor (working FT without pay and then having to pay tution for credit! Which basically means I am paying myself to work? Nah....)
I was feeling the summer blues a little yesterday as I have been trying to find the right balance between my social life, work life and dating the Tin Man. Slowly I am finding my way. He wanted to see me and I told him I wasnt in a bad mood but I wasnt my chipper self. But by the end ot the day I had a lot of fun with the Tin Man, we are starting to mesh our sense of humor. And I am glad he has one :) He can make me roll, tears streaming down my face at times at the way he story-tells things. I grow to appreciate him more and more everyday.
I also will be helping a film set during August for a hearing production. As soon as I get my work hours established, then I can figure out when I am free to help witht he production as a set dresser. I still need to review the script before the meeting this thursday.
The things I am looking forward to the most is when I will visit with my web designer Trantula Boy and see how the website is looking as well as give him the other products to add to the www.
Well I should be sleeping but a tad bit wired, gonna go devour a few pages of a book *sound of paper pages crunching* (images of little books with legs and arms fleeing away in terror....)
Monday, July 24, 2006
Life's musings...
My family (esp Mom and Baba) would be very surprised at my need for order and lack of clutter. I'm grateful for staying at Blondies s and I know its my crap oozing everywhere! Finally went thru my paperwork and bills. What to keep, or toss and shred? Unfortunately I'm a little frusturated with Cleo the "mini Napoleon/Hitler/Bin Laden" Kitty. She is sooo pissy and when I go to put something away or organize, she freaks and scratches me! I bent down to do something, (not even aware she was around), and I got scratched on my scalp!
The Tin Man and I spent the whole weekend together. Its great feeling to be falling so hard for someone. Its also scary because even tho we share lots of similar views, but there are just as many opposite views that must be contended with. Funny my friends all say they hate to fight with me. But the Tin Man makes me look docile when it comes to debating or arguing a point. Sometimes I'm ready to throw in the towel and he's not. I'm really not interested in arguing with a person I care for. I need to learn to remind him in the future, that there are no winner or losers when it comes to disagreements. Just 2 people who care for each other trying to connect. Its only been approx 2 months. And I'm still adjusting to him and him to me. I can say proudly that we do communicate calmy for the most part and we re not out to put each other down (name calling, belittling, degrading the others) but more of trying to understand the his/her pov. Relationships especially those related to the heart are often the most painful. I think its because for me personally I truly want to be honest and myself with the person yet sometimes the person doesn't like what they see, hear, receive or is told. And then I start to get unhappy because I can either be myself and risk losing a person or I can submerge the qualities, views etc of my own and lose myself. There's a price to pay with trusting and caring for someone else (family, friends and partners.) As the saying goes "the road to hell is paved by the best of intentions."
Well I'm stuck today because I couldn't focus on editing while the place looks like a bomb went off so I cleaned!
Then when I finally got it settled, I went to get my external hard drive and Cleo got me again! This time my foot. I hate hate hate being scratch on my feet! I can handle scratches just about anywhere else but not on my feet. So now I have the HD but one piece of wiring is not visibly available. It could be by the desk area but Cleo is guarding the TV area and has messed up the wiring with a few confrontations with Tom who what a sweetie tried to defend me to Clea. Unfortunately that means the cable and internet are both down :[ and I still can't look around for the wire that I need to transfer other film projects and make room for the 3rd movie. Tsk! Cat[! Who has trained who here?
I must also add, that the Tin Man has a wonderful sense of observations when it comes to human behavior. I quite enjoy hearing about the hearings misconceptions on us Deafies. Wow, I need to make some serious educational documentaries that are entertaining that society at large would enjoy watching. And at the same time tear down some of the ignorance by the hearing community on what constitutes as a deaf person. I know I cannot change the whole world but if I can educate even just one person, it is worth it for me. Its sad that humans in general have not master the art of civily and respect, as well as the art of tolerance and acceptance. It seems not to be of our nature. Afterall we are animals, who are currently dominating the earth but if there was something else bigger, larger (intelligent or not) and we were a tasty morsel, we would be no different from chickens and cows.
The Tin Man and I spent the whole weekend together. Its great feeling to be falling so hard for someone. Its also scary because even tho we share lots of similar views, but there are just as many opposite views that must be contended with. Funny my friends all say they hate to fight with me. But the Tin Man makes me look docile when it comes to debating or arguing a point. Sometimes I'm ready to throw in the towel and he's not. I'm really not interested in arguing with a person I care for. I need to learn to remind him in the future, that there are no winner or losers when it comes to disagreements. Just 2 people who care for each other trying to connect. Its only been approx 2 months. And I'm still adjusting to him and him to me. I can say proudly that we do communicate calmy for the most part and we re not out to put each other down (name calling, belittling, degrading the others) but more of trying to understand the his/her pov. Relationships especially those related to the heart are often the most painful. I think its because for me personally I truly want to be honest and myself with the person yet sometimes the person doesn't like what they see, hear, receive or is told. And then I start to get unhappy because I can either be myself and risk losing a person or I can submerge the qualities, views etc of my own and lose myself. There's a price to pay with trusting and caring for someone else (family, friends and partners.) As the saying goes "the road to hell is paved by the best of intentions."
Well I'm stuck today because I couldn't focus on editing while the place looks like a bomb went off so I cleaned!
Then when I finally got it settled, I went to get my external hard drive and Cleo got me again! This time my foot. I hate hate hate being scratch on my feet! I can handle scratches just about anywhere else but not on my feet. So now I have the HD but one piece of wiring is not visibly available. It could be by the desk area but Cleo is guarding the TV area and has messed up the wiring with a few confrontations with Tom who what a sweetie tried to defend me to Clea. Unfortunately that means the cable and internet are both down :[ and I still can't look around for the wire that I need to transfer other film projects and make room for the 3rd movie. Tsk! Cat[! Who has trained who here?
I must also add, that the Tin Man has a wonderful sense of observations when it comes to human behavior. I quite enjoy hearing about the hearings misconceptions on us Deafies. Wow, I need to make some serious educational documentaries that are entertaining that society at large would enjoy watching. And at the same time tear down some of the ignorance by the hearing community on what constitutes as a deaf person. I know I cannot change the whole world but if I can educate even just one person, it is worth it for me. Its sad that humans in general have not master the art of civily and respect, as well as the art of tolerance and acceptance. It seems not to be of our nature. Afterall we are animals, who are currently dominating the earth but if there was something else bigger, larger (intelligent or not) and we were a tasty morsel, we would be no different from chickens and cows.
Friday, July 21, 2006
"Why You CRYInG?
A book written by George Lopez and Armen Keteyan that I am reading right now. I actually laugh at some of it outloud which says a lot of a comic's ability to tell a joke. I have always liked autobiographies/ghost writers feel type books based on famous people (celebrities, historical figures, and everyday people.)
There's also another book I recommend by Drew Carey called "Dirty Jokes And Beer; STORIES OF THE UNREFINED." that I also enjoyed several years ago. Surprisingly his book has three sections, his bio, his show, and 2 short stories he wrote I think during college?
Several books writen by Oliver Sacks as a doctor and researcher interests me but only in regards to his work, studies. But his autobiographical writing seriously lacks in my opinion. How can a fascinating man write in such a boring fashion about his own life?
I remeber as a kid reading "PT 109." That JFK's day during WWII. (btw thats Kennedy Im refering to, not Fernaduck!) I hAve lately been meaning to read Malcolm X's autobiogrpahy. For 700 pagaes, it better be well written. Otherwise I will end up skimming. Its nice being done with graduate school. I can finally read for pleasure again. I don't answer to higher academics anymore :)
I was asked to help out on another hearing set. I think I will contribute a few days. Since I'm taking a major paycut due to status change from student to part timer at one of my jobs. Yep thats how it goes. I see no reason to rush back. I learned back in my teens that there are some jobs that are simply not worth your time. I am a firm believer of carrying my weight at a job or having a paycheck but not to the point where if I earned nothing to allow me to live, then whats the point? Thats why I do believe hard work is essential in order to learn new things or new experiences. But I need to either earn something in terms of $$ or experience. Both are equal currency in my decisions on what I will do. Its awful I know.
BTW I stand corrected; I am a strong believer in giving credit where credit is due. So I guess this means in reality of Dylan that I only like 2 songs tops from his career. Oh well... Here's a Post script from Mom's email below.
"Oh by the way, Bob Dylan did not do I am a Rock. It was Simon & Garfunkle. Trust me I have the albums....I think Paul Simon wrote it?"
So Ive decided to use the magical Ask.com site over Google *gasps* Ok she was right that Simon penned it. But I wasnt wrong either because apparently the Christian community (Church Sermon's Minister types like to borrow the phrase.) A lot of results either went to Simon and Garfunkel and or in someone's Sermon copy. This was gathered from both Ask.com and Google.com. Two heads or in this case, search engines are better than one. I am glad I am allowed to visit the Tin Man's Island, because ironically he does live on an Island.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Bob Dylan on the BRAIN
Funny, I noticed for a hearing person how different the Tin Man is in some ways. Two examples come to mind.
1-hes not gung ho, overly obsessed with MUSIC. As for me, I go for two things when it comes to muisc, first how it sounds and then what are the words?
2-he made an observation about how if placing a set of speakers on the desk, it would only amplify the sound waves thereby creating more vibrations. And us deafies we hate that shit when we re sleeping. True biz and for him to point that out to me and Blondie wow, I was impressed!
Sadly tho I realized I need to up the ASL usage around him. Ugh hearies hate this part of deaf-hearing relationship. See if a deafie goes too long being an oralist they feel they cannot be themselves. I'm hoping he will sign up for ASL level 1 at LaGaurdia Comm College. *hint hint*
The name of todays title Bob Dylan because in one of his songs he quoted "I am a Rock, I am an Island. For a Rock feels no pain and an Island never cries." Which I think comes from the bible originally. Sometimes I think the Tin Man believes this but he forget. A rock and an island are lifeless, he is very full of life and I appreciate having him in mine.
I also love the song "Man in Me." If you get a chance as a deafie, check out the lyrics and imagine it being sung in a folksy way and twange of humor along side it. I haven't been getting much sleep. Funny how it is when you first date someone, you just want to be with them all the time. But I never want to "overkill" and become siamese twins. Even tho when we re physically apart, we re not. Besides I'm missing some friends for example I will finally, finally see Joe Joy. The last time we really got to hang was last May right after I returned from the JKF protest. I do wonder what the fall will bring? Szymanski has been good about sharing me with the Tin Man. I do miss her a lot too! God that girl is fricking hilariouus and extremely bright! Anyone who doesn't know any better is totally missing out on a one of a kind! And I love one of a kind!
Tom and Cleo the cats have been extremely bitchy on edge. I need to make more of an effort to find a place to live. I don't want to become the extended "houseguest" if you will. Blondie is a Saint, thank yOu!
1-hes not gung ho, overly obsessed with MUSIC. As for me, I go for two things when it comes to muisc, first how it sounds and then what are the words?
2-he made an observation about how if placing a set of speakers on the desk, it would only amplify the sound waves thereby creating more vibrations. And us deafies we hate that shit when we re sleeping. True biz and for him to point that out to me and Blondie wow, I was impressed!
Sadly tho I realized I need to up the ASL usage around him. Ugh hearies hate this part of deaf-hearing relationship. See if a deafie goes too long being an oralist they feel they cannot be themselves. I'm hoping he will sign up for ASL level 1 at LaGaurdia Comm College. *hint hint*
The name of todays title Bob Dylan because in one of his songs he quoted "I am a Rock, I am an Island. For a Rock feels no pain and an Island never cries." Which I think comes from the bible originally. Sometimes I think the Tin Man believes this but he forget. A rock and an island are lifeless, he is very full of life and I appreciate having him in mine.
I also love the song "Man in Me." If you get a chance as a deafie, check out the lyrics and imagine it being sung in a folksy way and twange of humor along side it. I haven't been getting much sleep. Funny how it is when you first date someone, you just want to be with them all the time. But I never want to "overkill" and become siamese twins. Even tho when we re physically apart, we re not. Besides I'm missing some friends for example I will finally, finally see Joe Joy. The last time we really got to hang was last May right after I returned from the JKF protest. I do wonder what the fall will bring? Szymanski has been good about sharing me with the Tin Man. I do miss her a lot too! God that girl is fricking hilariouus and extremely bright! Anyone who doesn't know any better is totally missing out on a one of a kind! And I love one of a kind!
Tom and Cleo the cats have been extremely bitchy on edge. I need to make more of an effort to find a place to live. I don't want to become the extended "houseguest" if you will. Blondie is a Saint, thank yOu!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Old wounds...
have been knocked down. There was something from my past I was not proud of and I finally admitted it to the Tin Man last night. It was agonizing to do it, but I decided I had to be upfront and confess what I did was not right. I just didn't do it as soon as I should of. Yes he still here. The baddy didnt scare him off and I just didn't give him the credit he deserved. I will not make the same mistake twice. The worst of my past it now out in the open and it can only go up from here. We will meet up later for dinner. Yes I know, I am a lucky girl. All of my major demons that could or would hurt him are out in the open.
I know he knows I believe everyone has "skeletons in their closests." Thats why for me its a personal turn off when someone gushes how hard they had it growing up like its a pissing contest. I don't care who you are or what age the bad shit in life happens, it happens to each and every one of us. To me its more important to see how the person has dealt with the adversity they have faced rather than to feel sorry for them. I mean of course it hurts me inside when someone I care about has faced pain but I cannot focus only on that but whether you go back up and dusted yourself off?
The major confessions during our still early courtship I believe are out in the open on both of our behalfs. I am glad neither one of us have time for games and honesty is generally the best policy. All I know is I am crazy about him so even tho it was hard fessing up, it was harder not to be honest to someone I respect as much as I do for him.
Ok moving on from the serious stuff, to more trivial things like the major Heat Wave NYC and the whole country is facing. Tmw night some of us will go to see OC Superman Returns. I personally wanna see what the hype is all about? I was in the past disappointed with the Hulk and the 1st XMen but Spiderman and Catwoman I did like so it could go either way. Another job opportunity has come my way but it conflicts with my 3rd job so... besides I dont know if Rockland Community College is even nearby?
I know he knows I believe everyone has "skeletons in their closests." Thats why for me its a personal turn off when someone gushes how hard they had it growing up like its a pissing contest. I don't care who you are or what age the bad shit in life happens, it happens to each and every one of us. To me its more important to see how the person has dealt with the adversity they have faced rather than to feel sorry for them. I mean of course it hurts me inside when someone I care about has faced pain but I cannot focus only on that but whether you go back up and dusted yourself off?
The major confessions during our still early courtship I believe are out in the open on both of our behalfs. I am glad neither one of us have time for games and honesty is generally the best policy. All I know is I am crazy about him so even tho it was hard fessing up, it was harder not to be honest to someone I respect as much as I do for him.
Ok moving on from the serious stuff, to more trivial things like the major Heat Wave NYC and the whole country is facing. Tmw night some of us will go to see OC Superman Returns. I personally wanna see what the hype is all about? I was in the past disappointed with the Hulk and the 1st XMen but Spiderman and Catwoman I did like so it could go either way. Another job opportunity has come my way but it conflicts with my 3rd job so... besides I dont know if Rockland Community College is even nearby?
I "spank Yew 4 ur" patience...
Lately I am still a little "shell shocked" about "heRTS" that has come knocking on my door?? When I say "HEARTS" I mean, (ASL Sign from where the signer uses his middle finger and touches their heart)
Being with the Tin Man has made its so easy and tempting to fall... The Tin Man appreciates my outlook on life (for the most parts). He himself being a misfit if you will, has allowed us to bond. We've both experience being "one of a kind." (In our respective backgrounds). Its interesting because I really didn't think I would like The Tin Man after the misunderstanding at the MET tour. I like character and he has plenty. I enjoy people who are themselves and excuse my French but if the world doesn't like it, oh fucking well. Thats how it goes, you can always go in another direction(s). Meaning if you dont like me, well then I dont like you. Or if you mess with me... *grr* Yep I am fiesty true biz. No shame, I owe up to the sad fact that my society views are what is considered flawed and I am and will always probably in our lifetime be considered so. But I am not gonna let that bring me down, instead its better for me to stop and be happy that I can I now report that as of today I have officially 4 parttime jobs.
Yep.
INT: THEME MUSIC IS HEARD
(Calming Annoucer's Voice from BW TVs)
Can this ADD girl handle it or will she thrive like she usually does?
(Dramatic Music Kicks In)
(Annoucer's Voice from BW TVs conts..)
Or will a psychotic break, a bad fall, something or other that puts her out of commission?
(Annoucer's Voice Deepens from BW TVs)
Only TIME and the forces of the Universe will tell....
The best analogy I can come up with is being with me is like living with a TV, I come with many channels and remote controls buttons along with other entertainment related equipments. Means I am unpredictable but in a fun way that I hope doesnt in the long run irk him? My mind is a human projector at times.I see the smaller parts and arrange them in a way that works successfully.
I enjoy the art of teaching/instructing because it is gratifying. At one of the interviews the woman asked me if I why I wanted to teach ASL? Well if you look clearly on my resume I have had about 10 straight years of instructing with multiple people at the same time and of all walks of life. It was kinda of a lame ass question but hey, if it gets me the job it gets me the job. And lets face it for the most part, teachers are secretly actors who rather have the steady pay and some what fixed schedule. Besides if my performance (how I teach) in the classroom proves to be an effective language tool for acquistion purposes and somewhat based on my observation of being in a go between the Deaf (friends and community) and Hearing world (Family and other friends and a special someone.) I might really have something to offer psycho-linguistically that is worth writing my thesis on. I have to forge my own way just like the Wild West *giddy up!* (sounds of a lone horse rider...)
Here's a VIP excerpt rom the Tin Man's personal summary of the past few days of events. "We then went to the Clock Museum. This is where I actualy got to become "useful" (lol), because it opened up with a 10 minute movie, but the sound wasn't enough for my girl to hear. So lo and behold, I became an interpreter. I'm lucky that whoever wrote the script had a real knack for repeating phrases like "the unchanging and awesome force known as time". So I was able to relay the words fairly decently to her. It taught me a couple of facts that I had no idea about. For example, I didn't know that until a little over 100 years ago, the Japanese had only 12 hour days (6 day/6 night) and that the system sucked even to them. So after about an hour, we left to do more visits.") Basically means I got bored after looking at like 200 clocks. Hello..... *echos* Maybe if it had been more scientific interactive based I wouldve enjoyed it? They did have some cool parts don't get me wrong but I need a little more varition within the presentation to keep me involved for long periods of time.
[waRNING MaTERial Ahead could and probably would be offensive to someone out there....]
Ive been saying most of my life that I do not have a sheep mentality. I have no intentions or interest in conformity for the sake of others comforts when they don't extend the same for me. I was something I was not for most of my childhood and it sucked. I blame no one, I am just a product of the system for its time period. Besides its just so happened with my family relatives, (the family tree if you will) has several major persons who are hard of hearing like myself. But unlike me they didnt grow up with a hearing aid. It was different back for my older relative. I am glad I got to see my Deaf Aunt before she died, it meant a LOT to me. Im glad today that we Deafies seek equal access to the primary communication within our society. When you think about it, thats all we ask for or need.
I am thrilled linguistic research has shown ASL to be a language in its own rights, Being in the Deaf-World for the past 15 years I can see the difference of education levels with other deafies 5 to 10 years younger then me. BUT WE HAVE TO KEEP RAISING the standards for ALL deaf children regardless of what their Parents decide.
Ok deaf grumblings of the day ends now. I spank you for your patience with my silly or offensive musings tonight. C'est La Vie! Perhaps I have an inherited a Fench spirit from my real Father's side of the family? If so, then Baba and I can blame him for part of my personality that gets her and me into these stupid thank goodness short lived fights. She always say "We are a product of our genes. :)"
Being with the Tin Man has made its so easy and tempting to fall... The Tin Man appreciates my outlook on life (for the most parts). He himself being a misfit if you will, has allowed us to bond. We've both experience being "one of a kind." (In our respective backgrounds). Its interesting because I really didn't think I would like The Tin Man after the misunderstanding at the MET tour. I like character and he has plenty. I enjoy people who are themselves and excuse my French but if the world doesn't like it, oh fucking well. Thats how it goes, you can always go in another direction(s). Meaning if you dont like me, well then I dont like you. Or if you mess with me... *grr* Yep I am fiesty true biz. No shame, I owe up to the sad fact that my society views are what is considered flawed and I am and will always probably in our lifetime be considered so. But I am not gonna let that bring me down, instead its better for me to stop and be happy that I can I now report that as of today I have officially 4 parttime jobs.
Yep.
INT: THEME MUSIC IS HEARD
(Calming Annoucer's Voice from BW TVs)
Can this ADD girl handle it or will she thrive like she usually does?
(Dramatic Music Kicks In)
(Annoucer's Voice from BW TVs conts..)
Or will a psychotic break, a bad fall, something or other that puts her out of commission?
(Annoucer's Voice Deepens from BW TVs)
Only TIME and the forces of the Universe will tell....
The best analogy I can come up with is being with me is like living with a TV, I come with many channels and remote controls buttons along with other entertainment related equipments. Means I am unpredictable but in a fun way that I hope doesnt in the long run irk him? My mind is a human projector at times.I see the smaller parts and arrange them in a way that works successfully.
I enjoy the art of teaching/instructing because it is gratifying. At one of the interviews the woman asked me if I why I wanted to teach ASL? Well if you look clearly on my resume I have had about 10 straight years of instructing with multiple people at the same time and of all walks of life. It was kinda of a lame ass question but hey, if it gets me the job it gets me the job. And lets face it for the most part, teachers are secretly actors who rather have the steady pay and some what fixed schedule. Besides if my performance (how I teach) in the classroom proves to be an effective language tool for acquistion purposes and somewhat based on my observation of being in a go between the Deaf (friends and community) and Hearing world (Family and other friends and a special someone.) I might really have something to offer psycho-linguistically that is worth writing my thesis on. I have to forge my own way just like the Wild West *giddy up!* (sounds of a lone horse rider...)
Here's a VIP excerpt rom the Tin Man's personal summary of the past few days of events. "We then went to the Clock Museum. This is where I actualy got to become "useful" (lol), because it opened up with a 10 minute movie, but the sound wasn't enough for my girl to hear. So lo and behold, I became an interpreter. I'm lucky that whoever wrote the script had a real knack for repeating phrases like "the unchanging and awesome force known as time". So I was able to relay the words fairly decently to her. It taught me a couple of facts that I had no idea about. For example, I didn't know that until a little over 100 years ago, the Japanese had only 12 hour days (6 day/6 night) and that the system sucked even to them. So after about an hour, we left to do more visits.") Basically means I got bored after looking at like 200 clocks. Hello..... *echos* Maybe if it had been more scientific interactive based I wouldve enjoyed it? They did have some cool parts don't get me wrong but I need a little more varition within the presentation to keep me involved for long periods of time.
[waRNING MaTERial Ahead could and probably would be offensive to someone out there....]
Ive been saying most of my life that I do not have a sheep mentality. I have no intentions or interest in conformity for the sake of others comforts when they don't extend the same for me. I was something I was not for most of my childhood and it sucked. I blame no one, I am just a product of the system for its time period. Besides its just so happened with my family relatives, (the family tree if you will) has several major persons who are hard of hearing like myself. But unlike me they didnt grow up with a hearing aid. It was different back for my older relative. I am glad I got to see my Deaf Aunt before she died, it meant a LOT to me. Im glad today that we Deafies seek equal access to the primary communication within our society. When you think about it, thats all we ask for or need.
I am thrilled linguistic research has shown ASL to be a language in its own rights, Being in the Deaf-World for the past 15 years I can see the difference of education levels with other deafies 5 to 10 years younger then me. BUT WE HAVE TO KEEP RAISING the standards for ALL deaf children regardless of what their Parents decide.
Ok deaf grumblings of the day ends now. I spank you for your patience with my silly or offensive musings tonight. C'est La Vie! Perhaps I have an inherited a Fench spirit from my real Father's side of the family? If so, then Baba and I can blame him for part of my personality that gets her and me into these stupid thank goodness short lived fights. She always say "We are a product of our genes. :)"
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Goodbye Shoo Fly Pie!
Shoo Fly Pie is this pie famous in my hometown, its so full of sugar it makes me shudder at the thought of taking a bite. I'm headed back to NYC after a week's stay in PA. I have 2 job interviews lined up for tmw and an apt to see in Astoria, (keep your fingers crossed!)
The Tin Man arrived last Thursday nite, it was so good to see him after being apart 5 days. His kisses were deafinitely welcomed! On friday he met my Uncle Robiviously and his family. As well as Baba's friend Kane (not Cain or PattyO's dog). He was very sweet and helped update Kane's computer. Kane is someone I've known for many years, a fun, neat lady. She has a dog name Rocky who is one of those yappy, hyper dogs! Couldn't get it to shut its trap for the first 20 mins. But the cat, Besty what a sweetie! Then we headed back to Babas where I made chicken thai with peanut sauce, YUM! Paula my childhood friend came by. It was a nice day.
Saturday we hit the "Clock and Watch Museum" which was interesting but within an hour or so I had had my fill of Clocks, I mean how many can you look at? But it was neat to learn how time pieces began and what problems it faced, for example, wooden clocks were bad for sea travel because the moisture in the air warped the wood. Another thing that I thought was cool was how it bagan as a sign of royalty and not tll the industrial age, where factories made mass productions of things such as clocks, did it become the norm for everyone, not just the upper class.
We also met up with my other Uncle David "is in the bathroom." Its an old family joke where if we couldn't find him, it was because he was in the bathroom reading :] then the Tin Man met Mom. It was a successful visit. I am glad he was able to meet the kinfolk and see where I grew up.
Today we laid around, and finally got on the road at 9ish. We re headed back now as I type to NYC. I will not be back to PA till sometime in August. I need to be in NYC. I want to be able to work, apt hunting and spend time with my boyfriend.
Life overall is good, I was kinda stressed last night and had a crying spell. I am grateful for the support of Blondie by her generoisty of letting me stay with her and for the Tin Man not freaking out over the waterworks. I sometimes just need to cry and its ok. Just don't want to weird him out or scare him away as the "emotional" trainwreck. Besides my life has been in a flux with trying to find my way (work and apt wise).
Gonna get to see my bastard kitty, wheeeeee! Tom will be purring his little buns off in the morning, that's when he's all lovey dovey.
I'm looking foward to when the Tin Man moves into his new apt in August. I get to help pick out the new furniture with him. I'm curious to see what he likes in comparison to what I like? Besides I've never brought furniture (new that is). So I'm gonna live vicariously thru him.
I did get some work done on my films, not as much as I would like. But that's the way it goes.
Funny everytime I get into the Tin Man's car his cell phone chirps "phone 1 ready." So now everytime I hear it, I reply "Girlfriend 1 ready"
The Tin Man arrived last Thursday nite, it was so good to see him after being apart 5 days. His kisses were deafinitely welcomed! On friday he met my Uncle Robiviously and his family. As well as Baba's friend Kane (not Cain or PattyO's dog). He was very sweet and helped update Kane's computer. Kane is someone I've known for many years, a fun, neat lady. She has a dog name Rocky who is one of those yappy, hyper dogs! Couldn't get it to shut its trap for the first 20 mins. But the cat, Besty what a sweetie! Then we headed back to Babas where I made chicken thai with peanut sauce, YUM! Paula my childhood friend came by. It was a nice day.
Saturday we hit the "Clock and Watch Museum" which was interesting but within an hour or so I had had my fill of Clocks, I mean how many can you look at? But it was neat to learn how time pieces began and what problems it faced, for example, wooden clocks were bad for sea travel because the moisture in the air warped the wood. Another thing that I thought was cool was how it bagan as a sign of royalty and not tll the industrial age, where factories made mass productions of things such as clocks, did it become the norm for everyone, not just the upper class.
We also met up with my other Uncle David "is in the bathroom." Its an old family joke where if we couldn't find him, it was because he was in the bathroom reading :] then the Tin Man met Mom. It was a successful visit. I am glad he was able to meet the kinfolk and see where I grew up.
Today we laid around, and finally got on the road at 9ish. We re headed back now as I type to NYC. I will not be back to PA till sometime in August. I need to be in NYC. I want to be able to work, apt hunting and spend time with my boyfriend.
Life overall is good, I was kinda stressed last night and had a crying spell. I am grateful for the support of Blondie by her generoisty of letting me stay with her and for the Tin Man not freaking out over the waterworks. I sometimes just need to cry and its ok. Just don't want to weird him out or scare him away as the "emotional" trainwreck. Besides my life has been in a flux with trying to find my way (work and apt wise).
Gonna get to see my bastard kitty, wheeeeee! Tom will be purring his little buns off in the morning, that's when he's all lovey dovey.
I'm looking foward to when the Tin Man moves into his new apt in August. I get to help pick out the new furniture with him. I'm curious to see what he likes in comparison to what I like? Besides I've never brought furniture (new that is). So I'm gonna live vicariously thru him.
I did get some work done on my films, not as much as I would like. But that's the way it goes.
Funny everytime I get into the Tin Man's car his cell phone chirps "phone 1 ready." So now everytime I hear it, I reply "Girlfriend 1 ready"
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Annoying Spam Alert
I recieved an email from a friend asking me to check out this site and when I did, it somehow accessed my email address book and contacting my friends now. If you get anything remotely like this, IGNORE it, its something about games *ugh* I've already recieved an few emails from pals asking me if its legit and its NOT!
I am happy to report that the trailer for my 3rd movie is completed. Just waiting for my special effect editor to finish the 1st movie so I can add the voice overs and subtitles. Then everything that is needed for the website will be done (minus a few of my crew's photos and bios)! I am really into the editing these days. I am now working with FCP (Final Cut Pro). If I can gather enough experience with FCP with my 3rd and 4th movie, I can start answering ads for other editing gigs that PAY $$$$!
My sweetie will arrive tonight. I cannot wait to see the Tin Man. I forgotten what its like to miss someone since its been 4 years since my last long term relationship. I am still getting used to the idea. I didn't mind being single at all, there are perks to it but the same goes for being with someone as cool and kind as the Tin Man :) He's totally worth it.
I have 2 job interviews lined up for next Monday and that means I will deafinitely return to NYC Sunday nite with the Tin Man. Then I head back to PA on tuesday afternoon. I have enjoyed my visit here a LOT. Rested and feel rejuvenated. I got a lot of new clothes including cute tops and skirts from the thrift store. The outfit I am wearing today is all thrift except for the undies and as far as anyone can tell, it looks brand new. I love to brag the outfit was like 9 bucks total.
The puzzle is half way done, its 750 pieces and I enjoy every minute of it. Anyhoo its time for me and Baba to run some errands, latah!
I am happy to report that the trailer for my 3rd movie is completed. Just waiting for my special effect editor to finish the 1st movie so I can add the voice overs and subtitles. Then everything that is needed for the website will be done (minus a few of my crew's photos and bios)! I am really into the editing these days. I am now working with FCP (Final Cut Pro). If I can gather enough experience with FCP with my 3rd and 4th movie, I can start answering ads for other editing gigs that PAY $$$$!
My sweetie will arrive tonight. I cannot wait to see the Tin Man. I forgotten what its like to miss someone since its been 4 years since my last long term relationship. I am still getting used to the idea. I didn't mind being single at all, there are perks to it but the same goes for being with someone as cool and kind as the Tin Man :) He's totally worth it.
I have 2 job interviews lined up for next Monday and that means I will deafinitely return to NYC Sunday nite with the Tin Man. Then I head back to PA on tuesday afternoon. I have enjoyed my visit here a LOT. Rested and feel rejuvenated. I got a lot of new clothes including cute tops and skirts from the thrift store. The outfit I am wearing today is all thrift except for the undies and as far as anyone can tell, it looks brand new. I love to brag the outfit was like 9 bucks total.
The puzzle is half way done, its 750 pieces and I enjoy every minute of it. Anyhoo its time for me and Baba to run some errands, latah!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
damn adapter
My work (movie editing) is on hold till I get the right adapter. Problem is I need to download the footage but cannot do so until the crap 1 ccd camera is powered up. Gonna see if my Uncle David has one around his place?
Bad news didn't pass the content test again! Yep, sunk in almost $270 smackaroos on that lousy test and I missed it by 8 points! This means I cannot teach ASL at a regular HS. Which in all honesty is ok with me as most of you know, 9 to 5 aint my thing anyways. But it does mean struggling again for another year. I'm gonna apply at some nearby colleges for ASL teaching position and Ronnie suggested I apply to other school's media services? I may ask the Tin Man to teach me the secrets of wireless installation, after all the more I know, (skills) the more opportunity for work I will have.
The good news is I may have finally, finally found a place to live. Its possible I will join the Tin Man on his way back to NYC this Sunday nite to see 1 apt on Monday and meet, greet the landlord. The apt is in Astoria, the Tin Man is gonna be happy if I'm in Queens over Manhattan. Yeah it means giving up my beloved UWS! But thank goodness Blondie lives there and I can visit whenever. I sure hope this apt works out, I like Astoria quite a lot and the rent is affordable.
Right now am with Mom, we re gonna hit the thrift store soon. I need summer shorts and shirts.
I cannout wait for Thursday, I'm just so ready to cover the Tin Man with kisses!
Bad news didn't pass the content test again! Yep, sunk in almost $270 smackaroos on that lousy test and I missed it by 8 points! This means I cannot teach ASL at a regular HS. Which in all honesty is ok with me as most of you know, 9 to 5 aint my thing anyways. But it does mean struggling again for another year. I'm gonna apply at some nearby colleges for ASL teaching position and Ronnie suggested I apply to other school's media services? I may ask the Tin Man to teach me the secrets of wireless installation, after all the more I know, (skills) the more opportunity for work I will have.
The good news is I may have finally, finally found a place to live. Its possible I will join the Tin Man on his way back to NYC this Sunday nite to see 1 apt on Monday and meet, greet the landlord. The apt is in Astoria, the Tin Man is gonna be happy if I'm in Queens over Manhattan. Yeah it means giving up my beloved UWS! But thank goodness Blondie lives there and I can visit whenever. I sure hope this apt works out, I like Astoria quite a lot and the rent is affordable.
Right now am with Mom, we re gonna hit the thrift store soon. I need summer shorts and shirts.
I cannout wait for Thursday, I'm just so ready to cover the Tin Man with kisses!
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Older people don't get NO respect!
The Little Boy and the Old Man by Shel Silverstein
Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."
Said the old man, "I do that too."
The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."
"I do that too," laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, "I often cry."
The old man nodded, "So do I."
"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems
Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
"I know what you mean," said the little old man
I just love this poem because it can be related on all levels of humanity. Also last Friday when the Tin Man had to do a work order for an elderly lady, he was conflicted by his morals and his job requirements. I am proud of him for choosing the right thing, even if it gets him in hot water with the boss. Older people deserve more respect than they usually get. Often they live on meager means and a fixed income. The Tin Man wasn't gonna allow his company to rob this lady of her fianances. I think our country seriously lacks when it comes to the senior citizens community. For example my Grandmother still has to pay school taxes. Come on, her youngest children (twins) are in their late 40s and she still has to pay school taxes, outrageous!
Now I will admit Shel Silverstein has a questionable reputation. Apparently he was very sexist and treated people badly. He passed away in 1999. Szymanski brought it to my attention but I cannot deny the quality of his works (poems). I grew up reading his books, "Where the SideWalk Ends" and "The Light in the Attic." Plus ofc who can forget the "Giving Tree?" One of my other favorite poem by him is called; "Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too."
Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too
Went for a ride in a flying shoe.
"Hooray!"
"What fun!"
"It’s time we flew!"
Said Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too
Ickle was captain, and Pickle was crew
And Tickle served coffee and mulligan stew
As higher
And higher
And higher they flew
Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too.
Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too,
Over the sun and beyond the blue.
"Hold on!"
"Stay in!"
"I hope we do!"
Cried Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too.
Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too
Never returned to the world they knew,
And nobody
Knows what’s
Happened to
Dear Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too.
Today I am in PA, being a LAZY bum! Showed Baba my MICA video and she liked it a lot. Downloaded some footage but the adapter for the 1CCD camera isn't complete. So when the Tin Man comes Thursday night, he's bringing a spare, yay! I am looking forward to seeing what he thinks of my home town and of my family and what my family thinks of him?
Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."
Said the old man, "I do that too."
The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."
"I do that too," laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, "I often cry."
The old man nodded, "So do I."
"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems
Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
"I know what you mean," said the little old man
I just love this poem because it can be related on all levels of humanity. Also last Friday when the Tin Man had to do a work order for an elderly lady, he was conflicted by his morals and his job requirements. I am proud of him for choosing the right thing, even if it gets him in hot water with the boss. Older people deserve more respect than they usually get. Often they live on meager means and a fixed income. The Tin Man wasn't gonna allow his company to rob this lady of her fianances. I think our country seriously lacks when it comes to the senior citizens community. For example my Grandmother still has to pay school taxes. Come on, her youngest children (twins) are in their late 40s and she still has to pay school taxes, outrageous!
Now I will admit Shel Silverstein has a questionable reputation. Apparently he was very sexist and treated people badly. He passed away in 1999. Szymanski brought it to my attention but I cannot deny the quality of his works (poems). I grew up reading his books, "Where the SideWalk Ends" and "The Light in the Attic." Plus ofc who can forget the "Giving Tree?" One of my other favorite poem by him is called; "Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too."
Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too
Went for a ride in a flying shoe.
"Hooray!"
"What fun!"
"It’s time we flew!"
Said Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too
Ickle was captain, and Pickle was crew
And Tickle served coffee and mulligan stew
As higher
And higher
And higher they flew
Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too.
Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too,
Over the sun and beyond the blue.
"Hold on!"
"Stay in!"
"I hope we do!"
Cried Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too.
Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too
Never returned to the world they knew,
And nobody
Knows what’s
Happened to
Dear Ickle me, Pickle me, Tickle me too.
Today I am in PA, being a LAZY bum! Showed Baba my MICA video and she liked it a lot. Downloaded some footage but the adapter for the 1CCD camera isn't complete. So when the Tin Man comes Thursday night, he's bringing a spare, yay! I am looking forward to seeing what he thinks of my home town and of my family and what my family thinks of him?
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Stardate Log 872006
Yeah feeling a little trekkie today. "Resistence is futile" against the Tin Man, I suspect we have been assimilated to something bigger than ourselves or the cube. Perhaps closer to a singularity that only Hawkins speaks of? I'm gonna miss the Tin Man. He who thinks he is cold, is actually warmer than probably Venus. Its just he doesn't realize my bateziod telepathic abilities to zero in on a person's level of bullshit and from what I've gathered, his is low level of bs. Good, if I needed more bs, I can always play in traffic. (JK Baba!)
Saw Knob last night, she looks great! I don't know how she does it, works like 60 hours a week and still finds time to hit DPHH! Not many people came last night, no suprise as its July and people are out of town or out of school till fall.
Still not sure what's been making me suffer the past few weeks? Sinuses? Allergies? Its possible Mono? A friend recently was told they have mono and I've been around that person a LOT. But I already had MONO in college so the odds of getting it 2xs are LOW but who knows? Only a blood test will reveal if I've been infected?
Interestingly to me how one of the deafies at DPHH totally ignored me. I was like "great, now I don't have to waste my time with someone I dislike." It was funny how she made a big production out of it and totally snubbed the Tin Man too. I explained to Tin Man that was the annoying moot that I was glad to be rid of. Don't get me wrong, we were civil and all but no eye contact or interaction which is PURR-fect for me.
Tom my bastard kitty gets to stay with Blondie, Cain, Cleo and Fool while I'm in PA for 3 weeks. I hope he doesn't go kitty nutso while I'm gone, like PEE on MY futon because he's a little pisser? Note to self, buy urine resistent cover for futon! He was sooo sweet this morning, purring his little buns off! Its like having a bi-polar cat with major mood swings. Lucky for him I've been involved in the mental health field for most of my life. I can dig whatever he dishes my way.
Well I'm trapped in Philly. Seems the train I always take from NYC to PA was really headed towards deleware!?! Hello can I buy a vowel? There was no mentions of TRANSFER on either my ticket or intineary. In the past the train always has a stop over in Philly for 20 to 25 mins. So today it did the same thing but when we hit the next stop, it was Deleware! So I went back to Philly only to be told I have to wait for the 9 15pm train. Ugh, there's 2 stores here, Virgin Records and a crap card shop with overpriced stuff animals and lame ass decorations that were probably made overseas for under a buck and they're trying to charge like 20 bucks for one stuff animals, about the size of a human hand. Come on! Who would pay for such overpriced crap? Oh right I forgot, its PA, doh!
Saw Knob last night, she looks great! I don't know how she does it, works like 60 hours a week and still finds time to hit DPHH! Not many people came last night, no suprise as its July and people are out of town or out of school till fall.
Still not sure what's been making me suffer the past few weeks? Sinuses? Allergies? Its possible Mono? A friend recently was told they have mono and I've been around that person a LOT. But I already had MONO in college so the odds of getting it 2xs are LOW but who knows? Only a blood test will reveal if I've been infected?
Interestingly to me how one of the deafies at DPHH totally ignored me. I was like "great, now I don't have to waste my time with someone I dislike." It was funny how she made a big production out of it and totally snubbed the Tin Man too. I explained to Tin Man that was the annoying moot that I was glad to be rid of. Don't get me wrong, we were civil and all but no eye contact or interaction which is PURR-fect for me.
Tom my bastard kitty gets to stay with Blondie, Cain, Cleo and Fool while I'm in PA for 3 weeks. I hope he doesn't go kitty nutso while I'm gone, like PEE on MY futon because he's a little pisser? Note to self, buy urine resistent cover for futon! He was sooo sweet this morning, purring his little buns off! Its like having a bi-polar cat with major mood swings. Lucky for him I've been involved in the mental health field for most of my life. I can dig whatever he dishes my way.
Well I'm trapped in Philly. Seems the train I always take from NYC to PA was really headed towards deleware!?! Hello can I buy a vowel? There was no mentions of TRANSFER on either my ticket or intineary. In the past the train always has a stop over in Philly for 20 to 25 mins. So today it did the same thing but when we hit the next stop, it was Deleware! So I went back to Philly only to be told I have to wait for the 9 15pm train. Ugh, there's 2 stores here, Virgin Records and a crap card shop with overpriced stuff animals and lame ass decorations that were probably made overseas for under a buck and they're trying to charge like 20 bucks for one stuff animals, about the size of a human hand. Come on! Who would pay for such overpriced crap? Oh right I forgot, its PA, doh!
Friday, July 07, 2006
DUMBO, a little something extra
Well it was an interesting day and life threw a few curveballs but I did what I could, I rolled with it and kept on moving. In the lineup of events tonight I ended up at Eddies closer to 7ish then the later time I had originally expected. He knew about an event at DUMBO (for those of you who don't know it means "Down Under Manhattan Bridge Overpass" (I think?) A very bohiem, artistic area with price of living high. But 20-30 years ago, it was a major gang related area, according to Eddie. I asked him if he thought if the tides will turn, meaning if the gang or similar atmosphere will return? He replied, yeah because everything happens in Cycles. I have to agree. Its all about riding the wave out.
Anyhoo we went there because they had live music and at 9pm was showing "The Wizard of Oz." Here are some pixs I took of trhe movie and DUMBO area.
It was fun experience overall. The area was beautiful, we arrived at dusk time so the sky was illuminated by soft blue clouds mix with rosey colored clouds with tinges of orange hues. Of course tho it wasN'T open captioned :( We left within the 1st hour of the movie. I get to have this grilled ear of corn dish that I like a lot, it's made with mayo, parmesan cheese, chilli pepper, and lime juice. Its excellent to make on a camping trip. I have already mastered the technique last year when I attended Maine's Deaf Timberfest. Didn't attend any Deaf Timberfest this year but the summer is not over *winks* maybe I can squeeze one in near my birthday in August? See see, it's not a real summer if I haven't camped yet. Even if its just for a weekend with friends. Honestly my plans are all up in the air, I must return to NYC in August to resume the job and apartment hunting. I crave a semi fixed schedule with a decent pay each week by September. I am seriously not looking forward to doing the apt hunting in August but hopefully something will come my way?
The past 24 hours I didn't wear my hearing aid and all I can say is "Ahhh..." Its nice to be deaf Deaf for a change. I'm still waiting for my test results by the state for teaching certification. The sooner I know, the sooner I can direct my energy to job hunting in a probable way. Right now not having that 3rd certificate has made me hold off on FT HS teaching gigs.
Earlier tonight I recieved this great email photo from the Tin Man. I decided the nickname "Sweets" was too sugary for me. I prefer something a little more unique for such a cool individual. So anyways the Tin Man sent me this awesome photo tonight which I am not gonna post or tell you what it looks like. But I dig it immensely.
By the way I did another series of photos by my inferior sidekick II of what I call the "Cain Method" for dealing with Cleo and accessing the bathroom.
Step 1. Acknowledge Cleo has authority of the throne.
Step 2. Pet Cleo so she feels LOVED.
Step 3. Cleo will jump off when she's had enough.
Step 4. Cleo has been neutralized and mission can now be accomplished.
Anyhoo we went there because they had live music and at 9pm was showing "The Wizard of Oz." Here are some pixs I took of trhe movie and DUMBO area.
It was fun experience overall. The area was beautiful, we arrived at dusk time so the sky was illuminated by soft blue clouds mix with rosey colored clouds with tinges of orange hues. Of course tho it wasN'T open captioned :( We left within the 1st hour of the movie. I get to have this grilled ear of corn dish that I like a lot, it's made with mayo, parmesan cheese, chilli pepper, and lime juice. Its excellent to make on a camping trip. I have already mastered the technique last year when I attended Maine's Deaf Timberfest. Didn't attend any Deaf Timberfest this year but the summer is not over *winks* maybe I can squeeze one in near my birthday in August? See see, it's not a real summer if I haven't camped yet. Even if its just for a weekend with friends. Honestly my plans are all up in the air, I must return to NYC in August to resume the job and apartment hunting. I crave a semi fixed schedule with a decent pay each week by September. I am seriously not looking forward to doing the apt hunting in August but hopefully something will come my way?
The past 24 hours I didn't wear my hearing aid and all I can say is "Ahhh..." Its nice to be deaf Deaf for a change. I'm still waiting for my test results by the state for teaching certification. The sooner I know, the sooner I can direct my energy to job hunting in a probable way. Right now not having that 3rd certificate has made me hold off on FT HS teaching gigs.
Earlier tonight I recieved this great email photo from the Tin Man. I decided the nickname "Sweets" was too sugary for me. I prefer something a little more unique for such a cool individual. So anyways the Tin Man sent me this awesome photo tonight which I am not gonna post or tell you what it looks like. But I dig it immensely.
By the way I did another series of photos by my inferior sidekick II of what I call the "Cain Method" for dealing with Cleo and accessing the bathroom.
Step 1. Acknowledge Cleo has authority of the throne.
Step 2. Pet Cleo so she feels LOVED.
Step 3. Cleo will jump off when she's had enough.
Step 4. Cleo has been neutralized and mission can now be accomplished.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Cleo the NaSTy Kitty
It seems the feline dynamics of the apartment goes a something like this; Fool (male, mostly black with hints of white paws) stays primarily on the bed which is actually a futon loft, meaning above the ground like a bunk bed. Tom (grey, with under shades of white and sharp teeths) my bastard kitty pretty much stays under the bed loft or by my futon if I am home. While Cleo (the all black amazon like cat with 7 digits on each paws), has become a little tyrant of the bathroom. Apparently she has taken the toilet hostage and every time I go in, she immediately jumps on the toilet. Well, Cain told me to "just pet her for a few minutes and she'll get down." Ok last night I had to go and there she was gaurding the toilet and so I petted her and she jumped off. Great, now its time to do business *#1* meanwhile, she jumps on to the sink which is right next to the throne and preceeds to attack me while I am peeeeeeeing! You betcha I fnished quite fast with a few expletetive choices of words as she scratch my hand I used to block her from attacking my shoulder.
So today I report to Blondie about her psychotic borderline Napoleon kitty issues with the bathroom. Blondie says "oh we spoil her, just get her a cat treat and bribe her off." Ok sure, hey whatever because when nature calls, I answer. Meanwhile tonight Peep after we were done at the SLC came back to the apartment. Erfo and King showed up shortly and we all end up gabbing and the usual bs. 'Bout the time they were getting ready to leave, Peep needed to tinkle but after trying to negotiate with Cleo for a few minutes she comes back to the living area and reports the Kitty nazi like behavior. I then try to help her out and Cleo only moves from the toilet to the sink. Oh brother, no way will I let her attack Peep like she did to me. So I take a big towel and wrap around her so she cant bite or scratch me which ends up with her being upside down, me barely holding her legs and she runs into the hallway only to be face to face with her enemy Tom where she HISSES and then runs into the bathroom. Meanwhile we decided to wait like 5 minutes and then with the towel I was able to scoot her out where she ran over to this one small area by the window/ac. I havent seen her since. I am sure she is too busy stewing.
Today was a good day, went to lunch with Sweets. Had awesome French Toast! Saw my web designer, Lopez and the website is coming along nicely. Then I ran some errands which included the post office. I didn't get the grant I applied for a few months ago. Ach, there's always next year. Subbed for 1 class at the SLC. I didn't realize how long 2 hours is. Now I know to have at least 15 activities ready per 2 hour class. The students were GREAT! Then as you read previously, the girls came by and we yakked it up. I hadn't seen King since the MICA event.
Just brought my Amtrak ticket, will arrive in PA at 6pm, just in time for a good dinner with Mom and Baba. I am looking forward to the visit. And to editing!
So today I report to Blondie about her psychotic borderline Napoleon kitty issues with the bathroom. Blondie says "oh we spoil her, just get her a cat treat and bribe her off." Ok sure, hey whatever because when nature calls, I answer. Meanwhile tonight Peep after we were done at the SLC came back to the apartment. Erfo and King showed up shortly and we all end up gabbing and the usual bs. 'Bout the time they were getting ready to leave, Peep needed to tinkle but after trying to negotiate with Cleo for a few minutes she comes back to the living area and reports the Kitty nazi like behavior. I then try to help her out and Cleo only moves from the toilet to the sink. Oh brother, no way will I let her attack Peep like she did to me. So I take a big towel and wrap around her so she cant bite or scratch me which ends up with her being upside down, me barely holding her legs and she runs into the hallway only to be face to face with her enemy Tom where she HISSES and then runs into the bathroom. Meanwhile we decided to wait like 5 minutes and then with the towel I was able to scoot her out where she ran over to this one small area by the window/ac. I havent seen her since. I am sure she is too busy stewing.
Today was a good day, went to lunch with Sweets. Had awesome French Toast! Saw my web designer, Lopez and the website is coming along nicely. Then I ran some errands which included the post office. I didn't get the grant I applied for a few months ago. Ach, there's always next year. Subbed for 1 class at the SLC. I didn't realize how long 2 hours is. Now I know to have at least 15 activities ready per 2 hour class. The students were GREAT! Then as you read previously, the girls came by and we yakked it up. I hadn't seen King since the MICA event.
Just brought my Amtrak ticket, will arrive in PA at 6pm, just in time for a good dinner with Mom and Baba. I am looking forward to the visit. And to editing!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
NYC fireworks, eh....
Well last night, Blondie, Erfo, the Guy (now renamed as "Sweets") and I went out for BBQ food at a nearby place on the UWS. Food was prety good, the raspberry Margaritas a little sweet but nonetheless good :) I ofc loved the bbq wings and ribs, always have! Then we hit the pier area downtown where we watched the fireworks, in my opinion the fireworks were nothing unique and honestly I expected better in NYC. I told Sweets that he has to come to my home town next year to see some real good fireworks at Long's Park. I grew up going there with Baba, her friend and her friend's nephews Michael and Patrick. Michael was one of my first boyfriends in middle school. Unfortunately we were worlds apart, him being a republican and catholic, me being a jew and democratic that we spent a lot of time fighting. I broke up with him by phone on valetnines day. Stupid me I didn't even realize it was valentines day! Oh well I was a stupid teenie booper and grew up with him, so what really did I expect?
Sinuses are still killing me, argh! The nurse wants me to try a different over the counter medicine. Hope it works?
Today I will sub for the 1st time at the SLC, I am a little nervous but once I get started, it'll be a piece of cake.
Interesting for me, but dating Sweets is like having a spy on the hearies. Yea he was wearing this cute but corny tee shirt I brought for him at AADB last week with Finger spelling ABCs and on the back a few signs with his name. Anyhoo on the subway he pushed by some passenger, (tourists in actuality) and when he passed them they remarked "Oh its because he's deaf!" which ofc he turned back and gave them his evil look which apparently put the "fear of God" into many! Ive seen this look but not directed towards me *whew!* Also after the fireworks last night he was ambushed by this "Shakespearian Thespian" who talked his ear off (ha ha) about my ass which Sweets let him know I was with him but then he went on to his next target, Blondie and what was her "audio level?" and the perks of dating a deaf girl means many ways to cheat. Everytime I looked over while shooting pool, Sweets had this pained expression on his face. Kinda funny, kinda not.
I havnet done much in the past few days cuz of my sinuses. but damnit, I needed a break! A'ight catch you all latah!
Sinuses are still killing me, argh! The nurse wants me to try a different over the counter medicine. Hope it works?
Today I will sub for the 1st time at the SLC, I am a little nervous but once I get started, it'll be a piece of cake.
Interesting for me, but dating Sweets is like having a spy on the hearies. Yea he was wearing this cute but corny tee shirt I brought for him at AADB last week with Finger spelling ABCs and on the back a few signs with his name. Anyhoo on the subway he pushed by some passenger, (tourists in actuality) and when he passed them they remarked "Oh its because he's deaf!" which ofc he turned back and gave them his evil look which apparently put the "fear of God" into many! Ive seen this look but not directed towards me *whew!* Also after the fireworks last night he was ambushed by this "Shakespearian Thespian" who talked his ear off (ha ha) about my ass which Sweets let him know I was with him but then he went on to his next target, Blondie and what was her "audio level?" and the perks of dating a deaf girl means many ways to cheat. Everytime I looked over while shooting pool, Sweets had this pained expression on his face. Kinda funny, kinda not.
I havnet done much in the past few days cuz of my sinuses. but damnit, I needed a break! A'ight catch you all latah!
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Life is GRAND!
Been spending a lot of time with The Guy and its going great. At first I had some concerns but we mesh well together. Funny he has all these friends who are girls and they all want him now that he's been dating me! I'm flattered they're jealous but too bad, he's MINE! He brought me chocolate last night and we watched a movie with Erfo and Cain. "Scary Movie 2" fricking hilarious.
Today we had a late breakfast and then hit Coney Island. We rode the rollercoaster and I did not particular like the head thrashing that accompanied it, I prefer zero gravity type rides. But we walked on the beach and it was very nice and romatic at one point. I'm very lucky to have met such a good guy with a straight head on his shoulder, driven and ambitious and extremely bright!
Been dealing with a sinus infection since thursday! Ofc it happens over a holiday weekend so I have to suffer till the infirmary opens on Monday or Wednesday after the 4th of July.
We re off to get some pizza and probably chill at the Cain and Blondies place. I saw "Triangle" which sucked ass! 3 hours of my life ill never get back! Maybe tonight we'll watch "Aeon Flux?" still not sure what the 4th of July plans are, whatevere it is I'm sure it will be fun!
Got a job as a sub at the SLC (Sign Language Center) I start this wednesday, yay! Then I leave for Lancaster Saturday so that way I can attend DPHH friday night :]
Today we had a late breakfast and then hit Coney Island. We rode the rollercoaster and I did not particular like the head thrashing that accompanied it, I prefer zero gravity type rides. But we walked on the beach and it was very nice and romatic at one point. I'm very lucky to have met such a good guy with a straight head on his shoulder, driven and ambitious and extremely bright!
Been dealing with a sinus infection since thursday! Ofc it happens over a holiday weekend so I have to suffer till the infirmary opens on Monday or Wednesday after the 4th of July.
We re off to get some pizza and probably chill at the Cain and Blondies place. I saw "Triangle" which sucked ass! 3 hours of my life ill never get back! Maybe tonight we'll watch "Aeon Flux?" still not sure what the 4th of July plans are, whatevere it is I'm sure it will be fun!
Got a job as a sub at the SLC (Sign Language Center) I start this wednesday, yay! Then I leave for Lancaster Saturday so that way I can attend DPHH friday night :]
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